Ok friends...I need help-suggestions

[NHdisneylover]

The teacher mentions that other teachers have noticed this as well -- does he exhibit any other signs of ADD? Uncontrollable impulsiveness is one sign. I'm a substitute teacher in elementary school, and have to deal with quite a few kids like this -- had two of them the other day -- and it's REALLY tough. Sometimes the teachers will have kids sit on a special cushion or put a bungee cord around the legs of their chair to give them something to quietly fidget with (or give them a squeeze ball -- they learn to squeeze the ball whenever they want to inappropriately say something).

This is a great point--my son has an egg of silly putty in his pocket every day so he can fidget with that. He also draws dozens of mandalas in class. Have you talked to your son about what he CAN do without disturbing others?

 

[threecrazykids]

If the problem is boredom then can you work with him and the teacher to come up with a list of things for him to do when he is done with his work? Things like a notebook that he can draw or write in, coloring materials to be creative with, books to read, and maybe a packet of extra work to do. If the teacher isn't willing to put the effort into it maybe you can. There are lots of resources on line you can print or go to the local Teacher Supply Store and find a Summer Learning Activities Book for his grade level or a workbook. If that seems unfair to him then stress that once he proves he can occupy himself appropriately without the extra work he won't have to do it any more.

This is what the 4th grade teacher did last year...gave him tons of stuff to do once he was done with any assignment to keep him busy. I think this teacher says she's done things to try to keep him busy, but who knows what that is. I have parent teacher conferences next Tuesday so I am going to make some of these suggestions to her. If she needs ME to print off learning activities for him I will be more than willing to do it.

 

[Darcy03231]

If the problem is boredom then can you work with him and the teacher to come up with a list of things for him to do when he is done with his work? Things like a notebook that he can draw or write in, coloring materials to be creative with, books to read, and maybe a packet of extra work to do. If the teacher isn't willing to put the effort into it maybe you can. There are lots of resources on line you can print or go to the local Teacher Supply Store and find a Summer Learning Activities Book for his grade level or a workbook. If that seems unfair to him then stress that once he proves he can occupy himself appropriately without the extra work he won't have to do it any more.

I have no idea if schools will/can do this anymore but when I was a kid way back when, a teacher got a large box, like a refrigerator box and cut away the back side, placed it in the corner of the room away from everyone and put a kid that wouldn't stop talking it in for a few weeks. You can also make a less drastic version with a smaller box set on top of a desk or table. This is probably too damaging to their "self esteem" to do now, but I would have no problem with it for my kid.

And yes, 90 minute blocks are probably not appropriate for 5th graders.

My brother spent the entire year of 5th grade in the refrigerator box! He like it in there.

 

[Scurvy]

I do know he's able to sit for 90 mins quiet because yes, he can watch TV for that long in silence. BUT in that same argument-would he sit and watch something he already knew the ending of or an episode he'd already seen over and over? Maybe not- he for sure would pay less attention and maybe be less interested in watching.

Either way, it's disrespectful and distracting. I'm not making excuses for his behavior, he needs to zip it and not disrupt the rest of the class. However, I am not there...nor am I in charge of her class so I guess I'm just not sure what she wants me to suggest?

Could you test that? Maybe have a family movie night and watch something he has already seen, and see how he acts. I've known kids who seemed completely incapable of being still or quiet for more than a few minutes at a time. But that was even when they were interested in something. In my opinion, since your son can be still when he wants to, this seems like more of a behavioral issue than anything else. Theoretically you just have to find a way to make him want to be quiet in class even when he's bored. If punishments don't work, is there anything you could reward him with instead? Something that he could earn when his teacher says he's had a good day? It seems like if he wants it enough, he'll find a way to control himself.

As an aside to those who think the school schedule is part of the problem: The 90 minute thing doesn't really seem to me to be part of the issue, given that he interrupted 4 times in the first 5 minutes of a class. No class would be shorter than 5 minutes, so I'd think he would still be having this problem even with a shorter class.

 

[mjkacmom]

I do know he's able to sit for 90 mins quiet because yes, he can watch TV for that long in silence. BUT in that same argument-would he sit and watch something he already knew the ending of or an episode he'd already seen over and over?

Unfortunately, my kids do watch episodes they've seen over and over, and the house could be on fire, and they wouldn't notice. We can't have it on when they need to get ready - their eyes are frozen! Can you try positive reinforcement? That worked really well with my "no impulse control" kids. The teachers would let me know when they had good days (and it got better and better). You can let your ds know that the kids are bothered by it - peer pressure.

