Only have one child or are you an only child..stop here..

[ThreeMusketeers]

Just wondering what your family dynamic is like? If you are a grown Only wondering if you were happy with that and how close you are with your parents.
Looks like we are going to have an only. DD is 5, we have been trying for number 2 for over a year and we are about to be done with trying. But I am wondering what the future life of an only is like.

What are the perks?? (aside from multiple disney trips of course! =)

 

[MousekaMaddi]

My Mom AND my Dad are both only children , I have a bro so Im not an only child but weve tried to have children for 17 years and have only one DD5 and it looks like SHE will be an only child...........my parents begged us not to make her an only child as they both were...but it doesnt look good, weve tried everything!!

 

[js092097]

I was an only and I loved it! I am very close to my mother. As long as I did stuff with friends or was involved at church, I was never lonely. The only thing I don't like about it is not having an "aunt" or "uncle" on my side. My husband has a sister, but she is one of the reasons we are only having one (we don't want to chance having a kid like her ) We also have 1 little boy (3 yr old) and he will be all, by choice. Every now and then I have pangs of guilt, until his cousins or friends come over. Then I feel guilt for not spending enough time with him! Oh well!

 

[Aliceacc]

I'm from a large family (5 kids) and we have 3 of our own. So I won't enter any arguements either way-- there are a zillion on either side.

But my oldest was adopted when we weren't have any luck with getting pregnant (then I got pregnant with both of my girls... go figure!)

I just wanted to mention the option-- please PM me if you need some info.

Best wishes either way!

 

[Charleyann]

Only one child here. I think with one child you can afford more. Education, trips, etc....

My DS is completely happy being an only child. He is 11 years old and very Happy. He likes being able to go to Disney often. His friends with siblings, some of them only dream of going. I have heard from parents with more then one child and say the cost are so high. It is hard to py for extra curricular activites with big families...

I guess it is a personal choice!

Charleyann

 

[jenb1023]

We have one child, DD 4, and she is it for us by choice. We spent a lot of time weighing the pros and cons but for our family it is the right choice and we are very happy with our decision!

She has cousins close in age on both sides and plenty of friends so I don't worry about her being "alone" if something happened to both of us.

What bugs me is how judgemental people are when you choose to have an only child. I don't ask why you had more kids so don't tell me my child needs a sibling!

It is actually funny - we have never coached her or discussed it with her but when people ask her if she wants a brother or sister she says no. I think even at the age of 4 she realizes how good she has it by being an only!

 

[jodifla]

I'm an only child, as is DS.

As with anything there are pluses and minuses. My parents and I were quite close. I see that same kind of relationship developing with DS.

I have several close friends I've had since childhood. I think you seek out those type of really meaningful relationships when you're an only child.

 

[Sandi]

Our DD is 13 and an only. She is the most well adjusted, confident and caring child I know. Both DH and I come from families of 4 children and all our brothers and sisters have at least 2 children each. So, plenty of cousins of all ages. We really enjoy the calm and quiet of our home after visiting them! DD's friends love to come to our house, too. We (DH and I) actually play board games with them, etc. At their homes, parents are too busy with younger siblings, etc.

And, yes, the twice annual trips to WDW probably wouldn't happen had we had more children.

 

[trayletha]

I have a DD who will be 9 this year and has been an only - although we recently found out that is going to change. We were pretty happy with our one - it took 7 years of practice to produce her and we sort of figured she'd be it for us. We were pretty happy with that situation, although she is the only grandchild on both sides as well, we have friends with children and once she started school she made friends of her own too. She has really enjoyed being an only - especially after a visit to a friends home who has siblings. I hope she enjoys being a big sister too.

The biggest pluses for having an only that I've seen, is that all of the parents resources - time, money, attention are expended on only the one child. Of course that could be a negative too, depending on the temperament of the parents and the child. I've had friends tell me that have children 9 years apart will be almost like raising two only children, we will see.

 

[PaulaSue]

Both DH and I are onlies. I hated it and he was fine with it. My parents fought all the time and used me in the fights. Dh traveled a lot and got the "perks" of being an only.

Now he is not so happy (sees my point of having a few kids, we tried to get them close as poss so they would have someone to relate to) with being an only with our parents aging and our kids have no aunts/uncles/cousins to grow up like we did.

There is no "perfect" way.

