Ok ~ I am irritated

[arminnie]

Another thought - as this is probably not going to stop. They will work very hard to get another key somehow.

There are combinations locks out there where you do not have to use a key. It's not that hard to change the combo. You might think about having that type of lock installed (available at Lowe's, Home Depot, online, etc.) You could change the combo when you go out of town.

 

[cinmell]

Another vote for change your locks!!!!!! I would be furious.

 

[anewvance]

And don't you think it's kind of funny - I guess you are the only one in the house who is able to clean? They must think that no one else who lives there can pick up stuff or help, it's all blamed on you? sheesh.
QUOTE]

I couldn't express this one any better. I didn't even get into the 45 minute conversation she called me with reeming me out after I got home. Her basic belief in life is that man is king. We are their servants and she cooks and cleans and basically wipes the rear of my grandfather.

She told me that I can't MAKE my husband do anything around the house... and if he isn't going to do it, then I need to do it. Everything is all based around me, I need to do it all. This is after she knows I am still not up to par after the accident, she tells me I need to get out and mow the lawn if DH isn't gonna do it.

My husband doesn't have a stressful or physical job but he does leave at 8am and get home at 7pm... he doesn't have time during the week to do a whole lot. And weekends somehow get used up before they even come along. It's not a valid excuse but it's just what happens. My dh is a procrastonator and i've tried to talk to him a number of times... and he's slowly getting better. But for my grandma to say that I need to do it ALL really teeved me.

I'm sorry to go on and on, i'm having a bad day. My son was a nightmare during the girls swimming lessons and was already tired when we got to the restuarant where we had a family lunch. Even though it was my birthday, they didn't give me a break from my son who was tired and therefore being a complete nightmare. I had to leave with him and had to take my food home. He headed towards my grandma and ever faithful aunt says "go back to your mom, let Nana eat".

Usually for family birthdays we go out for lunch and we all pitch in to pay for the bday persons meal. Nope, I had to pay for myself and my kids today.

My DH gave me the Kelly Clarkson tickets and my mom who already bought tickets for herself and my little sister (can anyone tell my little sister is spoiled yet?). So my mom tells me today that she is giving my twin sister her ticket for the concert as a bday present. Well we each got an equal check from her so since when does one twin sister get 2 times the present as the other one? Plus I'm a little ticked because this is the 2nd time that my mom has just given my twin sister a ticket to go with my little sister to a concert without even asking if I want to go. My mom didn't know my dh had bought me tickets... but she'd already given my twin sister the extra ticket.. for the 2nd time!

Oh and my twin sister proudly announced to me that her boyfriends mom sent her $100 for her bday. Wow, my MIL who has been my MIL for 8 years and supposedly loves me to death and is in the same financial boat as this boyfriends mom has never given me more then $20 which I am more then grateful for but remember this year, i'm not getting squat because she wrecked, I mean "cleaned" my house.

All this complaining is so petty.... boy it does sound like we need to move out of the state... far far away! But they are just driving me nuts. And even though I just got back from Ireland, I had planned on going away to Orlando for my birthday. Every year it comes and goes and nothing special done... for once I wanted to go all out on my birthday. And that's not going to happen either unless I want to go all by my lonesome!!!

WHINE WHINE WHINE, I know... ugh

 

[UrsulasMyHero]

And don't you think it's kind of funny - I guess you are the only one in the house who is able to clean? They must think that no one else who lives there can pick up stuff or help, it's all blamed on you? sheesh.
QUOTE]

I couldn't express this one any better. I didn't even get into the 45 minute conversation she called me with reeming me out after I got home. Her basic belief in life is that man is king. We are their servants and she cooks and cleans and basically wipes the rear of my grandfather.

She told me that I can't MAKE my husband do anything around the house... and if he isn't going to do it, then I need to do it. Everything is all based around me, I need to do it all. This is after she knows I am still not up to par after the accident, she tells me I need to get out and mow the lawn if DH isn't gonna do it.

My husband doesn't have a stressful or physical job but he does leave at 8am and get home at 7pm... he doesn't have time during the week to do a whole lot. And weekends somehow get used up before they even come along. It's not a valid excuse but it's just what happens. My dh is a procrastonator and i've tried to talk to him a number of times... and he's slowly getting better. But for my grandma to say that I need to do it ALL really teeved me.

I'm sorry to go on and on, i'm having a bad day. My son was a nightmare during the girls swimming lessons and was already tired when we got to the restuarant where we had a family lunch. Even though it was my birthday, they didn't give me a break from my son who was tired and therefore being a complete nightmare. I had to leave with him and had to take my food home. He headed towards my grandma and ever faithful aunt says "go back to your mom, let Nana eat".

Usually for family birthdays we go out for lunch and we all pitch in to pay for the bday persons meal. Nope, I had to pay for myself and my kids today.

