Orlando Smackdown: Dis vs. Uni. Ch.16 Japan Hates me, Just Hates me 7-13

[bankr63]

ya, but does he get to wear those yellow tights?

This time of year we all wear those tights. But they are mostly red, not yellow, and have a handy button down hatch at the back.

 

[nebo]

Ok, I'm working, I'm working.

 

[pkondz]

Ok, I'm working, I'm working.

BTW... Finally home. Saw the clip.

Yes... That was me. But I was younger then. I've slowed down a bit.

Ok, considerably.

 

[nebo]

We are going to start tonight's chapter with a short trip off the beaten path, mainly because I hate losing paths.

This will just be a short "aside" if you will, no, not a "parental" aside, just an off topic paragraph or two.

Actually, our foray today may take us to more than one "aside", because as we all know, there's two asides to every foray.



(oh, it's going to be one of those nights)

(Buzz is rubbing her hands together, "oh goody, he's verbose, he's being verbose!"

(If I was to go on and on talking about the thickness from my real life experiences with oil, would that be Viscosity Verbosity Virtuality?)

(ponzi's gonna hurt himself trying to think of something to add to that)

But it's been a while since we've gone to the grocery store on one of my threads, and since Marita likes to do the shopping with me, or at least read about it, shall we?

This morning I went grocery shopping by myself, something I used to not mind, but I now have a real hard time seeing in there, and since this place has gotten more and more popular, well, it can get really ugly in there.
Especially on a Saturday!
Think Magic Kingdom on New Year's Eve.

And it's HUGE!
Now think Madison Square Garden with shelves and Chicken Ala-King, Goober Grape Peanut Butter and Uh-Oh, Spaghettios.

But for the most part, it's cheap, prices blow away Jewel, Dominick's and Butera,, oh, and for you Floridians, They even beat Winn Dixie and Pubix.
(that's for Ponzi, creative typos, No?)

And don't even talk about "Goodings"!

(hey, like I recently said, it's hard work to dum myselof
down for yur amuzement.)

But even though this is a Wisconsin based store, (yeah, we are that far north, close enough to smell the cheese when they cut it), for some reason the meat and Dairy-ere products are outrageously priced, it's as if they've never seen a cow in Wisconsin! I think they are more sacred there
than in New Dehli.
So stay away from the new deli in there.

sorry



I got there just before 9 this morning thinking I'll beat the crowd.

FOOL of a Took , as Gandalf would say!

Funny thing was, I got the one parking spot next to the side door that I like to use, the only spot there that ISN"T a handicapped only spot.

Thinking about that, too, is funny in itself. I'm officially disabled with Macular Degeneration, which means I'm going blind, yes, I get Social Security benefits I've paid in all my life, but I DON"T have a handicapped placard on my car.
"Yes officer, I know,, THE IRONY".
"Really, I can't see, what do you mean what am I doing in the driver's seat?" "How else is the car going to get the groceries home?"

"Geesh!"

Anyway, I go inside.
Did I mention that I need to pick up a few things?
Did I mention that there is also a liquor store attatched to the main building? We'll stop in there on the way out.

Smidgy needs a couple of things from there.

Did I mention that it is also extremely sunny outside rigtht now?

Inside, I felt my way to the cart pickup, grabbed one, and after freeing it from it's clinging family, a couple of siblings always want to come with, I felt the number nameplate on the side, so I don't get it mixed up in my endeavors today with other carts. (yes, this place it is easy to lose all your work and never find your cart again), and have to go back to GO and start over.

Since I can't see yet, I feel the number plate and memorize it: 24995 3GRR.
Yes, they have a lot of carts.

And yes, it was in Braille.

And I took off, maybe a tad prematurely, before I could see.

Well, things did not go well, again.
It's happened before, but usually not before I get at least half the cart filled.

They now insist that I carry liability insurance whenever I am in the store, pushing a cart. (message from the management, employeed owned).
Yes, they insist now on suppling me with the only cart that Beep, Beep Beeps, when pushed forward, to warn other
drivers.
I mean, shoppers.

I don't think it's funny.

( I won't begin to descibe the sound it makes if you try backing up!) (think, REO's Ridin' the Storm Out)

I T-Boned this old guy's cart but good, (hey, why arent' you sitting in a gin mill like you belong?), but it was at an aisle intersection and I had the right of way. (I was on the right).