 

[Robmom]

I am an only child. My dad is an only child. My DD was for 12 years and then DS came along. I always wanted a sibling. I had plenty of friends, but there was always that feeling that I needed a brother or sister. My mom had a miscarriage after me, and then never tried again. I'm so happy that even though there is a large age gap between my kids, that they will be there for eachother. My dad is 80 and alone and it would have been nice for him to have a sibling to be there for him now. But like the others said, there are pros and cons either way.

 

[Disney Fool]

Although it is a personal choice, I will share my experience with you. I am an only child. My mother was a wonderful mother, and I was extremely close to her. She had the time to do many things with me, and was not distracted. It was not her choice, she would have loved having more. She seemed to flourish as a Mom. No, I wasn't "spoiled" as most folks thought about only-children. I was punished just like everyone else. After all, there wasn't anyone else to pin the blame on!!! I had chores to do around the house. My dad gave me an allowance of a quarter for each shirt I ironed for him. (he had 15 shirts ) I took out the trash, washed the dishes, swept the floors, etc. The advantage was that I had all my parents' attention. They didn't smother me, and they were good at being parents. On the downside, I was lonely. But, I countered that feeling with many trips to visit cousins of the same age, and sleep-overs with friends. I am not an introvert. I was very shy when I was small, but my mother helped me to overcome my shyness, and by age 8 I was a chatterbox! I excelled in school--again, my mother was available to help me with homework. I'm a well-adjusted adult --at least I think so (not on anti-depressants, don't smoke, not OCD, sleep well) except I do have this problem, I'm addicted to the DIS!

 

[Worfiedoodles]

I am an only child, and I am the mother of an only child, ds9. I was very close to my mom, and since she has passed I'm still quite close to my dad. I was always mature for my age, and I knew how to behave around adults. DS has an advanced vocabulary, because we are his primary conversation partners.

I am adopted, so clearly my parents chose to have one child. My mom was the oldest of 12, and she had already "raised" a brood. She wanted to be able to have a relationship that she didn't -- she wasn't very close to her parents (although I think that's more a reflection of them as individuals than the number of children).

Anyway, I thought I wanted 3 kids, but with waiting to establish ourselves, moving cross country, etc., we find ourselves with one child. It is true, he absolutely has advantages he would not if he had siblings. He goes to private school, we go on great vacations, we are able to afford a good amount of house for our area -- we just couldn't do this if we we're taking care of two. His college fund would also probably be half of what it is.

He is very happy as an only, he realizes he gets alot more attention, as well as the material goods.

So, those are the reasons it works for us. It really is a very personal decision. I would not tell someone to only have one child if their heart is set on more, but if one works for your family, there is nothing wrong with that.

Oh! As an only who has lost a parent -- I always thought I had to get married (when I was about 10!), so I would have someone to help me when my parents passed. Well, I ended up being without dh for about 4 days when my mom passed, and I made it. I don't subscribe to the theory that you need to have more than one child to take care of you or each other. DH and his two sisters have absolutely nothing in common and are not close in any way, so having those siblings has not been a benefit for him.

I work in a department of 3 people, all only children. We are all very independent, self-starters, and we function well together because we have that self-reliance. We also understand that sometimes we just need our own space.

I get great peace from alone time, and I'm never bored. I learned at an early age to entertain myself. It's not all sunshine and roses -- of course I had to learn to compromise, and share. If you are going to have an only, just make sure they get plenty of opportunity for socialization, and I'm sure you will raise a happy, well-adjusted child.

 

[Fintastic]

We have one child (DD who is almost four). So far we really like having just one. I'm the oldest of six so I've seen both sides of the fence!

 

[mommytobug]

I love this thread! DD is an only child. She is turning 9 next month. She is adopted. I dreamed of having a house full. I love being a Mom. She is very well adjusted, independent, loves to play with friends, loves to be alone, and we love to travel together (Mommy and me trips). That being said, we have tried to adopt again. In 2003, we had a failed adoption that costs us thousands. We were called again this year by an agency and our baby died within 24 hours of birth. So, sometimes she says she wants a sibling and others it is a strong NO. She is happy either way. I hate she has experienced the pain we have with these other adoptions. My brother and I were very close growing up. That changed when he got married and had kids. My dh cant stand his sister and still cant but loves his niece. So, in his opinion, our dd has it made. He is happy with one or two. God has a plan and if it is one then I am so thankful for that one. Becoming a parent was very difficult for us. We feel blessed and she does too.

 

[mom2aredhead]

A word of warning: This is kind of a hot-button issue for me.

