OT: 4 year old with ADHD or something?

[Miss LD]

I'm hoping someone here has dealt with this or has some suggestion.
My DS, 4, has always been a difficult child - like from birth. Honestly, as he has gotten older some stuff has become easier and some stuff harder. We've always been told he's a boy, and boys have more energy than girls.
The thing is, we're really struggling lately.
I've been on mat leave since May, and in order to keep DS stimulated and around other children I've been putting him in different classes. I'm always the parent who gets "the talk". My son is difficult, what behaviour techniques do I use? We need to be consistent, etc.
Except now it's escalating to the suggestion that he has "something" and ADHD has been suggested, though it's definitely not a diagnosis.
I just don't know what to do next.
I have tried a LOT of stuff. We've been reading different parenting books, and we've tried 1,2,3 Magic, we've tried time-outs. We've basically tried everything except punishments like spanking (not trying to start something. It's just something will not do).
The only thing that seems to work is TONS of patience, being very firm and being more about the positive outcomes than the negative.
We spent a fair chunk of this summer working with a naturopath doing an elimination diet. We have discovered that nitrates are horrible, and we really cut out a lot of sugar. We noticed a minor improvement, but I'm positive this isn't diet alone.
Our naturopath has also suggested we see the MD because a) she can't diagnose stuff like ADHD and b) because when he is with her he is fantastic and she can't see the hyper-activity. (our MD has).
I'm just so upset about all of this.
I feel no matter how hard I try I'm not helping DS. He starts JK in a couple of weeks and I'm worried. I'm terrified that he'll be labelled the "bad kid" from day 1 - even though I have met with the teacher and she will be working with me to sort this out.
In all honesty, from what I've read about ADHD it may be too early to diagnose him AND a lot of the stuff doesn't fit. Yes there's definitely something, but I have no idea what.
Has anyone been here before?

 

[keywestbride]

My son is just a little younger than yours, but your story sounds very familiar in a lot of ways. We're currently undergoing evaluations to try to pinpoint exactly what is going on. I strongly believe a lot of it might be due to Sensory Processing Disorder, but my husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, so that might come into play as well. A lot of times sensory issues can look like ADHD, so that's something to look into. i don't know if you want to share more details here or not, but if that sounds like a posibility to you, the book The Out of Sync Child has a lot of good info to start with. I know having a challenging child can be incredibly hard.

 

[thegrimdwarf]

I guess I'm curious why you haven't already discussed this with his pediatrician? I mean, if people are throwing around the term "ADHD", and you're concerned about his behavior, and know there's "something", what are you waiting for? If there is an issue, the earlier it's diagnosed and addressed, the better.

It could be normal jealousy/anxiety/anger over having a new sibling. It could be something else entirely. But if you're concerned, have him evaluated.

 

[Miss LD]

I guess I'm curious why you haven't already discussed this with his pediatrician? I mean, if people are throwing around the term "ADHD", and you're concerned about his behavior, and know there's "something", what are you waiting for? If there is an issue, the earlier it's diagnosed and addressed, the better.

It could be normal jealousy/anxiety/anger over having a new sibling. It could be something else entirely. But if you're concerned, have him evaluated.

We did about 1.5 years ago and she suggested waiting as he was too young. We then moved and have since found a new doctor. It's not something that hasn't been brought up with a doctor, but it has been more of a "wait and see" thing.
But, it's been more pronounced lately - like in the last 8 months or so. I don't think it's a jealousy thing. If anything having the baby around has been calming for him.
I have an appointment with his doctor for the end of September. They asked me to wait till he has been in school and see what the teacher says.

 

[Miss LD]

My son is just a little younger than yours, but your story sounds very familiar in a lot of ways. We're currently undergoing evaluations to try to pinpoint exactly what is going on. I strongly believe a lot of it might be due to Sensory Processing Disorder, but my husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, so that might come into play as well. A lot of times sensory issues can look like ADHD, so that's something to look into. i don't know if you want to share more details here or not, but if that sounds like a posibility to you, the book The Out of Sync Child has a lot of good info to start with. I know having a challenging child can be incredibly hard.

