Oldest just turned 18...now what?!

[perd]

What do we do about things like curfew, grounding, etc. Her curfew has been midnight for a couple of years.

I'd like to year what other parents have done about this. I think she should have to follow certain rules as long as she lives in our house - but do you give an 18-year-old a curfew? And what if they break one of the household rules and it's something you would have previously grounded them for? Do you ground an 18-year-old? Do you tell an 18-year-old they are not allowed to stay out until 2:00 a.m.? Or let them come and go as they please as long as they are considerate to the rest of the family - like letting us know she will or will not be home so we don't worry.

She'll be going away to college in the fall, but how do we handle things in the meantime? I'm new at this!

She's not demanding a later curfew or anything - in fact, she hasn't even mentioned it since she's turned 18, but before she turned 18 she was asking for a later curfew.

My daugher has always been very mature and a good girl. Good grades, no trouble, etc. It's the NEXT one in line I'm REALLY worried about.

 

[mickeyfan1]

Is she still in HS? I have a 25 year old, here's what I told him. As long as you are in school, you will be home by midnight unless there is an exrtenuating circumstance. He was always home well before the agreed upon time. Just because you hit a magic number doesn't mean instant freedom. I would keep all as is, with some negotiating on special occasions. Once she is away at school, it will be different. Then your battle will be when she comes home for breaks. Since she is responsible now (it seems) you shopuld be able to relax the cerfew once in a while. She needs to be able to prove you can trust her as much as she wants to have some extra time out.

Oh, grounding, I never did that. Just took the drivers license away in front of all his friends.

 

[perd]

Yes, she's in high school.

The reason I'm wondering about the punishment thing is, although she IS a good girl, last night she called her little sister a *itch when they were fighting about something. All our kids know that is absolutely NOT acceptable and the punishment has always been grounding for being disrespectful to someone else in the family, whether parent or sibling. I told her she is not going out tonight because of that - that's what the punishment has been in the past. She is not going to be allowed to do that just because she turned 18, but I'm not exactly sure how to handle it!

I thought of taking away the car, which we bought for her but is "hers," but if we only took away the car and she could still go out that wouldn't matter to her - she rides with friends half the time anyway.

We've already told all of the kids that when they have their own house and pay their own bills they can do whatever they please, but while they are living here they have to follow our rules and if they are visiting in our home they have to have respect for our home and the people in it.

 

[ez]

My son is 18, going to college, working, & living @ home. A great kid. But I still need to know what he is doing and when he will be home. He is usually home by 12:30, so it hasn't been a problem. I think as long as they are under your roof, you have a right to set limits. And we all know, when kids are out late...who are the ones lying awake waiting for them? We have the right to SOME sleep!

 

[helenabear]

I don't have kids but I can tell you that when I turned 18 eight years ago, my dad let the curfew go. I was still expected to be home at a reasonable hour (I always was home by 1 or so at the latest) but I did have to live by the other rules my dad had. And yes, even when I was 20 and home for the summer, I still was grounded for something I did wrong. I figure as long as I am living at home free of charge, I should live by his rules.

 

[Dopey Sharon]

My kids are almost 22 and 20. When they turned 18, they still had a curfew...1am, I think, and they got grounded (not being allowed out) for things they did wrong. For the last couple years my oldest one, a daughter, didn't have a curfew, but she still came home at a reasonable time, usually. Some times she's out until 3 or 4. My son, the almost 20 yo, has to be home by 1:30, although he pushes that, sometimes, until 2 or so. Once your DD goes away to college, when she comes home, on breaks, I think you're going to have to lift the curfew. Good luck!

 

[doxdogy]

My newphew was living with us when he was 18. He had a curfew and was expected to be home for dinner every night. If he wasn't going to be home for dinner, he was to call and let me know.

 

[Tiggeroo]

college dd living at home. She is a good kid, and not as social as I'd like her to be. We have no curfew, but I always want to know what time to expect her home. If she is going to be late I want a phone call. As long as the time home is sort of matching the activitiy I don't worry about it. She is generally home by 12:30 or so. I don't ground her I will however, take away the car. The main thing I would punish her for is irresponsibility, not getting financial aid papers in on time....Also, we still give her spending money and I would cut that off for a bit. I think if my older kid was pushing the house rules, and it was beyond just losing the car for a week, I would have a serious talk and not punish. I would explain about consequences such as no money, not being on my car insurance, no living at home.
Now my sons are social guys, who like a good time. Talk to me in five years or so. I might feel the need to take a different stance.

 

[allicat]

In todays times, I think a curfew is perfectly acceptable for an 18 year old. She is still in high school after all.She will have plenty of freedom when she goes away to college, so I would stick to the curfew.

 

[Snow White]

As long as they are in high school, no matter what the age, my kids have a curfew. Now that the oldest is in college, there isn't a curfew, but when he's home he's expected to come home at a reasonable time and to let me know where he is so I don't worry.

 

[disykat]

I agree with the others that a curfew (and grounding too) while still in high school is reasonable. A child who was through school but still living at home could have less rules, but still needs to follow the rules of the house. I'd stick with the same consequence name calling has always gotten. Sounds like she's a good girl and will understand - and you'll be setting a good precedent for when the younger one gets there.

I clicked on this thread because my DS (he's only 10 now) will be in this situation since he has a November birthday. All my siblings and I had graduated before we turned 18, so the situation has me wondering what people do as well.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Just because they turn 18 doesn't give them complete freedom in my book. Especially if still in high school. If they're still in hs, same rules apply as if they were 17. I think being college would give them more room to move if attending one nearby. But if they go away, they'll do what they want. I'll have to go along with what my parents did and give them guidelines as long as they're living at home. There are others in the house to consider, and I'd be looking out for DS's safety.