Oh No, She's Gone...At What Age Did You Let Your DD Date?

[lucyanna girl]

DD just left on her first "official" couples date. She will be 15 in July. The rule is NO "real" dates until she is 16, but this is an afternoon at the movies with another "couple" and the boys mom - I have known the mom longer than I have had DD. She was sooo sweet getting ready. My dear DIL came over and Helped with hair and makeup and other dear DIL called to check up every little while. We all love our baby girl.
I still say no real dates until she is 16 and DD doesn't really want to I don't think. How old was your DD or how old will she be when you let her date?

 

[lillygator]

I was 16 when I was allowed to go on a date....but we all pretty much hung in a group anyway...

now that I have girls of my own I think 16 will be a good age although DH thinks 18, or when they go off to college!!

 

[can'twait]

Uh, 40!

Seriously, my DD is 8 and we are in denial.

 

[sweet angel]

We do not allow DD 14 to date. Don't want those nasty boys hanging out at the house, we know all about them - we have three sons ourselves.
However, a group of her friends are going to the movies tomorrow and they are sort of matched up, you know, boy A likes girl A, Boy B likes girl B, etc. We know and like the mother who is taking them. BUT, I'm not mature enough for this. I thought I was safe for a little while yet, we told her she cannot date until she is 16 or maybe 32. She will be 15 in July. I know this isn't a real date but my oh my do I see the future staring me in the face. I knew she was just too pretty.
So, DISers, give me some words of comfort, please.

I'm confused. Didn't you just post yesterday that she's not allowed to date?

If she and a boy and another couple are at a movie....she's on a date.

 

[dumboiu]

Uh, 40!

Works for me

 

[Pam]

We had the no dating until you are 16 rule with our DD, too. But - she worked it to go to the movies with groups of friends, boys and girls (meeting the boy she liked) when she was 13-14.

She's 20 now, 2nd year of college, and has gone with the same boy for the past 5 years. (He's 21.5 yrs. old and a senior in college.)

 

[mickeyboat]

If she and a boy and another couple are at a movie....she's on a date.

Yeah, what she said.

Denae

 

[lucyanna girl]

When I say she can't go on a real date until she is 16 I mean one on which a boy would pick her up alone, and go somewhere alone. Maybe I'm splitting hairs but I'm considering going to a noon movie with a mother along and another couple not to be a "real" date.

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

My DD was a freshman in h.s. (14) when she went on a real date . . .just her and the boy . . .he was 16 but didn't have his license so myself and his mom would do the driving. She dated him her entire freshman year and then it was over . . .he did try to keep in touch with her for several months after that, but it didn't work out. She stayed without a serious boyfriend her entire sophomore year, and now that she is in her junior year she just started getting back into being with just one boy.

I don't think there is anything wrong with letting your teenager have an alone date as long as you meet the boy and get to know him. I know it is very hard to let them go . . .so many to you. My DD will be getting her license in the next couple months, thinking back, dating was a much more simple process than seeing them go off on their own in a car.

 

[sweet angel]

When I say she can't go on a real date until she is 16 I mean one on which a boy would pick her up alone, and go somewhere alone. Maybe I'm splitting hairs but I'm considering going to a noon movie with a mother along and another couple not to be a "real" date.

That's fine, but I betcha SHE considers it a date.

 

[Tiggeroo]

it gets complicated. Kids at school are always going out with someone. This means they hold hands in the hallway, smooch quick when nobody is looking, sit together arm in arm at football games, etc. Sometimes that includes going to the movies together or the mall. They also IM like crazy. This stuff usually takes place pre-dating. It's hard for a parent to say no dating til you are such and such age. When does it cross over from being a crush/gfbf to dating. Is dating only when the guy comes by himself in the car. Walks up to house and picks up dd? Most kids today have some sort of at school bf/gf at around 13yo. It's just kid stuff but it's the start.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

My 15 1/2 year old has been double dating for about three months now. When she turns 16, she'll be allowed (at her step-father's horror) to go on dates alone with her boyfriend.

I have a 20 year old who was allowed to do the same thing and she turned out to be a very responsible, wonderful woman.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My kids are allowed to go out with groups of friends by the time they are 13 or so. My DD was not allowed to date until she was 16yo. My older son is 15 and not allowed to date one on one. He goes to parties, out with friends, etc. He's not real social so he doesn't even do that much. My 12yo son is not allowed to date yet. He will be the real handful because he's very social, wants to fit in, etc. He hasn't been allowed to go out in groups yet (he really hasn't asked), but I know that he will want to do that soon. My 6yo does have a girlfriend and knows who he is going to marry, but has 19 years before he can date.

 

[Puffy2]

Interested boy? Sits on couch watching tv in our living room or playing monopoly for about a year. Then I'll think about letting them leave the house...if I like the guy.

 

[N.Bailey]

I would be comfortable with my daughter dating in a situation like the OP speaks of here. The mom along adds security, especially considering the OP has known the mom for some time.

My daughter is 14 and when she was around 12 I allowed her to go to an afternoon movie in a similar situation (I too knew the mom well) but there were also 8 kids there total. I don't think any of the girls really went with the boys, it just happened to be 8 kids with some being female and some being male. ALL paid their own way in.

As for allowing my daughter to go on a date alone, I dunno. I'm certainly not even ready to consider it at this point. They do get new BFs and GFs every other week in the school though. LOL At times they may say they're going out with so and so and they meet up at the school on activity night or something, but that's about the extent that I'm comfortable with at this point.

 

[drgnfly30]

I wasn't going to initially respond because I have boys... but thinking back on my personal experience... depending on the maturity level of the DD I'd say it's acceptable to allow some 'dating' (the OP's movie for instance) around 14yo. My parents didn't allow dating until I was 16 which only made me sneak around behind their backs, looking back that only put me in MORE dangerous situations than if my parents had allowed me to go the mall or the movies or skating with a boy at that age....JMHO!

 

[Kirby]

My daughter doesn't date yet. She'll be 15 next month. Group dating begins at 15 1/2 and then the biggie, at 16. She and her last boyfriend broke up mainly because she wasn't allowed to go out with him. And she turned another boy down here recently because she felt it was unfair to him that she couldn't date. He agreed and they are great friends. She told him that come June, if he is still interested, to ask her again.

My son had the same rules. He is 17 now and has been dating the same girl for almost a year. After he got over the middle school thing of having to have a girlfriend, he decided not to have one until he could actually date.

Both of my kids have known for years that they could not date until they were 16. It has not been a problem. I've always told them that more and more freedom comes with time and that they should never lose our trust. Once they've done that, they have to earn it back and that is something they don't want to have to do.

 

[WIcruizer]

Our daughter is 16 1/2 and I was vetoed by her and DW. I wanted her to wait until 16, but with her mother's permission she started dating a guy at 14. Started out with the group thing, but quickly developed into "a couple." They've been going out for 2 1/2 years now! I really like the kid, but it wouldn't have been my preference for all that to happen that soon. Mostly, they go over to each other's house and watch a movie, etc.

 

[Nite0wl71]

Both of my older DD's were over 16, before that it was in a group with the girls outnumbering the boys. My youngest will be 13 in March and I know she will be at least 16 before dating.

 

[pattyT]

I didn't finish reading through the second page of posts -
but it sounds like SHE thought it was a "date" if she got all dressed up and did her hair etc...

and my opinion is that at that age you havehopefully brought her up with goodmorals, ethics, and values...
a good sense of self worth and good decision making skills.

I am not saying let them go wild but if youdon't loosen the grip a little - they will rebel and it will be a nightmare!