OK, I feel really awful

[rt2dz]

This is a little long, but you need the background info.

My DS just had a birthday a couple of weeks ago. He had wanted it at this really expensive place and I was so inclined to grant this wish because of the really hard time he had been having at school--that I have way too much guilt over. Guilt gets you everywhere with me. Anyhow...

I had to limit the guest list (still fairly large though) in order to keep it where we could pay cash. He has a lot of good friends that he sees regularly that don't go to his school or are in one of the other 3 classes in his grade. He also just switched classes a couple of months ago, so that left him wanting to invite most his old class and new class. I couldn't do that.

He's current K teacher took pity on me, recognized our special circumstances and helped me get out all the invites even though I wasn't inviting the whole class. OK, so we have our limited guest list, which is making me sick. Yes, a couple of the kids found out who weren't invited and were hurt. So was my DS; he really did want to invite them, but he could only invite a limited number and cuts had to be made somewhere.

But here's what is really making me feel awful. DS came home with two party invites today--both from kids we didn't invite. And, no, it wasn't a whole class thing, they were both from his old class and he was an extra invite that took a little work to get him an invitation on the parents behalf. These were a couple of the last kids to be cut, but they still weren't invited. Of course, if people had the common curtiousy to RSVP and I had known they weren't coming, I could have invited a few extra.

What do I do? Do I let him go? Do I discreetly say no? One of these parties is at another very expensive place and I know she probably had to limit the list too. I feel like we have taken away a spot.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

They wouldn't have invited him if they didn't want him. As far as both of you feeling guilty, maybe it will be something to consider when planning the next party and choose something that can include everyone.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

They wouldn't have invited him if they didn't want him. As far as both of you feeling guilty, maybe it will be something to consider when planning the next party and choose something that can include everyone.

i agree with this
they want him there and if he wants to go let him
he will have fun

 

[jbmom]

They wouldn't have invited him if they didn't want him. As far as both of you feeling guilty, maybe it will be something to consider when planning the next party and choose something that can include everyone.

I too agree with this. Let him go to the parties.

 

[rt2dz]

They wouldn't have invited him if they didn't want him. As far as both of you feeling guilty, maybe it will be something to consider when planning the next party and choose something that can include everyone.

I really did try and talk him into something else. And he relunctantly agreed, then I heard him late at night in his bed crying, he really wanted the other place. I made it as large as I could--spent more than I otherwise would have spent--but went with what he really wanted to do. Poor baby has had a really rough year and I just wanted to give him this one extra special day. And he's been thrilled and I did have one parent of a child who wasn't invited tell me do not worry about it, sometimes you just have to do something like that and our circumstances were very unusual. And it was very sincere. And I've been ok with it, until the invites from kids we didn't invite came in, and so close after his party.

 

[diznygirl]

Don't overthink it. He received an invite - let him go to the party and don't worry about anything else.

Of course, if you are still feeling bad, you can spend a little more on their gifts!

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I really did try and talk him into something else. And he relunctantly agreed, then I heard him late at night in his bed crying, he really wanted the other place. I made it as large as I could--spent more than I otherwise would have spent--but went with what he really wanted to do. Poor baby has had a really rough year and I just wanted to give him this one extra special day. And he's been thrilled and I did have one parent of a child who wasn't invited tell me do not worry about it, sometimes you just have to do something like that and our circumstances were very unusual. And it was very sincere. And I've been ok with it, until the invites from kids we didn't invite came in, and so close after his party.

I didn't mean that to sound like a judgment against you. Nothing wrong with Mom wanting to make her baby happy. Live and learn though and now next time he may choose something different. You're obviously both tender-hearted.

 

[MAKmom]

I would feel bad too but let him go if he wants to. BUT make his father take him to the party so you do not have to answer any awkward questions

 

[juligrl]

They wouldn't have invited him if they didn't want him. As far as both of you feeling guilty, maybe it will be something to consider when planning the next party and choose something that can include everyone.

Well said!

Having been on the non invitation recieving end before it stinks for the kid that's deselected for an invite due to budgetary restraints. I'm sorry that your son feels guilty about it though - . If he wants to go to the parties he recieved invites for, let him go. He was on the invite list and should consider himself lucky since the kids want him there.
If nothing else, he's helping kids learn an important life lesson - not everyone gets invited to every party so get over it and move on.

 

[juligrl]

I didn't mean that to sound like a judgment against you. Nothing wrong with Mom wanting to make her baby happy. Live and learn though and now next time he may choose something different. You're obviously both tender-hearted.

That's what I thought too.

 

[Pixie Tales]

I would let him go to the parties.. Let him have fun..

They Invited him becuae they want him there AND if he doesn't go the ones that invited him They may be sad if your son couldnt go..

It may give your son a little "pick me up" as well being able to see his old friends from his old class..

and if you still feel bad.. Maybe you can talk with the other 2 kids parent's and set up a Play Date and take them somewhere fun

 

[rt2dz]

I would feel bad too but let him go if he wants to. BUT make his father take him to the party so you do not have to answer any awkward questions

 

[rt2dz]

if you are still feeling bad, you can spend a little more on their gifts!

That is truly a thought. Compliments get you no where with me, but guilt gets you everywhre.

 

[TimeforMe]

This post brought back so many memories of when my kids were little. I remember how monumental it seemed at the time. It's all relative, I guess.

Anyway, this is bound to happen again in the future. You've got to lighten up about it. What I did, as a rule, was let them invite whomever they wanted (within limits of course) regardless of if they had been invited to theirs, etc. You can't please everyone and no matter what there are always going to be those you wish you'd invited and those you wish you hadn't.

 

[allison443]

Of course your son should go to his friends' birthday parties! Obviously his friends want him to be there!
Just think if the situation were a little different- you had to limit your guest list and couldn't invite "A". Now it's time for "A's" party and he wants to invite your son. "A's" mother says oh no, you weren't invited to his party, so don't invite him to yours. Wouldn't that be kind of petty? I think you should accept the invitations.

I found that once my girls started having birthday sleepovers, we had to limit the guest list. Occasionally it happens that she is invited to a party by someone she did not invite to hers. She still goes!

 

[shortbun]

We've never done the 'everyone invited' type of party and this is why. Too much guilt associated with these parties. Let it go and let him go. They are children and I'm guessing his party is forgotten in their excitement for their own. Everyone can not do everything.

 

[kristen821]

I would let your son go. The birthday child must want him there. Maybe you can have a sleepover of take the kids to a park or something to ease your guilt.

 

[PrincessMom2002]

Definately let him go to both parties. I think these kids would be more hurt if your son didn't go. You know how important it is to the party-throwers for invited guests to come to parties they are invited to. Even as an adult, I get anxious about who will or won't come and always worry that nobody will come! And if you get any questions regarding why these kids weren't invited to his party (I doubt you will though) then just be honest. I think most parents would be understanding. We don't throw kids parties yet but my son does get invites and we always let him go. He has been asked before why he doesn't have parties. We just tell him to blame it on us!