Ok, so I'm looking for some advice....I guess...long post warning

[KristyBDJ]

Hello everyone! I lurk on these boards but this is my first post. I'm actually looking for info/advice on two subjects...and FYI I'm straight but a huge supporter of the gay rights movement, just wanted you to know that so the first question I have makes more sense I guess. Anyway...

First, my DH has a cousin, do you see where this is going already? We both wonder if he's gay. His back story: he's nearing 40, has NEVER had a girlfriend and seemingly never has an explanation as to why not. He has been set up by friends tons of times with great girls and he never pursues any of them. I think he's always hid behind his passion for hunting/fishing saying that not many women would put up with that hobby and with him wanting to be gone on hunting trips as often as he wants to. Ok, that excuse works for a while I guess but not anymore. We are from Wisconsin, trust me when I say there are more than enough women who not only support his hunting addiction they would want to join him as well. Another friend of ours got his daughter her first gun for her 12th bday so there ya go. He is quiet and shy also, but I know plenty of quiet shy people who have at least had relationships. You can say maybe he just hasn't found the right girl but as his age to never have even had a relationship strikes me as odd.
Anyway, I guess what I'm wondering is; should one of us approach him? I just can't stand the thought that he might spend the rest of his life alone when he doesn't need to. I believe in love and I believe that everyone should have someone to love and to love them back.
I know I shouldn't assume that just because he's single he's gay but I have to wonder. He lives in a very small town and trust me I don't think that any of his friends, and most of his family, would accept him. My DH and I would of course accept him and love him but he's not in a place where it would be easy to come out. I don't really have a close relationship with him as we don't see him that often but my DH and I both have thought about this question often. Anyway, thanks for any advice you may have for us and at the very least thanks for letting me get this out there to more than my DH.

 

[KristyBDJ]

ok, so question number 2...much shorter I promise!
I am, as I said above, a huge supporter of gay rights. However, aside from making my points known to all who cross my path and getting in to my fair share of heated arguments with narrow minded fools, I really haven't been what you would call an activist. I want to be though. I have never been able to explain why but I always just found it to be my cause I guess. I have always been passionate about equality and acceptance for the GLBT community. I don't even have any close friends or family that are gay, well not openly at least. Wait, I take that back...by Jr. High boyfriend is now a very out and proud gay man! So, what should I do, what's the best way to fight the injustice and the ignorance? Thanks again everyone!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Number 2 first. Join HRC.

Number 1. We had someone exactly like the person you describe in our family. We pushed, we "set up dates" we did all sorts of hints, etc. Always got the same sort of responses.

YEARS later, and I do mean years, it turns out that this quiet, very mild mannered person was having an affair with a married person (a VERY long term affair). It wasn't until the other party in the marriage was out of the picture that our family member would "come out." Now, they are happily married... go figure. Opposite gender by the way, just to be clear.

 

[f86sabjf]

In ?? #1 you are describing my cousin. He moved down here to Fla is 40yrs old and never seen him with a date of any kind. I think some people are just introverts and once you reach a certain age perhaps you dont want to be bothered with the relaionship crap that comes along.

???? #2 find your local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and friends of Lesbians and Gays) they can point you in many directions that you may be able to find a certain level of activism you might be comfortable with.

Hope this helps
Jeff

 

[donald...really]

Question #1 - Start dropping hints that you support gay people. The next time you and your DH are alone with his cousin ask him if he has a special person in his life. When he says "no" tell him that when he does, you would love to meet him or her. Or bring up politics and during the conversation make it clear that you support gay rights, marriage, etc.

Question #2 - I second the idea of joining HRC. That is the easiest way to support and fight for our rights. It will also help educate you on some of the struggles going on in the country.

http://www.hrc.org/

Actually, joining HRC could actually help you with your brother's cousin. Put an HRC bumper sticker on your car, leave an HRC newsletter on your coffee table for him to see, etc.

 

[OrlandoMike]

#1 I have an Uncle like that. Lives the "manly" life, but I swear he is family! Never even looks at women!

#2 From what I can gather, HRC is a little more political, and PFLAG is a little more hands on.....but they are both good organizations to get you started!

Come back and chat some more, we are pretty laid back around here!

 

[KristyBDJ]

Thanks for the tips everyone! I guess he could just be that shy but I don't know. The romantic in me doesn't believe that people want to be alone their whole life. He's really sweet and friendly, just shy, so it's not like he's the old kodger down the block that hates everyone. We'll see.

Thanks for the tips on the activism end as well. I'll be looking into those organizations, I couldn't even tell you if they have chapters here or not.

 

[KristyBDJ]

Come back and chat some more, we are pretty laid back around here!

Thanks for the invite btw. I'm really glad I finally decided to post something over here!

 

[OrlandoMike]

I couldn't even tell you if they have chapters here or not.

PFLAG Appleton/Fox Cities (Representative)
740 Kensington Rd
Neenah, WI 54956
Phone: (920) 722-7145

Looks like a good place to start!

 

[KristyBDJ]

PFLAG Appleton/Fox Cities (Representative)
740 Kensington Rd
Neenah, WI 54956
Phone: (920) 722-7145

Looks like a good place to start!

Thanks!

 

[Sphyrna]

I've often wondered about my cousin too. She's almost 40 and never been in a serious relationship as far as I know. But since she knows about me I would certainly hope she'd tell me if she was gay. May be he has had a bad experience or two and has decided it wasn't worth the bother. It's hard to say for sure.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

A few years ago I dated a guy who had gone on his first date at the tender age of 37. He was 40 at the time that I dated him. He was amazingly, painfully introverted (he didn't even have friends - male or female) and said that the only reason he started dating "Barb" was because she pursued him.

 

[KristyBDJ]

I don't know...I should let it go I'm sure but it just seems sad to me. Oh well. He is shy but I wouldn't say overly introverted really. He has lots of friends, it just take a little to get him talking I guess. I don't think he's been hurt badly in the past b/c I don't think there was ever anyone in the picture to actually hurt him. More interesting point...his Facebook page doesn't say anything about who he's "interested in" (men/ women) and he is tagged in lots of pics surrounded by girls...only friends of course. Almost everyone who has posted on his wall are women, but only friends.....interesting.