Odd kid's birthday party invitation

[Mysterian]

View attachment 680252

Steeven is turning 6 from 3-5 PM, but between 5pm and 6pm, Steeven will become a timeless cosmic being!

Pizza will be served.

 

[Micca]

little Kahlua.

The bartender at the Hilton Waikiki???

 

[ronandannette]

Was this a classmate? If so, did every classmate get one of these cards? Did the mom even mention like a particular amount of money? I'm thinking if multiple parents fork over random amounts of money, what if Mom just buys something for $25 and uses the rest for gas or a little Kahlua.

Unacceptable. Unless of course Kahlua is the kid's liquor of choice.

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

I’d give both the money and a gift. I’d ask Mom what the big gift was that her child wanted and if it was under $200-$300 I’d go ahead and buy it myself to ensure the kiddo would get it. Then I’d ask Mom if there was a college fund I could contribute to.

No, I’m kidding! I would decline the invitation. My kid would have a super duper important trip to the zoo planned for that day.

 

[Sinder]

I guess I'm just old fashioned, but I just don't understand all this "money" grabbing, birthday, baby shower and weddings. It's just so sad. My kids always had small parties (best friends only) we never invited the entire class and the kids genuinely liked the kids that came to the party (and we didn't get a ton of unwanted 'stuff')

I don't know what old fashioned means in this case but I am almost 50 and remember going to classmates parties when I was in grade school, this isn't some new concept.



OP, I think the mother has a great point, but IMO the only people that she should tell that to are people who specifically ask her what to give, she shouldn't put in a note to everyone. It's considered poor etiquette to mention gifts in an invitation so it comes across as a little tacky.
My kids always gave cash to classmates at that age vs an actual gift. It was just easier than trying to figure out what they might like.

 

[lovesmurfs]

It is odd. And pretty rude, IMO.

Starting around that age, I gave my kids the option of having a party OR getting a better gift. I put the $$ that would've gone to the party to the gift. That way, it was the kid's decision.

 

[QueenIsabella]

It's not unusual for one kid to give another kid a gift card. Especially if it's a classmate that they don't know super well. We used to invite the whole class to parties--I like hosting them, and we had plenty of room.

That said, I wasn't above telling my kids they could have the party OR the big gift. A couple times, I took my eldest to NYC in lieu of a party--we mainly went to see a Broadway show, but also toured the Museum of Natural History once, and did one of those double-decker bus tours another time.

 

[Jackiethemermaid]

what if they couldn't afford the gift he wanted? maybe a gift that all the other kids already could afford? maybe they don't have room because they might live in an apartment or smaller? worried about a repeat gift? parties are also very expensive to have.... i mean if you aren't certain of a persons circumstances i don think its nice to judge. but if you know they come from a family with money then yes, i think that's on the strange side.

 

[nw6675]

what if they couldn't afford the gift he wanted? maybe a gift that all the other kids already could afford? maybe they don't have room because they might live in an apartment or smaller? worried about a repeat gift? parties are also very expensive to have.... i mean if you aren't certain of a persons circumstances i don think its nice to judge. but if you know they come from a family with money then yes, i think that's on the strange side.

I am definitely aware of their circumstances as this is a family we know. But, even so, IMHO tact and manners should not be dependent on wealth or status.

If it had been worded in a different way than literally just asking for "funds", I think I would not have questioned it as much. Something like, some have asked what she might like...she is saving up for xxxx or enjoys xxxx. Not just flat out asking for money.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yeah no a decline would be my answer too. This isn't a "let's go in together" type situation. And what are the chances of the mom even admitting to her kid that all this money contributed by the kid's friends were the reason he got that gift? Like no chance, so she'll take the pat on the back herself. Either she wants to keep up appearances to her kid (like he's unaware of their financial situation) or he's been asking for a particular expensive gift for which she's either unable to afford it on her own or simply doesn't want to spend the money herself.