His cart then took down the Charmin display of toilet paper, and Mr. ******* wasn't there to save them!

I looked at the mess in the aisle.
I looked at the face of the old guy, who looked like he was going in shock.

I did the only thing I could think of:

I RAN!

Pushed my cart straight to produce, and hid among the cantaloupes. ( I can do that) and waited for the heat to die down. While there, I switched liscense plates on the side of the cart with one next to me that was left with the keys in it.

After a while, I walked out wearing my new head of lettuce and proceeded as if nothing happened.

But it was an end cap display sign that prompted this whole aside,,,,, that,,,,,,,,uh oh,,,,prac!

Oh well, no turning back now,. I was wrong.
I saw a sign, and my brain read it and then juxtaposed it with Ponzi's Avatar, but now that I'm typing this,,, um, uh uh,,, it was a lot more different than first appeared.

I saw this sign that reminded me of being almost exactly like Ponzi's avater slogan, which I think is Bow Chick a bow wow.

but now that I remember it better, the sign was for Angie's Boom chick a Pop Popcorn, so, Um, Gilda? Altogether now?

"Never Mind!"

Well, the thought was there.

So, I'm working my way through the list, when I come to
1 %^$ Garlic, (*&%^##E*)

I had no clue what it was she wanted, none whatsoever.

Her printing is worse than her cursive, and believe me, she can curse.

hang on a sec, I like that line, have to enjoy it.......

ok,,,,

so I took the list up to the customer service desk, and asked the woman there to read that for me.

She looked at the Heiroglyphics, then picked up the phone to call security.
To her, it was either an obscene letter or heist demands.

After quickly convincing her that it is indeed, my wife''s list, she looked it over again and said,,,,
"Oh, one jar of garlic, minced" and sent me on my way.

I looked at it again, NO WAY I could make that out of the gibberish. Must be a woman thing.

Finishing up and paying, I now take my overflowing cart over on into the liquor store connected.

Diane needs beer.
She also likes a bottle of Pinot Grigio lately.

Very lately!

And, I suppose, while I'm here, might as well pick up a bottle of Black Velvet ,, and a bottle of Vermouth for manhattans, you understand, I'm sure.

My usual checker-out-er-guy, Luke, wasn't there today,
he was the one who, after I pulled up an overflowing cart of alcohol products before a long Florida trip just raised his eyebrows when he saw the pile of stuff I had in the cart.
And I told him;
"it's my wife, she's pregnant."
"She says she's drinking for two now."

Oh, if you could have heard all the ladies gasp that were still behind me in line! But Luke just smiled.

My bill came to 34.99.
Yep, that's exactly what it was.
I handed her a twenty, and two fives, then told her to keep the penny, then I waited for my receipt to pop out.

I looked at her, waiting.
She looked at me, waiting.

Oh, ok, must be a Cheesehead thing, a stare down for the receipt.

I stared harder.

Then she broke it off by cheating;
"Sir, are you going to finish paying for this?"

"huh?"

And then the 4. 99 dropped in!

"Oh, I'm sorry," I could feel my face turning red and I quickly pulled out my wallet and ripped off 5 more singles and handed them to her.

But, this was now, not good. Too much time had passed, she had already put the two fives and the twenty into the cash register, so now she's looking at 5 singles, (loonies?) in her hand, and the sign on the register saying the bill is 34.99.

Now, it's HER eyes glazing over.

Just then, Luke walked up, glanced at her, then glanced at me and slowly shook his head.
With that same little smile he wore when I told him "My wife is drinking for two now", he asked me if I paid, I just nodded, he told her "I'll take over now", pressed the key and the receipt popped up, and sent me on my way.

It's not often people get barred from grocery stores, but you have to admit,

I'm trying!

Ok, sorry for the sidetracking, just had to share that with you.


You realize, if nobody posts on this, I'm going to take it as "Don't ever go off topic again!"

 

[mmeb144]

Her printing is worse than her cursive, and believe me, she can curse.

hang on a sec, I like that line, have to enjoy it.......

ok,,,,

Gotta love that you paused to enjoy yourself in writing this!

 

[Xclusive2WDW]

(hey, like I recently said, it's hard work to dum myselof
down for yur amuzement.)

I must say you do make it look quite easy

Diane needs beer.
She also likes a bottle of Pinot Grigio lately.

