OMG!!!Parents are blind to their snowflake children!!! Long

[smidgy]

But if this happened at another neighbor's house and your DD was "in the herd" (though not on the porch or even steps away from the porch) and your neighbor looked out and saw "the herd" they'd include your dd in the group. You know, the ol' "you're known by the company you keep" saying.

another vote here for teaching your child about "group responsibility" there is a young lady in our county doing serious time .. 27 years... in jail, for driving the car after a robbery, in which someone was killed. the girl was 17. claims she didn't know what the others were doing, had no idea they were going to rob the fast food place, only thought they were going in to get something to eat).

12 years old... ding dong ditch... when you get older, the pranks get worse. if you are in a car, and someone in the car has drugs...when you are with a group, as a teen, and someone in the group fights with someone.. maybe some others in the goup "join in" it is hard to say which ones in the group participated, and which wanted nothing to do with it.
maybe this sounds like an exaggeration. but as kids grow older, the "pranks" get bigger. and sometimes you "can" be accused of something, just by being "with" the perpetrator.
by the way, "ding dong ditch" is NOT harmless. if your daughter knowsyou think it is harmless, you can't blame her for possibly participating. (whether or not she's "allowed", I'm sure none of the group are "allowed".)
It was only harmless until it happened to you.
middle school can be a turning point. tell your DD, if your friends are doing things that make you "uneasy", there is probably a reason you are uneasy.

 

[FireDancer]

ummmm, what is ding, dong, ditch?

There is also a very DIS inappropriate name for it.

What the kids did was pretty dumb and immature but to be honest my friends and I did that kind of thing when we were young. We never did the dog poop thing but the little pranks and stuff we did do. It wasn't the nicest thing I guess but going to my door because someone rang the doorbell isn't going to ruin my day. Most the kids don't do it in the middle of the night or anything.

I'd rather that than get egged, rolled, or have my grass turfed so in the grand scheme of childish pranks it is pretty tame.

Now, the parents not believing their kids would do such a thing is pretty naive. My parents were never surprised when we did dumb stuff like that as kids but she wasn't dumb and we weren't exactly angels.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That's what I said would have happened too. My DD and a few other friends had walked off in the other direction before the girl approached the house. MY DH had seen her do that with his own eyes. I tried to blame her for it, but he said she had walked off and the DDD girl and a few others stayed to watch.

Sorry you think mine is a snowflake too, but you would be wrong.

Yes but after my dd cleaned up the poop she would be paying attention to where the troublemaker is going.

It is not so much trying to nail the other girl as it is teaching your dd to watch out for her own house and consequences of troublemaker.

Like pp said, the guilt by association is there. It is something that your dd needs to be taught.

Then again I grew up in a rougher neighborhood and you might have found yourself getting in a bad situation by doing DDD.

It only takes one time for someone crazy to come out with a gun, a vicious dog or something else. You just never know.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I would never have called the other parents unless we were close friends. They will believe their daughter if she is a good liar or manipulator - especially the father (fathers have a hard time thinking poorly of their daughters).

In this situation, I probably would have just cleaned it up, talked to my daughter about the girl that did it, and moved on...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Since you saw your dd there & she did nothing here is my approach.

My own dd would be cleaning up the poop for not stopping the girl.

Probably not going to be the most popular opinion however my dd's know that you protect the homefront. To allow that is just not right.

On top of which you said you didn't allow your dd to DDD and yet she gets to hang with people that do it. That is the same as doing it imo.

There is more than one snowflake here.

This is exactly what my Mom would have done. I agree with it. I would do the same. I also don't get the whole "DD separated from the herd and had no idea" stuff. She knows they DDD then she should not be wandering with them. The end. What if they were out robbing convenvience stores but your dd was not allowed so she just stood outside? I know that is a bit dramatic but essentially it is the same thing. She knows what they are doing and stands there with them. I also do not get why your dd and friends aren't po'd at the dog poop girl for doing that to her own house? Odd.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't think your daughter is a snowflake and don't see why anyone is trying to blame her. As far as her hanging out with kids who do it, so what? None of my kids' friends were perfect. Although I wouldn't let my own kids DDD or TP someone's house, I would not forbid them from being friends with kids who do. Now if the kids were doing drugs or something like that, it's a different story.

