One of my biggest pet peeves.

[BabyPiglet]

Example;

"My grandma died last night."
"Aw, I'm sorry. My dog died last year, it's really rough."

Or-

"I would like you to know that I'm gay."
"Oh, that's cool. My second cousin twice removed is gay. I totally understand."

It's like, no, you don't understand. Just because you know a black person, or a gay person, or a polka-dotted person, doesn't mean you know what they're going through. Or if you knew someone once who was depressed, you don't know what it's like to be depressed.

Just because someone comes to you with a problem, doesn't mean they want you to 'relate' to them. Maybe they just want someone to listen to, or a friendly hug. It's not always about understanding.

/rant.

 

[imabrat]

Just wondering, but why do you think that because of their status in my (or anyone's family) that I'm not close to them?
I'm closer to my dog than I am to my grandma. Big whoop. When my dog dies, I'll definitely cry for her more than I did for my grandma. So in a way, if someone's grandma died, I'd probably use the dog reference.

Sorry, but that's one of my peeves. When someone DOES understand but someone refuses to realize that. I went thru this recently.

I knew a girl with the same thing I did. I know that I needed someone to talk to so I wanted to do that to her. She would always say "just because you have the same thing doesn't mean you know how I feel". She even went as far as to ask me if I could email her instead of myspace comments because "she didnt want anyone seeing our convos". AKA she was embarrassed.

 

[questionmark]

one of my biggest pet peeves is when people go to others for comfort and then are unappreciative when they try their best to help.

 

[chisnpeke]

Usually, if I tell someone something similar that I've gone through it's because I don't know what else to say. I don't want to just say "I'm sorry to hear that" because that just seems cold to me. If someone says "my grandma died last night" I AM going to say "I'm so sorry. I know how that feels" because I DO know how it feels!

To me, loss is loss. If your dog dies you still feel the pain so you do in a way know what it feels like. So in Jenny's example of a person losing their grandma and someone coming back with they have lost their dog, I would probably say "I'm so sorry. I know how it feels to have lost someone or something you loved." If the person asked how I dealt with it I would just say what the situation was then.

 

[BabyPiglet]

Forget I posted, I shouldn't have. I'm not in the mood tonight.

 

[imabrat]

Jenny I wasn't trying to be mean. I just wanted to know why you thought that when it's totally not true?

 

[DramaGirl]

I agree with you, Jenny. I totally see where you're coming from.

 

[bananda]

its hard when people turn everything around and make it all about them

 

[PurpleDucky]

What happened Jenny?
PM?

 

[chisnpeke]

Forget I posted, I shouldn't have. I'm not in the mood tonight.

I see where you're coming from. I was just trying to explain why someone might say something that. There are many reasons someone might say something like that in a situation like you described. I don't think that people are trying to make it all about them if they do that, just trying to tell the other person that they've been there.

I hope your mood brightens tomorrow Jenny! We've all had those days.

 

[imagineer4life]

i see what you mean though too. its like if someone says they know how a crippled person feels because they have been in a wheelchair before.. you really dont know how they feel..

but i also get what you mean by your having a bad day. i hope you feel better.

 

[jasonpwns]

If my cat dies I will feel sad just as if my grandma died (which she did 3 years ago) My cat is 9 years old and losing him would be a void hard to fill. Losing a pet is hard if you have had it for so long, I couldn't imagine coming home and not have my cat to pet and hear it purr.

 

[Babyjustrun]

I see where you're both coming from.
And I'm a hypocrite, so one time I will feel like Jenny when something like that happens, and another time I'll feel like Sonya.

It just depends on my mood I guess.

 

[MusicRocker11]

that's cpmpletley understandable. It can be annoying at times, but you have to undersatnd that that's there way of saying their sorry.

 

[K-Shong99]

i see it both ways.
i hate when i am trying to make someone feel better and they blow me off, but i also hate when i am saying something really heart felt and people are like, "ohhhh, that happened to my cousin."
it can go both ways.
depends on what mood i'm in.

 

[That_Australian_Kid]

i know what you mean.

So i was in the principals office being told about how someones brother had commited. ANd I went back to class and told my friend ~person 2~

me: Yeah.. ~person 1s~ brother died *tears*
~person 2~: No way! thats three days before y dads death anniversary *starts to tears*
~person 3~ (total chime in btw): Oh im sorry guys! I know hwo you feel, my friends grandma died a few days ago.


la di da.