Of all the irresponsible things .....

[2Tiggies]

I never used to post on the Community Board. Now this is my second in a few days! I am just blown away by some of the things people do!

There are a few little girls in our neighbourhood. The 7 year old from over the road came and knocked on my door and asked if she could use our toilet. I am not too keen about her coming in because in the past she has run in to wash her hands and managed to trash the bathroom in 30 seconds. You would have to see it to believe it. So I asked her if her toilet was broken (I did do it nicely - she's quite a sweet little girl). Well I was completely unprepared for the response. Her house is locked. Where is your mum?
Oh she went away for the day and is getting a tattoo.
So who is looking after you?
I don't know - nobody is at home.



Obviously I let her in but I don't want to keep her inside as her mum won't know where she is when she comes back. I also don't have the energy to clean the whole house again so I now have my DD out later than I would allow on a school night on the front garden so that the child is visible when an adult returns.

I just find this absolutley incredible - or am I just ridiculously old fashioned?

 

[Disneytinker]

I don’t think you are being old fashioned at all.
My children would never knock at a neighbour’s house to use the toilet because they would always be looked after if i was going out without them.

If I needed to go out and they were not coming with me then they would be at their nuns not just walking the street. I can see why you are feeling the way you are, it’s a worry to see any child out alone especially a 7 year old.

 

[2Tiggies]

I don't really know what to do. I really want my DD inside. She had swimming this evening and our dinner is cold now, but I can't really leave a kid outside alone, calling my daughter in. I am also a bit wary of just feeding her in case this meets with indignation from the parent. What to do

 

[Head_in_the_clouds]

That is disgusting! What if it rained all day, were they just going to leave her outside like an outdoor cat or something? What about food? Some people just don't know how lucky they are to have little ones. You are not being old-fashioned - you're just being a normal person, unlike this child's parents.

 

[Head_in_the_clouds]

I don't really know what to do. I really want my DD inside. She had swimming this evening and our dinner is cold now, but I can't really leave a kid outside alone, calling my daughter in. I am also a bit wary of just feeding her in case this meets with indignation from the parent. What to do

How long has she been alone that you know of? Do you think you might have to involve social services/the police. It is getting late now.

 

[Disneytinker]

I am sorry you are in this situation, i really am not sure what to suggest.
Has the little girl stated what time her mums due home? does she have a number for her mum and maybe she could call her and see when she will be home

 

[tinks_1989]

Wow they still aren't home?

I used to work in a hairdressers on a very busy dangerous main road. There was a park a few 100 feet away from my work and every Wednesday I would work till 8pm well every Wednesday with out doubt a little boy would come in and ask if he could use our toilet and would take ages leaving! One day it was really quiet and he come in and I asked him where does he live as he never come in the salon for a haircut or any thing well he said his mum see's her boyfriend on a Wednesday and he had to wait in the Park till she would collect him. He hadn't been home from school was still in his school uniform ( I recgonise the uniform and know that you leave that school at 10 so at the eldest he was 10). Sometimes he would still be in the park gone 8pm when I was leaving work and I can only guess he hadnt had any thing to eat and felt so bad for him I didn't know what to and I am such a worrier I would worry about him late in to the night of what could happen to him.

 

[2Tiggies]

The mother has arrived home. I understand that she works in some form of supportive role for the Social Work Department.

I am actually quite upset. I have been watching them out the front window the whole time. They look so little I have no idea how long she was out there. I work full day and don't get home until almost 6 pm and DD had swimming after school so we weren't in until 6.40 tonight. School comes out at 3 pm. I know this child walks to and from school. Yesterday the lollipop lady at mentioned, somewhat taken aback, that this child had made 3 trips unaccompanied to the convenience store a few blocks away - apparently sent to buy milk and bread and then went back because she forgot toilet roll.

I am going to keep an eye on it when I am in. It's just not right.

 

[Head_in_the_clouds]

It isn't right. Glad she is home but what if she had been in an accident? Forgot the scottish schools are back already. On a school night as well! Poor little thing with a mother like that.

Tinks, that story nearly made me cry .

 

[tinks_1989]

Tinks, that story nearly made me cry .

Its horrible I was so tempted to get in touch with the school but I didn't know his name or any thing and all of a sudden it stopped I hope he is ok this was over 2 years ago now

 

[katiec]

I would contact your local Child Services or Police Child protection unit (I work within a Public Protection Unit) - we would never turn down information like this and would ALWAYS visit the parent in question.

There may be nothing in it - but on the other hand THERE MAY BE. If there is, it could probably be easily sorted, but I couldnt live with myself if I failed to report it. At least then you have done your bit - let the professionals decide how to take it further.

Let us know what you decide as there is obviously some poor parenting going on here.

 

[2Tiggies]

It's a tough call isn't it! I don't want to cause problems for this child but at the same time, it is clear her best interests are not being promoted. I have just had the dad from one of the other little girls in the street, 2 houses up, come and ask if I knew what was going on. His wife is appalled. Apparently the little girl had needed to use their toilet yesterday. They have decided to report it. I wonder if I should too. I would rather the Police don't call at my house for a visit (it then looks a bit obvious who told on who!) but I could just nip into the Police Station. Hmm, what to do.

