ok really need to VENT!! touchy subject

[livie1205]

ok I am having to sue my ex for contemt, for non payment of CS (over 11,000 behind) well he came to pick up my son yesterday and flat out told me that he WAS NOT going to give me another dime in CS ever! He said they were going to understand and NOT make him pay! He is whacked if he think that will EVER happen! Then I asked him to take him and buy him 1 outfit for monday the first day of middle school (I have got new school clothes and all supplies already) since he was going to be with him that day....he sent me TEXT SAYING HE WOULD TAKE HIM TO GOODWILL AND GET HIM SOMETHING!!! The man just left here wearing 100.00 jeans!!!
He had to turn over ALL bank statements and things like that,I have not read all of it but there are tons of bars,hair salons (for him) out of town trips and liquer stores! There are charges for jewelry he has got for his young g friend...but puts his son behind alllll of this.I know they will toss him in jail and I am sad about that because it will hurt my son but my dh says I have to let them do what they need to so that he can see that this is importent.I am so mad!!! Like I said I needed to vent!
I pay for really good health care for my son because 4 yrs ago he let it lapse so when he got served he signed up for public health care so he has committed ins fraud (you cant have ins to get this) and he is taking a spot thAT ANOTHER CHILD NEEDS....JUST TO TRY TO KEEP HIMSELF OUT OF TROUBLE!!

 

[DebIreland]

I'm so sorry. I can certainly see why you need to vent. He sounds like a total jerk. Your dh is absolutely right. If jail is what your ex needs to see just how serious this is, then so be it. Not your responsibility.

It's obviously very stressful for you to see your ex especially when he's arguing with you about the cs. I think it would be healthier if someone else was home when ex calls to pick up your son - a relative or close friend.

Good luck.

 

[golfgal]

Fine honey, no CS, no visitation. I know it sounds harsh but do you REALLY want this jerk for a roll model for your child???? If he isn't going to pay then take him back to court and get his visitation rights removed until he is caught up. Kids are smart, your son knows where he falls in line and he will spend an eternity trying to move up in that line. Why put him through that?

 

[MIGrandma]

I guess that is where the term "deadbeat dad" comes from.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with an ex-husband like that. I don't blame you for taking him to court over the child support. I just do not understand men that try to get out of paying their fair share for their own children. I hope it all works out for the best for you, and your child.

 

[cabanafrau]

Fine honey, no CS, no visitation. I know it sounds harsh but do you REALLY want this jerk for a roll model for your child???? If he isn't going to pay then take him back to court and get his visitation rights removed until he is caught up. Kids are smart, your son knows where he falls in line and he will spend an eternity trying to move up in that line. Why put him through that?

Courts generally don't let child support impact visitation.

OP, I feel your frustration, but I wouldn't necessarily count on jail time for the amount you're talking about. Here the amounts are generally much, much higher before the penalty for non-payment becomes incarceration. Most of all I wish for you a great outcome for your son.

 

[MissFitt]

Fine honey, no CS, no visitation. I know it sounds harsh but do you REALLY want this jerk for a roll model for your child???? If he isn't going to pay then take him back to court and get his visitation rights removed until he is caught up. Kids are smart, your son knows where he falls in line and he will spend an eternity trying to move up in that line. Why put him through that?

Absolutely NOT! To deny visitation is viewed upon by the courts almost, if not as bad, as non payment of CS. The remedy that OP has is to petition the court for arrears and if need be, have them throw him into jail for contempt. You'd be surprised how many folks, who have no problem saying that they will never pay another dime in CS, can't hand over a check fast enough after spending a night or two in jail...

