Opinion please!

[jtdl]

This, unfortunately, has absolutely nothing to do with Disney but I am going crazy wondering if I did the right thing! Everyone I know agrees with me, but I need unbaised responses on this. This is long, please bare with me!

Background: My son has had the same babysitter since 6 months of age (4.5 years). He loves her like family. There have been absolutely no care issues, she has been great. In May her 1.5 year old dog was spayed. The next day my son gave the dog a hug and it bit him in the face requiring a 1 inch gap to be closed with surgical glue. The teeth marks could be seen encircling his entire face (it is a medium sized dog, supossedly lab X ,but I have never heard of a lab biting). I blamed this incident on the babysitter, as I think with the dog not feeling well, it should've been locked away from children.

Three weeks ago, I got a call to go to the Emerg Dept cause the dog had bit my son again. This time he had to be taken to an OR room, completely sedated (tubes, wires, etc.) and 5 stitches in his nose and one in his eyebrow. The babysitter said the dog was gone to the humane society and would be euthanized.

Ok, so things were back to normal and I took my son there one day the following week and when I called her the next week to give her my schedule she never called me back. I called her again several days later and she said they had got the dog back and were going to keep her. But on the days my son was there, they would take the dog to someone else's house. The other parents (she runs a small daycare) were ok with the dog just being outside.

Now, we are the type of people that if our dog (we have two) were to bite a child, it would be gone. Either to a house where there will never be children or euthanized. I could never live with myself if my dog were to bite a children, once, let alone twice. Anyway, I told the babysitter my son would be there for a one hour period while I went to work evenings until my husband picked him up one hour later. Well, I have had 4 sleepness nights antagonizing over whether to take him or not. I feel that they are very disrespectful to my son by keeping the dog. It makes me feel that they value that dog more than a child's life - who's to know if it won't end up killing a child the next time it attacks (I'm sure there will be a next time). So I called her today and told her that I am very uncomfortable bringing my son there but that I don't want to hurt him any further by not letting him see her anymore (remember this kid loves this lady). I reiterated that I did not want the dog there at all and if my husband were to ever see it, he would break the dogs neck on the spot. I told her for my son's sake, I would bring him once in a while for an hour or so, but he would not be there on a regular basis anymore. She agreed with that. Then she called me back and said that to make things easier why not just tell my son that she has a new job and will not be babysitting kids anymore. So obviously she is upset that my husband and I feel the way we do and does want to deal with the awkwardness that will come with having him go visit there. (I don't want to deal with it either, but I thought it would be best for my son).

Anyway, now I feel guilty for even bringing it up and I feel so guilty for my son not being able to see her again, or his friends that he grew up with. Did I do the right thing or should I have just grinned and bared it, knowing that the dog would not be there when my son was?

 

[murcor]

My son has the same sitter from age 6 months - current 5 yrs, so, I realize the bond your child has with this lady, but NO-WAY would I take my child back to her place. She says the dog wont be there, but dont count on it. What about the cold/snowy day that she cant get the dog to the neighbors? The 1st attack is 1 too many....... Dont risk the 3rd attack.

 

[mbb]

your son will be fine, and he will make new friends

Especially if you have a positive attitude about it

I'm surprised that the sitter would threaten the other children in her care by keeping the dog, and that the other parents are ok with the dog still at the home.

HTH!

 

[tone.def]

I blamed this incident on the babysitter, as I think with the dog not feeling well, it should've been locked away from children.

Absolutely agreed with this...

...on the other hand (NOT to be devil's advocate), your son should have been told the dog was not feeling well and not to approach?

Three weeks ago, I got a call to go to the Emerg Dept cause the dog had bit my son again. This time he had to be taken to an OR room, completely sedated (tubes, wires, etc.) and 5 stitches in his nose and one in his eyebrow. The babysitter said the dog was gone to the humane society and would be euthanized.

No flames I beg of you... a decade ago, I was the owner of a very mild mannered happy dog who bit a child. While the dog in the OP was obviously used to children, my dog was not. This 3 or 4 year old boy walked up to my dog and pulled his tail while I was walking him in the neighbourhood. My dog bit the boy's arm while the boy still had a firm grasp on the tail and I was telling the boy (okay, I was screaming my head off at him) not to and was trying with one had to hold the leash and the other hand remove the boy. The boy's mother tore a strip out of me saying it was my fault for not controlling my animal. My dog was on a leash and walking beside me and I told the child before he pulled my dog's tail not to do that. I don't have children, so maybe I didn't handle it the right way, but I told the mother she should have been supervising her son and should teach her son not to approach dogs he didn't know. She called the cops on us, but nothing ever came of it because of all the witnesses who said the dog was provoked.


Is it possible that the baby-sitter did not have her full attention directed at your son at this moment??? Was she focused on other children? Did she have too many children there to properly supervise all of them?
Maybe your son was playing with the dog and touched his wounded area from getting fixed and the dog was being protective of itself? I'm not saying your son provoked this in anyway, but animals can't speak when they're uncomfortable, they act. I've even seen cats growl and bite.

