Oh my God! The mailman just delivered the Death Certificate - UPDATE pg.3

[Mamu]

CAnne my heart breaks for you. I agree have someone there with you.

When my brother died a year and a half ago I needed to sit and touch the step that he fell onto. It wasn't easy but it was something I needed to do. The loss of loved ones is never easy especially when its a tragic loss.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[JetMom]

Lots of prayers are being sent for you. I can't believe how quickly things are moving. You have shown remarkable courage. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

 

[Denine]

I just had a chance to read your previous thread. I am so sorry for your loss. Please have someone with you when you open the envelope.

 

[C.Ann]

Once again, I engaged my fingers before I engaged my brain, so let me clarify that the photos were not in relation to the death certificate.. They were photos sent by "him".. How ironic that they - and the death certificate - should arrive on the same day.....

My DD was (and is) still in work so she called her DH and he came right over here after he was finished with work.. I can't tell you how many times I have wondered how I would get through my times of crisis without him - he has to be the most sensitive, helpful, compassionate young man I have ever met in my entire life.. Call him on the phone any time of the day or night and he's here in a shot..

Anyhow - I had him open the DC and read it first - in case there was anything terribly gruesome in there that I might have a real problem coping with.. Of course I guess just the fact that it's a "death certificate" makes it gruesome in and of itself - but as with anything else, there are "degrees"..

The end result was - a few answers - some pertinent info that I haven't been able to obtain before this - and a whole new set of questions.......

Date of death is correct.

Location is the same as what was reported to me by the investigative reporter - not what "he" reported.

Method of dealing with her remains totally threw me for a loop.. She was cremated - a HUGE no-no for anyone raised in the old methods of the Roman Catholic religion - and especially for someone who spent 8 years in a convent.. At first I considered it his final "slap in the face" to her - but after mulling it over and thinking about "how" she died, it may have been necessary.. I may cut him some slack on that one - haven't quite made up my mind yet..

No autopsy was performed.. Disappointing because I had hoped I would be able to find out if she was on psychiatric meds at the time of her death..

Death was ruled a suicide - not surprising considering how she died..

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Several important bits of info that were in the report:

She was clearly listed as being divorced..

I have the name of the funeral home and the funeral director.. (Hopefully he can tell me "who" identified her - or "how" she was identified..)

I have her last known address..

I have his address from 2001..

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As for the photos "he" sent - they were all copies - scanned onto regular paper.. There's one photo of my sister with my niece when she was 5 and 1/2 months old that looks to me as though my sister had two black eyes.. It's hard to tell though because of the quality of the photo and the paper..

The photos go from infancy to 3 and 1/2 years old (one of the last photos was actually dated).. My sister looks like any other happy Mom - playing with her daughter and loving her.. She certainly doesn't look mentally ill or delusional.. There are photos of "him" as well - but we won't go there.. The house number is in the background of one of the photos - which doesn't match either of the addresses on the DC - so at some point there was yet another move..

The last photo was a current one of my niece.. She looks EXACTLY like my sister did at that age !! NO resemblance to "him" whatsoever..

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So - that's what I have to work with now.. Hopefully the police report will arrive early next week and perhaps I can glean some more information from that..

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I may email "him" sometime this weekend - to "thank" him for taking such "good" care of my sister - even after they were divorced - and see if I can trip him up enough to divulge what year they were divorced..

If I can get the year - I can get a copy of the divorce decree.. If I can prove they were divorced, I can get her medical records from the hospital.. If I can get the medical records, maybe - just maybe - I can find out what would have caused a happy, loving Mom to die in such a horribly tragic manner..

I don't think I'll ever find out why he chose to keep this information from us for over two years.. That will undoubtedly remain the one piece of this puzzle that will never fit...............

Never.......................

 

[Serena]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

 

[Lanshark]

I'm glad you're getting the support you need throughtout this difficult ordeal.

 

[pumba]

does that make her next to kin and he can make the decisions for his daughter .....I am wondering......cause with that new privacy thing that is in effect......we dont' seem to have any rights anymore .....for my elderly mom or mil.........or for family members

just a thought and question.......please keep us posted and good luck

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by pumba
does that make her next to kin and he can make the decisions for his daughter .....I am wondering......cause with that new privacy thing that is in effect......we dont' seem to have any rights anymore .....for my elderly mom or mil.........or for family members

just a thought and question.......please keep us posted and good luck

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That's a very valid point - and one I hadn't thought of..

That would really throw a monkey wrench into things if "he" somehow remained next-of-kin by proxy because he's the guardian of their child...

 

[Pin Wizard]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) C.Ann!

 

[torismom]

My thoughts are with you during this trying time in your life. I am glad to read you are getting some answers and you seem to have a great support system with you.

 

[charlie,nj]

Hi C.Ann sorry to read the sad news about your sister. I have been reading bits and pieces of your threads. The below article is something that is going on here in New Jersey. The dead woman’s son does not believe she would have committed suicide. (sorry if this article upsets you but I thought I would post it to show that things like this do happen and you deserve answers) Take care..