I think you and your husband handled things just fine.

If you know that the children are specifically going out to DDD and you think it is okay for your DD to go because you "forbid" her from actually doing it yet she is a bystander who gets to chuckle over it then I am sorry but that is snowflaky. Nobody is saying kids are perfect but if you KNOW the kids are up to no good and you still think it is okay to go out and observe it because your child would "Never" do such a thing then yeah, snowflake.

 

[momx2]

If you know that the children are specifically going out to DDD and you think it is okay for your DD to go because you "forbid" her from actually doing it yet she is a bystander who gets to chuckle over it then I am sorry but that is snowflaky. Nobody is saying kids are perfect but if you KNOW the kids are up to no good and you still think it is okay to go out and observe it because your child would "Never" do such a thing then yeah, snowflake.

First, the only kid that does the DDD is this girl. The kids do not go out to specifically DDD. Sometimes they ride bikes, sometimes they play soccer or football at someone's house, sometimes they just walk and talk, sometimes they go to the school playground to swing and play on the equipment.

Second, my DD did not stand and doesn't stand and chuckle at the DDD. DD has told me numerous times that this particular girl loves to DDD. When she is with her she tells her not to, but she does anyway sometimes. DD's other friends don't do it because they just don't get it either. She didn't know the DDD happened until afterwards and got mad at the girl and told her not to do it anymore because she knows we hate it. At that time my DD did not know she got poop on our porch. She knew the girl stepped in it at some point, but didn't know it was on our porch until after we told her at home.

I don't know if you read the part where I tried to blame my DD, but my DH again I asked him late last night, said she and most of the others had walked on past our house and this girl veered off and did this and then ran to catch up with them. So, this time it wasn't my DD's fault and she didn't know it was happening.

I'll be honest here, I am pretty rough on DD12 sometimes. I have very high expectations for her and she is normally in trouble (with me) more than her friends because I have stricter rules. I have her in many activities to make sure she doesn't have a lot of time on her hands to screw up. I know kids do stupid things, I did my share of them and she is going to do her share of them. The DDD girl is normally a very, very good kid. I think DDD is her way of rebeling to be honest. What I was shocked by was her father thinking my DH lied about the entire thing. When I refer to her as a snowflake, that is what I am talking about. I KNOW my DD has done and will do stupid stuff, this father doesn't believe that about his DD and that is part of my definition of snowflake.

 

[Pamlur]

'Tweens and teens hang out. In a larger group like op's daughter circulates in, there can be several "herdlets" or sub-groups. I'm a grandma, I've seen three generations of it already, my own included.

A, B and C are over sitting on the curb, giggling about boys. D, E, F and G are in somebody's driveway playing basketball. And so it goes; still a "herd" but not so much. They intermingle, then regroup and do something else.

OP's DD was quite probably one of those off doing her own thing with somebody else, at the time of the "crime" even though the wrongdoer was somebody she intermingles with. To keep her in the house when all of the other kids are hanging out, is to cause her to be rejected as time goes on.

I remember telling a close friend, when our dd's were teens together, "Encourage her to tell you everything that goes on around her, show NO shock or horror! Then you can bury your head in a pillow and scream, later." (Naturally, this only included people the girls knew, not the girls themselves.) Both girls survived the teen years very well, and are now experiencing what we lived with. My daughter calls me every so often with "Mom, I'm so sorry", and we laugh, because hers has done something she did at that age.

 

[luvmy3]

This is exactly what my Mom would have done. I agree with it. I would do the same. I also don't get the whole "DD separated from the herd and had no idea" stuff. She knows they DDD then she should not be wandering with them. The end. What if they were out robbing convenvience stores but your dd was not allowed so she just stood outside? I know that is a bit dramatic but essentially it is the same thing. She knows what they are doing and stands there with them. I also do not get why your dd and friends aren't po'd at the dog poop girl for doing that to her own house? Odd.