 

[kamik86]

I've known kids who seemed completely incapable of being still or quiet for more than a few minutes at a time. But that was even when they were interested in something. In my opinion, since your son can be still when he wants to, this seems like more of a behavioral issue than anything else. Theoretically you just have to find a way to make him want to be quiet in class even when he's bored.

I will also agree with this. I COULD stay quiet if I had to. The really awful teachers that didn't care at all and would just give detention (such a waste of time, now I get to sit around and do nothing even LONGER!)I did manage be quiet in those classes. However I was also spent that time thinking of every not-really-against-the-rules thing I could do or convince my friends to do to make that teachers job less fun... I grew out of that eventaully and learned to find my own things to do as I said in my previous post but it would have been much easier for both me and the teachers if they had just helped me find something productive to do.

 

[lovetoscrap]

This is what the 4th grade teacher did last year...gave him tons of stuff to do once he was done with any assignment to keep him busy. I think this teacher says she's done things to try to keep him busy, but who knows what that is. I have parent teacher conferences next Tuesday so I am going to make some of these suggestions to her. If she needs ME to print off learning activities for him I will be more than willing to do it.

If this works out then make a list and tape it to his desk or agenda or notebook where he can SEE it. This way he has a visual reminder that he has other things that he can be doing, and a list to pick from. You could require him to write book reports for you (and maybe offer a little reward for everyone turned in to you along with good day reports). Also look for some puzzle books. Sounds like he might enjoy crosswords and suduko or some logic puzzles-- things to keep his brain occupied.

My brother spent the entire year of 5th grade in the refrigerator box! He like it in there.

So how is his self esteem now?

 

[Kim♥DISNEY]

Would it be possible for you to attend that particular class with him? When one of my DSs was in 6th grade, he couldn't get to class on time although everyone else managed to move class to class in the allotted time. I told the principal that I would be happy to come in an escort him to his classes, just say the word. The principal then told DS that I would be walking with him between classes if his tardiness persisted. You can imagine how he picked up the pace. No one in middle school wants their mom walking them to class.

Oooooo ... I LOVE this idea! Just you sitting in the back of the room could be embarrassing enough.

Also, I don't think it is the teacher's fault and she appears to be trying to work with you. I would arrange for a conference to talk about what options they have in school to address his behavior. Perhaps sitting in the time-out room all day would help?

I would also be concerned that his behavior is affecting other children in class. At such an age that peer relationships are starting, if he is constantly being a distraction, other children may shy away from him. My first son is very bright and we have had to talk to him about not interrupting the class to ask a very inquisitive questions, ones that "hog" up the teacher and students' time in class. His peers do not find this questioning relevant when they are struggling in the class and he is not. This may not seem fair, but this is life and as we have said to our son, this is a gift that YOU have to learn to work with. I have seen other posts that the teacher should be challenging him (is he in the gifted program?) but a teacher cannot do this for every single day she has him in class.

By having the conference, the teacher and you can perhaps come up with a plan that will work. I would also suggest when you meet with the teacher, have your son come too. Have him sit outside the door and when you both come up with a plan, invite him in to listen to it. He will then know you both are on the same page. (And, I would highly suggest bringing his father to the meeting. A united front says a lot to children.)

I hope this works out for you.

 

[threecrazykids]

I agree with this. I was the the validictorian of my high school, always one of the top in my class even before that and yet EVERY parent teacher conference all my mom would hear about is how much I talk in class. I hated school until I got to college becuase I was bored out of my mind. The only classes I liked were the ones that all the other kids hated because they were too hard. I had many amazing teachers that helped me find other things to do or even DID give me harder assignments. I remember a particular science test in 10th grade that was so hard and I was really nervous after because normally if I had trouble on a test everyone else did too... I found out later from the teacher she gave me a different test to keep me busy the whole time and was really proud of me for not panicing and doing so well on it. Most of the others weren't this drastic though, in elementary school it was generally just an open invitation to read a book if I'm done with the work I should be doing. In High school it was teachers that looked the other way when I was clearly doing the homework for my other class while listening to them teach and taking notes on the rare occasions I needed to. (this allowed me to get all my homework done before I went home 90% of the time which was great too)

Now one question for you... Is he talking more when they are supposed to be doing something (like the class got a worksheet or should be reading and he is done) or is he actually interrupting the teacher too? The second is a much bigger problem IMO the first is easier to fix.

For times when your done I suggest:
1) Books, even better if they are educational as then the teachers don't get annoyed as easily.
2) Doing work for other classes (this does take a bit of planning to make sure you have the stuff you need for both the hw for another class and stuff you need)

For when the teacher is talking
1) Draw, even if just in the margins of the notes you should be taking.
2) Write notes to friends (to hand out in between classes obviously not in class as teachers don't like this one either)
3) Plan what your going to do this weekend/evening whatever.

