OT: 1 yr old still doesn't sleep through night.

[LoveBWVVBR]

Justthat, thank you very much for taking the time to post your story. You have no idea how much better it made me feel to know that my DD isn't the only kid like this. After getting her to sleep 2-4 hour blocks in Disney at XMas, we moved her Pack 'N Play into our bedroom at home. Last night she slept a 4.5 hour block from 11:10-3:40AM in the PNP in our room. That is an insane amount of sleep at one time for her! DH thinks that she sleeps better in our room and I think he's right. I just don't want her in bed next to me all night anymore, but I think that we can accomplish that by letting her sleep in our room in her own PNP. When she woke at 3:40AM, I couldn't get her back down in her PNP for anything, though. DH was bugging me to let her into our bed, but I really didn't want to. 2 hours later I gave in and she went right back to sleep until 8:30AM. I guess I learned my lesson and I'll let her into our bed after 3 or 4 AM from now on if need be.

Oh, and my daughter was born like this. There is no doubt in my mind. This child came home from the hospital refusing to sleep anywhere BUT in our bed. I resisted for 7.5 sleepless weeks. When I finally let her start cosleeping, she slept so much better (but still nursed all night). She also has the tenacious/spirited personality traits that so many poor sleepers seem to have.

I want to add that I've read every sleep book out there in the past 2 years and I've tried every method suggested by those books. Nothing has really worked. CIO did work to get her going to bed in her own bed at least, though. She still typically wakes every 45 minutes all night long like clockwork, though, even with going to bed in her own bed. I really hope that she does outgrow it someday. I have beat myself up over this so badly in the past 2 years. I hope that someday I can look back and see that it was just the way that DD was wired.

 

[PaulaSue]

OP, No tricks some kids don't sleep thought the night for a long time. Mine didn't until they were weaned and that was well over 12 months. They have tiny tummys are need to eat.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

DD is 11 months and wakes a few times during the night. Most of the time we can't get her back to sleep in her crib. She comes to sleep with us.
We tried the cry-it-out thing and it didn't work for us.
I don't have any advice other than to say "me too". I have decided that co-sleeping is what gets all of us maximum amount of sleep. I have a 9 year old daughter too that cannot have her sleep wrecked night after night because the baby is crying for hours.
We do what works for us. It won't last forever.

 

[Mkrop]

Justthat, thank you very much for taking the time to post your story. You have no idea how much better it made me feel to know that my DD isn't the only kid like this. After getting her to sleep 2-4 hour blocks in Disney at XMas, we moved her Pack 'N Play into our bedroom at home. Last night she slept a 4.5 hour block from 11:10-3:40AM in the PNP in our room. That is an insane amount of sleep at one time for her! DH thinks that she sleeps better in our room and I think he's right. I just don't want her in bed next to me all night anymore, but I think that we can accomplish that by letting her sleep in our room in her own PNP. When she woke at 3:40AM, I couldn't get her back down in her PNP for anything, though. DH was bugging me to let her into our bed, but I really didn't want to. 2 hours later I gave in and she went right back to sleep until 8:30AM. I guess I learned my lesson and I'll let her into our bed after 3 or 4 AM from now on if need be.

Oh, and my daughter was born like this. There is no doubt in my mind. This child came home from the hospital refusing to sleep anywhere BUT in our bed. I resisted for 7.5 sleepless weeks. When I finally let her start cosleeping, she slept so much better (but still nursed all night). She also has the tenacious/spirited personality traits that so many poor sleepers seem to have.

I want to add that I've read every sleep book out there in the past 2 years and I've tried every method suggested by those books. Nothing has really worked. CIO did work to get her going to bed in her own bed at least, though. She still typically wakes every 45 minutes all night long like clockwork, though, even with going to bed in her own bed. I really hope that she does outgrow it someday. I have beat myself up over this so badly in the past 2 years. I hope that someday I can look back and see that it was just the way that DD was wired.

Do not beat yourself up over this please! I too read every book out there, tried all of these methods Nothing worked until the nightlight thing. Obviously it was what worked for DS5 so I always mention it so that someone can try one more thing. When the ped mentioned it I thought he was nuts.

