Opinions on repeating kindergarten (copied from comm.board)

[JenDaveBrendan]

I posted this on the community board, but figured after I submitted it, that it would fit better over here. I couldn't figure out how to move it, so here it is copied:

I am really thinking about having my DS repeat Kindergarten... he is a "young" kindergartener, having turned 5 last June.
This year has been kind of a whirlwind... we took him out of school for 2 weeks for vacation to WDW (I know, I know, shouldn't have done that...), he has been out of school all this week due to pneumonia, and we will be moving in mid-March from Mass. to N.Carolina, so he will be out at least a week- if not more -for that. Since he has been out so much, and the tremendous change and adjustment he will have to go through shortly, I was really considering having him repeat Kindergarten next year. Plus, he is in a half-day Kindergarten here, but in NC it is a full-day program.
There is no question in my mind that academically he could go to 1st grade with no problem, I am just more concerned with emotional/social issues.
I would love to hear opinions/advice on this!
Thank you!
Jen
__________________

 

[Figment1964]

We have a son who is repeating kindergarten this year. It has been very good for him. However, he had some really hard circumstances during his 1st time through kindergarten. We had him placed with us as a foster son last May and we were his 3rd home during that school year (his 5th home in 6 years). The plan has since changed to us adopting him so he's with us "forever" now. He had/has so much emotional processing to do that we felt putting him in the 1st grade would be too much for him to handle. Socially and emotionally he's about at a kindergarten level and physically he's little so he fits right in with the other kids.

What it comes down to, I think, is what do you think the best thing for your son is? For us it was initially a gut instinct and we approached the school with our thoughts and they agreed. I'm very glad we've done it, it seems to have given him a little boost of self esteem.

 

[mouseketeer_times_2]

My daughter had kids in her class that turned 7 during their kindergarten year. At least around here, more and more parents are waiting a year to enroll their kids in kindergarten to give them a little extra time to be ready for 1st grade so it won't seem unusual for your son to be turning 6 just before the school year starts.

I think that since you are moving he won't have the social problems (such as watching his friends advance and he stays behind)

Whatever you decide, good luck!

 

[Mom to Jordan]

I am here in NC and the trend here is to hold late BD children back before they start school so you will have other children that are already 6 when they start school with your son. I can not think of a better situation in which to have him repeat. He will not know any of the children anyway, and going from a half to a whole day will make it a whole new experence anyway. The cut off age here in NC is Oct 15 and I held my June DS back. Now the trend with-in the school here in NC is to have the children be promoted to 1st grade and then repeat 1st grade. I agree with this only if the child does not have maturity issues and the needs are purely academic. It sounds like starting your little one in Kindergarten would be perfect. Where in NC will you be??????

Jordan's mom

 

[CleveRocks]

My wife and I are completely boggled by this recent trend of parents holding their kids back a year. Kids are resilient, they go with the flow, they make do. Now of course, if there is some sort of problem with the child, that's a circumstance that might really warrant an extreme measure.

My experience is VERY limited. My oldest is in kindergarten. I can tell you that in my son's class, the only kids who were held back a year are kids with ADHD (whether officially diagnosed or not). I live across the street from the school; the playground is on my side of the buiding. I often see my son's class play, and I swear, those 3 boys who are "older" STILL don't fit in well. They're not "in the mix" with the others, socially, but they're also not hanging out the 3 of them together. They appear to be "outsiders" even amongst themselves.

My wife is a pediatrician. She gets asked the question all the time. Except in extreme circumstances, she's against it. It's been her experience that by the end of first grade, beginning of second grade, everything evens out. She doesn't notice a difference (or hear about a difference from parents) between 3rd graders who were held back and 3rd graders who were straight arrows.

I guess I had the opposite experience. I made the cut-off by about 2 months, so I was always among the youngest in my grade. I actually had difficulty with that in college of all places, but not for the reasons you might think. In my senior year, all of the other seniors in my fraternity, including me, were 20 years old in a state with a legal drinking age of 21. If we couldn't buy beer we couldn't make money having parties, and the first guy wasn't legal until mid-October. If only some parents in the early 70s held their kids back, it would've made the first 2 months of my senior year much easier ....

 

[Merriwind]

Just a thought--if you are going to hold him, have you thought about NOT starting him in school in NC right after the move? Keeping him home would avoid any stigma from other kids of being held back. Kids can be mean that way, plus he'd get time at home to adjust to his new house, neighborhood, etc.