 

[lillygator]

ok I am having to sue my ex for contemt, for non payment of CS (over 11,000 behind) well he came to pick up my son yesterday and flat out told me that he WAS NOT going to give me another dime in CS ever! He said they were going to understand and NOT make him pay! He is whacked if he think that will EVER happen! Then I asked him to take him and buy him 1 outfit for monday the first day of middle school (I have got new school clothes and all supplies already) since he was going to be with him that day....he sent me TEXT SAYING HE WOULD TAKE HIM TO GOODWILL AND GET HIM SOMETHING!!! The man just left here wearing 100.00 jeans!!!
He had to turn over ALL bank statements and things like that,I have not read all of it but there are tons of bars,hair salons (for him) out of town trips and liquer stores! There are charges for jewelry he has got for his young g friend...but puts his son behind alllll of this.I know they will toss him in jail and I am sad about that because it will hurt my son but my dh says I have to let them do what they need to so that he can see that this is importent.I am so mad!!! Like I said I needed to vent!
I pay for really good health care for my son because 4 yrs ago he let it lapse so when he got served he signed up for public health care so he has committed ins fraud (you cant have ins to get this) and he is taking a spot thAT ANOTHER CHILD NEEDS....JUST TO TRY TO KEEP HIMSELF OUT OF TROUBLE!!

sorry you are having to deal with this. I know it sucks but you can't make him go out and buy a new outfit...that is his choice. I agree with the other posters...don't eny visitation, it could come back to bite you.

 

[Tina]

I hope he enjoys jail, because that's right where he's going. My best friend is a family lawyer in south Florida. In addition to dealing with the same sort of mess every day for her job, she also has the same problems with her own ex. He also doesn't pay child support. He owes $88,000! He just got served with new paperwork recently. His wages are being garnished, his passport was revoked, his drivers license was suspended, and he's going to jail if he doesn't pay up. The laws have nothing to do with the parent's financial situation, so if he thinks he can make the court "understand," he's wrong.

 

[livie1205]

They do tend to go for jail time here for even small amounts...this is the 2 nd time I have had to go after back support...also when the judge looks at his statements and sees the charges for the bars and things and he says he is not going to pay his support he will be in a bad position.
The bad thing is if they toss him in jail he will find a way for it to look like my fault to my son...he spends every visit trying to turn my son against me.He is NOT a nice man,I left him because of domestic abuse.This guy is what some would call a women hater.
He has not paid for clothing,meds,dr appt ,school supplies or fees for years and now is 11,000 (by the time court 12,000) behind in support and my dh and I provide health care that HE was ordered to provide...we pay all co pays and costs. I watch my son while HE works and keep him most of the time.He has never had to provide daycare because I watch him

EDIT TO ADD: I keep him most of the time,I wrote I WATCH him because on a day that HE should have him if he works them I go get him from school and keep him with me until he gets off work (about 8pm) then he always calls to ask if I will drive him to his house!He has never had to pay for anykind of daycare.

 

[Evil Genius]

They do tend to go for jail time here for even small amounts...this is the 2 nd time I have had to go after back support...also when the judge looks at his statements and sees the charges for the bars and things and he says he is not going to pay his support he will be in a bad position.
The bad thing is if they toss him in jail he will find a way for it to look like my fault to my son...he spends every visit trying to turn my son against me.He is NOT a nice man,I left him because of domestic abuse.This guy is what some would call a women hater.
He has not paid for clothing,meds,dr appt ,school supplies or fees for years and now is 11,000 (by the time court 12,000) behind in support and my dh and I provide health care that HE was ordered to provide...we pay all co pays and costs. I watch my son while HE works and keep him most of the time.He has never had to provide daycare because I watch him.

Who has legal custody? Because by your last sentence it sounds like the ex does. I never thought a parent "watched" their child. That whole end just struck me as odd.

 

[shortbun]

I knew a guy who was so bent on not paying that he quit his job and lived in his car. They took him to jail, he didn't care. What gets into them? Men like this do not deserve to be called parents. However, it seems you know this, you can not put your child in the middle. He will make his own observations about his father as time goes on. Do what you have to do to get him to pay even if it means he goes to jail but let your son know it's just court business.

