Open mouth, insert foot.

[wdwmom0f3]

I feel horrible. So bad that I couldn't sleep last night. DD has a friend who didn't make the cheer team. She is cute as a bug & sweet as can be. Her mom can be a little "stuffy" at times and nice as can be at others. Tryout night was horrible for them, and I really feel bad. There were two girls who made alternate who were not near as good as this girl. I think her mom is going to the school today to look at the scores because she is so mad about it.

Yesterday the girls had private lessons and the girl & her mom were there. I was told that she is doing fine and she is excited about trying out for the dance team, which is more like her than cheer because she has danced forever. She wanted to tryout for cheer because of her friends and she did work just as hard as them to make it. In fact 100% of the parents think the girl should have made it, myself included.

So, it was me and one other mom and the girls mom in the lobby of the gym. She, the mom, had been standing there for a few minutes and it was quite. I felt like someone needed to break the ice, ya know? So I asked her if her DD was getting excited about dance tryouts. She turned to me and looked at me like I had four heads. I, being told that the girl was fine & excited about it, just froze. She never said a word and turned and walked out of the gym. I could have died right there. I should have kept my mouth shut and I still feel horrible. Now I am wondering if I should text her to apologize to her. I certainly did not mean to hurt her feelings or be ugly in any way. I was trying to be positive about it. What should I do?

Wishing I could turn back time & do a do-over.

 

[Deesknee]

IMO, let it lie. Be supportive of the girl would be the best way to show you truly are sorry she didn't make cheer squad. I would suggest maybe going to a few of her dance competitions and cheering for her. IMO, not making the team (whatever the sport) is a life lesson. Sometimes, it's the parents that need the lesson.

 

[chskover]

I remember those days of tryouts. I am glad we never have to go through that again. My daughter's friend did not make it the one year and my daughter did but was ready to quit. Both girls were good, but girls that were friends of the coaches made the squad. The coaches were not big fans of me or the other mom.(Its so political). If I were you, when you see this mom again, just say you are sorry if you affended her the last time you spoke. You were trying to be positive in at a negative time. Sometimes you just have to move on.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Thank you both. I think you are right, I need to let it go. I am sure if my DD didn't make it, no one would even be concerned. We are planning to go to her dance tryout to support her. The girls also agreed not to wear the Cheerleader shirts that they got when they made it, today to school. Trying no to rub it in. I thought tryouts were rough. lol

 

[EKW]

Why do you feel bad? This woman's lack of social skills caused the problem, not your question. Wouldn't surprise me if part of the reason the girl didn't make the team in the first place is because the coaches know what the mother is like and didn't want to deal with her drama all season!

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Why do you feel bad? This woman's lack of social skills caused the problem, not your question. Wouldn't surprise me if part of the reason the girl didn't make the team in the first place is because the coaches know what the mother is like and didn't want to deal with her drama all season!

Thank you for saying that. A friend and I were talking earlier and we both said that we felt like we were walking on egg shells around her. The night of tryouts other mothers warned us to stay away from her, & I guess they ment for a while. I still feel like I should have sat there and not said a word. It just seemed rude to do that though.

 

[barnaby1]

I am not quite sure in what way you should feel any guilt. You asked a reasonable question. The other Mum has the issue.

 

[scrappingizlife]

I know what it's like not to make the cheer squad. She shouldn't have been so cold with you. There is always next year. I tried out for Cheerleading for 7th grade. I didn't make it, which made me not try out for 8th grade. But when I got to high school, I was on the squad all 4 years, for both football and basketball, except Jr year, I was only on Football. My senior year, I went to regionals (placed 1st), state (placed 3rd), and nationals (placed 8th). I was so happy that not making it in Jr high didn't stop me from trying out for high school.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I know what it's like not to make the cheer squad. She shouldn't have been so cold with you. There is always next year. I tried out for Cheerleading for 7th grade. I didn't make it, which made me not try out for 8th grade. But when I got to high school, I was on the squad all 4 years, for both football and basketball, except Jr year, I was only on Football. My senior year, I went to regionals (placed 1st), state (placed 3rd), and nationals (placed 8th). I was so happy that not making it in Jr high didn't stop me from trying out for high school.

That's what I told my DD before tryouts. I told her that if she didn't make it we would hit the gym hard and work as hard as we could to do better next year. In this case, her DD is lucky because she can tryout for the dance team. My DD didn't have the training for that.

