# of kids?!?!

[2disneyboys]

I come from a huge family. DH is also from a large family. It was very difficult (lots of $ and medical help) for us to get preg with both our boys (it took us nearly 4 years to concieve child #1 and we started process for child #2 when Child # 1 was 6 weeks and it still took nearly 2.5 years to concieve)~ I am so grateful that God blessed me with two beautiful healthy boys. Due to expense and the mental and physical trials we went through, and then a miscarrage after #2, we deceided to be done. Neither DH nor I have regretted this for a second.

Lots of people, friends (close enough to know what we went through both times before) family (mostly MIL), coworkers all constantly give DH & I a hard time about
1. not having more kids AND/OR
2. not "trying for that girl" I get comments constantly that you are going to regret not trying for that girl...etc

now, I have *Nothing* against large or small families. If circumstances had been different for us, I am sure our family would be larger. HOWEVER it isnt and it won't be so why constantly harass us about it? Not to mention....I really get annoyed about comment #2 above because that implies that my son's are not "enough". Funny thing is when I got Preg w/ #2, I immediately said I hope it's another boy. Yes, I know I am going to miss the "girl times" that would have been with a daughter (I do get my girl fixes with my youngest sister who is 10 now, or one of my nieces that range in age from 4 years to 17 years) but I am also very happy being the "princess" in my house with my three men (DH and both sons)

I just don't understand why people who know your history and care about you are not more sensitive about what they say. and why do so many people feel that you are not making the right choice if you only have 1 or 2 babies. again nothing against larger familes (I myself am one of Eight kids and I love having that many siblings) I feel like I constantly get snarky comments about having that "family four pack" and how I must have only had 2 kids so that the ideal american family would fit.(vacation &/or entertaiment packags tend to be aimed to 4 person families)e??!?!?!?! I have been know to reply that no, there are other reasons I have 2, but that the family 4 pack is just a nice side effect.

Thanks for letting me VENT

 

[spacemountainmom]

I am sorry that you've had to deal with that experience. There was a similiar discussion on year a few weeks ago. I just cannot believe how some people think it is their right to stick their nose into your private family business.

I have two kids, one girl and one boy. I also had a miscarriage prior to my son and could not believe some of the insensitive and downright rude things that people said to me. My sister and her husband had serious fertility issues and now have two adopted children and I was also quite shocked at what people have said to them as well.

I know it can be awful, but just try and ignore the rude ones and know that you've been blessed twice.

 

[GoofyMomInOhio]

I come from a huge family. DH is also from a large family. It was very difficult (lots of $ and medical help) for us to get preg with both our boys (it took us nearly 4 years to concieve child #1 and we started process for child #2 when Child # 1 was 6 weeks and it still took nearly 2.5 years to concieve)~ I am so grateful that God blessed me with two beautiful healthy boys. Due to expense and the mental and physical trials we went through, and then a miscarrage after #2, we deceided to be done. Neither DH nor I have regretted this for a second.

Lots of people, friends (close enough to know what we went through both times before) family (mostly MIL), coworkers all constantly give DH & I a hard time about
1. not having more kids AND/OR
2. not "trying for that girl" I get comments constantly that you are going to regret not trying for that girl...etc

now, I have *Nothing* against large or small families. If circumstances had been different for us, I am sure our family would be larger. HOWEVER it isnt and it won't be so why constantly harass us about it? Not to mention....I really get annoyed about comment #2 above because that implies that my son's are not "enough". Funny thing is when I got Preg w/ #2, I immediately said I hope it's another boy. Yes, I know I am going to miss the "girl times" that would have been with a daughter (I do get my girl fixes with my youngest sister who is 10 now, or one of my nieces that range in age from 4 years to 17 years) but I am also very happy being the "princess" in my house with my three men (DH and both sons)

I just don't understand why people who know your history and care about you are not more sensitive about what they say. and why do so many people feel that you are not making the right choice if you only have 1 or 2 babies. again nothing against larger familes (I myself am one of Eight kids and I love having that many siblings) I feel like I constantly get snarky comments about having that "family four pack" and how I must have only had 2 kids so that the ideal american family would fit.(vacation &/or entertaiment packags tend to be aimed to 4 person families)e??!?!?!?! I have been know to reply that no, there are other reasons I have 2, but that the family 4 pack is just a nice side effect.

Thanks for letting me VENT

I can understand how you feel but I am on the other end, so to speak. Our first two were a boy and a girl and alot of people, mainly family, couldn't understand why we wanted a thrid when we had the 'perfect' family so to speak. Ummm, to me my family will be 'perfect' no matter how many kids we do or don't have. The funny thing is that I am one of five kids. When ever I mention having one more, everyone is like why would you want to do that?

Enjoy your boys and try not to worry what other think and say. You are very blessed having two wonderful boys. My one friend says it takes a special mommy to have all boys...she has four and loves every minute of it.

 

[tinker-belle]

I can relate. People are so clueless.
I got pregnant with DS#1, no problem. Had some difficulty getting pregnant with DS#2. My oldest was almost 5 then.