It's funny, DH and I were just talking about this last night. In DD's second grade class, there are some kids who are young and some who were started late. One little boy from our neighborhood is the youngest and is almost exactly a year younger than the oldest boy. The young one is struggling--not having a good year. He is tiny and still has such a baby voice and is just behind the eight ball in a lot of ways. The older one, although his personality is more shy, is exceling in every aspect. Academically, he is at the top of the class, athetically, socially. I volunteer in the class and see a lot of these kids. The older one is becoming a leader, despite his shyness. The younger one has a long way to go.

It's a very personal decision and most parents I know who have considered the move have held their child back. I have to say that I have not encountered a parent who held their child back who regrets it.

You and your husband, I am sure, will give this lots of thought. You are his parents and you will know and do what is right for your son. Best of luck!

 

[patchchild]

As a teacher, I get this question all the time from parents. Generally speaking, I haven't seen retention making an amazing difference. Yup, many of the kids look better off their second year of kindergarten, but the ones we pass on usually look much better too. It just comes with another year of maturity. With that, there hasn't been a single study showing that retention benefits the kids, and there have been numerous studies showing that there can be many negative consequences, especially around self-esteem.

If he's ready academically, I'm really in favor of passing students along. If you still have concerns socially, I'd suggest talking to the teacher or the school and finding out what extracurricular activities many of the kids in his grade are taking part in and having him meet and socialize with the other kids through that. Those smaller group, outside relationships can make a tremendous difference for kids.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

My dd (now 8) repeated kindergarten. She was really young for her class - deadline was September 30th and her birthday is the middle of September. It was the best decision we could have made for her. She matured, has a lot more self confidence and is much closer in age to the other kids than she was initially. We did switch schools when she repeated so she wouldn't be confused why her friends were in a different class than her. She was in parochial school so we just changed to a different parochial school.

 

[camdensmom]

Given your specific situation I would just wait until September and enroll him into K then.

If you already question his readiness then I'm afraid you will find that since he has been in a .5 program and his NC classmates have been in full time K the difference will be much more dramatic.

I agree with the PP wife's comments about the kids balancing out more at the start of 2nd grade. HOWEVER, the groundwork is laid for their overall happiness and attitude towards school. If your son feels like he is behind the others (and trust me kids know where they stand in class rankings) he will not like school.

You really are in the best situation for this. Having taught grades K-2 (in Massachusetts btw) my professional advice would be to just hold off enrollment. Plus, I do believe that the south is on a different schedule and gets out a month earlier than MA. The bottom line is that only you know what's best for your child and go with your gut.

Best of luck.

 

[mommyintn]

We started our ds in a 1/2 day Kindergarten last year and he was not the youngest but almost (his birthday is June 4). I was worried because of maturity etc and while he did have some bumps last year, he did well and is a different boy this year no behavior problems at all. A lot of people here hold their kids out a year but really there wasn't much of a maturity difference between my ds and the ones that were 6 years old. Another issue for us was our son is really tall (at 6 years old he is 4ft4) so he would've looked like a 3rd grader in Kindergarten if we had started him late. You know what's best for your child. Good luck!!

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

thanks everyone for the opinions! It is such a tough call.... I don't know why, but my gut is telling me to hold him back. However, his dad is dead set against holding him back since he is above average academically (at this stage anyway). I think I will make a conference time with his present teacher and see what his opinion is also.
As others mentioned, if I did decide to hold him back, I would not enroll him in K when we get to NC, I would try and find a pre-K 1/2 day program of some sort. But then again, I don't know if it would be beneficial for him to be taking a step back..KWIM?
thanks again!
Jen

 

[Sinderelli]

My experience is VERY limited. My oldest is in kindergarten. I can tell you that in my son's class, the only kids who were held back a year are kids with ADHD (whether officially diagnosed or not). I live across the street from the school; the playground is on my side of the buiding. I often see my son's class play, and I swear, those 3 boys who are "older" STILL don't fit in well. They're not "in the mix" with the others, socially, but they're also not hanging out the 3 of them together. They appear to be "outsiders" even amongst themselves.

I guess you also mean your experience with ADHD is limited, because you just reiterated every generalization that goes along with it. Studies have shown that most kids with ADHD are actually above average in intelligence. As a mother of an ADHD son, my heart hurt when I read your post.