Man insists mom's death was not suicide

Son of Woodbridge woman found dead in home urges officials to continue probe

Thursday, January 01, 203

BY DIANE C. WALSH
Star-Ledger Staff

A son of the Woodbridge woman whose skeletal remains were found in her basement nine months after she disappeared does not believe his mother could have committed suicide and is urging investigators to continue their probe of her death.

"There's no way possible. My mother is just not the type of person to take her own life. Something just doesn't add up," said Michael Chencharik, 28, the son of Sophia Taggart.
Taggart's family reported her missing on March 10. Her body was found last Friday, suspended from a water pipe in the basement of her one-story home on Avenel Street.

The preliminary findings of the Middlesex County Medical Examiner's Office determined Taggart, 55, committed suicide and her body "mummified" in the cluttered basement, where it was undetected until last week, even though Woodbridge police checked the house after she was reported missing.

Chencharik and his attorneys disputed the medical examiner's theory at a press conference in Bloomfield yesterday. There were no signs that Taggart was suffering any mental anguish, Chencharik said.

"She never even went to the doctor," he said. "If my mom had a problem, she'd tell me."

Chencharik now lives in Pemberton in Burlington County, but before his mother disappeared, he said he saw her nearly every day for lunch at her Avenel home.

Darren DelSardo, who is representing Chencharik, said it's "ludicrous" to believe no one noticed the body in the basement for nine months. Chencharik said he was in the basement several times since March and saw nothing. He believes his mother was the victim of foul play and her body was moved into the basement.

"We don't feel it's appropriate for Michael (Chencharik) to point a finger at anyone. But we feel there's enough evidence to warrant an ongoing investigation," DelSardo said. The attorney urged the Middlesex County Prosecutor's Office to continue probing and checking into the background of everyone around Taggart.

Taggart lived with her second husband, Donald, their three grown children and another daughter, Theresa Chencharik, who has cerebral palsy. Theresa, 24, went to live with her father, Michael Chencharik Sr., in Florida soon after her mother disappeared. In Florida, doctors discovered Theresa had a sexually transmitted disease. She accused her stepfather of abusing her.

In July, Donald Taggart was arrested and charged with sexually assaulted his stepdaughter. He was released from custody after posting bail and has pleaded not guilty.

First Assistant Prosecutor William Lamb said yesterday the charges against Taggart have not yet been submitted to a grand jury. He said his office has been in contact with Taggart since the body was found. Taggart and his children are no longer living in the Avenel Street house and, while Lamb did not have an exact address for Taggart, he said the husband is staying in the vicinity.

Lamb said the office has not reached a final conclusion in the death of Sophia Taggart and the investigation continues.
"There are things we want to explore. But I don't want to imply we're about to make a dramatic revelation that's seriously at odds with the medical examiner's findings." he said.

Lamb said his office expects to receive a final report from the medical examiner's office within a few weeks.

Meanwhile, the Chencharik family is considering hiring a forensic pathologist to conduct an independent autopsy, although their attorney said the family does not want to be combative and would not pursue an independent autopsy if it is satisfied with the prosecutor's investigation.

 

[iNTeNSeBLue98]

It's good to hear you have some closure from today's mail. Best wishes in getting the additional information you need.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

{{{{hugs}}}} to you!

 

[Princess_Aurora]

Are autopsies not required there in case of suicide? Or is there maybe some kind of an exemption for military people? It seems to me if cremation was against her religion that even if an open casket funeral couldn't have been performed, her remains could have still been burried. It just seems even more suspecious when added to all the other information you have, that she was cremated. I don't know, maybe I just watch too many soap operas, but it just seems weird especially since cremation would obviously have not been her wish.

 

[DMRick]

I can find out what would have caused a happy, loving Mom

She may not have been. She was estranged from her family, then put into a mental hospital, and then divorced. How long has it been since she had been able to have real contact with her family? Who knows (if you don't) how long she may not have been happy. While you really may never know his reasons for getting in touch with you..maybe (just playing Devil's advocate) his daughter is now asking questions about her family (her mom's family). How old is the daughter? I missed that along the way.

I know you have your son in law, daughter and dear hubby, to back you as some of these things have arrived, but you may just have to let it go, before it eats you up. Two years is a long time to have not heard about this death. I understand the hurt you are experiencing right now, but it sounds like the estrangement had gone on for a long time (even if induced by her husband), and for some reason, once she split from him, she still didn't get in touch with her family. Maybe she really did have serious mental health issues...you know I bet it's not unusual for someone to be in a convent, leave and feel guilt about her life..maybe that was part of it.

You may never get the answers to the questions you are wondering about...and the stress could affect you in a negative way. I know on TV, with all the detective shows, it always "comes out" in the end..but you may not need to know how this played out.