We have an only by choice. My son will be 4 next month. I am 38 and my husband just turned 40. I had a hard time getting pregnant the first time and suffered from fairly bad PPD afterwords. We decided shortly after my son was born that it just felt right being a family of three. BUT, the poor thing was barely eating solids and people were asking me when I was having another one. We have been lectured, bothered and badgered by family and friends that feel like us not having another child equates to child abuse. They throw all the stereotypes at us - tell me my son will be spoiled, anti-social, shy, lonely, etc. Its very frustrating.

I was 1 of 3 kids, and he was 1 of 4. We both love our siblings, but looking back, growing up in the controlled chaos that is lifw with 3 or 4 kids under age 5, it was not always fun. As the oldest I always had to "help" with the younger ones and was forced to live by the mantra "all of you or none of you". My husband was 1 of the 2 middle ones that was always kind of lost in the crowd and never got that much attention. Believe me, I'm sure that our parents did the very best that they could. And I'm sure that every parent of 3 and 4 kids that is reading this is thinking "I give my middle ones lots of attention" and "I treat all of my kids like the independent little people they are". I'm sure you do. I'm just telling you my experience.

My son tells people he has a brother (his stuffed giraffe) and a sister (his doll) and sometimes it makes me a little sad, BUT...then I see other families that have 3 and 4 kids and I am very happy with our decision. We genuinely enjoy spending time together as a family, and I think the dynamic would be completely different if we were more than 3. I don't want to "get through" my kid's childhood. I don't want to "juggle" or "manage" my kids, and I don't want to have to rely on my parents or inlaws for help (financial and otherwise) because I've gotten in over my head like so many large families I know. (Again, if you're reading this, and you are a large family, I am not talking about YOU personally or generalizing about ALL large families.)

My son has cousins, friends in preschool, neighbors, and he is very outgoing and social. I am completely convinced that he will be fine without me having to give birth to a friend for him. (I know that sounds a little bitter, but like I said, it's an issue for me and my family) I can't tell you how many times have you been with another parent that says something like "you're so lucky you only have one" or "you're son is so good, just wait 'til the next one comes along, you're doomed." Or my personal favorite "you only have 1 - do you want to take one of mine home with you?" Ummm...no thanks.

 

[Manda]

I'm not an only, but my Dad is, my husband is, and my child is. My husband loved being an only. He's very, very close to his parents and always has been. He's never once in his life wished that he had a sibling and he never even considered having more than one child because he was so happy as an only child. I love our family dynamic now with our one child. I think it's absolutely perfect.

 

[Fintastic]

I was 1 of 3 kids, and he was 1 of 4. We both love our siblings, but looking back, growing up in the controlled chaos that is lifw with 3 or 4 kids under age 5, it was not always fun. As the oldest I always had to "help" with the younger ones and was forced to live by the mantra "all of you or none of you". My husband was 1 of the 2 middle ones that was always kind of lost in the crowd and never got that much attention. Believe me, I'm sure that our parents did the very best that they could. And I'm sure that every parent of 3 and 4 kids that is reading this is thinking "I give my middle ones lots of attention" and "I treat all of my kids like the independent little people they are". I'm sure you do. I'm just telling you my experience.

I understand totally. In my previous post I mentioned I’m the oldest of six, and when we were growing up there was never enough time or money to go around. And of course being the oldest I was the built-in (free) babysitter. I love having a more relaxed home life. More kids = more chaos.

My son tells people he has a brother (his stuffed giraffe) and a sister (his doll) and sometimes it makes me a little sad, BUT...then I see other families that have 3 and 4 kids and I am very happy with our decision.

DD tells anybody who will listen that she has a baby sister who lives at the hospital. But she's been doing this since she was two, so I don't think it's out of a fierce wish to have a sibling. She just knows that the hospital is where babies come from.

 

[ITmickey]

Hi!
I'm an only child, and I think it has been great. The only thing I think I missed is to develope more social and negotiation skills, which I see many people develop as a result of having to get along with one or more brothers/sisters. However I have worked into that area and have improved, so I think it was no biggie after all.

 

[Skyw]

I have a DS who is 4. He is it for me. I am 41 now. I am fine with the decision and my son doesn't really ask for a sibling. He has friends and plenty of family. However, we have always said that if we change our mind...there are plenty of kids already out there to adopt. So I don't sweat it. I feel absolutely blessed that I was lucky enough to have my son in my life!!!! How lucky it is that I get to be his mom.