Wanted to have one more. In the 4.5 years it took went through medications, IUIs, IVFS & 3 miscarriages. During one of my miscarraiges the nurse at the ER said, 'so you have 2 boys, are you going to try for a girl?" WHILE I WAS HAVING A MISCARRIAGE. I wanted to slap her.

When I finally did get blessed and had my DS#3. My oldest was 12, second was 7 and a half. The comments I got was either thinking my third was a 'whoops', or 'you must be so disappointed you didnt' have a girl.'
At that point my DH will proceed to shut the person up saying, "actually no, b/c after 3 miscarriages and 4 and a half years of treatments, we are so thrilled we were blessed with our miracle.'

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

People are so rude. Next time someone (who knows what you went through to get your boys) says anything to you say something like "well, if you'd like to pay our medical bills, and go through the shots and blood draws and egg extractions and sperm donations for us we would be more than thrilled!!"

*RME* When people say ignorant and rude things like that to me I just revel in the fact that I'm more couth than they are.

 

[lisajl]

There are nosy people everywhere!! My Dh and I just had one, she started Kindergarten. This was in a place where most people had 3-5 kids. One mom decided to tell me it was not fair to our daughter if we did not have another child. I walked away crying. My friend decided to let that woman have it by telling her we had been trying for years to have another child and were having difficulty.
That woman never spoke to me again.
We went on to have two more children and I am so glad we did.
I am grateful for the ones we have and don't care a darn about what anyone else thinks.
Lisa

 

[labdogs42]

I hear ya! I have an only child. I get lots of lovely comments about that! I thought people backed off on people once they had two kids. I guess not! Oh well, yet another reason for me to stick with one! Apparently, people will always make some kind of awful comments about your choice of family size.

 

[allison443]

I can't believe how rude people can be!

I have three girls. The entire time I was pregnant with number 3 people often made comments/jokes about how we must be trying for the boy, dh must want a boy this time, etc. I found that rude. By the way, we weren't trying for the boy and we were not at all "disappointed"

Now as far as the "four pack" for vacations etc. I actually have heard people often cite that here on the dis as a determining factor in family size. I was surprised to hear that because that is the last thing that would enter my mind in deciding whether to have another child. However, apparently a lot of people do take that into account.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

It doesn't matter what size your family is, someone will always find fault with it and not have the good grace to keep their mouth shut.

I have 5 kids, I get comments all the time about "don't you know what causes that?" MIL has said it repeatedly and finally she did it in a room full of people at a family reunion so I said "Yes, I do and we enjoy it. That's exactly why we have so many." She hasn't said it since.

But typically I just smile and nod and let it go. On the other hand I also get stopped by alot of elderly people (usually at the grocery store) who are nostalgic and want to chat about how much they enjoyed when their children were young. It reminds me that it doesn't matter whether I have one child or ten, the point is to love and enjoy them and ignore what anyone thinks.

 

[DawnM]

Good grief! Don't people have enough to busy themselves with?

Anything over two and you are all of a sudden a Duggar.

We have 3 and I would love a girl! 3rd is adopted and I would like a 4th adopted.

Dawn

 

[Apheinrich]

i SOOOOO understand your point here on this one! We are an adoptive family and get grief sometimes from people that just don't turn their brains on and think about what they are saying! Our friends are just now starting to have kids and ours are SO much older. Some of our friends that are now trying are unfortunately having some issues and now understand some, but its always seemed that the family has been the worst!They are STILL on us to "have a real one of our own" i have wanted to slap them but gently remind them that our kids ARE real! and after 7 MC we really arent up for that right now! plus here is the COOL part! I am 30, DH is 35... our DD is 17 and our DS is 12! so.... we will be 36 and 41 when DS graduates HS?!?! haha yes please! Plus we are young enough to have soooo much fun with them! although it has been a running joke that i was trying to atleast make it to 30 before i became a g'ma~ JK

 

[KELLY]

Yes they can be rude. I have 2 girls one 5 and the other 2. We had awesome insurance put I have a blood disorder and it makes thing a little more complicated during pregnancy. I got pregnant really easy but the pregnancy's both times I ended up out of work for a long period of time in the hospital ect ect. Plus had a miscarrage in between pregnacy. Long period of time made big credit card debt.. But it really bugs me when people ask me if I want a boy. It kind of hurts my feeling when they ask because I would have loved to have one more. But my body also mentally couldn't do it again. Plus we are trying to get out of the debt we are in from the first 2. We are 1/2 way there. I hoping after tax sesaon we can be pretty close to debt free. IT was so worth it all the debt it was more my body. But seriously I don't want to go into this with everyone.

Wow that felt good to type that all out.

 

[Gr8t Fan]

We get it all the time. We have three DDs and now have a DS. When I was pregnant with DS everyone assumed he was an oops baby (because our youngest was 6), and then they assumed we would be disappointed if we had another DD. We were so thrilled to be having a 4th (after having suffered two m/c in the past), that we didn't care if we had a boy or a girl. We also dealt with some scares while I was pregnant so we were just greatful that DS and I made it through.

