OT – Moms and their 2nd kids

[r4blessings]

As so many posters have said, you will not be able to imagine life without baby #2 (or #3 or #4, etc) once they arrive. I'll never forget a quote I heard once....."people say you can't love the fourth child as much as the first.....that person didn't have four children."

Of course, you want to not stretch yourself financially or emotionally or time wise with unlimited number of children but I think a second child would only add to your joy. I figure that I've given my children the precious gift of each other, to have each other one day when I'm gone. Also to teach how to function in a family, to fight, make-up, love unconditionally.

When baby #4 arrived, he was only 17 months after dd and he was a colicky baby....I think we barely survived that first year. And yes, it was stressful. But now that he is three, it is such a blur. And he is one of my easiest children.

Go with your heart!

 

[LWatson]

I have 2 that are 2 years apart. I cant imagine life w/o my little guy. He is SOOOOO different than my oldest (calmer). We had planned on stopping w/ 1 and even trying to prevent it we ended up pregnant w/ #2. I was so nervous and we were extremely worried about colic again and if we could stay sane through another baby. We worried about loving him equally. BUT, it all worked out. Turns out NO COLIC the 2nd time around, and I love him just as much as DS1. Your heart will make tons of room for a new one if that is what you choose. Did you stop loving your spouse as much when you had your 1st...no you loved them the same...your love is never ending when it comes to your kids (in most cases...of course there are those few oddballs out there).

 

[anotherdisneygal]

Everyone feels that way before they have the second, but once you have the second you cannot imagine life without them! My 2 boys love each other and I know that they will grow up to be best friends. I'm soooooo glad that we had another child! Yes, it's not the same as when there was one, but it's sooooo much better in so many ways!

 

[taylor3297]

You will always love your children the same. I was one of those who swore that they were never going to have children. Well, I now have two; a dd 6 and ds 2. Also, don't worry about how old you are. When the time is right you will know. I had dd at 36 and ds at 40. I don't regret having them "later" in life than most folks.

 

[brymolmom]

I have 2 who are 17 months apart (5 and 6 now) and I do NOT love them the same. I love them entirely differently and it is amazing that each way can generate that MUCH LOVE!! I write in my journal that I feel as if my heart will burst with my love. They are very different kids and my feelings are individual for them - but no less, that's for sure!!

And, I will share that what I would put as one of my TOP 3 parenting joys of my life is watching my kids interact with each other. It is AMAZING to see their bond. Just last night they were singing at the dinner table 'One, Big happy family' (from the Pooh & Friends show) - it was SO CUTE! Then one of them would say 'ok - your turn to do the next part'. I can't get enough of those times, and YES, it is enough to make up for the 'He's sitting in the seat I WANTED!!' moments. Of which there are a lot too. That's the other side of the coin - it is a very different parenting job to tackle. Your decisions and issues and battles change considerably and become WAY more frequent with more than one child. But, in my family at least, it is way worth it.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[WDWorBUST]

You are definitely NOT alone in your concerns and thoughts. We have one DD (5) and before we started having children we wanted two. I was sure I wanted a second - it took DH some time to come around. In fact at the end of last year I just told him - I will be 35 in February and I don't want to be much older to have another baby....so we either do or we don't. We decided to and I got pregnant in February. THAT's when all those concerns really hit me. I was so excited about another baby but I did have some serious doubts about DD and if a baby was the best thing for HER even though she has asked for a baby sister or brother since she could AND has pretend sisters. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage so as of right now we won't be having a baby as soon as we hoped. But I did figure out through this that even with all my concerns that we want another child and our family isn't complete. So we will try again. But if it doesn't work out and we don't have a second child I feel so incredibly blessed to have the absolutely amazing daughter I do have. Good luck - it really is a totally personal decision.

 

[koima]

1. I KNOW that I would love #2, but I can’t imagine that I would love another like I love DD (I feel silly even writing that).

I felt the same way! My kids are 35 months apart. This year on Valentine's day, with my girl 5 months old, I wrote on my blog:

When I was pregnant with DD, I worried that I couldn’t love another baby as much as I love DS. How could she possibly compete with the first baby who stole my heart with his cherubic grin?