Ok, so things were back to normal and I took my son there one day the following week and when I called her the next week to give her my schedule she never called me back. I called her again several days later and she said they had got the dog back and were going to keep her. But on the days my son was there, they would take the dog to someone else's house. The other parents (she runs a small daycare) were ok with the dog just being outside.

I think the behaviour indicates she wants to keep her dog and although hasn't said it, would prefer you take your son elsewhere...

Oh wait, read further...

Now, we are the type of people that if our dog (we have two) were to bite a child, it would be gone. Either to a house where there will never be children or euthanized. I could never live with myself if my dog were to bite a children, once, let alone twice.
...
Well, I have had 4 sleepness nights antagonizing over whether to take him or not. I feel that they are very disrespectful to my son by keeping the dog. It makes me feel that they value that dog more than a child's life - who's to know if it won't end up killing a child the next time it attacks (I'm sure there will be a next time).

This dog is only 1 and a half??? I think it needs some serious obedience training and not to be around children... Did any other child at this day care ever have a problem??? Was it just your son??? Is this even the type of woman who should be running a care facility?

So I called her today and told her that I am very uncomfortable bringing my son there but that I don't want to hurt him any further by not letting him see her anymore (remember this kid loves this lady). I reiterated that I did not want the dog there at all and if my husband were to ever see it, he would break the dogs neck on the spot. I told her for my son's sake, I would bring him once in a while for an hour or so, but he would not be there on a regular basis anymore. She agreed with that. Then she called me back and said that to make things easier why not just tell my son that she has a new job and will not be babysitting kids anymore. So obviously she is upset that my husband and I feel the way we do and does want to deal with the awkwardness that will come with having him go visit there. (I don't want to deal with it either, but I thought it would be best for my son).

Anyway, now I feel guilty for even bringing it up and I feel so guilty for my son not being able to see her again, or his friends that he grew up with. Did I do the right thing or should I have just grinned and bared it, knowing that the dog would not be there when my son was?

Don't feel guilty for bringing this up! Don't grin and bare it. You pay for a service for your child to be looked after, not put in danger.

Like I said, I'm not a parent - but for me, I think after the first dog bite, I would have found a dog-less care facility, hard as it is.

Sadly for your son, this is a part of growing up and it's moving on. Will your son still get to see his friends at school?

Maybe this is an opportunity for your son to make new friends and have new experiences. Maybe you'll even find a place that is more convienient location wise for you or your husband, maybe costs less, maybe has more to offer... Sounds like in the long run, this is will better for you and your son. You won't be worrying about the sitter's dog and you also won't have to worry about what might happen... Your son will make new friends and it might be a little hard on him at first, but I'm sure he'll adjust.

 

[jtdl]

In answer to your remarks tone-def:

On both occasions my son was giving the dog a hug. We have a black lab and a Boston terrier and he is constantly playing with them, rolling on the floor with them, kissing them, etc. He loves dogs. He is the only one, so far, who has been bit. The other children who are there do not have dogs and really don't pay much attention to this dog, they will throw toys for her and what not, but from what I have seen, they are not as "friendly" with the dog as my son was. This dog has growled at me (prior to the first bite but I just thought it was a oddity), with the owner present and has snapped at another adult neighbour, with the owner present (I found this out after the 2nd bite). The owner also told this neighbour never to go in the back yard when the dog was out there. I don't think it is a case of obedience training. I would not blame the dog quite so much had she been provoked. My son will not see the other kids at school, but I think I may call the mothers' and maybe arrange a play at the park or something some day.

Thanks for the opinions and making me feel better.

 

[damo]

Don't we have laws in Ontario about biting dogs? Here we go ... http://www.dogbitelaw.com/PAGES/Ontario.htm

I would remove my child from the situation. I am sure it will be traumatizing to him to have to be in the environment that has caused him so much pain! He will adjust just fine.

 

[kellyla]

jtdl,any dog is capable of biting.Lab's are high on the list of biting breeds(contrary to what the media and the Government of Ontario(Michael Bryant )says).I am sorry to hear that your child has been biten twice and you have since taken him out of the situation.From what you have described with the growling at people,this dog needs some training and some socialization.

Damo,the laws dont work unless the bite is reported.

 

[jtdl]

Damo,the laws dont work unless the bite is reported.

The bite was reported to Animal Control by the hospital (the 2nd time, I do not know why it wasn't the 1st) but I did tell Animal Contral it was the 2nd bite.) The dog is now under a "muzzle order" but only when off the owners property. As for the law, that only applies if the victim chooses to sue the dog owner, which we have not chosen to do.

 

[tone.def]

On both occasions my son was giving the dog a hug. We have a black lab and a Boston terrier and he is constantly playing with them, rolling on the floor with them, kissing them, etc. He loves dogs. He is the only one, so far, who has been bit. The other children who are there do not have dogs and really don't pay much attention to this dog, they will throw toys for her and what not, but from what I have seen, they are not as "friendly" with the dog as my son was. This dog has growled at me (prior to the first bite but I just thought it was a oddity), with the owner present and has snapped at another adult neighbour, with the owner present (I found this out after the 2nd bite). The owner also told this neighbour never to go in the back yard when the dog was out there. I don't think it is a case of obedience training. I would not blame the dog quite so much had she been provoked. My son will not see the other kids at school, but I think I may call the mothers' and maybe arrange a play at the park or something some day.

