But...not Snakes. On a Plane.
Because... although I'm a big fan of Samuel L. Jackson (that man can REALLY swear fluidly, btw)... the IDEA of that movie ALONE. Is too much for me.
It would give me nightmares, quaking fits of fear and a heart condition. Plus... I'd probably lose an earing.
Or three.
Why, exactly, ARE there snakes on that plane?
I'm sure wouldn't suffer from prolongued fits of ennui. But... not in a good way. TFI.
Oh. Sorry.
That was redundant.
As usual.
Now then: Tommy and I were playing Pickles On a Plane.
Which is pretty fun.
Because pickles can get up to some wacky stuff. When they are in pairs. And they talk. To each. Other.
Our pickles don't have speech impetiments, tho. (just spelling impediments) Which I know is going to cause ZZUB some ennui.
Too bad.
Our pickles talk like Bob and Doug McKenzie.
'Cause they're Canadian.
For example:
Pickle Beaver (Tommy): Hi Pickle Turtle! What are you doing?
Pickle Turtle (Me): I'm looking at a hoser. Of a pickle. Eh.
Pickle Beaver: Take off, Mommy, eh. I mean Pickle Turtle.
Pickle Turtle: Take off yourself. Who's YOUR MOMMY?! Now. Get it right. Or... you're in for a mighty steamroller, Pickle Beaver!
Pickle Beaver: Do it. Do it.
(small pickle scuffle on top of the fold-down airplane tray)
Pickle Beaver: I give. I give. Here... I have a treat for you.
Pickle Turtle: Ah... the power of the force has stopped you, Hoser.
Pickle Beaver: Here's your prize Mommy.
Pickle Turtle: What is it young Pickle Jedi?
Pickle Beaver: A...(giggling madly)... jar of PICKLES!!!! Ha, hah, ha!!!
Pickle Turtle: I am not a CANNIBAL! Take OFF!
(much more laughing)
Ok.
No wonder our seatmate, the handsome FLY BOY, looked like he was DYING.
Good time for an iPOD. DUDE. TFI.
And next time... really think about sitting beside a FIVE YEAR OLD.
In advance.
Heh heh.
Our fun was temporarily interrupted by food and beverage service.
We received plenty of peanuts and airplane crackers. Ordered an apple juice... with lid and straw... for Tommy. And a Sprite. For Me(l).
Tommy thought we should play with our food.
And I, heartily, agreed.
We played "Planecrash". With the plane-shaped crackers. For quite a while.
Until it dawned on me that... I was sorta uncomfortable. With the game.
Since we were on a plane and... I hate flying.
TFI.
Plus... I think our PILOT seatmate. Was offended.
But... I tried to include him, nonetheless. Saying, "Want to play Cracker Planecrash? Don't worry, Dude, we have all the confidence in the world in YOUR skillz. Though."
"No thank-you. But... thanks... for... asking. Again."
No prob.
Now then.
We were covered with crumbs and Tommy decided to settle down and eat the peanuts.
So... I pulled out my Trip Reporter Notebook.
Because: I am a TRIPE REPORTER, damn it. Not an ANIMAL!
I decided to messily write down what had happened so far. (but not quite as messily as Mr. Silli).
In our Disney trip.
Then I decided to write down a conversation between me and Tommy.
On the plane.
So I asked him:
Me: Tommy, what do you think of our adventure so far?
Tommy: You poopty me.
Sigh.
Put the book away. For now.
We realized that we were descending into Baltimore.
And watched the lights of the city rushing up to meet us.
Now...THIS... is something I will always remember. From our trip.
Tommy was SO into the landing. He was turned COMPLETELY towards the window. His little hands and face pressed against it. In awe.
He turned towards me before we touched down and his eyes seemed as big as the two windows themselves.
"MOMMY! THIS IS COOL!!!"
I smiled. This IS cool. And you're not afraid.
And I'm not so scared. Either.
Funny that.
Our FLY BOY said "Bye".
And hightailed it out of the plane.
Like it was full of snakes.
And Tommy and I decided to switch seats.
To the other side of the plane.
Different perspective. And no crumbs.
All good.
He took the window seat again.
Fine by me.
Some people boarded and then we were off. Again. Tommy's face pressed, in wonder, on the window. AGAIN. Marvelling at the fact that he was flying.
Like a bird.
I know this because he said, "Mommy! I'm pretending I'm a bird!"
Also...
Tommy wondered why no one was sitting beside us this time.
Don't know. Really.
But there was a little tiny baby on her mom's lap right across the aisle from us now.
Who was pretty good with the take-off. Until her soother fell out of her mouth and rolled down the middle of the aisle.
Away.
From her.
Screaming started and everyone leaned over. Looking for the soother.
The flight attendant got on the mike and she said, "We have a lost BINKIE. Can everyone look around their seats. For the BINKIE!".
Heh heh.
I thought it was pretty funny.
Anywho... the BINKIE was finally found... a bunch of people CLAPPED... and delivered. To the little baby.
Mom popped it right back in her mouth.
Without cleaning it off.
Yikes.
I'd, AT LEAST, have wiped it on my pants. For good measure.
Must have been a second child. Or third.
Tommy and I played a little bit of Pickle Guys. Again.
And then he fell asleep.
Slumped towards the window.
I looked through the Sky Mall catalogue.
And decided that I might want to buy a Chocolate Fountain. For happyhaunt parties and get-togethers.
But... then realized I was just bored. Not to the point of ennui. But... bored... nonetheless.
Thankfully we were landing.
Tommy slept right through it all.
And, I have to admit, it wasn't the WORSE flight I'd ever taken.
Actually... it was THE BEST.
Of my life. So far.
With my little BIRD... named Tommy... two PICKLE guys... ONE BINKIE... and NO FREAKIN' SNAKES!!!!
Cheers, Mel.
Up next: The airport, our sweet ride and we arrive at Disney. BWVs. WELCOME HOME!!!!