I would also recommend seeing if there is anyway he could be in a more advanced class. I really emphasize with him on how awful it is to sit bored for 90 min... espeically if you know there are 1000's of more important/more fun things you could be doing right now. This is why I loved college they took all the dumb busy work out of the classroom. If the teacher was done they just let you leave instead of handing out another worksheet that only takes 5 min and making you sit there for 15 with nothing to do.

I think he's interrupting the class by blurting out. I am almost 100% sure he's not interrupting the teacher. I think he's distracting other kids when they are trying to work on things.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Oh, another thought is to give him a special notebook, pad of paper, journal or even some Post its and tell him that everytime he has a thought he wants to tell the teacher to write it down and then show it to her later at a more appropriate time. Sometimes they really have something they just want the teacher to know and are afraid they will forget.

Even things like "I know the answer to question 12 is "question mark", instead of shouting out an answer should be written down so he feels like he is saying what he wants to, just not in a disruptive way.

 

[kamik86]

I think he's interrupting the class by blurting out. I am almost 100% sure he's not interrupting the teacher. I think he's distracting other kids when they are trying to work on things.

Ok in this case then I really do understand, why he is doing this. This is exactly what I did all the time.

Have you talked to your son (or the teacher too) about what he is talking about? Some of the times I got in trouble in Elementary school I was trying to help my friends that didn't understand... but didn't really get the helping concept too great yet and was more of giving answers.

I would definitely recommend helping him find a good book on some science subject he is interested in but a higher level then this class and let him spend his time reading that and studying about it. This way he will still be learning the subject, the teacher won't have to prepare another lesson plan, and he will be quiet. Almost like an independent study.

I am honestly still like this. I won't act out anymore but even at work I need to be doing something. If I run out of work I will start working on my grad school or something else until I can get my next assignment or whomever is holding me up is done with what I need. If its something really slow and boring I'm multi-tasking online (including here) because if I don't I'll get so bored I'll end up not doing any of the work and being even less productive.

 

[kamik86]

Oh, another thought is to give him a special notebook, pad of paper, journal or even some Post its and tell him that everytime he has a thought he wants to tell the teacher to write it down and then show it to her later at a more appropriate time. Sometimes they really have something they just want the teacher to know and are afraid they will forget.

If he ever goes through a phase where he starts CORRECTING the teacher for every mistake they make or fact they get wrong in class, I highly recommend this even if you don't do it now... I think 7th grade would have gone much smoother if someone got me to do this. Then at least if I did correct the teacher it at least wouldn't have been in front of the class!! (Wow typing all of these I'm realizing how much of an annoying pain in the but I must have been as a kid!!)

 

[Hannathy]

If he likes to talk use it. Ask the teacher if what he says is true he knows it if she would give him the test early and if he passes it and knows the material then while she is teaching it to the other students he gets to pick a topic related to what they are learning, research it and write a presentation on it and then at the end of the unit for the other kids he can teach them what he researched. This serves multiple purposes, he isn't bored and can learn something new to him and will be to the other students, gets her time to work with the other kids, lets him work up to his level, lets him talk in class at the appropriate time, and importantly lets him see how hard it is to teach an audience a new subject with possibly other kids butting in.


I speak from first hand experience my DD was a talker and in fact I used to walk into her conferences and say are you going to tell me anything different than she is a wonderful student, smart BUT talks too much and has a messy desk? If not we can just save time and forget this! By the way she got much better by 6th 7th grade when the social pressure in other words the other kids not liking it grew. I did feel for her teachers tho because she was in class for the highly gifted so as you can imagine THEY all had the same impulse problems and wanted to share all the info they knew!

 

[threecrazykids]

If he ever goes through a phase where he starts CORRECTING the teacher for every mistake they make or fact they get wrong in class, I highly recommend this even if you don't do it now... I think 7th grade would have gone much smoother if someone got me to do this. Then at least if I did correct the teacher it at least wouldn't have been in front of the class!! (Wow typing all of these I'm realizing how much of an annoying pain in the but I must have been as a kid!!)

I surely hope he's not correcting the teacher! I think a notebook would be a great idea. That way he can write down what his thoughts are. All I have to say is if I then get an email about "he's been writing in his notebook and not paying attention" than I'm at a loss for how to help.

