Oh no, I've hit my first big relationship hurdle - UPDATE # 2

[dennis99ss]

Sounds like a high school soap opera.

Just my .02, if you are in a long distance relationship, for three years, and the end is coming up, and he starts to get cold feet, there is a reason, on his side of the long distance relationship, not yours. Probably someone named Monica, or Trisha, or Kathy, ........not because of the nose. Sounds like he really doesn't care to carry on with the e-mail relationship.

From the total outside, maybe you should look at what you had with him, and see if it would have been better if you would have had someone nearer, who you could see, talk to, etc. He is at one university, probably having a grand time, you are staying at home with Mum. If I am wrong, sorry, but, just some errant thoughts.

 

[BessVa]

I'm sorry to hear about the troubles with your boyfriend - I think others have covered it well.

There's one aspect of this that concerns me. You said "A few years ago my nose was normal and I was reasonably pretty. I don't know why but my nose grew and changed, and it distorts my face a lot now."

That change concerns me. May I recommend you concult a plastic surgeon or ENT (Ear Nose Throat) doctor (or whatever they're called now) - not for the cosmetic aspect but because there may be a medical reason for the change and growth.

 

[disneymom3]

Things aren't good. I called BF to ask if he'd read my email. No he hasn't...I asked if he was going to ever read it....No he isn't.

Apparantly he doesn't care what I've got to say, if I want to have my nose done then fine but he's supporting me in it and he's not reading my email.

I told him I felt like we were on the verge of breaking up. He said he didn't care either way, if I wanted to break up then fine, if I don't that's also fine.

I'm really upset. I had such a great day yesterday with such good news, now everything seems to have gone so wrong

ETA: Well, he broke up with me. I can't believe it, we were like best friends, we were talking about a future together...it's been an amazing three years...I don't get it....

You don't need this guy. Who CARES what you want to do??? If it is important to you, as this clearly is, your SO should support you. He needs to grow up and stop being so selfish and you deserve better!

 

[luvmy2sams]

Oh this is just hilarious....
So now BF and I have broken up for essentially no reason! I honestly feel like I'm being punked!

I'm sorry that you're going through this right now.

Like many of the previous posters have stated, this break-up didn't occur for "essentially no reason." There's way more to the story than a nose job and a new job.

I heard this statement several years ago, and I believe it whole-heartedly applies here....When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. Your ex has shown his true colors over the past few days. Please believe it and put yourself first.

 

[KarenAylwood]

There's one aspect of this that concerns me. You said "A few years ago my nose was normal and I was reasonably pretty. I don't know why but my nose grew and changed, and it distorts my face a lot now."

That change concerns me. May I recommend you concult a plastic surgeon or ENT (Ear Nose Throat) doctor (or whatever they're called now) - not for the cosmetic aspect but because there may be a medical reason for the change and growth.

Now that I think about this- I agree. You probably want to have it checked out, because a nose growing in your 20s is definitely not normal.

 

[Zurealsoon]

So yesterday I got my job! I'll graduate in June and start work in September, my nose like this forever, but then nor do I want to live without him.

I have never, ever heard of a company hiring for 9 months later...what kind of job is it?

 

[KarenAylwood]

I've got a friend who graduated in May of 2005 and has a job lined up for June of 2006 as an accountant (she secured the offer in March/April of 2005).


It does happen.

 

[dennis99ss]

I don't think a fall start is to uncommon across the pond.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Dear Florida again,

Bottom line is, it's your nose. If you are wanting to improve it, I would think you would want someone cheering you on. You are not getting that. Please do not settle for less. Hugs to you!

TC

 

[florida-again]

Hi everyone, thanks for all your kind comments.

BF and I are working on things, not sure what the outcome will be.

Just to clarify, we are BOTH at university, not just him, and we actually see each other pretty regularly and speak a lot, I'm inclined to believe he's not cheating and I'm genuinely the most suspicious person going.

We've just hit a rough patch I guess. Having spoken to him last night we've both agreed we're studying very hard and have other things on our mind. We go home for xmas tomorrow and we'll see how things go when we actually get some quality time together.

Meanwhile my mum called me back after I posted yesterday and offered to pay for my nose job which is really great of her. I will pay what I can of course.

So things are looking up. Hopefully BF and I just hit a rough patch because we were both very preoccupied with other things. If he IS cheating (which I don't think he is), I will know about it the second I see him tomorrow, because he's a terrible liar.

 

[Zurealsoon]

I don't think a fall start is to uncommon across the pond.

Really? The only profession I could see hiring that far in advanced for a Fall start is a teacher. Is that what you are OP?

 

[luvmy2sams]

Really? The only profession I could see hiring that far in advanced for a Fall start is a teacher. Is that what you are OP?

DH interviewed and accepted an engineering position during grad school in March. He didn't start the job until September of the same year. I really don't think it's that uncommon to be offered positions and not start until months later (for example, after college graduation).

 

[drakethib]

Personally, I wouldn't put much stock in a companion who won't support me with regard to the reasonable decisions I make concerning my own body. I'm not saying to dump him, but I'm saying that his lack of support for your decision warrants him having to re-prove himself if he wants to remain part of a loving relationship with you.

Agree.

 

[Taylor]

Have you ever considered that your BF loves the nose you have?

I have always had a certain affection for a nose on a woman that is "different".

 

[florida-again]

Have you ever considered that your BF loves the nose you have?

I have always had a certain affection for a nose on a woman that is "different".

Maybe....a lot of people have suggested that might be the case. I understand that, but it's still something I want done. But my close friends who know BF and I well have said 'well of course he's angry, he loves you just the way you are'....I kind of didn't think about it like that.

Had an interesting turn of events yesterday. Things had been civil, but tense between BF and I since this whole episode. Yesterday was the first time we saw each other in person. I was dreading it, on the car down to his house I was thinking about how we were going to certainly break up.

The second we saw each other, all the tension, the anger, just went away...for both of us! We had a lovely afternoon
It was very unexpected, a really good surprise.

I knew that we were struggling to patch things up because we were apart at college, but I didn't realise quite how much of a difference seeing each other would make. A really nice turn of events.

BTW - The job I've applied for is a graduate job. In the UK it's pretty standard that big companies interview around November for graduates in start in August or September. In fact, getting the job in December is actually quite late, some of my friends had jobs secured by August!

 

[florida-again]

Interestingly, a friend said to me this week...

'you two won't break up, you're too strong, I don't know any couple as strong as you two, I'm sure you'll work things out, you always seem to get through everything and come out happier than ever'

And another friend said something similar too.

It's lovely to know that from the outside, people respect our relationship and admire the work we put it. It's nice to know I guess we are strong, we've hit a few bumps in the road and always defeated them! That's the main reason I'd never give up on us without a fight.