Now, we get stares and questions all the time because our oldest and youngest are fair haired and light eyed like me and our 2nd and 3rd have darker hair and eyes like DH. DH gets offended when people ask if we're a blended family, or ask if all of the kids are his, but I don't mind. I think some people are just genuinely curious.

 

[mrsltg]

I can't believe how rude people can be!

I have three girls. The entire time I was pregnant with number 3 people often made comments/jokes about how we must be trying for the boy, dh must want a boy this time, etc. I found that rude. By the way, we weren't trying for the boy and we were not at all "disappointed"

I get the same thing! We have three girls and people seemed genuinely perplexed that we are happy about that?!? Yesterday, leaving my daughters' school, a teacher actually asked me if we were going to try for a boy!!! She told me she thought we had one more and then actually said to me, "You're okay with having only girls?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Yes, we're thrilled! When I was pregnant with dd#3, dh was hoping for a girl! He said he knew girls and liked girls and wanted to have another girl. Ugh. People!!!

OP - I am sorry people are so insensitive. We had a son and he passed away. It hurts like hell when someone says something about our family situation. People really need to keep their opinions to themselves. You don't know why someone's family is the size it is. Leave it alone.

 

[bartleby1]

People can be so rude. Try to take it with a grain of salt and remember that no matter what you do, you won't please everyone.

I have three children. Girl, boy, girl. When I only had my first two, I'd get comments all the time that I can stop now since I had one of each - the "perfect" family. HUH? Why would anyone else feel they were able to decide what the "perfect" family was for me? I even got comments when we announced that we were having a third child that we were going to mess up the balance of our family! Talk about the wrong thing to say to a hormonal pregnant woman! People can be so bizarre!

I've learned that the people who make comments like that will ALWAYS find something to comment about. Nothing is ever right in their eyes. Try to not let it bother you.

 

[mistysue]

People say the silliest things without thinking.

I am from a very large family, and even in the family people act like I am crazy because I am having a third! So you can't win no matter how many you have.

I will say the "family 4 pack" thing is a nice perk to stopping at 2. We actually did think about that because DD is 7, and we really want to take her to a lot of places. It is hard enough with a little brother, but with two little ones it becomes complicated both for entertainment and for the basics. We need bigger hotels, bigger tables if we go out to eat, a bigger car, and it seems like the amount of crap to lug around doubles with each kid. So the easy weekend trip to a water park hotel goes from the $299 family of four deal to getting the suite (for $100+ more) and still having to pay for meals for one child after the huge discount special... insignificant when compared to a human life, but a really big cost and availability issue.

 

[2disneyboys]

Thanks everyone.. I got a good chuckle out of several of the comments and I totally agree.. you just can't make everyone happy and I learned a long time ago I don't really want to make everyone happy.. just some people . It just never ceases to amaze me how rude or insensitive so many people are. DH is very good about redirecting the conversation and/or defending me if the need arises (he learned along time ago that I tend to just smile & nod until I reach the point of having "enough" and then I become a tiger so he has learned to step in REAL early and difuse the situation. The one good thing that I learned in going though the difficulties I had to face to hold my 2 babies in my arms was not to judge someone for thier family choices because you never know whats going on with them. I looked perfectly healthy and normal and didn't tell everyone that we were trying or the hoops we were jumping through and it was like a stab to my heart every time someone would make the comments. we made the choice to stop when we did, not because of any "packages" etc, but because it was just becoming too much of a mental and physical drain (not to even mention financial) to grow our family larger. I would also tell people that were being rude that God gave me 2 hands for a reason.. one for each of them

to everyone who has ever had to struggle to concieve or adopt thier little miracles as the process of getting to the end result is not easy or fun but the end result is SOOOOOO worth it. & wether you struggled or not, you make the choice for your family on when "enough is enough"

 

[bumbershoot]

I think you need new friends. Not sure what to say about the families.

I am SO glad that my friends and family don't give me trouble. However, they've just about all gotten a dose of my tears and being upset when it does come up. Not sure any of them want to make me sad again.

So have you ever just flat out told them that you do NOT appreciate this, and the subject is closed?

 

[dreamin_disney]

I hear ya. I have only one child and she wasnt planned. I call her my miracle. A few years later I got pregnant it wasnt planned but that one ended in a miscarriage. My child will be 12 soon and in the last 5-6 years I've tried getting pregnant but no luck. I havent tried the fertility drugs and not sure if i want to . I'm trying to lose a few pounds to see if that helps with my hormones. But like i tell people if it's meant to be I'll be blessed with another child, if not then I'm grateful that I was blessed with one.

BTW- I'm almost 38 so if i do have another child I sure hope it before i turn 40 BUt with my past pregnancies(2) both have been unplanned so i hope I'm not 50 and BAM! I'm preggo

 

[hsmamato2]

I understand.... I have 2 sons, and could NEVER understand when people comment about 'going for that girl'- like one gender or the other is some sort of magical thing...if only you can 'get it' you will be SO happy......
I LOVE my boys! If they had been girls,I would have loved them too! I don't see why anyone cares!