 

[threecrazykids]

If he likes to talk use it. Ask the teacher if what he says is true he knows it if she would give him the test early and if he passes it and knows the material then while she is teaching it to the other students he gets to pick a topic related to what they are learning, research it and write a presentation on it and then at the end of the unit for the other kids he can teach them what he researched. This serves multiple purposes, he isn't bored and can learn something new to him and will be to the other students, gets her time to work with the other kids, lets him work up to his level, lets him talk in class at the appropriate time, and importantly lets him see how hard it is to teach an audience a new subject with possibly other kids butting in.


I speak from first hand experience my DD was a talker and in fact I used to walk into her conferences and say are you going to tell me anything different than she is a wonderful student, smart BUT talks too much and has a messy desk? If not we can just save time and forget this! By the way she got much better by 6th 7th grade when the social pressure in other words the other kids not liking it grew. I did feel for her teachers tho because she was in class for the highly gifted so as you can imagine THEY all had the same impulse problems and wanted to share all the info they knew!

What a great suggestion! I am going to offer this up to the teacher thank you!

And yes, that's the same conference's I have too. "Wonderful student, super smart, but talks too much and is disorganized/messy."

 

[kamik86]

I surely hope he's not correcting the teacher! I think a notebook would be a great idea. That way he can write down what his thoughts are. All I have to say is if I then get an email about "he's been writing in his notebook and not paying attention" than I'm at a loss for how to help.

From personnel experience MOST teachers will not complain about students writing in a notebook and not paying attention unless they don't understand the concept. As long as he is listening enough to answer a question if the teacher asks one he should be fine.

The only time I really had this problem was when another person who got in trouble for doing homework for another class (because it was due next period so they had to finish it) made a big stink about how the teacher let me do it all the time. (However he was barely getting a C and I had a 98 average.)

 

[We_Love_Disney]

Can't he be moved up a level, perhaps with the 6th grade science class? It is such a shame to hold back our smartest kids or force them to sit idly by while their peers catch up to them. Accelerated classes seem to be a thing of the past. It is no wonder we are behind other countries.

I also think that part of the problem is the teacher can't handle her students, and that is her problem. Has she asked the other teachers how they handle your son? And yes, she can and should write up a separate lesson plan especially if it is going to be mutually beneficial.

I don't understand holding a child back, let him fly. He will probably be an amazing scientist someday, unless some teachers sucks the life out of him.

 

[barkley]

i honestly thing that if this is, as the teacher said in her e-mail, an issue in all or most of his other classes then a conference with all his teachers might work out better.

by doing this you can find out if there's a common factor. is it that he's truly ahead of all the other kids in the coursework? if so then perhaps they need to evaluate skipping a grade. if it's the same situation in multiple classes despite academic strength or weakness in a subject then it's likely not out of boredom because of being ahead of everyone else, so it could be behavioural or organic (like with adhd, which one of the indicators for and one of the testing mechanisms involve documenting if the symptoms/behaviours occur in different settings-school, extra curriculars, with different care providers, different social groupings...adhd does'nt just 'kick in' when a kid is at school).

if there's one or more teachers who are not seeing this behaviour-how is their class different/different classroom managment style? i think we all can look back and remember the teachers that would'nt let us get away with anything-they nipped certain behaviours in the bud. if it truely is a behaviour that a single or multiple teachers have managed to correct in their classroom, they need to share that information.

ds has adhd but he can control his behavior, and he knows we expect him to, but every year we have to educate his teachers and explain that he is smart enough to know that if he pushes it just far enough he can get privledges the other kids don't (like during class getting to do puzzle books, fiddle with playdough, draw in his notebook, do special projects...). we have to explain that he needs to be held to the same standard all the other students are held to behaviourly-and that they need to draw that line in the sand for him from day one (and keep him a good 6 inches behind it). if they truly think he's bored in a class, then he better be getting perfect scores to show he's mastered the subject, because if he's pulling b's or c's in a subject and not paying attention it's clearly not because he needs to be doing more advanced work.

 

[shortbun]

I think I would suggest to the teacher that she keep him busy. Also, the suggestion of talking to his 4th grade teacher is a great one. Is this a public school? Is there a G/T program or teacher who could enrich his science experience and give him more to do?
He's excited and exuberant in class, right? Is he talking about subjects completely off topic or interjecting his contributions on topic?

 

[Handbag Lady]

Wow, no offense meant to anyone but times have changed.

I'm trying to not be shocked here, but if I spoke out in class to the point that the teacher wrote home, I'd be in some serious trouble. No kid gloves, no namsy-pansy stuff. Nothing about, oh, she's just bored. That would NEVER fly with my parents.

I hope you solve the problem, though.