Either way that's a nope for me.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

what if they couldn't afford the gift he wanted? maybe a gift that all the other kids already could afford? maybe they don't have room because they might live in an apartment or smaller? worried about a repeat gift? parties are also very expensive to have.... i mean if you aren't certain of a persons circumstances i don think its nice to judge. but if you know they come from a family with money then yes, i think that's on the strange side.

You still don't ask that of people like that of your kid's friend's parents. Maybe if it was family and was being used in lieu of something else the mom could have spoken to her relatives on that option.

The only way I see this as an acceptable thing is if the kid had like a charity/foundation they were passionate about and the invite was like "in lieu of a gift please donate to X, Johnny's favorite". I'm not sure how super common that would be for a 10 year old to think like that but that's the only situation I could see it being acceptable to just simply ask for your kid's parents to contribute straight up money as a means for a collective gift.

 

[2SLM]

It doesn't bother me as much as others, but I would never do it. I also would never punish the child by not going, because of it.

 

[nw6675]

It doesn't bother me as much as others, but I would never do it. I also would never punish the child by not going, because of it.

You are very right. We have several reasons my DD likely won't go and ir won't be based on just the mother's actions. We will do something for her when we see her, but won't be cash.

 

[Living42Day]

That does seem a little cash-grabby to me. We would probably be busy that weekend

 

[Living42Day]

I also think it's interesting how different areas have different norms. Growing up, we didn't have birthday parties where we invited classmates or friends. My cousins did not have birthday parties either, neither did my close friends growing up (so it's not that I just wasn't invited! - or was it???) Celebrations of that sort are reserved for family time. We are probably the oddballs but it is weird for me to see this in real life rather than occurring in the movies.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I would go along with it for the kid's sake, and my kid's sake since 10 is a really weird age and it's generally not a great idea to make enemies too early. However, I would linger outside the door or at the party and wait to see what other moms made smart--- comments and then would have a new school Mom friend.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I would go along with it for the kid's sake, and my kid's sake since 10 is a really weird age and it's generally not a great idea to make enemies too early. However, I would linger outside the door or at the party and wait to see what other moms made smart--- comments and then would have a new school Mom friend.

That’s also the basis I use for choosing new friends!

 

[unrequited23]

If it had been worded in a different way than literally just asking for "funds", I think I would not have questioned it as much. Something like, some have asked what she might like...she is saving up for xxxx or enjoys xxxx. Not just flat out asking for money.

A few years ago, a birthday invite included something like "we are saving up for a swing set for the backyard, if you need gift ideas contributions are welcome." The same invitations went out to family members and friends of the birthday boy, so it didn't seem weird. We bought the kid a regular present, but it seemed like the grandparents and aunts/uncles divided their budget between swing set money and something to open.

 

[jdb in AZ]

Years ago I was invited to a bridal shower. Normally (in my circle of friends) we give whatever gift we want, or we contribute whatever $$ amount we want to a group gift which is then purchased by a volunteer who wraps it and brings it to the party with a card listing the names of the givers. In this case, the aunt of the bride wanted to purchase luggage for her niece and specified on the invite how much she expected each guest to contribute. Not everyone is that close to the bride, and/or not as well-to-do as the aunt seemed to think we all are. The expected donation was double what I would normally spend. I boycotted the shower.

 

[barkley]

Years ago I was invited to a bridal shower. Normally (in my circle of friends) we give whatever gift we want, or we contribute whatever $$ amount we want to a group gift which is then purchased by a volunteer who wraps it and brings it to the party with a card listing the names of the givers. In this case, the aunt of the bride wanted to purchase luggage for her niece and specified on the invite how much she expected each guest to contribute. Not everyone is that close to the bride, and/or not as well-to-do as the aunt seemed to think we all are. The expected donation was double what I would normally spend. I boycotted the shower.

also years ago-i received a shower invite and included in it was a list of items the guest of honor wanted along with one of the items highlighted and handwritten next to it "you will bring this gift" um yeah-i passed on that shower (should be noted-i recognized the handwriting as the guest of honor's so she must have been making the decision on which guest could afford which gift b/c they varied greatly in cost).