"Open Casket" when it should have been "Closed Casket"

[Stella3]

This is inspired by another thread (where a girl was shown in an open casket after lying in a shallow grave for 1 week) that I did not want to hijack, but it made me start thinking.

When I was a teenager, one of my friends was in a horrible wreck and she was decapitated. Her parents decided to have an open casket. My parents told me NOT to look at her, but I told them I would be fine, it was no big deal.

Boy was I wrong. She was dressed in a turtle neck and there was a fine mesh over the casket, but.....you could still see everything. Her hands were almost black and I could see a large gash above her ear.

I had nightmares for months after that. In fact, it affected me so adversely that I have never viewed another dead body and I have made it known to my loved ones, that I want to be cremated.

So, does anyone else have any "bad open casket" stories, or am I the only morbid one tonight?

 

[goofinoff]

That is terrible. I'm surprised her parents wanted to see her like that. I had a neighbor die when she was 16 in a car accident and her parents had the casket closed with a beautiful picture of her on it. I was glad about that. I wouldn't want to remember her that way.
We went to a wake for the brother of a friend who committed suicide. He put a gun to his head and they had the casket opened. You could definately tell where the gun wound was. Creeped me out.

 

[breezy1077]

We knew someone in our industry that died at a young age. He was in an automobile accident and a guardrail impaled him. They tried to save him at the hospital, but he died later that day.

They had an open casket and he was so swollen that he didn't even look like himself. He also was so swollen that the stitching the embalmer did on his lips was pulling so you could see that his mouth was sewn shut - kinda.

I'll never forget it. Not the way I'd want to be remembered.

 

[breezy1077]

or am I the only morbid one tonight?

You did see my "last meal" thread didn't you?

 

[Rellagirl]

Why do people do that??? I personally find it hard enough to view someone who died of natural causes. I can't approach an open casket after seeing my brother's remains. Maybe the family believes that having an open casket will somehow alleviate their grief, or perhaps they feel that this is the way it is done.

 

[Jennasis]

About a week before my HS graduation, one of my very good friends and her father were killed while riding their motorcycle (Dad was driving and daughter was sitting behind him when he collided head on with a truck while trying to pass another truck).

Dad's coffin was closed. Her's should've been. Her hands were so badly mangled and crushed that they tried to stuff them into little lacy gloves...but we could see it all. Plus the thick pancake makeup they put on her was doin little to conceal her many facial lacerations.

 

[Becky2005]

Oh my!! Nope...all the ones that were open casket were ones that were fine for that.

The ones that it would not have been good for open casket have been closed.

I know the funeral home gives big suggestions on that but I suppose they have to follow the families wishes even if they know it would not be a good idea.

 

[3jsmommy]

I think that if the family chooses it to be an open casket & you can't handle it...don't go up!

I guarantee the family did not "want to see her like that"!?
No doubt wanted to see her anyway BUT that way, but since that was their reality, they chose to face it.

Maybe they thought she was beautiful regardless, maybe they needed to accept reality, maybe they wanted everyone to say goodbye.
Who knows what the reasons are for an open casket, sometimes in a time tragedy you are too shocked to make any decisions, so they are made for you.

Anyway my point is that I think this thread's in bad taste, just be thankful that you never had to make a horrible decision like open or closed.

 

[goofinoff]

I think that if the family chooses it to be an open casket & you can't handle it...don't go up!

I guarantee the family did not "want to see her like that"!?
No doubt wanted to see her anyway BUT that way, but since that was their reality, they chose to face it.

Maybe they thought she was beautiful regardless, maybe they needed to accept reality, maybe they wanted everyone to say goodbye.
Who knows what the reasons are for an open casket, sometimes in a time tragedy you are too shocked to make any decisions, so they are made for you.

Anyway my point is that I think this thread's in bad taste, just be thankful that you never had to make a horrible decision like open or closed.

Wow...just a discussion. Why would you post on a thread you found to be in bad taste? Sorry if it offends you.

 

[Stella3]

I think that if the family chooses it to be an open casket & you can't handle it...don't go up!

I guarantee the family did not "want to see her like that"!?
No doubt wanted to see her anyway BUT that way, but since that was their reality, they chose to face it.

Maybe they thought she was beautiful regardless, maybe they needed to accept reality, maybe they wanted everyone to say goodbye.
Who knows what the reasons are for an open casket, sometimes in a time tragedy you are too shocked to make any decisions, so they are made for you.

Anyway my point is that I think this thread's in bad taste, just be thankful that you never had to make a horrible decision like open or closed.

It's reality and if you don't like it, don't open the thread. I HAVE had to make that decision, not that it is any of your concern nor does it have any bearing on this thread whatsoever.

 

[Cantw8]

If only been to one open casket service and YES, it left a lasting memory I would never subject my friends and loved ones to staring at my corpse in a casket hell, I don't even want to be in one Just throw me in the cooker and start the banana: Everyone can bring a gross picture in my honor

 

[minniebeth]

About a year ago, one of the employees of my business had a 4yr. old daughter that was beaten to death by her boyfriend. It was an open casket and her precious head, ears and face were cosmetically covered, but not enough so that you couldn't see the injuries. It was the most heartbreaking experience I've ever encountered, including the death of many of my own relatives due to the innocent little life lost. I understand the need for families having an open casket, but in my opinion NOT to go up would be disrespectful (for me). But it does leave a lasting impression that will not be forgotten.