I beat myslef up too and then I realized I am a loving parent to my kids, that is what truly matters, I have a sleeper, and I HAD a nonsleeper. So hang in there all of you! Maybe your kid will be the Dr who can survive on only a couple hours of sleep and still perform surgery!

 

[justhat]

Justthat, thank you very much for taking the time to post your story. You have no idea how much better it made me feel to know that my DD isn't the only kid like this. After getting her to sleep 2-4 hour blocks in Disney at XMas, we moved her Pack 'N Play into our bedroom at home. Last night she slept a 4.5 hour block from 11:10-3:40AM in the PNP in our room. That is an insane amount of sleep at one time for her! DH thinks that she sleeps better in our room and I think he's right. I just don't want her in bed next to me all night anymore, but I think that we can accomplish that by letting her sleep in our room in her own PNP. When she woke at 3:40AM, I couldn't get her back down in her PNP for anything, though. DH was bugging me to let her into our bed, but I really didn't want to. 2 hours later I gave in and she went right back to sleep until 8:30AM. I guess I learned my lesson and I'll let her into our bed after 3 or 4 AM from now on if need be.

Oh, and my daughter was born like this. There is no doubt in my mind. This child came home from the hospital refusing to sleep anywhere BUT in our bed. I resisted for 7.5 sleepless weeks. When I finally let her start cosleeping, she slept so much better (but still nursed all night). She also has the tenacious/spirited personality traits that so many poor sleepers seem to have.

I want to add that I've read every sleep book out there in the past 2 years and I've tried every method suggested by those books. Nothing has really worked. CIO did work to get her going to bed in her own bed at least, though. She still typically wakes every 45 minutes all night long like clockwork, though, even with going to bed in her own bed. I really hope that she does outgrow it someday. I have beat myself up over this so badly in the past 2 years. I hope that someday I can look back and see that it was just the way that DD was wired.

I'm glad I was able to help you feel better. I know how terrible I felt for 2.5 years over my daughter's sleep habits. I was 100% sure it was my fault, that I did something to make her a bad sleeper. My friends kids were all sleeping much better than Madison and were of no help to me with the "She has no reason to wake up overnight anymore" stuff. Yeah, thanks. It was so bad that I actually feared having another child and going through this a second time.

It wasn't until my son was born and I saw how different he was from day 1 that I realized Madison's sleep troubles were not my fault at all. It was just her own thing. And she too was born like that in a sense. In the hospital nursery, the nurses commented on how she woke up instantly the second she was put down. My son, otoh, wouldn't even wake up with us poking and prodding him for his nursery portrait!

And Madison wasn't colicky at all, didn't wake up screaming or anything, just opened her eyes almost immediately upon being put down all day. She wasn't like that at night though, for the first 3 months that is, so I wasn't too concerned about it. Little did I know what I was in for!

If sleeping in your room is what does the trick, then that's what I'd do for now. Like I said, my daughter has moved out of my room (albeit in with her brother) and that happened right before she turned 3yo, when I moved my son from the bassinet in my room to his crib in his own room. She actually asked us to move out and we were shocked. So your time will come too. If she's happy in the pack n play, then go with it. And maybe if you move it close enough to your bed where you can hold her hand if she wakes up or something, she might even go back to sleep in it eventually. Good luck and know that you're not the only sleepless mommy out there!

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I'm glad I was able to help you feel better. I know how terrible I felt for 2.5 years over my daughter's sleep habits. I was 100% sure it was my fault, that I did something to make her a bad sleeper. My friends kids were all sleeping much better than Madison and were of no help to me with the "She has no reason to wake up overnight anymore" stuff. Yeah, thanks. It was so bad that I actually feared having another child and going through this a second time.

DH and I are actually TTC #2 right now. Right up until this month, I said NO WAY to a second child. For some reason, we recently decided to go for it, hoping for a good sleeper this time. I'm so afraid that if I don't get pregnant soon, I'll change my mind. Not sleeping has a way of doing that to you.