Could my heart possibly hold that much love? My worries were for naught, since I’m completely, head over heals, crazy in love with both of them. My heart must have grown right along with my belly, and seeing DS so immediately smitten with his sister? That clinched it for me!

2. Will my DD like/enjoy a sibling? A new baby will take a lot of time/attention away from DD.

We joke that DS "Smothers the baby with love, with an emphasis on the smothering." He is so sweet with her! I worried about the time, too, but for the first few months, the new baby is highly portable and I didn't have too much trouble with giving DS as much attention. If she's crying, DS will come up to me and say, "Mommy, baby is crying! Fix the baby!" and tell her, "It's okay, Mommy is coming!"

I planned ahead, though, and made a "nursing basket" - toys and games that were quiet and sitting things he could only do while I was nursing the baby. We read a lot of stories and played little games while I was nursing and then the basket would go away, so the toys stayed exciting.

I also feel like I'm giving DS a great gift, as a sibling teaches a child so many life skills. My husband is an only child and I think he really missed out by not having a sibling relationship.

Plus, seeing DD belly laugh at DS's silly faces? Totally worth the multiple times a day that I'm saying, "get off of the baby!"

3. Selfishly – DD is getting so easy now. AND, she is SUCH an easy child. I know babies aren’t babies forever, but what happens when I get the second child who acts like a second child (totally opposite from #1)?

DD is a clingy baby, and has been the complete opposite of DS! He was a really mellow, easy going baby, and she has to be held by me all the time. It took 3 months for my husband to be able to hold her for more than 5 minutes! But it's all good. Really. You adjust to the family you have.

4. I love to travel (and go to Disney). It is so much cheaper with only 1!

Yeah, I won't be able to convince you that it's cheaper to have two, but they do entertain each other pretty darn well and hand-me-downs are good for the budget.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Wow I totally understand where you are coming from...although I've never said it outloud!

We have 1 child, DD(6). I thought about having another, but then I feel like there is no way it would be the same. And I also felt like my relationship with DD would change. Plus the whole financial thing.

If you ask DD, she very much agrees...no baby brother or sister for her.

Our family of 3 works for us. Good luck with whatever you decide.

These are all the same questions we asked ourselves when having our 1st too, except change it to relationship with dh would change. We all took a leap of faith with our 1st.
JMHO but I would never allow my child to dictate whether dh and I should have more children. Just a little weird to me. Glad it works for you.

 

[MiniGirl]

I have 2 who are 17 months apart (5 and 6 now) and I do NOT love them the same. I love them entirely differently and it is amazing that each way can generate that MUCH LOVE!! I write in my journal that I feel as if my heart will burst with my love. They are very different kids and my feelings are individual for them - but no less, that's for sure!!
And, I will share that what I would put as one of my TOP 3 parenting joys of my life is watching my kids interact with each other. It is AMAZING to see their bond. Just last night they were singing at the dinner table 'One, Big happy family' (from the Pooh & Friends show) - it was SO CUTE! Then one of them would say 'ok - your turn to do the next part'. I can't get enough of those times, and YES, it is enough to make up for the 'He's sitting in the seat I WANTED!!' moments. Of which there are a lot too. That's the other side of the coin - it is a very different parenting job to tackle. Your decisions and issues and battles change considerably and become WAY more frequent with more than one child. But, in my family at least, it is way worth it.

Good luck with your decision.

This is exactly what I was going to write.

OP, we are not given a finite amount of love in our hearts. In other words, loving one more person does not take away the amount of love you have for someone else. When you had your dd, did you love your dh less? Personally, I fell in love with my dh all over again as I watched him love and care for our dd. I remember watching him as he slept with her on his chest and being unable to control the tears because I was so overcome with love for my little family. Then it happened again when I had my youngest. I'm glad my girls have each other. Some days they drive me batty with the fighting and bickering, but most days they are the best of friends, and I pray they will always be close.