 

[C.Ann]

I think that if the family chooses it to be an open casket & you can't handle it...don't go up!

I guarantee the family did not "want to see her like that"!?
No doubt wanted to see her anyway BUT that way, but since that was their reality, they chose to face it.

Maybe they thought she was beautiful regardless, maybe they needed to accept reality, maybe they wanted everyone to say goodbye.
Who knows what the reasons are for an open casket, sometimes in a time tragedy you are too shocked to make any decisions, so they are made for you.

Anyway my point is that I think this thread's in bad taste, just be thankful that you never had to make a horrible decision like open or closed.

----------------------

Well I am a family member - and when my younger brother died in a motorcycle accident in June of 2006, I feel very strongly that the casket should have been closed.. His body had been held for over a week (because his wife wanted to use the church for the viewing as opposed to a funeral home) and his entire body was horribly discolored.. I saw him right after he died (in the ER) and he looked fine - like he was simply taking a nap.. You have no idea how badly I wish that was my last memory of him.. People actually gasped when they looked in the casket - and several people (family members) even went so far as to question if that was really him..

 

[goofinoff]

About a year ago, one of the employees of my business had a 4yr. old daughter that was beaten to death by her boyfriend. It was an open casket and her precious head, ears and face were cosmetically covered, but not enough so that you couldn't see the injuries. It was the most heartbreaking experience I've ever encountered, including the death of many of my own relatives due to the innocent little life lost. I understand the need for families having an open casket, but in my opinion NOT to go up would be disrespectful (for me). But it does leave a lasting impression that will not be forgotten.

I agree. That's how I was raised. My friend lost her sister a couple of years ago. She died suddenly in her sleep so it wasn't a violent death. The funeral home did such a terrible job on her that in between the two visiting times, my friend redid her makeup and hair!

 

[breezy1077]

Just throw me in the cooker and start the banana: Everyone can bring a gross picture in my honor

That's how I want it too...sans gross picture - instead, they can bring an appetizer.

 

[goofinoff]

----------------------

Well I am a family member - and when my younger brother died in a motorcycle accident in June of 2006, I feel very strongly that the casket should have been closed.. His body had been held for over a week (because his wife wanted to use the church for the viewing as opposed to a funeral home) and his entire body was horribly discolored.. I saw him right after he died (in the ER) and he looked fine - like he was simply taking a nap.. You have no idea how badly I wish that was my last memory of him.. People actually gasped when they looked in the casket - and several people (family members) even went so far as to question if that was really him..

 

[DawnCt1]

I think that if the family chooses it to be an open casket & you can't handle it...don't go up!

I guarantee the family did not "want to see her like that"!?
No doubt wanted to see her anyway BUT that way, but since that was their reality, they chose to face it.

Maybe they thought she was beautiful regardless, maybe they needed to accept reality, maybe they wanted everyone to say goodbye.
Who knows what the reasons are for an open casket, sometimes in a time tragedy you are too shocked to make any decisions, so they are made for you.

Anyway my point is that I think this thread's in bad taste, just be thankful that you never had to make a horrible decision like open or closed.

I agree with this. It provides a "finality" to a horrible situation. Its an opportunity to say goodbye, in whatever way the family needs to. The wake is for the family and the loved ones to do what they feel is right. No one else should judge.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Last week I lost my nana. She died at 90 in her sleep, peacefully. I was glad they had an open casket because the last time I saw her alive, she had looked sickly and sad. In her casket she looked peaceful and like she was sleeping. I found peace in it. I think a lot of my family did. Many of us commented on how at peace she looked. I know it sounds odd to say it, but I'd rather my last glimpse of her be what I saw last week and not what I saw 3 weeks ago.

Depends on the situation.

I think if there is a gaping wound, or some other disfigurment from a violent death, it would be disturbing. But might also leave a lasting impression of the results of car accidents and maybe make people think a bit more carefully.

 

[3jsmommy]

It's reality and if you don't like it, don't open the thread. I HAVE had to make that decision, not that it is any of your concern nor does it have any bearing on this thread whatsoever.

Your thread title says "should have been closed" how do you decide if the casket should have been closed?
It's a very personal decision & just because you were uncomfortable with an open casket doesn't make it wrong!

I'm sorry but the comment about "the parents wanting to see their daughter that way" really irked me, maybe after identifying their child in the morgue, the way she looked after they fixed her up was comforting in some way to them.

 

[Jennasis]

I think that if the family chooses it to be an open casket & you can't handle it...don't go up!

I guarantee the family did not "want to see her like that"!?
No doubt wanted to see her anyway BUT that way, but since that was their reality, they chose to face it.

Maybe they thought she was beautiful regardless, maybe they needed to accept reality, maybe they wanted everyone to say goodbye.
Who knows what the reasons are for an open casket, sometimes in a time tragedy you are too shocked to make any decisions, so they are made for you.

Anyway my point is that I think this thread's in bad taste, just be thankful that you never had to make a horrible decision like open or closed.

I understand where you're coming from. In my case though, my friend was a graduating HS senior so the ENTIRE senior class (as well as most of the underclassmen...about 1200 kids in total) showed up for the viewing along with their parents, siblings and nearly the entire school district.

It was quite traumatic for us kids at the time. I remember seeing her boyfriend sitting in the corner, surrounded by his friends, hysterical. He was physically unable to go up to the casket.