 

[sskem96]

My oldest didn't sleep through the night til she was 7. A family bed wasn't an option for us since we only had a double bed, but I put her in a toddler bed at 15 months, and I ended up sleeping with her in her bed most nights, at least until she fell asleep. At 17 mos, she learned how to put in a Pooh video by herself when she woke up! She became independent and let us sleep even when she wasn't sleeping. She's 11 now, and still requires very little sleep, but never wakes us up during the night unless she's sick or something. She sometimes wakes up around 4 or 4:30, and just reads until it's time to get ready for school. My youngest slept through the night at 2 1/2 mos. and never wakes up at night. She slept til 1:30pm today after staying up for New Years last night!

 

[tigger2on]

So far CIO is NOT working as he is now vomiting on purpose to get us to come in. We are talking 2-3 times a night now cleaning up the bed, the carpeting and him!!!
I think it is a separation thing but he will NOT sleep in bed with us either. Oh it is sooooo frustrating!
I also must admit that our DD who will be 3 in Feb. has only been sleeping through the night since age 2.. but verbally she was advanced and we did stick her in a toddler bed at 14 months. This lil' guy will be lucky if he gets out by age 6!!! LOL!
My other issues is that I would like 1 more child and this is sooooooo NOT convincing my husband at the moment!!! I'm 37 and he's 43 so time is not completely on our side either!

 

[rt2dz]

I'm glad I was able to help you feel better. I know how terrible I felt for 2.5 years over my daughter's sleep habits. I was 100% sure it was my fault, that I did something to make her a bad sleeper. My friends kids were all sleeping much better than Madison and were stuff. Yeah, thanks. It was so bad that I actually feared having another child and going through this a second time.

It wasn't until my son was born and I saw how different he was from day 1 that I realized Madison's sleep troubles were not my fault at all. It was just her own thing. And she too was born like that in a sense. In the hospital of no help to me with the "She has no reason to wake up overnight anymore" nursery, the nurses commented on how she woke up instantly the second she was put down. My son, otoh, wouldn't even wake up with us poking and prodding him for his nursery portrait!

And Madison wasn't colicky at all, didn't wake up screaming or anything, just opened her eyes almost immediately upon being put down all day. She wasn't like that at night though, for the first 3 months that is, so I wasn't too concerned about it. Little did I know what I was in for!

If sleeping in your room is what does the trick, then that's what I'd do for now. Like I said, my daughter has moved out of my room (albeit in with her brother) and that happened right before she turned 3yo, when I moved my son from the bassinet in my room to his crib in his own room. She actually asked us to move out and we were shocked. So your time will come too. If she's happy in the pack n play, then go with it. And maybe if you move it close enough to your bed where you can hold her hand if she wakes up or something, she might even go back to sleep in it eventually. Good luck and know that you're not the only sleepless mommy out there!

It is so not the parent. My oldest is a perfect child. As perfect as they get at least. And has been from the moment he was born. With him, I wanted another immediately--six actually.

I had a hard time getting pregnant so it took three years. I then had my second, the "challenging" child (and I'm so being nice here); made me think that three years was a good age difference.

Opps, baby #3 was coming along a lot sooner than planned. I always say God knew what he was doing. Any closer than 3 years between the first two and my oldest would have severly suffered. Any further than 1 year between the second two and I wouldn't have a third. #3 is much more a normal, typical child.

And they are all boys--it's not a gender thing. It's not a parenting thing. It's just the way they are hardwired.

My oldest is a dream and a rule follower. My second is, well, him. He will never cave to peer pressure, never hide anything, and you always know where you stand with him. He's stubborn (detemined) and very bright. It's actually my third who is going to give me the hardest time. He smiles so sweetly, but is the devil in disguise. I do have to wonder if it is his role model.

 

[AndyMcV]

OK.... my son will be 1 on Jan. 12 and we have yet to get a full night's rest out of him. 6 hours once or twice has been his maximum since birth. It is exhausting. We have tried the no-cry solution and the cry-it-out with no luck from either. He just vomits all over with the CIO method and will literally scream for 3 hours and then vomit again.
Any tricks or help would be graciously accepted!!

Sorry I don't have any tips bug just wanted you to know that you are not alone. See my little girl in my signature? It wasn't until she was 3, yes 3 years old until we got a full nights sleep out of her. Uuuuugh it was exhausting. Just hang in there it's amazing how quickly you snap back once you do start getting regular sleep.