My DH gave me the Kelly Clarkson tickets and my mom who already bought tickets for herself and my little sister (can anyone tell my little sister is spoiled yet?). So my mom tells me today that she is giving my twin sister her ticket for the concert as a bday present. Well we each got an equal check from her so since when does one twin sister get 2 times the present as the other one? Plus I'm a little ticked because this is the 2nd time that my mom has just given my twin sister a ticket to go with my little sister to a concert without even asking if I want to go. My mom didn't know my dh had bought me tickets... but she'd already given my twin sister the extra ticket.. for the 2nd time!

Oh and my twin sister proudly announced to me that her boyfriends mom sent her $100 for her bday. Wow, my MIL who has been my MIL for 8 years and supposedly loves me to death and is in the same financial boat as this boyfriends mom has never given me more then $20 which I am more then grateful for but remember this year, i'm not getting squat because she wrecked, I mean "cleaned" my house.

All this complaining is so petty.... boy it does sound like we need to move out of the state... far far away! But they are just driving me nuts. And even though I just got back from Ireland, I had planned on going away to Orlando for my birthday. Every year it comes and goes and nothing special done... for once I wanted to go all out on my birthday. And that's not going to happen either unless I want to go all by my lonesome!!!

WHINE WHINE WHINE, I know... ugh

*big Hugs*

Just remember to Breathe. Sounds like it's time to start thinking about picking up stakes and moving either north or south, at least an hour or a few hours away. Tampa's a nice city!

 

[anewvance]

Ladies and gentlemen, could it get any worse I ask ya????

The answer is yes it can... i'm already feeling down and my grandma just called with a little extra birthday surprise! She told me I have absolutely no control of my kids and I need to go see a doctor. Now mind you, my kids are the sweetest things you will ever come across in public. Their entire school knows them and can never say enough about them. Every person they ever come across in life thinks they are angels. At home it is a different story. I posted recently I am having issues with my oldest and got some good advice from you all. I am hoping it is a phase but we are trying to work through it. My youngest is a fireball, he is all boy... doesn't like to be told no, but also, he's turning 2 in 2 weeks... isn't this why they call them the terrible 2's? I just had the fortune of never going through it with the girls... but now am paying for it a little bit with my oldest.

I am so hurt and upset that she would tell me I need to see a doctor because I have no control of my kids. They are good kids, sweet and kind and smart. I use the time out method the best I can, take away dessert, that kind of thing. My sister is a spanker and I just can not bring myself to do it. I don't want to turn this into a spank or no spank debate, it's just something I personally can't do. So that makes me a bad mom because I won't rope them down and smack them when they aren't behaving? I will admit to having swatted hands here and there but the kids don't react to it so I don't use it as a form of punishment.

And why in heck would she call me today of all days to berate me? It's my flipping birthday for crying out loud. I hung up on her, it's the one thing she really hates in life, being hung up on and now she won't talk to me for a week.. boo hoo right? Poor her! NOT! I just wasn't in any mood to listen to it thank you very much.

 

[robinb]

You need this: {{hugs}}

 

[rigs32]

Me thinks you need to get yourself over to www.motherinlawstories.com for some support and advice on dealing with this shrew. If you let her walk all over you, she obviously will, and your DH needs to start standing up for you.

 

[robinb]

I had a thought ... maybe she got wind of the lock change and is honked off at you.

 

[disykat]

It's your family that deserve a great big spanking, not your kids. IMO, you need a break from them. Change the locks, get caller id, and spend the time with your own precious family. No need to feel guilty - they apparently want you to spend some time "fixing things", so do it - just not their way!

I don't know if your grandma has always been like this or if it is an age thing. I know my dad has gone from staying out of my business to becoming very critical of me. It can be an age thing. I've had to step up and point out that his behavior is not appropriate. It's hard to be parental to your parents, or even to talk frankly with them like you might a peer, but sometimes it becomes necessary.

 

[anewvance]

I just got an email from my mom reaming me out because I had the nerve to say ANYTHING to my twin sister about getting the ticket. I actually told her I was happy she got it... but also mentioned the prinicple of getting the "extra ticket" twice in a row.

So she went on and on about how selfish I am and I just had a trip to Ireland, blah blah blah. Well they ALL seem to forget that up until my sisters divorce this year, she and her husband went on childless 10-14 day vacations for his bowling tournaments every year. She even got to go to Las Vegas. So i'm sorry if I wasn't all poor Jenny when I went to Ireland... what does she get this year? A new baby for crying out loud!

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Oh my gosh! Your housekeeping is nobody's business, period. I would ask grandma to reimburse me for the things she threw away.