I am torn between keeping an eye on it or reporting it now, based on the one off incident.

 

[Head_in_the_clouds]

Look at Holly and Jessica that were murdered, they came from good families but they went into someone that they trusted's house and never came out alive. This little girl is knocking on people's doors, what if she knocks on the wrong door? It may seem extreme but how would you feel if you turned on the news one day and she was missing?

Why not call the NSPCC and ask what they advise and is there a way of reporting it anonymously? At the end of the day, who is giving this child her dinner? Did she come home to an empty house? Is she just expected to wander the streets? It really isn't right at all.

 

[katiec]

The police should be able to take your report over the phone - they will do a home visit to the mother - anyway if they do attend it will be plain clothes officers in an unmarked car.

You can report it in person at the station - ask for a Child Protection officer.
(you can also report it to the NSPCC who will forward it to the police - but i think direct would be better)

You shouldnt feel torn about what to do - this child MAY be suffering from "neglect" and if so deserves better care!
1) it may be nothing in which case everyone walks away knowing the child is ok
2) it may be something small that can easily be sorted with words of advice
3) it may be something major that needs investigation and action taken.

VERY few children get taken away from their families - this is a massive misconception (Even though we sometimes think more should)- Childrens Services are obliged by the government/courts to work with the families to increase parenting skills etc before any child is taken away (unless they are in immediate danger of serious harm)

This may be the first incident you have come accross - but it isnt the first incident - as the other father has pointed out. (If it is a one-off then words of advice would be suitable)

Please dont worry about what to do - we need people who care enough to make a difference in a childs life - I wouldnt like you to make a decision you're not happy with - but would you really be happy if you didnt do anything?

Katie x x

 

[2Tiggies]

Why not call the NSPCC and ask what they advise and is there a way of reporting it anonymously? At the end of the day, who is giving this child her dinner? Did she come home to an empty house? Is she just expected to wander the streets? It really isn't right at all.

Not a bad idea actually. Her mum is often in, but you rarely see her. She sometimes works shifts apparently and sleeps in the day. We always used to pass them on the way to school in the morning and the mum used to walk the child to school in the mornings. Now she goes on her own.

I was wondering about mentioning it to the school. It is not the same school my DD goes to, but the head teacher is brilliant. Of course that would not be anonymous.

My daughter was a little distressed about it. I think she is struggling to comprehend that a mum would do that. I have assured her that I would NEVER leave her like that. I will run it by my boss tomorrow. I work for a solicitor.

 

[2Tiggies]

VERY few children get taken away from their families - this is a massive misconception (Even though we sometimes think more should)- Childrens Services are obliged by the government/courts to work with the families to increase parenting skills etc before any child is taken away (unless they are in immediate danger of serious harm)

Thanks Katie. It is possibly my work environment that is making me over analyse this. So many cases of abuse and neglect go through the courts every week and I think I am associating this decision with being at work/out of the office and just confusing myself. I will have a quick chat about it tomorrow at work and see what the best course of action is. Thank you for all your advice and support.

 

[katiec]

If it helps - here is a little story - I have heard of officers going into houses where there have been NO toilet facilities - apart from the walls and the floors - you get my drift.... (the actual toilet bowl was found in the hall rather than attached to the plumbing system in the bathroom!!!)

There were 3 young children in the house - Social Services were called and the family given the option of the children being taken into Police Protection or going to Grandmas for the weekend while the house was cleaned up and made safe.

They took the "clean the house option" - the house was checked on the Monday - all was in order and the children were allowed home.

We only ever want to take children into PP if absolutely necessary and there are no suitable alternatives.

K x

 

[cherjp]

I would phone the police and report it make it clear you don't want your name mentioned , I would be most worried about what if something happened to her, like she was abducted from the area she was playing, you would probably feel guilty that you didnt do anything . Her mother should be horse whipped ! Some people don't deserve children.

I would definately phone the police.

 

[T16GEM]

Oh my goodness, I am so sad to read this thread, that poor little girl. I cannot for the life of me understand people that leave their kids like that. I don't even leave my two in the back garden if I'm inside the house for fear of something bad happening to them let alone leave them alone all day long.

Some people just don't know how lucky they are to have little ones.

I don't really know what to suggest, although you have got some fab info / advice already, please let us know what happens.

 

[2Tiggies]

I would phone the police and report it make it clear you don't want your name mentioned , I would be most worried about what if something happened to her, like she was abducted from the area she was playing, you would probably feel guilty that you didnt do anything . Her mother should be horse whipped ! Some people don't deserve children.

I would definately phone the police.

I am starting to gravitate towards that option - or at least some kind of report for the reasons mentioned above. While all the parents in the area keep an eye on the kids playing in the front, you just can't make someone else assume responsibility for your child. My daughter is not allowed to anyone's house unless I have had the okay from the parent/s. When it is time to go home I watch them to their front door and make sure they have gone inside. The same goes on the rare occasion that DD goes to the house a few doors up. The parents know where they are. Of course I have less of a problem with this and mostly don't have to deal with it because I work full time and my daughter does a lot of extra curicular activities which often start just after 5 pm and also plays tennis on Saturdays.

I do hope it is nothing serious. This little girl is always very well groomed, the home, at least from the front is well kept and the mum has a decent job.