Very lately!

Hey hey now, when dealing with the general public it's best to do so inebriated. . . TRUST ME!!! Oh and that goes for dealing with your husband and children too, a nice stiff drink can save the life of the human being that leaves the toilet paper sitting on top of the holder instead of replacing the roll or a swig of milk in the carton instead of just finishing it off or. . . oh, oh, excuse me, flashbacks!

Ok, sorry for the sidetracking, just had to share that with you.

You realize, if nobody posts on this, I'm going to take it as "Don't ever go off topic again!"

Well now my fellow comrades are going to be after me but I just could not resist

 

[shan23877]

I liked that line too.

Why on earth was Mr. ******* asterisked out though?

edit: it bleeped me too! very, very strange. Where's your girl Oh Mari to explain?

 

[monymony3471]

Diane likes Disney, beer, wine and cursing?


She's like my long lost twin!

 

[MHSweb79]

You can't say Mr. W but you CAN say "Pubix?" Something's wrong here.

I laughed about the Smidgy's handwriting. My boss has a chicken scratch that even HE can't read. One time he brought me in a birthday card that he had given his elderly mother. She couldn't read it and he couldn't remember what he wrote so he brought it to me to see if I could translate. I did.

 

[Heluvsme]

Love the aside! You can take us grocery shopping anytime!

I'm all caught up now, it took me a few days.

~~Dawn

 

[cjlvsccm]

This morning I went grocery shopping by myself, something I used to not mind, but I now have a real hard time seeing in there, and since this place has gotten more and more popular, well, it can get really ugly in there.
Especially on a Saturday!
Think Magic Kingdom on New Year's Eve.

This one I can recently attest to!!

I looked at the mess in the aisle.
I looked at the face of the old guy, who looked like he was going in shock.

I did the only thing I could think of:

I RAN!

A hit and run?? tsk, tsk.

So, I'm working my way through the list, when I come to
1 %^$ Garlic, (*&%^##E*)

I had no clue what it was she wanted, none whatsoever.

Her printing is worse than her cursive, and believe me, she can curse.

Boy, Smidgy really wanted that bleepin' garlic, huh?

so I took the list up to the customer service desk, and asked the woman there to read that for me.

She looked at the Heiroglyphics, then picked up the phone to call security.
To her, it was either an obscene letter or heist demands.

After quickly convincing her that it is indeed, my wife''s list, she looked it over again and said,,,,
"Oh, one jar of garlic, minced" and sent me on my way.

I looked at it again, NO WAY I could make that out of the gibberish. Must be a woman thing.

Brings back fond memories of my first job at a CPA firm... my clients were all doctors and lawyers, and one of the docs had handwriting so bad he typed everything. But his typing was about like Nebo's trip repo... uh, I mean, um, ...
So I can relate.

You realize, if nobody posts on this, I'm going to take it as "Don't ever go off topic again!"

Take all the asides you want! We'll be here to keep things stirred up.



Oh, and by the way.....
Roll Tide.

 

[jecskc]

And I told him;
"it's my wife, she's pregnant."
"She says she's drinking for two now."

Dang !! I want a wife so I can use that line.

Also, I want one (a wife) to cook and clean and do laundry. But ... I'm guessing my hubs wouldn't like it if I had a wife, so......

I can't use your funny joke. Which sucks. Guys get to have all of the fun.

 

[pkondz]

We are going to start tonight's chapter with a short trip off the beaten path, mainly because I hate losing paths.

Beaten path? meh. Now beaten eggs!

Scrambled, not stirred. (the name is Ponz, just Ponz)

Actually, our foray today may take us to more than one "aside", because as we all know, there's two asides to every foray.

Always listen to both asides if you want to get the foray straight. You don't want a crooked foray.

There was a crooked foray amidst a crooked hoard,
It was from a crooked TR upon a crooked board.
It spoke of crooked carts, within a crooked store.
And all the crooked readers shouted out for more.

(oh, it's going to be one of those nights)

Yes.

Yes, it is.

(If I was to go on and on talking about the thickness from my real life experiences with oil, would that be Viscosity Verbosity Virtuality?)

Verily I say onto thee, "Tho thine answers may be vaccuous, the word 'pubix' hath already been uttered (didn't say uddered, so don't even think about it, mister!!) therefore a very different "V" word hath succumbed to the vagaries of the voluminous vulgate."