A locksmith should be able to rekey your locks without having to actually change out the locks. It's less expensive. DH and I have had it done a couple of times, once when we had to leave our keys with the pest control company that tented our house for termites, and once when we had a questionable pet sitter.

Your family has no right to be criticizing you about your house or your kids. You know, everybody has a right to their opinions, but they need to practicing keeping their opinions to themselves!

 

[UrsulasMyHero]

Gmom and MIL both need to learn to BUTT OUT. That Gmom would call you and tell you that you need to see a Doc because you don't have controll over your kids? sounds like her meds need to be changed.

Really, hon, I'm sorry you're going thru this on today of all days. They both need to be told that you don't appreciate how they're doing things, And your mom, needs to be told that Yes, you vented, you're entitled to your opionions and entitled to share them, however you're an adult and don't need to be lectured, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

*big hugs*

 

[bekkiz]

Move. I know that's probably impossible, but I'm telling you, with relatives like these, who needs enemies?

We just moved out of the state from both of our whole families. We have few problems with them, but certainly had some impositions on out private property etc, and I'm already so much more relaxed, just a week after moving.

Maybe you could just tell them you're moving.

Or get caller ID and stop answering the phone and change the locks.

I just feel so bad that you have to go through this. What a bad luck of the draw with MILs.

However, as I'm typing, it occurs to me that just because you Grandmother raised and provided for you, doesn't give her the right to be so intrusive. You need to confront her and NOT feel guilty about it. She seems to like to prey on your guilt. You ceratinly don't need that...

*hugs*

 

[disneymom3]

Oh, honey....I just want to give you a hug, girl.

Your family is sounding more and more toxic the more you tell us. Now, I know that they are family and there very well may be more good than bad and this is just a bad time, but I would really encourage you to evaluate your relationship with them. I think you need to ask yourself if they bring more good to you or bad. From this thread it sounds like they treat you like crap. You don't need to put up with it. It doesn't matter if they are family. No one has the right to be so horrid to you.

I am just speechless about the whole house wrecking thing. Appalled that they threw away and donated valuable items. That is so out of line there are just no words for it.

All the other stuff is just as bad.

Regarding dear ol' grams call about your kids, WTH? I have to tell you. My sil has the worst behaved children on the planet. They are obnoxious misbehaving disrespectful brats, but there is no WAY her mom would ever tell her that even thoough everyone but SIL knows it is true. That is just so not okay.

I honestly think you need to get this entire group out of your life and not allow this treatment to continue.

 

[babytrees]

I could be writing this thread!! I am a mediocre housekeeper and it drives my Grandmother (who also raised me) INSANE. It goes from they are tring to be helpful to they are butting into my life. I agree change the locks , but I would also talk to them both.

I so agree with all of this!!

Who knew there were 3 Grandmas of the cleaning/buttinski variety? Yikes!! There might be more out there!!

 

[babytrees]

And don't you think it's kind of funny - I guess you are the only one in the house who is able to clean? They must think that no one else who lives there can pick up stuff or help, it's all blamed on you? sheesh.
QUOTE]

I couldn't express this one any better. I didn't even get into the 45 minute conversation she called me with reeming me out after I got home. Her basic belief in life is that man is king. We are their servants and she cooks and cleans and basically wipes the rear of my grandfather.

She told me that I can't MAKE my husband do anything around the house... and if he isn't going to do it, then I need to do it. Everything is all based around me, I need to do it all. This is after she knows I am still not up to par after the accident, she tells me I need to get out and mow the lawn if DH isn't gonna do it.

My husband doesn't have a stressful or physical job but he does leave at 8am and get home at 7pm... he doesn't have time during the week to do a whole lot. And weekends somehow get used up before they even come along. It's not a valid excuse but it's just what happens. My dh is a procrastonator and i've tried to talk to him a number of times... and he's slowly getting better. But for my grandma to say that I need to do it ALL really teeved me.

I'm sorry to go on and on, i'm having a bad day. My son was a nightmare during the girls swimming lessons and was already tired when we got to the restuarant where we had a family lunch. Even though it was my birthday, they didn't give me a break from my son who was tired and therefore being a complete nightmare. I had to leave with him and had to take my food home. He headed towards my grandma and ever faithful aunt says "go back to your mom, let Nana eat".

Usually for family birthdays we go out for lunch and we all pitch in to pay for the bday persons meal. Nope, I had to pay for myself and my kids today.

My DH gave me the Kelly Clarkson tickets and my mom who already bought tickets for herself and my little sister (can anyone tell my little sister is spoiled yet?). So my mom tells me today that she is giving my twin sister her ticket for the concert as a bday present. Well we each got an equal check from her so since when does one twin sister get 2 times the present as the other one? Plus I'm a little ticked because this is the 2nd time that my mom has just given my twin sister a ticket to go with my little sister to a concert without even asking if I want to go. My mom didn't know my dh had bought me tickets... but she'd already given my twin sister the extra ticket.. for the 2nd time!