Thanks. I hadn't heard of Sensory Processing Disorder. I'll do some reading. And thanks for the book recommendation.
Are the evaluations difficult? I'm a little worried about what we'll put him through.

 

[mom2my3kids]

From what I have been told you really can't diagnose a child with ADHD until they are a bit older. Now I could be wrong, but this is what I have heard from several people including a teacher.

 

[perkinsrose]

My son is just a little younger than yours, but your story sounds very familiar in a lot of ways. We're currently undergoing evaluations to try to pinpoint exactly what is going on. I strongly believe a lot of it might be due to Sensory Processing Disorder, but my husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, so that might come into play as well. A lot of times sensory issues can look like ADHD, so that's something to look into. i don't know if you want to share more details here or not, but if that sounds like a posibility to you, the book The Out of Sync Child has a lot of good info to start with. I know having a challenging child can be incredibly hard.

This is a great book. I read it as a teacher. Many kids with other diagnosis have sensory issues.

http://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Chil...bs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219840021&sr=8-2

haven't seen this one before

http://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Chil...bs_sr_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219840021&sr=8-3

 

[DonaldDuckFamily]

I can relate to what you are going through. My son, now 10, was diagnosed with Sensory Defensive Disorder at 1 1/2. I believe the only reason it was caught was because he was born 8 weeks earlyand qualified for the Birth to 3 program in our state. They followed him closely. At the age of 5 we were able to visit a pediatric neurologist at our local hospital for testing of ADHD per our family physician (try speaking to your doctor about having him evaulated). At the age of 4 the neurologist said they can begin administering TOVA tests (Test of Variable of Attention). The neurologist diagnosed the ADHD. We did not start medication at that time. We practiced Behavior Modification first. It requires a lot of time and patience. But with my son in school, the teachers were unable to give him the time and attention he needed. He was starting to get labelled as a "bad kid".

So, in 3rd grade we did another TOVA test and began Adderall XR (the lowest does 5mg but lasts 12 hours). It helps, during school, but the medication wears off by the time we do homework. It is still difficult because he wants to focus, but his mind won't let him. Now, he is starting 5th grade and we are moving him up to 15mg of Adderall XR and continuing with TOVA tests and weight checks (because the kids can lose their appetite and lose weight) to make sure the dosage is correct.

I know it is very challenging to have a child with ADHD, but to look at Michael Phelps and see such a great success story, really helps.

 

[perkinsrose]

I can relate to what you are going through. My son, now 10, was diagnosed with Sensory Defensive Disorder at 1 1/2. I believe the only reason it was caught was because he was born 8 weeks earlyand qualified for the Birth to 3 program in our state. They followed him closely. At the age of 5 we were able to visit a pediatric neurologist at our local hospital for testing of ADHD per our family physician (try speaking to your doctor about having him evaulated). At the age of 4 the neurologist said they can begin administering TOVA tests (Test of Variable of Attention). The neurologist diagnosed the ADHD. We did not start medication at that time. We practiced Behavior Modification first. It requires a lot of time and patience. But with my son in school, the teachers were unable to give him the time and attention he needed. He was starting to get labelled as a "bad kid".

So, in 3rd grade we did another TOVA test and began Adderall XR (the lowest does 5mg but lasts 12 hours). It helps, during school, but the medication wears off by the time we do homework. It is still difficult because he wants to focus, but his mind won't let him. Now, he is starting 5th grade and we are moving him up to 15mg of Adderall XR and continuing with TOVA tests and weight checks (because the kids can lose their appetite and lose weight) to make sure the dosage is correct.

I know it is very challenging to have a child with ADHD, but to look at Michael Phelps and see such a great success story, really helps.

Didn't know about Phelps!