 

[brytorlyn]

I was an only child and when DS was little I thought he was so perfect. He was healthy and beautiful and SO easy. I thought I couldn't love another child like I loved him and I didn't want to take anything away from him...not time or money that I would need for another one.

When I got unexpectedly pregnant with DD I still had concerns but when she was born I realized how easy it is to love another one just as much ( and she was a difficult little screaming monster not at all like her big brother who slept 6 hrs a night from his first night home). I adored her for who she was just as much as I loved her brother.

And now I have 3 . Two of the kids are grown (DD 18 and DS22) and my little baby DD8. I wondered even still if I could do it all again cause the others just filled my life....but DD8 is the light of my life!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Love doesn't divide; it multiplies.
I can't imagine life w/o both of my boys. One looks just like me, the other just like dh. We each have our own little clone. They both are so different but equally lovable in so many ways.

Yes, it's a challenge sometimes but there's still so much love there too. Yes, financially it changes too but we all adjust somehow. Luckily I have 2 boys so I can pass down all of ds12's clothes and toys to ds9. My little ds even likes hand me downs and says it's shame to get rid of all of those good clothes. Bless his heart.

As far as the practical side of things like needing a bigger car, traveling costs, etc. It really isn't that much more when you have 2 kids.
One more plane seat and 1 more park ticket. You still get 1 hotel room, 1 rental car. Not necessarily a minivan. It only gets complicated when you have 3 or more kids. Then you need 2 hotel rooms or 2 staterooms for cruising. My neighbor jokes that she wishes she knew about Disney cruise line before having her 3rd. We're sailing together on Halloween and hers is costing over $1300 more than ours and still 2 categories lower. Oh well....

I felt it was important that ds not be an only child. It doesn't hurt them to not be the center of the universe their whole life. It's really ugly to see children who are so self centered that they can't share at all. (Not just toys but the bathroom, the back seat, etc.) Including my neice who nearly had a panic attack to have to share a dorm room. Siblings are constantly learning how to take turns, being considerate of others, doing their part, etc.

Then again, I always say you know when you're DONE. I was def done after #2 but I'll never regret having him.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

You are definitely NOT alone in your concerns and thoughts. We have one DD (5) and before we started having children we wanted two. I was sure I wanted a second - it took DH some time to come around. In fact at the end of last year I just told him - I will be 35 in February and I don't want to be much older to have another baby....so we either do or we don't. We decided to and I got pregnant in February. THAT's when all those concerns really hit me. I was so excited about another baby but I did have some serious doubts about DD and if a baby was the best thing for HER even though she has asked for a baby sister or brother since she could AND has pretend sisters. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage so as of right now we won't be having a baby as soon as we hoped. But I did figure out through this that even with all my concerns that we want another child and our family isn't complete. So we will try again. But if it doesn't work out and we don't have a second child I feel so incredibly blessed to have the absolutely amazing daughter I do have. Good luck - it really is a totally personal decision.

Hang in there!! I lost one between my 2 boys. It's hard but I'm thankful that if it had to happen, it happened very early. I waited almost a year before trying again. At the time I felt I needed it but now I look back and don't know why I waited so long. My boys are 3 1/4 years apart and wanted them to be around 2 years apart. It all worked out I guess.

 

[Brancaneve]

You may regret NOT having another child, but you will NEVER regret having another. I am an only child and my mother told me once that she really regretted not having another.

Remember the first time your daughter was in WDW? With a second, you get to experience that all over again. Also, parenthood will come much easier to you. Your daughter is so wonderful because you must be a wonderful mother and in turn your second will be just as wonderful.

JUST DO IT!

 

[My3DisneyBoys]

When I was pregnant with my 2nd DS, I felt the same way as you. I wondered "How will I ever LOVE another child as much as I love this one?"

This is a poem that someone gave me- I have no idea who wrote it, but I sobbed and sobbed when I read it and I actually put it in his baby book. It made me feel so much better!



As I hold your 2-year-old hand,
basking in the glow of our magical relationship,
I suddenly feel a kick from within,
as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder:
How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you.
I watch the pain you feel at having to share me,
as you've never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way,
"Please love only me."
And I hear myself telling you in mine,
"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you.
I almost see our new baby as an intruder
on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing,
I find myself attached to that new being,
and feeling almost guilty.
I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him.
-- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change,
first to curiosity, then to protectiveness,
finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new
routine.