ITA. I have no tolerance for anyone who disrespects my home, and if my dd was hanging out with a group where part of them did, and did it to other people's homes, my dd would no longer be allowed to travel out with that group. She could remain friends with them, but she wouldn't be allowed to walk the streets around our neighborhood with them. We live in a small subdivision so most parents know eachother, I would have no problem calling and discussing what I witnessed. I know a few of us parents would probably feel the same, that our kids are guilty by association and would no longer be able to hang with the herd. Eventually the DDD poop scraper would probably find herself walking around by herself, with noone to impress with her antics.
OP, I'm not saying this is how you should handle your dd, but I don't think it would hurt to talk to her about the company she keeps and how it reflects on her.

I think the mother in the OP handled the situation perfect, however it sounds like the dad is being snowed by his snowflake.

 

[elan]

Just wondering, what did your dd think the girl was going to do when she saw her walking up to your house? Did she walk away because she knew she was going to ddd?

 

[kimmar067]

ummmm, what is ding, dong, ditch?

I never heard of DDD.

...it's a 'practical joke' [although there's nothing 'practical' about it!] that involves persons ringing someone's front doorbell and running, usually leaving something right in front of the door so that the homeowner can 'be surprised' by it when they open the front door.....

 

[momx2]

'Tweens and teens hang out. In a larger group like op's daughter circulates in, there can be several "herdlets" or sub-groups. I'm a grandma, I've seen three generations of it already, my own included.

A, B and C are over sitting on the curb, giggling about boys. D, E, F and G are in somebody's driveway playing basketball. And so it goes; still a "herd" but not so much. They intermingle, then regroup and do something else.

OP's DD was quite probably one of those off doing her own thing with somebody else, at the time of the "crime" even though the wrongdoer was somebody she intermingles with. To keep her in the house when all of the other kids are hanging out, is to cause her to be rejected as time goes on.

I remember telling a close friend, when our dd's were teens together, "Encourage her to tell you everything that goes on around her, show NO shock or horror! Then you can bury your head in a pillow and scream, later." (Naturally, this only included people the girls knew, not the girls themselves.) Both girls survived the teen years very well, and are now experiencing what we lived with. My daughter calls me every so often with "Mom, I'm so sorry", and we laugh, because hers has done something she did at that age.

Thank you!!! This is it exactly! You described better than I was doing, this is how it is.

Actually, DD doesn't go with them much because she is busy and she also likes to play once a week with a girl down the street that the others don't like. Her friends will stop by our house and ask her to go, but she normally isn't available because of activities or going with the other girl 's house the "herd" doesn't care for. She goes with the "herd" about once a week because she doesn't want to be an outcast I guess. She thinks it's pretty stupid they walk around everyday and has told us so on more than one occassion, but they are still her friends, some closer than others, and she does it to continue the friendships.

Also, the DDD girl is part of the herd and DD has known her since kindergarten, but they are not close friends. They don't do sleepovers or invite each other over, not close friends, just part of the big group.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We live in a very nice neighborhood right around the corner from the elementary school that everyone wants to attend. So there are many children that live around us. My oldest DD12 is in 6th grade at the school. She has probably 15 friends that live around us and they walk around the neighborhood in the afternoon and hang out until dark. There are a couple of kids that like to "ding dong ditch." My DD is forbidden from it because DH and I don't like it. It is harmless, but so aggravating and so I don't allow her to do it. There is one particular girl who loves to do it and most of the kids just stand back and watch her. Also we have known this girl and her family since kindergarten and she is a very straight, goody goody girl at school, never in trouble. She just likes to DDD.

While I read that this particular girl has a penchant for DDD you also mentioned that other kids in the group do too. If I was the one getting DDD and I saw a bunch of kids I would include all of them in the antics. Even if they were just standing there because they could have stopped their "friends."

 

[momx2]

Just wondering, what did your dd think the girl was going to do when she saw her walking up to your house? Did she walk away because she knew she was going to ddd?

DH said that our DD and most of the other kids had walked ahead and this girl and veered off, did the deed and then ran to catch up with them. I think a few saw it, but DD and her main friends were ahead. They all knew about it when my DH yelled at them. DD got mad at the girl and told her not to do again as she has told her before not to DDD our house because we don't like it. She didn't know about the poop on the stoop until she got home and we told her.