(ponzi's gonna hurt himself trying to think of something to add to that)

Yeah... I think I did.

This morning I went grocery shopping by myself,

Pretty much anything that starts with you and ends with "by myself" is just about guaranteed to end poorly.

Think Magic Kingdom on New Year's Eve.

Thanks.... but, no. Been there, won't repeat that. Yes the fireworks were absolutely amazing, but... you can guess the rest.

And it's HUGE!

While I'm sure you're pleased with yourself, it's impolite to brag.

Now think ... Uh-Oh, Spaghettios.

I remember that commercial. Although that's going back a ways.

And I've never had it.

They even beat Winn Dixie and Pubix.
(that's for Ponzi, creative typos, No?)

I can't believe it! It's amazing how one missed keystroke can totally change a word, isn't it?

Boy you leave out the hyphen in Winn-Dixie and everything's different!

And don't even talk about "Goodings"!

I won't if you won't talk about Sobeys.

But even though this is a Wisconsin based store, (yeah, we are that far north, close enough to smell the cheese when they cut it),

So just how often is that line used in your neck of the woods? Hmmm???

for some reason the meat and Dairy-ere products are outrageously priced,

Dairy-ere? Like rump roast?

it's as if they've never seen a cow in Wisconsin! I think they are more sacred there
than in New Dehli.
So stay away from the new deli in there.

sorry

Although it is less obscene then the cow picture... wait...

Is there a trend developing here? Or am I just in the dark?

I got there just before 9 this morning thinking I'll beat the crowd.

I could've sworn you were gonna beat the path...

Thinking about that, too, is funny in itself. I'm officially disabled with Macular Degeneration, which means I'm going blind, yes, I get Social Security benefits I've paid in all my life, but I DON"T have a handicapped placard on my car.

Because if you went to your doctor and said, "Hey Doc. How about a handicap sign for my car?"
He would reply with, "You're still driving?!?!?!"

"Yes officer, I know,, THE IRONY".

Sheesh. You and your typos. That's EYERONY.

Eyerony, the Carpentersville Treat!

"Really, I can't see, what do you mean what am I doing in the driver's seat?" "How else is the car going to get the groceries home?"

"Geesh!"

Some people need to be led to the obvious, don't'cha think?

Did I mention that there is also a liquor store attatched to the main building? We'll stop in there on the way out.

Smidgy needs a couple of things from there.

Well... yeah. She has to live with you, right?

You're a brave, brave woman, Smidgy.

And yes, it was in Braille.

The funniest sign I saw recently (on the net, not in person) was a sign that said:
If the red light is on, do not open the door
Door may be opened when the green light is on

Then it was repeated in braille...

And I took off, maybe a tad prematurely, before I could see.

Try not to be premature. Even if you are HUGE, as you've claimed...

They now insist that I carry liability insurance whenever I am in the store, pushing a cart. (message from the management, employeed owned).

It's nice that the employees own a cart.

Yes, they insist now on suppling me with the only cart that Beep, Beep Beeps, when pushed forward, to warn other
drivers.
I mean, shoppers.

I don't think it's funny.

But it is a necessity...

His cart then took down the Charmin display of toilet paper, and Mr. ******* wasn't there to save them!

Solved. Mr. Whipp1e

But that is weird.

I did the only thing I could think of:

I RAN!

cjlvsccm already had the perfect response for this one.

Pushed my cart straight to produce, and hid among the cantaloupes. ( I can do that)

I see the resemblance.

After a while, I walked out wearing my new head of lettuce and proceeded as if nothing happened.

What is with you? Do you really want me to photoshop you with a melon head or a lettuce head?

I saw this sign that reminded me of being almost exactly like Ponzi's avater slogan, which I think is Bow Chick a bow wow.

but now that I remember it better, the sign was for Angie's Boom chick a Pop Popcorn,

You were thinking of me? Aw... shucks...

Her printing is worse than her cursive, and believe me, she can curse.

hang on a sec, I like that line, have to enjoy it.......

Heh. That was good.

so I took the list up to the customer service desk, and asked the woman there to read that for me.

Seriously? A store that big and no pharmacy?

And, I suppose, while I'm here, might as well pick up a bottle of Black Velvet ,, and a bottle of Vermouth for manhattans, you understand, I'm sure.