When we got to the gym today she spoke to no one except the people who run the gym. I didn't stay but when I came back the other mothers were sitting around talking about booking the rooms for cheer camp and I just joined in with them. She never looked at me and that's fine. I did ask my friend if she had gone to the school to check the scores and she believed that she had. She said she only talked to the coaches & she did see her tear up. I hate it, but like you said, there is always next year and it's time to move on and focus on getting better. I hope she is better soon.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Sounds like the mom is taking it harder than the daughter. We all want our kids to do well and not have to face disappointment but, as parents, we have to remember that it does happen and our kids can learn from it. I feel a little bad for the daughter that her mom is taking it so poorly. This is the time for the mom to be positive and encouraging to her daughter. Treat it as a learning experience but encourage her to keep trying until she is successful. It think it's great that the girl wants to try out for the dance team and didn't just give up, despite her mom's attitude. I think it's best to just let the mom deal with it. You said nothing wrong and don't owe her any kind of apology or explanation.

 

[Blessed99]

Hi! I just wanted to offer you a hug . You sound like such a compassionate person! I know its hard, but I wouldn't let the other moms attitude offend me! It sounds like you did not do anything wrong! And I don't feel like you owe her an apology, if anything the other way around! I think the mom was just wearing her feelings on her shoulders. For whatever reason, she may be embarrased more than anything. I would just leave it alone and see what happens!

 

[StephMK]

I'm going to go another direction and say what is the harm if you explain yourself to her. Especially if your DDs are friends. She obviously didn't know what you'd heard and might have thought you were making a catty comment, kwim? Of course, you weren't, but an upset mom might not get that.

I don't agree that she is taking it harder than her DD. She may just be really disappointed for her. As the mom of a DD who had to watch all of her friends make show choir as freshman and she didn't, it's hard to see your child so hurt. Even her partner who wasn't even sure she wanted to join, got in & my DD didn't. So please don't think she was being cold. It could be she walked out so you didn't see her cry.

Happily, DD did make this last year & has loved being part of the group. DD did work hard all year waiting for tryouts to come around again. I cried when I found out because I knew how badly she wanted to be in the group. Just because her mom is upset for her, does not mean she's overreacting or being childish.

 

[kimgg]

I would play it by ear. If she seems open to talking next time you see her, you could be the bigger person and apologize. I am sure she was hurt or whatever but it is certainly not your fault. But I personally would not put my neck out to be cut off again for no reason if she acts standoffish. She was at fault in my opinion. Let things blow over and once she is back to "normal" act like nothing happened and make chit chat to show you don't hold hard feelings. That is what I would do (and have done in similar situations). She is the one who should really apologize to you.

Take care.

And congratulations on your daughter's success! You and she should be proud and not have to feel bad. (That mom should take lesson in being a good sport, she is teaching her child to be a sore loser). I admire your compassion, it is a valuable thing I wish more people had.

 

[ShannonMB]

OP, I agree that you seem like a very warm and caring person to be so concerned for someone else's feelings. I don't think you did a single thing wrong, and for that reason, I don't think you owe an apology. I do agree with a PP that once the smoke clears and you see this other mom again, just chit chat like you normally would and let her take the lead on whether she wants to discuss the matter further.

I also agree with a PP that it's a possibility that this girl didn't make the team because the coaches find her mom to be too much of a liability. This can really be a lesson to all of us (at least I know it is for me as my DD gets more into competitive dance and will *before I know it* approach the age of school tryouts!). Note to self -- don't be a PITA and in your over-zealousness, end up alienating the people who make the decisions!

I think another take-home here is how to react when your child is in the position of being disappointed by something like this. Of course we all want our kids to excel in their choice of activities - and I can see where my heart would just absolutely *ache* for my DD if/when this happens to her. But I personally am going to make sure that she knows that I am disappointed FOR her, not IN her. The way this mom is carrying on, I feel like the daughter might start to feel like her mom is disappointed in her for not making the squad -- and how awful would it be for her to have to shoulder her own disappointment on top of having to feel like she let her mom down?

Sorry so long, but I found this topic very interesting and thought provoking!

 

[dizcrazee]

Just because her mom is upset for her, does not mean she's overreacting or being childish.

I disagree - this mom was definitely overreacting and being childish if she rudely walked away from OP after being asked a polite question. OP was simply expressing concern and trying to be positive. It doesn't matter how upset she was, she shouldn't have responded so rudely. I agree that it's possible her daughter didn't make the squad because of the mom's behavior and attitude.

OP, I agree with others that this is one of those times when the less said, the better. Let it go and just keep being nice and polite, as you have been doing. However, I would kind of distance myself from this mom.