ODD..anyone familiar with this?

[MommyWithDreams]

Anyone have a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)...or know anyone that has a child with it? Can you share your stories if you do?
Thank you.

 

[Lorix2]

Hi,

I have a son with ODD, he's 10. For 5 years I knew something was 'off' with him and realized it's beyond anyone's control. We are in the very early stages of having him evaluated for this and ADD, since they say ODD is never a single diagnosis, it usually involves another disorder as well with symptoms of another, comorbidity is the term they use.

I can only tell you and you probably know and have experienced first hand how difficult these kids can be with the defiance, oppositionality and anger, they're always blameless, never their fault, they don't fear authority of any kind, they are disruptive, intentionally annoy other people, don't care about consequences, etc...

Our neurologist finds that individual counseling does not usually help a child with this (I tend to agree) but plenty can help the parents learn to deal with the kids.

I can't give you any advice, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. It's never easy and I know my son is predictable at times and unpredictable at other times, you never know how your day will go visiting someone or the issues that will arise with them.

Are you having him eval'd by a professional?

 

[MommyWithDreams]

Hi,

I have a son with ODD, he's 10. For 5 years I knew something was 'off' with him and realized it's beyond anyone's control. We are in the very early stages of having him evaluated for this and ADD, since they say ODD is never a single diagnosis, it usually involves another disorder as well with symptoms of another, comorbidity is the term they use.

I can only tell you and you probably know and have experienced first hand how difficult these kids can be with the defiance, oppositionality and anger, they're always blameless, never their fault, they don't fear authority of any kind, they are disruptive, intentionally annoy other people, don't care about consequences, etc...

Our neurologist finds that individual counseling does not usually help a child with this (I tend to agree) but plenty can help the parents learn to deal with the kids.

I can't give you any advice, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. It's never easy and I know my son is predictable at times and unpredictable at other times, you never know how your day will go visiting someone or the issues that will arise with them.

Are you having him eval'd by a professional?

Thank you so much for responding. We've been having serious issues for about a year now. We've had appointments with a pediatric psychologist who chalks it up to "this is normal and kids can be defiant". That I understand......I was a preschool teacher and feel like I have seen it all........but not this. It's hard for me to talk about because, well it just hurts. I find us not going out to restaurants anymore, out shopping and I avoid playdates at all cost simply because of the behavior. His preschool has been WONDERFUL with trying to help us find a solution to the behavior. It wasn't until yesterday when I picked him up that his teacher had asked me if I had heard of ODD. I had never heard of it........I looked it up and it is SO my son. Every single symptom. I'm going to call his pediatrician and hopefully FINALLY after a year of no progress go down another route. I am so sad and just don't know what to do.
We just got back last week from Disneyland and it was a rough trip. Not the trip I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong..there were great moments. But also I was in silent tears for a lot of it. I almost postponed it because I was afraid this would happen.

 

[MinnieVanMom]

Might I suggest that you post in the disAbility section for a better response.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

Wow, I hadn't heard of this before, but I am going to research it. This sounds so much like my 3 (4 in a couple weeks) year old. I haven't mentioned any issues to his doctor because I figured they would tell me he was too young to diagnose, but it wouldn't hurt to read up on it. Maybe I can find some better ways to care for and discipline him.

 

[MM27]

I had a student in my class a few years ago with ODD. He was a challenge behavior wise but he was one of the brightest kids I have ever had.

 

[TenThousandVolts]

I am familiar and my heart goes out to anyone dealing with this in their family. A huge percentage of kids with ODD also have adhd (over 60% I think) I am part of an ADHD support group (I have ADHD and so do my kids) and many of the people I know from the group are dealing with ODD as well as ADHD. I agree- the DISabilities board would be a good place to post this. I would look for a local support group- people can empathize- but only like parents can really understand. Also (if the child hasn't already) I would try to see a good bio-psychologist or neuro-psychologist. My youngest has quite a few co-morbidly existing disorders and I think this is a good kind of doctor to see. They look at the physical/chemical as well as psychological/emotional when evaluating their patients.

I think it is great that you are going after this issue now, while he is in preschool. Two of the moms I know have the kids (both boys) in behavior therapy or behavior modification and both have found it helpful. These kids are older (one in 3rd grade, one in 6th). So I can only beleive that if your son does have this condition and you begin getting him some help now, at his young age, it can only be better starting early, than waiting and seeing.
Chin up- wishing you the best, truly.
Edited: I just looked at your trippie- your son is super cute!