Andy

 

[bunnyscootles]

I think you have to do what works for you child.
This is just humble opinion, but trying sleep training with a baby who can't/won't sleep is just causing everyone to get less sleep, and be more frustrated. Sure it works for some babies, but I think they would have slept regardless.

I'm seeing from all the responses that STTN has a WIDE range of normal. Having a night waker I think I'd be freaked out that something was wrong with my kid if they slept through the night at 8 weeks or that young.
Sometimes we have to change our idea's of parenting rather than try to stuff our kids into the formula from a book!

 

[KariC]

I just read thru this thread (good job keeping it civil, ladies! ), because our third child is not a "good" sleeper until after midnight. And, thankfully he is a third, so I don't have any of that mommy guilt and I know exactly how I want to parent.

I guess that was a small advantage of having twins, too. They were very different from one another. My DS5 loved to sleep at night as a baby, and still does now. My DD5....not so much, or so I thought. We tried several things...and then I found the No Cry Sleep Solution. I discovered that my twins were both completely normal!!!!!....and that DD was sleeping thru. They were going down for the night by 8:30 pm every night, and she was sleeping until 3 am. So, we used a few techniques and within a few weeks, she slept until 6 am. I did try CIO for naps ONCE.....and with two feeding into each others' crying it was hell. DS cried for 8 hours, only stopping while nursing. It was awful.

So, I've just reread the NCSS....and we're getting ready to do the whole thing....the sleep logs, the plan, etc. Our challenges this time: acid reflux, 5 year old twins that don't respect the naptime, carpool time for kindergarten is during a naptime (which works....except we actually have to put the kindergartners IN the car WITH the baby...any ideas on that one?), and a DH that isn't as helpful at night with just one baby. FWIW, solids aren't helping night sleep (so many people told me that once he started solids.....blah blah blah....I'm sure you heard it too!).

But just know, OP and others....that eventually your baby won't need you. I was reminded so many times out shopping (by strangers) this holiday season that this time passes so quickly. In 18 years, I won't have a child sleeping in my bed, kicking me in the ribs. Or, if we do....chances are the sleeping habits aren't our biggest issues!

 

[bopper]

I am not sure if you have read the book 'Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber which some think is the "Cry it out" method but really isn't...but make sure to take a look and see if you are using the technique correctly.

 

[tigger2on]

what do I do about tyhe barfing? It is like he is now manipulating us. He barely cries. He just starts this hacking purposeful coughing that ends up gaging him and makes him vomit. I know he is doing it on purpose ( at 11 3/4 month of age.... no kid is that smart right??) he starts to do it when we even say it's time to go to bed!!!!

 

[KariC]

poor baby! i have to think that a child that age would not purposefully puke and gag! i also don't think they have the capacity to manipulate to that extent (and detriment to his little self). i would definately rethink any strategies you've been trying and discuss with his ped.....is his one year check up soon? if not, call and schedule an appt. it seems that cio really distressed him, bedtime became a traumatic and terrifying event! i'd give him extra cuddles! remember, thru your haze of sleep deprivation, that he is still a baby.



eta: fwiw, i'm terrified of fires. i don't cry, but i do hyperventilate and have other physical symptoms. i truly think you should view his reactions (gagging and puking) as being rooted in fear. sure, that fear seems irrational to us grown ups who like sleeping all night, every night....but after hours of crying without the cuddles he felt he needed....he's most likely terrified of his bed and/or bedtime now.

 

[BerryBeaches]

what do I do about tyhe barfing? It is like he is now manipulating us. He barely cries. He just starts this hacking purposeful coughing that ends up gaging him and makes him vomit. I know he is doing it on purpose ( at 11 3/4 month of age.... no kid is that smart right??) he starts to do it when we even say it's time to go to bed!!!!

He is not manipulating you. He is a baby and he is doing everything he can to get your attention and get his message across. Listen to him. He can't say, "Mommy, I'm afraid of going to sleep by myself and need some comfort and reassurance."