Thanks for the opinions and making me feel better.

I think you have made the right decision and I truly hope that no other child has to go through what your son has gone through with this dog. I don't think this is a very responsible dog owner or care provider.

 

[alohamom]

I am assuming the parents of the other children were also notified. If not, then they should be and not by you but by the caregiverwith the dog. If they do know, I think it is irresponsible of them to keep their children in a home with a dog who has twice previously bitten a child. Who cares if they are not hugging it or whatever, you can never tell what will set an animal off. I am so sorry this happened to your child and that it has come to this.

 

[maryliz]

You are absolutely doing the right thing by taking your son out of this caregivers home. My kids had been with the same home caregiver for 7 and 5 years respectively. I totally understand that your son feels this woman is family ... my kids are the same way, she was a weekday Mom to them for a very long time. My DD used to ask her "when are the daycare kids getting here", meaning the other 3 kids she babysat ... she never thought of herself as one of those "daycare kids"!

Due to a move, and to make my mornings simpler, the kids now go elsewhere. This was a very difficult decision for me to make, and it had nothing to do with a potentially life-threatening situation. Kids DO adjust, and I like the idea of telling your DS that she has a new job. My DS5 has been in his new daycare for about 3 weeks now, and it's working out great.

Remember ... this is a service that you pay for, and while accidents can and do happen anywhere, this is no longer a safe environment for your child. I certainly hope those other parents do understand the severity of the situation.

I am shocked that she wants to keep the dog ... I know that pets are family, but this is crazy. I hope that this woman isn't making anymore trips to emerg in the future.

to you and your family. You are doing what is best to keep your child safe. And as someone else said, this woman doesn't seem to "get" the severity of the situation and it probably wouldn't be long before she wasn't taking the dog elsewhere on your daycare days.

Good luck with your search for a new facility. Our kids are priceless and it's nerve-racking to find just the right place for them.

MaryLiz

 

[twinz]

I have worked in childcare for 9 years, and let me tell you change is ALWAYS harder on the parents then the children. Your son will soon forget about the babysitter. I think you are making the right decidion by not putting your son in that position (keeping him at the house). Your son's safety should be first and formost in your life, and he will move on (he's still young) and so will you, and he will be safe. Don't second guess your decision you know what is best.

 

[jaysue]

I have worked in childcare for 9 years, and let me tell you change is ALWAYS harder on the parents then the children. Your son will soon forget about the babysitter. I think you are making the right decidion by not putting your son in that position (keeping him at the house). Your son's safety should be first and formost in your life, and he will move on (he's still young) and so will you, and he will be safe. Don't second guess your decision you know what is best.

I totally agree

Cheers
jaysue

 

[DreamsComingTrue]

I Absolutely agreed with this one.I have had dogs all my life.One of the dogs I had was a Lab cross.My son at the time was only2yrs old and he fell close to the dog and the dog bit him on his face above the eye.Right then and there we removed the dog from the house.We had taken him to a animal shelter in hopes that he would be able to go to another home with no kids.It broke our hearts but we had to make this choice.I would not take the risk of it happening again.He was in our family for 4yrs.Today he is with a family with no kids and doing well . You did the right thing for it is your child who you must protect. You son will meet many new children in time and hopefully will not fear dogs in the future.

 

[jtdl]

Thanks for the opinions. I just wanted to be sure that I wasn't over-reacting. The babysitter (former) seems to think that because the dog will not be there when my son is, that there is no reason I should not take him there. Although the decision to keep my son out of the environment was based solely on his safety, her decision to keep the dog makes me feel that my son isn't as "precious" to her as she claims. After all, how could you look at the scarred, damaged face of this little 4-year-old sweetheart whom you declare to love as your own and then after he's gone, snuggle up and love the the dog that did the damage?!

 

[jaysue]

Thanks for the opinions. I just wanted to be sure that I wasn't over-reacting. The babysitter (former) seems to think that because the dog will not be there when my son is, that there is no reason I should not take him there. Although the decision to keep my son out of the environment was based solely on his safety, her decision to keep the dog makes me feel that my son isn't as "precious" to her as she claims. After all, how could you look at the scarred, damaged face of this little 4-year-old sweetheart whom you declare to love as your own and then after he's gone, snuggle up and love the the dog that did the damage?!

Exactly!

You should not be able to

She has over-rationalized and tried to put the trauma in two independent parts of her memory to justify keeping the dog

You have made the choice that is right for you as a parent - the kids come first hands down

cheers
jaysue

 

[jeannief]

my youngest had the same daycare lady for almost 3 years. when he left there I thought he'd never adjust. Took him about 1 day!
When we saw kids from that daycare a few months later he had no idea who they were. We still drop into the sitter every once in a while on a weekend for a quick chat, but he doesn't ask to go there, I just like to stay in touch.
You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing by pulling him out. I hope the scars heal quickly. I personally would have charged the lady, no matter how much I liked them, once they did not put the dog down.
good luck! Childcare issues are so all consuming!