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

I've copied this thread to the disABILITIES Community Board. You can find it here:
http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1755638

 

[camdensmom]

I have worked with several children who were diagnosed as ODD. Incidentally, each also had an "additional" diagnosis (ADD, ADHD, anxiety disorder). They can be very challenging. I have had such great success with each of them (2nd and 3rd grade level). As a teacher I find it is super important to build a strong relationship with them, pick your battles and celebrate their successes. They need to have boundaries, but lots of choice within those boundaries.

I wish you the best of luck as you begin the process of helping your son. Like others have said, I think it is very important to find support for yourself as a parent. Hugs!

 

[MommyWithDreams]

THank you so much for the support and responses. And thank you akamad4mouse for putting my post in the right place. I had never been to the other board but a huge thanks

 

[Poohgirl]

I can only tell you and you probably know and have experienced first hand how difficult these kids can be with the defiance, oppositionality and anger, they're always blameless, never their fault, they don't fear authority of any kind, they are disruptive, intentionally annoy other people, don't care about consequences, etc...

Wow, just what Lorix2 said...word for word describes my Ds(11) most of the time. Completely draining.

 

[buzzlady]

My son 15 (16 in June) was diagnosed 3 yrs ago. We were in therapy for almost a year. That really didn't seem to help much. What I did learn was to "just walk away" as hard as it is to do sometimes! You need to seperate yourself until the anger subsides.

We are in the process of having DS re-evaluated as he is failing all subjects and just doesn't seem to care. Yeah, he cares when you talk to him about it but it ends there.

I wish you all the best! It is a long hard road.

 

[bumbershoot]

I just went looking for a list of symptoms.

Have you ever seen my posts about what happens when my 3 year old has anything related to corn syrup? That list could define what happens with my guy.

Figured it out at an outdoor festival last summer, 20 minutes after he ate a lollipop. After being viciously attacked by him, after carrying him home in the July heat and having him nearly pass out once the adrenaline had been spent (making him even heavier for the walk back), and crying for a few days (and posting elsewhere about it), the light came on. (he is totally fine with proper sugar, it's not a sugar thing, by the way...)

I might sound like a broken record, and some might think it's idiotic, but that is exactly how my son would act when he would eat something like that.

I know you've read my DLR trip reports; did you read about how he reacted to a Dole Whip? Or an Uncrustable? Both Disney favorites, both loaded with corn syrup byproducts. Now that he doesn't eat them anymore, he doesn't act like that anymore.

In fact we just found a candy that has hidden corn syrup in it, and I'm emailing back and forth with the manufacturer about it. I'm guessing they didn't use pure vanilla or a pure other flavoring, b/c so many flavorings like that have high fructose corn syrup in them, and they state there's nothing in the candy with corn syrup in it (I haven't asked THEM about the vanilla yet), but I've watched DS's behaviour go 180 in the wrong direction, back to the list of symptoms I just found, 10 minutes after he eats one of them.

I would *highly* recommend checking out his diet, and if he's eating things with those products in it, watch what is happening when he changes. See what he has just eaten.

It's worth a try, anyhow, it really is.

I'm so sorry that your trip wasn't all that it should have been. That's how I felt last September, before I really knew how many Disney products were full of that crud (read the uncrustable ingredients on the December trip).

I've been reading your trip report, and was just thinking the other evening that he has some facial similarities to my guy, maybe not evident in pictures of Eamon, but when I look at Eamon and your A, I see it. Since they are around the same age, and since this behaviour seems so similar to how DS has acted, I feel even more empathy towards you than I would another mom/kiddo.

 

[irishvixen]

My daughter has ODD as well. She is now 17 and has been diagnosed since she was 13. It is very hard and as she gets older even worst. She really believes nothing is her fault. I have the most difficult with ppl that have never heard of this so it is important to get the word out. I have heard that it is typical of teenagers and even her distant father has never heard of it and thought her doctor had no clue on what he was talking about. We have been to many doctors and councelors and she has been evaluated so many times. One doctor even told her this was normal so now she believes her behavior is ok. I'm scared for her because she is almost an adult and it does'nt seem to be getting any better. In fact, they took her off her medicine because she refused to take it and I could'nt handle the fights anymore. Its so sad because we use to be very close and now she tells me so many times she hates me and sometimes worst. I wish I could say it gets better but honestly I'm not sure.

 

[debbi801]

Hi. For a period of time, it was thought that my 6 yr old DS had ODD. However, with further neuro-psych testing, multiple evaluations, etc. it was determined that he has Asperger Syndrome and SID. I would recommend getting your son a full psychological work up. He is on meds (through a psychiatrist) for the ADHD portion of things and will be working with an OT and pediatric psychologist for the other issues.

