Objective advice needed please...

[TashaRVT]

DD13 just told me that one of her best friends has a boyfriend, and is purposely not telling her parents.

Suddenly I feel morally obligated to let her parents know what's going on; they specifically don't want her dating until she is 16, and if the situation was reversed, I'd want someone to tell me.
On the other hand, this really isn't any of my business.

 

[zurgswife]

If I were close friends with the parents I probably would share what I heard on the grape vine ..... but if I didn't have a relationship with the parents I'd figure it's not my place.

 

[cornflake]

Stay out of it. Not your business and you don't want to set up a thing where your daughter doesn't tell you things because you'll go running to other kids' parents because you know they ... whatever, don't want their kids drinking and she says kids were drinking at a party or they have a strict curfew and the kids sneak out or they monitor their kids online but her friend has a secret filthy fb, or they're against premarital sex and her friend is sleeping with her bf or etc., etc., etc. It's a slippery slope you're standing on the precipice of, imo. Back away from the edge.

If her friend was shooting heroin on the sly, that's an immediate, literal danger to life and then you have a talk with the friend first, imo. If it's not that level... back away.

 

[richmond282]

I'd stay out of it too unless you know there is abuse or a sexual relationship going on.

 

[TheElectricMayhem]

Unless you know the parents realllly well, I'd stay out of it. Its up to them to monitor their daughter's whereabouts and keep her from real 'dating'. At 13 "boyfriend" may mean "boy she sees at school and nowhere else" and is really not an issue.

 

[aaarcher86]

Mimicking the stay out of it crowd.

You also have no idea if the friend is just saying things to sound cool. I've known a few young teens to lie about that type of stuff.

 

[JessB320]

Yup I agree with everyone so far- stay out. Your daughter will remember this and will stop telling you things in the future if you contact the other parents, and there will be worse things to come in any circle of friends. I would use this as a way to talk to your DD. tell her your glad she doesnt need to hide things from you. Plant that trust now because in the future she will face things she will want to hide. If she feels trust she is more likely to open up to you.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

If no one is in immediate danger or harm (anorexic, cutting, heroine, driving drunk, etc) I say stay out of it. Each parent comes to the realization about their own child slowly but surely. Just like no one believes a friend when they say they've seen your husband out with another woman, you begin to realize you don't know your child as well as you think you do. Little by little you realize they're not your innocent little baby anymore.

 

[kate_wdw]

If I were you, I would be more concerned about keeping the lines of communication with my daughter open. Breaching your daughter's trust over something so minor seems like a bad idea to me.

 

[Robbi]

Don't get involved. One the parents might resent you meddling and two your daughter will definitely resent you meddling. She might not feel she can share something really important if you violate her trust on this issue.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Im sorry but it really isn't any of your business. Its not your daughter, therefore you have no right to blab to her parents. Why would that even cross your mind? Worry about your own family.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DD13 just told me that one of her best friends has a boyfriend, and is purposely not telling her parents.

Suddenly I feel morally obligated to let her parents know what's going on; they specifically don't want her dating until she is 16, and if the situation was reversed, I'd want someone to tell me.
On the other hand, this really isn't any of my business.

Unless you are REALLY REALLY REALLY good friends with the parents you stay out of it. Plus as others say this is really gossip. Do not fall into that trap.

If you DO tell the mom your dd's BF will become her EX-BF more than likely.

ANd honestly this is basically a BIG whoop thing.

If she was pregnant, harming herself, or something more serious OK, then absolutely you should say something.

 

[TashaRVT]

Thank you guys all for your input - it's comforting to know, in a way, that my initial gut reaction of, "stay the heck outta this one!" was the right reaction, lol.

I'm not very good friends with them, more just acquaintances. I don't really feel like it is my place to get involved, but I wanted to hear from others if I was being too complacent.

 

[TashaRVT]

Im sorry but it really isn't any of your business. Its not your daughter, therefore you have no right to blab to her parents. Why would that even cross your mind? Worry about your own family.

Wow - this is a PERFECT example of what keeps people from going ahead and asking for help, for other people's opinions.

Just a scenario my dear, no need to get nasty

 

[chip 'n dale rule]

Wow - this is a PERFECT example of what keeps people from going ahead and asking for help, for other people's opinions.

Just a scenario my dear, no need to get nasty

My thoughts exactly!!

 

[*JoGo*]

I'd stay out of it. Considering they're 13, they probably just sit together at lunch- or maybe not even that!

If the boyfriend is older, that's when I'd say something. Or in danger of being harmed.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Yes, stay out of it. It will probably be over before you could tell the parents anyway.

 

[ebtbmom]

I can understand your concern, and don't feel bad just for asking a question, that's what the boards are for, to bounce ideas off others.

Unless you hear that she's being harmed in some way I'd stay out if it. I called a parent of DSs friend recently because he was texting DS things about harming himself and one of the girls. I felt awkward calling, but I feel it was the right thing to do and I'd do it again if I feel a child may be in harms way.

At this point if I were you I'd stay out of it.

 

[leebee]

I'd stay out of it. Considering they're 13, they probably just sit together at lunch- or maybe not even that!

If the boyfriend is older, that's when I'd say something. Or in danger of being harmed.

I wouldn't contact the girl's parents, but don't kid yourself about what some 7th and 8th graders are up to these days! Many 13 year olds are not "young/innocent" anymore, and it's sad, because they really ARE just kids mentally and emotionally.

 

[15isto2]

I would stay out of it. Its the other girls parents that brought this on themselves by trying to stunt their daughters emothional growth with a no dating rule.