You know you have our prayers..but again, you may have to let it go, for your own and your family's stress level.

 

[WendyZ]

{{{hugs}}} and prayers to you C. Ann.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by DMRick
She may not have been. She was estranged from her family, then put into a mental hospital, and then divorced. How long has it been since she had been able to have real contact with her family? Who knows (if you don't) how long she may not have been happy. While you really may never know his reasons for getting in touch with you..maybe (just playing Devil's advocate) his daughter is now asking questions about her family (her mom's family). How old is the daughter? I missed that along the way.

I know you have your son in law, daughter and dear hubby, to back you as some of these things have arrived, but you may just have to let it go, before it eats you up. Two years is a long time to have not heard about this death. I understand the hurt you are experiencing right now, but it sounds like the estrangement had gone on for a long time (even if induced by her husband), and for some reason, once she split from him, she still didn't get in touch with her family. Maybe she really did have serious mental health issues...you know I bet it's not unusual for someone to be in a convent, leave and feel guilt about her life..maybe that was part of it.

You may never get the answers to the questions you are wondering about...and the stress could affect you in a negative way. I know on TV, with all the detective shows, it always "comes out" in the end..but you may not need to know how this played out.

You know you have our prayers..but again, you may have to let it go, for your own and your family's stress level.

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Interesting post to wake up to this morning - and valid points as well..

Your last sentence is pretty much the conclusion that I came to around 3:30 this morning when I was still tossing and turning in bed and my stomach was hurting so bad I actually thought I might have to call someone to take me to the ER.. I've always been one to "internalize" my problems - going for days on end without eating - and replaying information in my head to the point where I'm sure it's going to explode.. I don't (and have never been able to) deal with "unknowns" very well.. I need "facts" to base my decisions and conclusions on - and when I can't get them, I will push myself to the point of becoming physically ill.. It's not a good thing to do - and certainly not a good thing to do when many of the "facts" and/or answers are probably buried with the person whose actions created the questions...

So...what are the "facts" in this situation? The facts are:

I had a sister who - for whatever reason - chose to end her own life.. The death certificate verifies that it was a suicide and I have no reason to believe that the police report will indicate otherwise..

I know where her remains are buried and I am assuming - based on the fact that she was buried in a military cemetery - that she was given a "proper" burial.. It doesn't really matter "who" saw to it - it only matters that it was done..

I know that after many, many years of being adamant about not having children, she did in fact have a child.. I don't know why she changed her mind, but I do know that after receiving the birth announcement it would have been rather rude to respond with a "why"? So..I accepted it - and was happy for her..

I know that at some point in time - either on her own, or as a result of her ex's ongoing efforts to isolate her from her family - we lost contact with her.. Maybe if I - or someone else in the family - had tried a little harder to find her back then, the situation today would be different.. Then again, maybe it wouldn't.. Only she knows that for sure - and she's not here to tell us..

Based on all of the information I have been able to gather up until now I have to assume - and accept - that at some point in time she became mentally unstable.. Unstable enough to require long-term hospitalization.. I have no way of knowing what led to her mental problems and again, the only person who would know for certain would be her - and she's gone..

I know that her ex-husband chose not to share the information he had regarding her death for over two years.. I don't know why - and I will probably never know why.. I suppose if I wanted to, I could hound him to death until he gave me some sort of answer, but what would be the point? Would it change anything? Would it bring my sister back? No - it wouldn't.. So, in the interest of my own sanity, I think I need to let that go..

I know I have a niece - who is living with her father.. I know that he does not want us to have any contact with her.. I don't know why - but when I look at the situation (and the way her mother died) maybe - just maybe - he has a valid reason for trying to keep her world as small and as uncomplicated as possible.. It's hard enough for a little girl to lose her mother - but to lose her in the blink of an eye - under such horrible circumstances - who knows what kind of emotional damage that may have caused for her? Would it really be in her best interests to create a new set of problems - or try to uproot her from the only home she has ever known?

So - after one of the longest weeks of my entire life - I have decided that I need to put this saga to rest.. I will make the necessary arrangements for a mass at the convent she previously resided in and we - as a family - will say our goodbyes there..

Life is full of tragedies - but it must - and will - go on........



Again, my heartfelt thanks to everyone who helped guide me through this past week...

C.Ann

 

[BWVDenise]

Wow, C.Ann, it sounds like you have really sorted it all out. Best wishes.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

C. Ann, I have been following this but never posted. My sympathies to you for your loss. It does sound that you have really gotten things straight in your mind now. I feel you have made some good conclusions. My prayers are that you continue to feel the peace that this post has shown.

 

[Mamu]

CAnne Pumba is correct.

When my brother passed away I was connected by the police. Because he had a minor son in Maine. Legally the ex-wife had to sign all the release papers for his son. Didn't matter that I paid all the funeral expenses.
When you are survived by a minor child the ex is the proxy of that child.