Opinions Wanted: Take son or leave home?

[shelemm]

I have a totally different view.

I think you should just cancel your vacation period and help your son realize his priorities.

If one of our children are acting up and we have something big happening that day as a family we cancel. It is a heavy load for a kid to bear knowing that a fun family activity was cancelled due to their behavior.

I would cancel- period- for the whole family and let your son know that you are not going until one of two things happen 1) he picks his socks up with schoolwork and things are going better and well enough that you won't feel bad for him missing school when he is already struggling or 2) wait until school is out (unless he has to take summer school to get caught up in which number 1 would then reapply)

I may be a mean mom for it but it seems to be the only thing that works in our home for serious behavior.

Also it does not mean that we stop doing things as a family it means we alter what we do to things that can be done at home.

Basically as example the other day we were planning on a trip to Chuck E Cheese's and our DS7 threw a screaming fit/tantrum that night (after they knew of our plans on) While enroute we turned around and went home DS& had a sandwich and went to bed the other two kids stayed up and watched a movie and we ordered in pizza.

DD8 ripped out a page in her agenda that had a note from her teacher about homework that was not done DD did not go to swimming(all kids have lessons at the same time so no one went so she could stay and do her work) or dance lessons until she finally finished her homework.

It is severe but my kids do have a problem with a sense of entitlement and they need to know that they don't need the "extras" and that the family doesn't "need" them Iether. I will say that it does not happen too often that my kids make the same error more then once(they just find new trouble to get into lol!)

I agree with many of the examples you have given. Bad behavior should not be tolerated.

But is the case of the OP really bad behavior... or even not living up to his commitments? Again, someone screams to get what they want, of course you do not give it to them. Someone doesn't do a chore they knew they were supposed to do, yes you should punish them. But a good, smart student not getting good grades is not a matter of 'don't do it again' or 'you should know better.' In fact, I doubt very much that would help at all.

 

[Harlie]

I agree with many of the examples you have given. Bad behavior should not be tolerated.

But is the case of the OP really bad behavior... or even not living up to his commitments? Again, someone screams to get what they want, of course you do not give it to them. Someone doesn't do a chore they knew they were supposed to do, yes you should punish them. But a good, smart student not getting good grades is not a matter of 'don't do it again' or 'you should know better.' In fact, I doubt very much that would help at all.

See my post after my op to this thread.

 

[dkerwood]

Speaking as a teacher:

PLEASE don't take your son out of school to visit Disneyland... ESPECIALLY if you go twice a year!

Consider this- in a week lost from school, the other children move forward a week, but your child actually moves backwards several days. If it's 9 days without school (school week plus both weekends), your son could move back an entire week... putting him two weeks behind the other kids.

Homework on the road helps, but it will never replace actual instruction by a licensed teacher. If he's already having problems with grades, DO NOT take him out further.

If he's on break for some reason, then it's up to you. Sounds like your home life and his study habits need to change, not the vacation.

Btw: I've two students who will be returning from Disney trips today. One was gone last week at WDW, and the other will just be getting back from Christmas break (they spent 2 1/2 weeks in Florida). The latter child was already behind, but the parents decided they would do whatever they wanted... and now this child will likely be close to an entire quarter behind the other students.