Oh and my twin sister proudly announced to me that her boyfriends mom sent her $100 for her bday. Wow, my MIL who has been my MIL for 8 years and supposedly loves me to death and is in the same financial boat as this boyfriends mom has never given me more then $20 which I am more then grateful for but remember this year, i'm not getting squat because she wrecked, I mean "cleaned" my house.

All this complaining is so petty.... boy it does sound like we need to move out of the state... far far away! But they are just driving me nuts. And even though I just got back from Ireland, I had planned on going away to Orlando for my birthday. Every year it comes and goes and nothing special done... for once I wanted to go all out on my birthday. And that's not going to happen either unless I want to go all by my lonesome!!!

WHINE WHINE WHINE, I know... ugh

Darling-

the more I read the more I think we have the same family except the twin thing.

You need these .

It finally hit my girls this evening how crappy my birthdays have been.

They already knew Grandma is a control freak.

Hope your weekend is better!!

ETA:

Just finished reading the whole thread. Take the phone off the hook and don't answer the door (after youve changed the locks) until you have taken time to cry, breathe and get your household back in YOUR order. Take yourself to a hotel and spend the night where nobody can get a hold of you!!

 

[Nancy]

My grandma is a compulsive cleaner too, but has better things to worry about than my house, LOL They had no right to go through your things!!!!! Did you ask where they got the key? I would figure out how much they cost you in getting rid of your stuff and "bill" them. That ought to make them think twice next time.

That was my line of thinking too! Cost of ticket, cost of clothing they gave away, replacing all your "stuff" from the bin that you need to do your selling, etc.

I'd also be changing my locks and making sure NO ONe had the key except for the people that actually live in the house. If they don't like it "oh well!"

 

[epcotfan]

No do not get over it. That is a total invasion of privacy. She threw out payments, inventory, and personal goods. CHANGE YOUR LOCKS!!!

 

[anewvance]

Thank you everyone for making me feel that it is OK to be upset about all this. The locks are changed, only dh and I have the keys to it. I don't plan on talking to the family anytime soon.... no reason to. It will all blow over eventually and everything will be honky dorey again.

Except the fact that in all of this the most hurtful thing was that my grandma called me yesterday ON MY BIRTHDAY to tell me I was a bad mom and needed a doctor to tell me how to handle my horrible kids. I don't think I can EVER get over that one. It has really depressed me and has me questioning myself.

My dh is not really being very helpful, he never knows how to handle me "being in a bad mood" and he is so thoughtless and clueless and it's driving me nuts. So then he starts acting like an a$$ on top of everything else going on which makes it all worse. It's too late to go to Orlando for the weekend by myself but I am strongly thinking about renting a hotel room somewhere in town tonight just to be by myself and think for awhile. Is that stupid to want to do that?

 

[roseprincess]

I'm sorry that you are going thru all this ((hugs)). I'm hoping you and your dh can be a united front against your grandma and MIL in violating your privacy(cleaning your house without your permission,breaking into your house when they lied they didn't have a key). Your side of the family(your grandma, mother, etc) and your MIL are very disfunctional. Your immediate family(you, dh, and your kids) need to move away a few hundred miles if possible, even to another state, if possible. Good thing you guys got a new lock for your door! I'm sorry to hear about the negative comments from your grandma. Has she always been like this, very critical and negative? I have problems with my own side of my family, they get very critical, too. My mom is very negative towards me and complains about my condo, that it looks like a dump, etc. My mom has been very negative to everyone for many yrs, so I have it go in one ear and out the other as of negative comments. Dh and I have 2 special needs kids, twins in fact. So if I have a couple of dust bunnies or a stack of papers, so be it. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother! It is difficult being a mom to 3 kids, without help from anyone during the day. I have 2 special needs kids, and I don't get help from family or friends during the day, just my dh in the evenings and weekends. I am blessed with a wonderful dh, that he helps out. Sounds like your grandma just can't handle kids in general, according to the comments she said about your kids. My dh's side of the family just don't care for kids. They never offer to babysit, they always have an excuse of why they don't babysit once in a great great while. Dh's family just don't care for kids.
I do hope you find a way to have a special birthday for yourself.

I was just thinking, maybe your grandma can take her cleaning energy and work for $$
at cleaning other people's homes, offices, etc? I don't know how old your grandma is, but it would be a healthy way for her to use her cleaning energy. To get her off of your back and her to focus on cleaning other people's homes for $$? Just a thought.
I remember working at Burger King over 20 yrs. ago and they hired an 82 yr old woman to clean and fill up the salad bar for a few hours each day. Don't know where she got her energy from!

Rosemarie