"it's my wife, she's pregnant."
"She says she's drinking for two now."

I remember that.

My bill came to 34.99.
Yep, that's exactly what it was.
I handed her a twenty, and two fives, then told her to keep the penny, then I waited for my receipt to pop out.

I looked at her, waiting.
She looked at me, waiting.

Kids these days... they just can't do simple math, can they?

Then she broke it off by cheating;
"Sir, are you going to finish paying for this?"

"huh?"

And then the 4. 99 dropped in!

"Oh, I'm sorry," I could feel my face turning red and I quickly pulled out my wallet and ripped off 5 more singles and handed them to her.

Although senility trumps poor math every time.

Just then, Luke walked up, glanced at her, then glanced at me and slowly shook his head.

It's not often people get barred from grocery stores, but you have to admit,

I'm trying!

A couple more trips like that and you'll get there! Keep trying!

You realize, if nobody posts on this, I'm going to take it as "Don't ever go off topic again!"

Oh, geez. Did you really have to stoop that low for responses? Don't you know by now that were all a bunch of kooks who'll respond no matter what you write?

 

[queenbetsey]

mony, mony.. PULL toy, NOT play toy!!!

remember when your kids were toddlers, and they had that toy on the strig they pulled along,(maybe it was a duck, and it quacked)

so, when nebo and I are walking in the dark and holding hands, and I walk faster than him, I PULL him along. so he is my pull toy.


WHERE is YOUR mind, young lady??!!!

noticed you made it a point to say "holding HANDS" Good idea to clarify these things around here. *just sayin*

 

[queenbetsey]

Did you not read Lady H's portion of our TR. tsk tsk tsk.

Other than Lady H, you and myself; we're probably the only ones on this TR that have taken a ride on the Mummy over at USH. Might as well start shaking your head. They are some what similar, but a few differences. They are both short rides. You go backwards more at Hollywood, not so much at Orlando. Graphics during the course of the ride are different. It's not bad, but its not great. Lady H said, if they could combine the 2, then it would be an awesome ride. Yes, Dumb Wife said that.

I totally agree with Transformers. Yes they are putting one in Orlando. I may have a few pics of the construction. If it's as good as the one in Hollywood, people are going to love it. Couldn't get dumb wife off the ride. Only ride she's gone on more than twice. If the park didn't close early, she would've gone another 3 or 4 times. Heck she still might on the ride today if I would let her.

I have been trying to get over to your tr but have been super busy. Going to hit it on Thursday since tommorrow we are going to be at DL and DCA most of the day with a stop inat Storytellers for an anniversary breakfast
I have been a bad tman follower but will get caught up before we get back to school on monday.

I agree with the Transformers opnions. the details on that were amazing and one ride is just not enough to catch the details that are in there that those of us who remember not only the movies but the original series.

 

[queenbetsey]

[/IAnd then the 4. 99 dropped in!

]
I see the economy has hit you hard out there. Used to be "then the nickel dropped" Now THAT'S some kind of fiscal cliff/

 

[buzz1121]

Nebo, you know I am a fan of your "aside" chapters. The events in your daily life are every bit as entertaining as your experiences at Disney!

And while you were delightfully verbose there is one thing you never have and that is vapid verbosity!

I hadn't thought of it before but going in a grocery store after having been in bright sunlight must be eerily akin to going into some of the moderately dark indoor queues at Disney.

And thanks alot for the Publix name change. It just so happens that I shop at Publix, so now every time I go grocery shopping I'm going to think of you Nebo. I just hope to goodness sakes I don't call the store by your reworked name while I'm shopping, in the line of a Fruedian slip!

Great chapter Nebo!

 

[cp'ersmom]

Diane likes Disney, beer, wine and cursing?

She's like my long lost twin!

Sister from a different mister

 

[cp'ersmom]

Nebo, I have read every one of your TR's but admittedly not every post, so forgive me if I missed this somewhere along the line but why don't you wear sunglasses?

 

[buzz1121]

You were thinking of me? Aw... shucks...

Nebo was thinking of you Pkondz but that was after he thought of T-Man. He thought of you for a second, but then he saw something else that reminded him of T-Man so he put your avatar thought on hold and ultimately had to go so he could write a chapter on the T-Man thought association.