Glad to hear neurologist is seeing your child. It worries me when I hear about pediatricians diagnosing mostly off the recommendation/observations of classroom teachers and parents.

I found this website:

"Ideally, the diagnosis should be made by a professional in your area with training in ADHD or in the diagnosis of mental disorders. Child psychiatrists and psychologists, developmental/behavioral pediatricians, or behavioral neurologists are those most often trained in differential diagnosis. "

http://www.ldonline.org/adhdbasics/diagnosis


Here's the American Academy of Pediatrics site

http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/adhd.cfm

 

[amandaraye]

My oldest was very much like your son. We waited it out for years with the hopes he's just grow out of it and calm down on his own. It wasn't until 3 years ago when he was a young teen we finally brought him to a doctor and between his dr., his teachers and my DH and I it was determined he is ADD. We did try organizational tools at home and school but ultimately ended up putting him on meds to help. He's 100% better and more focused now. I think ADHD diagnoses are thrown around too easily these days and I think you did the right thing by waiting it out first to see how things developed.

My mother who is a teacher gave me this book which I found very helpful. It's a difficult thing to have a child who can be difficult sometimes. Good luck!

www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288

 

[perkinsrose]

WATER --not the answer but may be a piece of the puzzle for all students:

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Much-Water-Should-Children-Drink-Each-Day?&id=844040


"What effect does dehydration have on the brain?

Water makes up about 80% of the brain and is an essential element in neurological transmissions. Poor hydration adversely affects a child's mental performance and learning ability. Symptoms of mild dehydration may include tiredness, headaches and a feeling not unlike jet lag, as well as reduced alertness and ability to concentrate. Mental performance including memory, attention and concentration can decrease by about 10 per cent, once thirst is felt. Mental performance deteriorates progressively as the degree of dehydration increases.

Children need to be adequately hydrated during all school lessons in order to maximise their learning potential. By the time a child feels thirsty, their mental performance may have deteriorated by 10% - attention, concentration and memory are all adversely affected"

 

[pyrxtc]

They are diagnosing younger and younger now. My cousins DD is 6 and was just fully diagnosed with ADHD and Bi-Polar disorder.

 

[chrisw127]

My now six-year old was very spirited at that age and I worried. We occasionally got "the talk" at pre-school and at classes that we took. It is NOT fun to be "that" mom, right? I always felt like I was doing something wrong. Also, he was my first child and I didn't have any brothers, so normal boy behavior was a little bit of a surprise for me. I probably overreacted to a lot of it and worried way too much. We had twins when he was four and at first, he was fine, but he seemed to have a delayed reaction to the twins (say, 6 to 8 months out) as far as being jealous and a bit insecure goes and that definitely added some drama.

On the advice of the pediatrician, we waited it out. We found that positive reinforcement worked better than anything (although time-outs helped too) and that we had to be very careful not to escalate things when he was acting out (had to remain calm, never raised our voices) or things would get worse.

The other thing we did was not send him to school right away. He would have turned five a month after kindergarten began. We waited until the following year to send him, as it's very common to "red shirt" or wait out kindergarten for kids with summer and fall birthdays where we live. It was the smartest thing we could have done.

I'm happy to say that my son has outgrown all of this. He's very well-behaved in school, has lots of friends, and has adjusted to the twins. He still likes to be the center of attention and he talks all the time, but the transformation in the last two years has been amazing. I think what helped us was that our ped had a son just like ours (who is now getting a phd at an Ivy League school) so he didn't automatically label Eric and encouraged us to enjoy his personality (he's hilarious, like a very small, not hairy, Robin Williams). I'd be really careful of people throwing around the term ADHD, particularly those who aren't in the medical profession. If you're concerned, see a specialist.

Good luck. You might be surprised what the next couple of years bring.

 

[Tiffany_MommyOf3]

Your son sounds exactly like mine up until about a month ago. Once he started school, the structure was perfect for him and now hes *almost* an angel. Still has his meltdowns and freak outs. Still wont sit still for very long but hes 5. He is soooo much easier to handle and he has improved 10000% since gearing up for school and now is doing great in school.