Honestly, DD is mad at the girl for doing it, plus she is upset the girl is basically accusing her daddy of lying, but at the same time she is worried the girl will get some friends mad at her for her daddy telling. She is also worried that her close friends will be scared of her daddy because he got mad and told. I think all these things are normal to feel for a 12 year old. DD is very strong and independant, she will be fine and I think it will blow over quickly.

 

[momx2]

While I read that this particular girl has a penchant for DDD you also mentioned that other kids in the group do too. If I was the one getting DDD and I saw a bunch of kids I would include all of them in the antics. Even if they were just standing there because they could have stopped their "friends."

Yes, a couple of them have done it a few times, but have stopped because they just didn't get it. This girl is the lone hold out and loves it according to DD and some friends of hers.

No, they can't stop her unless they throw her to the ground and sit on her. They tell her not to do it and she'll veer off from them and do it anyway and then run to catch up with them. Like I said before, I have a feeling she won't be doing this anymore. Her parents probably will put a stop it. I don't know this, but believe that's what will happen.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, a couple of them have done it a few times, but have stopped because they just didn't get it. This girl is the lone hold out and loves it according to DD and some friends of hers.

No, they can't stop her unless they throw her to the ground and sit on her. They tell her not to do it and she'll veer off from them and do it anyway and then run to catch up with them. Like I said before, I have a feeling she won't be doing this anymore. Her parents probably will put a stop it. I don't know this, but believe that's what will happen.

As long as this girl has an audience, she will keep doing it. It won't matter that her friends tell her not to, she is doing it for their attention.

 

[momx2]

As long as this girl has an audience, she will keep doing it. It won't matter that her friends tell her not to, she is doing it for their attention.

You're right.

 

[OceanAnnie]

DH said that our DD and most of the other kids had walked ahead and this girl and veered off, did the deed and then ran to catch up with them. I think a few saw it, but DD and her main friends were ahead. They all knew about it when my DH yelled at them. DD got mad at the girl and told her not to do again as she has told her before not to DDD our house because we don't like it. She didn't know about the poop on the stoop until she got home and we told her.

Honestly, DD is mad at the girl for doing it, plus she is upset the girl is basically accusing her daddy of lying, but at the same time she is worried the girl will get some friends mad at her for her daddy telling. She is also worried that her close friends will be scared of her daddy because he got mad and told. I think all these things are normal to feel for a 12 year old. DD is very strong and independant, she will be fine and I think it will blow over quickly.

It was a yucky thing to do. The mom kind of half-way tried to do the right thing. Too bad the girl's dad wasn't on board. Hopefully the girl will be ostracized from the group for what she did. That would be the best deterrent of all. If the girl tries to stir up trouble with the neighborhood friends, tell your DD to ask the kids how they would like it if that girl did it to their house. That was just crummy. Are/were the girls friends? I can't imagine doing it at all, much less to a friend!

 

[clovergirl5]

As long as this girl has an audience, she will keep doing it. It won't matter that her friends tell her not to, she is doing it for their attention.

I would be putting a dumby camera out, pointing at the door, so the DDD GIRL knows it could be videotaping her. Or, as pp said, call the police and have them speak with her and scare the DDD's outta her.

The poop, I would have left it there and when I knew that both, the girl and her parents were home, I would have walked over there with my dd and told them about it and asked that they come over and take a look. She will have to stand infront of both of her parents, dd and her parents and explain the poop on the porch. And then I would ask the girl to clean it up.

Sorry op you have to deal with girls like that. I have to agree with other pp, my dd wouldn't be hanging out in that group if this is the kind of things they do for kicks. Like other pp said, that is why dc are involved in afterschool sports and travel sports. They are always either home doing homework or stuff as a family or at practices/tourneys. Not "hanging out" roaming the neighborhood looking for trouble. At my dc age, they see enough of their friends at school. dd13 talks with friends via texts or FB and a once/month dance at school. Staying out of trouble lol.