Odd question - how to introduce multi-ethnicity to an adopted child?

[holden]

I have a strange question. Our two DDs are both adopted from foster care. DD6 knows she is adopted and knows a little about her story. When an opportunity presents itself, we talk to DD2 about how she is also adopted (books, etc.). DD2 is also biracial (African American & Caucasian) with very Caucasian features. Any stranger who would meet her would assume she is Caucasian, as we are, with darker skin. People assume she has an Italian background. I try to point out examples to her of other biracial people, toys, etc., but it is very difficult. Even DD6 tells her "you are like the President", but that means nothing to a 2yo.

Does anyone have titles of picture books, etc. that might enable us to introduce this concept to her? I don't want it to ever be a surprise to her that she is biracial. We try to discuss multicultural topics with our kids (DD6 is especially interested in those), but that is the best method we have come up with so far.

We ARE excited about The Princess and the Frog! We hope that it might open up some dialogue for us, but we are looking for other suggestions too.

Anyone go through something similar?

Thanks for any help!

 

[kpgriswold]

Here is a link to a bunch that we used when I did foster care:
http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/books/0multiracial.html

Mostly though, you can just keep doing what you are doing and let your DD2 lead the way. Kids have a way of asking for the info they need when they need it. As long as you answer her questions honestly and with words she can understand, you're doing a grat job.

 

[dormouse72]

I'm a social worker in foster care...

Absolutely introduce the idea of adoption early. Talk about the day she came to your home, how small she was, etc. Jamie Lee Curtis' "Tell me again about the day I was born" is great. You have experience with this from your older child. 2 years old is early to introduce the idea of being biracial. At some point, she will want to know who she "looks like" (particularly if your older child is interested in it, the words and phrasing will be familiar to her). Include her in the discussions your older child has with you about it - "This is for both of you".

The best thing you can do is to keep the dialogue open and her racial history as much of a fact, similar to the idea of "I have two eyes" or "I have brown hair". It sounds like you have done a very good job with your older daughter so keep up the good work with your second!

I work with kids in foster care but my boys are usually much older - in their teens and early 20's. One of the heartbreaking facts of their lives is that when the family is taken into the system, often younger children are separated and freed for adoption (since most families understandibly want to adopt infants and toddlers), while older kids (who are more bonded to their biological families and have been more damaged by dysfunctional systems) "grow up" in the system. They often lose their connection to their siblings, as both kinship and non-kinship adoption cases tend to feel our boys are "bad influences" and want their children to "make a fresh start" (I'll be the first to admit many of them are not angels). Many times, my boys have been the surrogate parents to their siblings - standing in for parents who are unable to parent effectively - and are devastated when they are told they can no longer have contact with their younger brothers and sisters, causing them to act out even more since they don't have the skills to express themselves any other way.

One task of helping your children eventually come to acceptance of all of the parts of their identity may be that they have older (and younger) biological siblings who have not had the same advantages you have been able to give them. I don't know if it will be true for your children but I hope you will be open-minded should you be approached by an older biological sibling in the future. Most of the time, my boys just want to know that their little brothers and sisters are having the childhood they never had.

 

[holden]

Thank you for your advice and the link. We do have pics of DD2's bio parents, but we have nothing for DD6 (we have no info on her parents at all).

We know we might hit some rough spots in the future, but we plan to keep discussion adoption/foster care/multi-ethnicity with our kids so they will have lots of opportunities to ask questions.

Thanks again!