I think that you are really doing a lot more harm than good by not "giving in" to him. Your baby is not even a year old and he already has terrible feelings associated with sleep. I would take a step back and try to make more pleasant associations. Pick the little guy up, snuggle him, sing to him, or rock him to sleep. I know you wamt him to be self-sufficient, but you can wean him off of these things slowly.

 

[LovePug]

I am also going through this with my son who will be 1 on 1/28, but I have a twist that I need to consider. He is adopted and didn't come home until he was 7 months old. He used to wake up every 3 hours. You could set your clock by him. He's waking up less often now, but still isn't sleeping through "his" night (from the time he goes to bed). He has slept through "my" night (from the time I go to bed) a couple of times--which was a beautiful thing. He is so thin that I was afraid to not feed him for awhile after he came home, but started cutting the formula for the middle of the night feeds. I'm down to less than a scoop in an 8 oz bottle now. I'm not sure if he's becoming more secure or if cutting the formula has helped to some extent . Some nights he doesn't want the bottle at all and that's when I know that he just wants me and I bring him into bed with me. He normally only stays an hour or two and then he wants to go back in his crib (he's a restless sleeper and I think I impede upon his "space"). As I said, though, he's been through a lot in his young life and it's hard to know where his head is. KWIM? I know many non adoptive parents have a hard time grasping the difference it makes in how to make the child feel secure and not "abandoned" again in their life. I have a hard time, myself, figuring out what is "right" and "wrong" to do with him. There's a huge difference of opinion within the adoption community, so it's tough to know what to do.

I'm sorry. I've blathered on about my own issues long enough. I just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not the only one going through this. Hopefully, we'll all figure it out and get some sleep.

 

[SmallWorld71]

He is not manipulating you. He is a baby and he is doing everything he can to get your attention and get his message across. Listen to him. He can't say, "Mommy, I'm afraid of going to sleep by myself and need some comfort and reassurance."

I think that you are really doing a lot more harm than good by not "giving in" to him. Your baby is not even a year old and he already has terrible feelings associated with sleep. I would take a step back and try to make more pleasant associations. Pick the little guy up, snuggle him, sing to him, or rock him to sleep. I know you wamt him to be self-sufficient, but you can wean him off of these things slowly.

I agree!
CIO is definitely not for your little one and I would chuck the notion immediately.
You said that he will not sleep with you. What is his reaction - does he fool around, cry? Are you bringing him into your bed when he is awake? Perhaps if you are able to get him to fall asleep in a comforting way such as rocking, the car, whatever works and then bringing him to your bed he might not get so upset when he wakes up. I think you have 2 jobs now - 1st is to reassure him that sleeping is not something traumatic, 2nd is to get him to sleep through the night. You can't accomplish the 2nd without the 1st. Good luck.

 

[Mkrop]

He is not manipulating you. He is a baby and he is doing everything he can to get your attention and get his message across. Listen to him. He can't say, "Mommy, I'm afraid of going to sleep by myself and need some comfort and reassurance."

I think that you are really doing a lot more harm than good by not "giving in" to him. Your baby is not even a year old and he already has terrible feelings associated with sleep. I would take a step back and try to make more pleasant associations. Pick the little guy up, snuggle him, sing to him, or rock him to sleep. I know you wamt him to be self-sufficient, but you can wean him off of these things slowly.

 

[jodifla]

He is not manipulating you. He is a baby and he is doing everything he can to get your attention and get his message across. Listen to him. He can't say, "Mommy, I'm afraid of going to sleep by myself and need some comfort and reassurance."

I think that you are really doing a lot more harm than good by not "giving in" to him. Your baby is not even a year old and he already has terrible feelings associated with sleep. I would take a step back and try to make more pleasant associations. Pick the little guy up, snuggle him, sing to him, or rock him to sleep. I know you wamt him to be self-sufficient, but you can wean him off of these things slowly.

1-year-olds are definitely old enough to manipulate. You don't give them enough credit.

I feel for all these parents who have tough sleepers. I was motivated to get my son to sleep through the night early by friends who got into the habit of rocking and soothing their baby, so by the time she was 18 months old it was taking them 2 or 3 hours EVERY night to put their child to bed. I think it helped that we started DS out right from a very young age of getting himself back to sleep.

But as several PPs have said, some kids are just very resistant to any sleep training.