 

[disneymom225]

Every child is different and you know your child best of all. If you do decide to do it- it is better (IMHO) to do it while he is young and there is not as much stigma attached. Good luck

 

[Princessbaby]

I think you know your child the best. We had the same kind of questions regarding our second son. My oldest is in 1st grade and what he learned last year in K was amazing. They really push a lot on kids nowadays (IMO). With that said, My 2nd son will be 5 June 21st and could start K in fall 2006 (cutoff Sept 1 2006), but he could also benefit from another year of preschool/ After talking to the teacher and another mom (who's son is in my oldest DS's class), she held her son back a year and delayed his entry into K and told me it did a world of good for her son, we have decided to enroll him in pre-K at the preschool one more year. I think he is just a "young" 4/5 year old and could still mature some more. I have been told it is always better to do it when they are young than see any problems arise in older grades, where the chance to stay back in one of those grades can come up, it could cause some problems with the child seeing his/her friends going on. It really just boils down to how well you think he will do either way.

 

[CleveRocks]

I guess you also mean your experience with ADHD is limited, because you just reiterated every generalization that goes along with it. Studies have shown that most kids with ADHD are actually above average in intelligence. As a mother of an ADHD son, my heart hurt when I read your post.

I certainly didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I made no mention of intelligence in my post.

I should have also added that my wife, a board certified pediatrician in practice 11 years, volunteers in the classroom on her days off about once every two weeks, and it is her opinion that the boys in question would likely be diagnosed with ADHD.

 

[Stacerita]

You know whats best for your child. My sweetpea would have been ready to go ahead of time. But she missed the cutoff by 26 hours. She was socially ready and academically. Thats her though.

I have 3 nephews. One was ready right on time. The third one would have been a young K so he waited till the following year. The second one though had a lot of problems. He started when he was supposed to, slightly younger but not much. He just couldn't adjust socially. Lots of problems following directions and fitting in. Recess was horrible. Lots of notes home and trips to the principal. He missed more class time than not because he was sent out of the room so much. He was always caught up though with the "work" that he was given. He just had trouble adjusting to the time schedule, the teacher and the other kids. My SIL finally pulled him from school and kept him home for the remainder of the year. Then when they moved back to southern california she re-enrolled him. Waiting till the following year made all the difference for him.

 

[Sinderelli]

I certainly didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I made no mention of intelligence in my post.

I should have also added that my wife, a board certified pediatrician in practice 11 years, volunteers in the classroom on her days off about once every two weeks, and it is her opinion that the boys in question would likely be diagnosed with ADHD.

I'm sorry- I am sure I am overly sensitive about these things. I am a teacher and I've seen teachers "single" out ADHD children. It causes other kids (and their parents) to do the same thing. I read your post again and realize you did not make any mention of intelligence. I apologize for jumping the gun.
It is my personal feeling that boys are being left behind in our schools. My son is a hands on kinesthetic learner and unfortunately that is not encouraged in the upper grades. How sad.
To the OP- if a child is going to repeat a grade, I think Kindergarten is the grade to do it! The confidence they gain from going to "the one who struggles" to "the one who leads" is amazing! I started Kindergarten when I was 4, graduated form H.S. when I was 17 and college when I was 21. I hated being the youngest one out of all my friends! It really bothered me.

 

[Sinderelli]

I can tell you that in my son's class, the only kids who were held back a year are kids with ADHD (whether officially diagnosed or not).

This was the quote that made me jump the gun. Chances are, the kids weren't "lower" than the other kids. If they truly are ADHD, holding them back won't help.

 

[weregoingtodw]

I certainly didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I made no mention of intelligence in my post.

I should have also added that my wife, a board certified pediatrician in practice 11 years, volunteers in the classroom on her days off about once every two weeks, and it is her opinion that the boys in question would likely be diagnosed with ADHD.

Wow.... just wow....

I initially wrote a lengthy reply in response to your posts, but it sounds as though you've already made up your mind about those children in your son's class. How sad.

Suffice to say, if I were you & my child was in a classroom with three children who are apparently being failed by the school system - in KINDERGARTEN, no less - I'd have some serious questions for the administration.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

ds6 who was in K last year and is now in 1st grade
last year the K teacher adamant he stay back we said no and he is doing geat this year
make sure you do what you and your child think is best not just what the teaher says if we had done that I think it would have been a long boring year for him