 

[kellyg403]

I, too, think the "ADHD" label is used too much and I am glad that you are going for testing for various things. I just wanted to add to what others have posted that positive reinforcement and self esteem issues go hand in hand with this. My dd, now 21, was "that" kid. She was diagnosed ADD, then with Oppositional/Defiant, then Depression etc. Finally, we realized as parents, with help of a GREAT school counselor, that as hard as it was for us to the kid the teacher always calls about, her experience was way worse. The minute the teacher saw that she had been labeled it seemed she couldn't do anything. I had one teacher call me becase dd made mention yellow was not the teachers color and she should not wear a particular shirt again. Yeah, she did have an issue with saying what she thought sometimes but really she was 9!

Kelly

 

[NY_MOM]

As a former pre-k teacher with degrees in behavioral science and psychology, please hold off on having someone diagnose your child with ADD/ADHD. It has been proven that diagnosing a child before age 6 is not a good idea and very difficult to pin point, and usually proves to be a detrement in the long run. It has become common for people to label children and medicate them instead of providing other alternatives like positive reinforcement techniques. So please look into private evaluation if possible and then discuss behavior therapy.

 

[Kimmumum]

CONSISTENCY!!! CONSISTENCY!!! CONSISTENCY!!!

My DS14 is ADHD and if there is one word of advice I would give you is to be consistent and stick to your guns. As your child gets older they will become a little more "difficult" and if you are not consistent it makes things harder for you. This is regardless of weather they are ADHD or not.

My son was diagnosed at the end of K (we thought it for a long while). We also checked into food allergies. While he doesn't have any that can be found, we do know that when he eats certain foods you can "see" the change in him as he is eating. I believe that he is allergic to something in that food.

Another thing I do is not put ADHD in any of his school records. I do not want him labeled in any way. In November (when they have had a good chance to learn the real him) when we go to conferences I ask how is doing, how he's doing in class, etc. Then I'll tell them that he is ADHD. Some teachers have no idea and others say that it explains some things.

Good luck with everything. Know that you are doing the best you can for your child and that you are not going through his alone (although it often feels like it.....none of my friends are dealing with this issue).

 

[abdmom]

There are a whole host of disorders that could cause a child to be "difficult". These include ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, sensory processing disorders etc,etc. Even needing glasses could cause a child to be unfocused. I would err on the side of caution and take him into the pediatrician as soon as possible so that he doesn't end up being labeled the first week of school.

My nephew was suspended from kindergarten after about 2 weeks for being difficult. He was finally diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD.

My ds was suspended from 5th grade for being difficult. He was diagnosed with adjustment disorder (due to his father's death), ADHD and poor vision.

Schools are not always forgiving to "difficult" children. They like to have children who will sit nicely in their seats and not cause problems for the teacher. See the disappointed in kindergarten thread.

 

[vgrandy]

My son was diagnosed with ADHD, Sensory Integration disorder and Anxiety between ages 5 and 6. We started with the pediatrician and local school. Between the ages of 3-5 your local school should have a preschool program that will assess your child for free. We had OT and psych eval done which really helped clarify things and start services before kindergarten. It's been a long road for us but my son is about to turn 10 and while he struggles with school many of the behavior stuff is long gone.

Victoria

 

[ERMama]

My son was also diagnosed at age 5. We had done many things prior to that. Hes been receiving therapies since he was 2 (including PT/OT, speech and special ed preschool). It was severly affecting his learning. Although I was anti meds we chose to medicate and its made a world of difference. Hes going into 2nd grade and although he still gets special ed help daily, hes mostly caught up to his classmates academically which was our main concern. His behavior is still very much an issue. My son and I see a therapist monthly.
He too has difficult since birth and getting the diagnosis was actually a relief for us. It made us feel like we werent the worst parents in the world and our sons brain actually was wired differently and he needed help.