Good luck with everything. It can be so frustrating for us parents.

 

[corpgirl]

I was a special education teacher for students with emotional and behavioral issues. Students with ODD can be very challenging. They will disagree for the sake of disagreeing. Don't get into a power struggle with your child. Keep the rules at home, as well at school, structured. If child does x, consequence will be y. They will push the boundaries to see if you will follow through. Keep your ground as difficult as it will be. If you're having difficulty at home and your child has difficulty at school, check out the special education services available. If you give a written request for evaluation, the school (atleast in MN) needs to evaluate the student. I enjoyed working with the challenging students in high school. I was very proud to see one of my worst case students graduate from boot camp in the National Guard. He later went to Iraq. He still has his rebelious side, but not as strong.

 

[DearDaisyinDurham]

I was a special education teacher for students with emotional and behavioral issues. Students with ODD can be very challenging. They will disagree for the sake of disagreeing. Don't get into a power struggle with your child. Keep the rules at home, as well at school, structured. If child does x, consequence will be y. They will push the boundaries to see if you will follow through. Keep your ground as difficult as it will be. If you're having difficulty at home and your child has difficulty at school, check out the special education services available. If you give a written request for evaluation, the school (atleast in MN) needs to evaluate the student. I enjoyed working with the challenging students in high school. I was very proud to see one of my worst case students graduate from boot camp in the National Guard. He later went to Iraq. He still has his rebelious side, but not as strong.

My adopted daughter (now an adult) who was subjected to trauma before leaving her birth family, has ODD, ADD/ADHD, PTSD and is also bi-polar. Also attachment disorder.

A very good book recommended to me years ago by Beverly James is the Attachment disorder handbook. It's a godsend if you have questions about lack of attachment.

Number one recommendation for you as a parent would be - join (or START) a support group so you do not feel alone.

Hugs xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

 

[JoiseyMom]

Here's a review I read on a book about dealing with ODD children.

http://www.daddyshome.com/article.asp?AID=5

 

[loco4dis]

I have a daughter who was very defiant. We joked about it until it became unmanageable. I dreaded taking her anywhere, because I knew how it would end. If I had looked then at the descriptions of ODD I found on the web, they would have fit her perfectly. But we didn't look at any such descriptions. We decided to handle her with an ultra-firm, non-compromising, behavior-equals-consequences approach. It was exhausting, because she would throw these unbelievable fits if things didn't go her way. We didn't yell or scream or hit. Before we'd leave the house to go anywhere, I'd sit her down and tell her exactly what would happen/what would be taken away/etc. if she acted up. And they were severe consequences (from her perspective) such as missed birthday parties, prized toys taken away, sleepovers canceled, etc. And when she invariably acted up, those things happened. We didn't let her step one little toe out of line without a consequence occurring. We were beyond strict. We also did a lot of talking to her about the fact that the world expected her to behave. That as an adult, if we weren't "mean" now like we were being, she would be unhappy and lonely. I also told her that she should be grateful Daddy and I are being the grownups here, because being a grownup is hard work and our job is to let her be a carefree little girl. Little by little, she improved. And as I said, it was exhausting. It's sooo much easier to let such children have their way. She's 13 now, and she is a delightful, passionate, loving child. Oh, she can still pitch a fit when things don't go her way, and she still pays a price for it when she does, but those fits are few and far between, and she's always genuinely sorry afterwards.

Now, maybe I just had a spoiled daughter, though her older sister wasn't that way at all. I'm just suggesting that when it comes to defiant children, we could probably all see one of our children or another in those website descriptions. Definitely see your pediatrician, but I would never let a website — or a teacher for that matter — tell me my child has some "disorder." Every child takes a different approach, and sometimes we have to be the meanest mommies ever to help our children grow into beautiful human beings.

 

[KAPTink]

Hugs to the OP!! This is a hard road, no matter what the label is. It's just sad when your children become something you never dreamed of, and have characteristics that make you feel helpless to manage. My son has had many labels, ADHD, ODD, bi-polar, high anxiety, attachment disorder, you name it. Sometimes the label itself doesn't really matter. It's just good to find others who are living what you are living. At the time it feels so very isolating, and truly no one, except someone who lives it can relate completely. We have a psychologist and a developmental behavioral pediatrician, and right now they both agree that they wouldn't know how to begin if they had children such as mine. Support groups do help! Find what works for you and your child and don't give up!! Every now and then I see little moments where we're making progress, and in the end, that is what counts. Hang in there!!