The memory of days with just the two of us is fading
fast.
But something else is replacing
those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times -- only now, we are three.
I watch the love between you grow,
the way you look at each other,
touch each other.
I watch how he adores you -- as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you,
I've given something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered,
to my amazement..
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--
only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time,
I now know you'll never share my love.
There's enough of that for both of you
-- you each have your own supply.
I love you -- both
and I thank you both for blessing my life.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I haven't read any of the other posts, but I have to say, I felt a lot of the things you are feeling before I had #2. I was the one who wanted the second - by the time DD#1 was 3 months old, I wanted #2 -but once I got pregnant, and it was "real" I started to get nervous. Would I be missing out on stuff with #1 now? Did I really want to do all the "baby" stuff again (#1 was 19 months when #2 was born)? Anyway, I had #2, and shes the best! I love both of my girls - your heart just opens more, and you love them both - really, you do.
However - don't do it if your not 100% sure. Really sit and think about this decision - talk to your DH and figure out what is best for all of you.

Good luck!

 

[bookgirl]

My best friend was so worried about how she would love baby # 2 when she was so in love with baby #1.


Turns out she shouldn't have worried...Baby #3(age 11) is her current favorite.



PS: Baby 1 is now 20 and living with her fiance after an emotional and stress filled decade of teenage girl broo ha ha, baby # 2 was the "easy" baby and was her "favorite" until he went through 3 trucks in 1 year and became a teenage boy attitiude wise including a gf that can do no wrong. I figure baby # 3 is going to stay the favorite for at least 3 more years.

 

[OokOofy]

I am in the same position.. However, my DD was adopted as a toddler so I missed all of her babyhood - which makes me long for a newborn and that experience. She is turning 3 in the summer. I know she would benefit from a sibling but for us it's the how, the when, and where are we going to get the finances for a possible 2nd adoption & which country would it be? The other issue I have is that my daughters birth country is a 4ish hr nonstop flight for us which means we're able to travel often and easily. There are not other countries that close for us to travel & give a second child the same experience that DD is going to have. It's very complicated. The country is now closed and there is no telling how long it will take to re-open. I'm also hesitant to adopt again..

I will say that I do know a few families that did not love their #2 as much as, or even a half as much as their first.. But I don't think that is common.

 

[adventure_woman]

That is hilarious! I do know that having more than 1 would mean that I am bound to at least 'like one' all the time!

My best friend was so worried about how she would love baby # 2 when she was so in love with baby #1.


Turns out she shouldn't have worried...Baby #3(age 11) is her current favorite.



PS: Baby 1 is now 20 and living with her fiance after an emotional and stress filled decade of teenage girl broo ha ha, baby # 2 was the "easy" baby and was her "favorite" until he went through 3 trucks in 1 year and became a teenage boy attitiude wise including a gf that can do no wrong. I figure baby # 3 is going to stay the favorite for at least 3 more years.

 

[java]

By the way had to add this story that always sends a shiver down my spine. An old boyfriend of mine got married and had a son. They decided to try for another when he was about a year old.
They got pregnant again(au natural) and ended up having QUINTS!! So they had 6 kids under 2!! ALL BOYS!

I'm glad I dodged that bullet.

 

[djp0630]

It is hard to imagine loving someone as much as you love your first child, but you do! Having a second child has added so much to all of our lives, including our daughter's. She LOVES having a baby around and is so entertained by him. I feel like I actually gave her a gift, when I didn't see it that way when I was pregnant. She adores her baby and has been so helpful. I really don't feel like she doesn't have as much attention, but DD does demand a lot of attention. We try and make sure we do special things with her, and the baby just kind of blends in with the family. Hence, we are going to Disneyworld mostly for her. She's never been jealous of the baby, and always tells me when DS needs something. She is truly my helper with him. I love having 2 kids, and love just seeing how they interact and DS is only 9 months old! It's the best!