 

[momof1princess]

OP, if you haven't already, i suggest you request an income withholding order for your CS-this will take it out of your ex's pay before he gets it, and it will be forwarded to you. also, please don't withhold visitation-this puts you in the same light as your ex, as far as the court is concerned. visitation is NOT conditional upon payment of child support, in the eyes of the law, and the court will likely penalize you. *former legal secretary* disclaimer: i am NOT a lawyer and my statements are based solely upon my own work experiences. YMMV. best of luck to you, OP

 

[KikiFan]

OP I don't really have any advice, but just wanted to say how sorry I am - it's a horrible situation/

I am wondering though since witholding visitation is not an option, is it possible to request supervised visitation? Someone that level of disregard for the law makes me nervous. I would be very uncomfortable letting my child go off with him.

 

[JoiseyMom]

OP, since your ex is bad mouthing you to your DS, I would have your attorney bring that to the courts attention. That has a name, its called Parent Alienation. It is not allowed. They may order supervised visitation.

GOod luck with the child support!

 

[golfgal]

Absolutely NOT! To deny visitation is viewed upon by the courts almost, if not as bad, as non payment of CS. The remedy that OP has is to petition the court for arrears and if need be, have them throw him into jail for contempt. You'd be surprised how many folks, who have no problem saying that they will never pay another dime in CS, can't hand over a check fast enough after spending a night or two in jail...

I didn't say to withhold visitation, I said to go to court to get his rights removed.

 

[sunnyday123]

I hope he enjoys jail, because that's right where he's going. My best friend is a family lawyer in south Florida. In addition to dealing with the same sort of mess every day for her job, she also has the same problems with her own ex. He also doesn't pay child support. He owes $88,000! He just got served with new paperwork recently. His wages are being garnished, his passport was revoked, his drivers license was suspended, and he's going to jail if he doesn't pay up. The laws have nothing to do with the parent's financial situation, so if he thinks he can make the court "understand," he's wrong.

Exactly. He's trying to hurt you through your son. You want to show the court system you've done everything the right way, and he hasn't. Don't deny visitation, and document everything. Does he work? They will start attaching his wages ( here it's automatically taken out of the paycheck so the only way someone can not pay is if they don't have a job) and will end up giving you his tax returns.

You are going to have to be the good role model. Just don't bad mouth his father. He'll figure out soon enough he's a loser. Then you'll just have to be there (again) for your son.

 

[livie1205]

Who has legal custody? Because by your last sentence it sounds like the ex does. I never thought a parent "watched" their child. That whole end just struck me as odd.

no...what was meant by that is on the days he works and is to have him I keep my son so he does not have to pay someone to do it.He does not have legal custody

 

[DisneyBlonde]

I haven't read all responses...but can they garnish his wages? When I was going through my divorce my XH quit his very good, stable job so that he would only be required to pay the minimum child support...my attorney figured he would end up being one of 'those' guys, and set up the child support payments, though paltry they were, to come automatically from his pay.

You can't deny the visitation order, that's gonna make things worse. (edited to say: I know OP didn't say she would deny visitation, but others have suggested it)

Good luck.

 

[ma2jr]

ok He said they were going to understand and NOT make him pay! :

 

[livie1205]

I have never and will never not hand him over on his days (unless I think he is in danger) I know better then that.I do everything I should be doing and when we go to court that will show.He has not provided anything for my son (except a bed to sleep on) in a very long time.My vent was because he has money to go to bars and get HIS hair done but he couldnt go to target or walmart to his son a nice outfit for school....if he can go bar hopping he can help support his son and THAT is what is going to show because my atty put in a order for 3 yrs of bank statements,credit card bills,tax returns ect....he has until TODAY to turn them over.
My other reason for venting is that he is commiting public asst fraud by signing him up for state ins. when my dh and I PAY for CHP...he is taking a spot that could be used by a child who DOES NOT have ins. and he is doing it to try to cover his butt in court.
I have been a pushover for way to long and it is over now...he is done bullying me...I am not married to him anymore and I do not have to take it.I would be sad for my son if they put him in jail but one day I hope he understands that when you have kids you have to help take care of them.