o/t - why are people so rude?

[ado121]

ado

thanks!

btw, when ya going at christmas? we are going dec 15th to the 30th. staying at windsor hills. can't wait!

i get asked this all the time too....are you taking the kids with you? of course, i didnt have kids to leave them at home!

 

[House_of_Mouse Fan]

I know exactly what you mean! We were blessed with one child (after years of trying) and for many years after she was born, people kept asking...so, when is the second one coming! Now that she's 14, people have finally stopped asking!

Just ignore them!!!

 

[DearDaisyinDurham]

there ARE more good people in the world than not but sometimes we have to look a little harder to find them....and I HATE passive aggressive witches with a b like that....if I lived closer I would be going to the gym with you and we would be making her feel pretty darn bad can you say, ooops! gym accident

 

[debbi801]

ok heres the long and short of it. totally off topic but i needed to vent to my fellow canadians.

when my husband and i married we agreed we both wanted a large family. large meaning 3 for him (maybe 4) and 4 for me (i wanted an even number)
we have had our 4 children. 2 years apart. all are healthy, beautiful children. our youngest is 6 months old. and a boy. i say that because our other 3 darlings are girls. we didn't care what we had....you don't get a choice and we know that. we were happy with everything. girls or boys, as long as they were healthy.

heres the kicker...we get the rudest comments when we go out. so much so that i am hating going out anymore! heres a list:

are they all yours?
so you finally got your boy!
someone told my oldest daughter that her mommy had to have 3 girls to get her boy...had to???
wow, i feel for daddy.
don't you know what birth control is?
are you religious?
trying for your own tlc show???
are you having MORE?
do you know when enough is enough?

after our 3rd daughter was born, someone said to my husband....you must be so disappointed you didn't get a boy.

not to mention the tummy pats, and the finger pointing and the comments regarding a left over baby belly...another in the oven? you should be careful, in your condition, and the all so popular one...you are HUGE, are there twins in there.

so, i was just wondering...is 4 really that high of a number when it comes to kids. it seemed so natural for us, but we haven't met too many other families with 4 kids.

cheers

People can be very rude. Just ignore the comments. Eventually, they will stop asking.

I do have to say that I find it amusing that one of the comments you find rude is about you finally getting your boy, when you pretty much said the same thing in your tag.

 

[mommytodarlings]

We have 4 dks as well, 2 boys & 2 girls.

All 2yrs or less apart.

I am always asked if they are all mine and not daycare kids. Usually, when I say yes, the response is then "wow, you must be busy".

The question "are you guys done?" is my fave. I really like when it is phrased more as a statement though, like "you must be done now, with 2 of each"

The thing that bothers me the most has to be when we walk in to a restaurant and you can see the people that we are being seated near, just cringe, thinking we are going to ruin their dinner or be very noisy. However, my kids are shy and usually very well-behaved, (when out in public, at least).

I generally ignore the comments and stares from strangers.

Dh keeps saying it's a good thing that he got fixed or else we'd be preg again. I admit I do get baby fever, I just love them to death.

Although, thinking of the teenage years, is starting to scare me. I mean who in their right mind would want to have 17, 16, 15 and 13 yo at the same time.

 

[DearDaisyinDurham]

Probably she doesn't wear her tag outside of the Dis

 

[krazy4crusing]

We have 4 children (3 DS and 1 DD). Complete strangers constantly say.. you finally got your girl!! Although this may be true-what do they know, I wouldn't know them from a hole in the wall.

As per all the comments you have had to endure...

There must be an idiots guide to being a moron and these people have read it cover to cover!!

 

[ado121]

I do have to say that I find it amusing that one of the comments you find rude is about you finally getting your boy, when you pretty much said the same thing in your tag.

well, i have to say, you hear it enough from stupid people, you kind of think things about it. i remember delivering all 4 of my children and not even thinking to check what 'it' was. 2 were born at home in the bathtub and we cuddled for so long that we forgot to check what they were till my husband said the waters getting cold, we better get out. then we both looked at each and said is 'it' a boy or girl???

i admit i still look at my sons body part in complete shock. after 3 girls, who would have thought the last baby we would have we'd be learning things all over again!

 

[ado121]

Probably she doesn't wear her tag outside of the Dis

very true!

 

[Reese]

I understand what you are saying. I've gotten very used to the comments and questions. DH and I both work at the same place so atleast three times a week I'm asked if I'm done yet or if I'm pregnant yet. Really not anyone's business but somehow everyone seems to think that it's acceptable.
Some of my favorites are
"Are they all yours?"
"Have you thought of getting cable?"
"Do they all have the same father?"
I also love the counting. Is it really necessary to point as you count, you could atleast be a little discreet.
After all these years we really just ignore things. I've come to the realization that most people are not trying to be rude they just have no concept that these questions are really not something that you would normally ask.

 

[LuvBaloo]

I'm amazed at the comments you all have received from strangers.

 

[mc2]

I'm glad to see that I wasn't the only "lucky" recipient of some of these types of comments when pregnant! One can only hear "OMG you're getting so big!" so many times before it gets really old, really fast! DS was 8-13 (in a town where a 7lb baby is a big baby), and by the time I was 37 weeks or so, I was starting to feel like I was a walking whale!! It was around this time that I had had enough with the "size" comments (the "it means baby is growing well!" polite responses weren't cutting it any more). What can I say? I finally snapped! The next time someone decided to make the comment to me (always in public, loudly, and with syrupy-sweet voice and a little fake laugh, right?), I looked them in the eye and in my OWN syrupy-sweet voice, fake laugh, and a smile, replied...

"Well, I'm 37 weeks pregnant....what's YOUR excuse??"...

I obviously felt bad after the fact, but I won't lie and pretend that it didn't feel good at the time!!

 

[LSmith]

Wow, from some of the comments on here it seems that there isn't a problem dishing it back out.

 

[ckdsnynt]

I came from a family of five kids - 2 girls and three boys. People made rude comments back then too (I was born in 53 and there are 10 years exactly - less one day- between all of us). We are still close to each other and live within twenty miles of each other to this day. We do not alwasy speak very often (like once a week or so, but we all know that each of us would give the sirt of our back to the others if need be. We go to the mat for our brothers and sisters. Of course, we fought like drunken sailors when we were younger!

I say, blow them off. it is none of their business. You wanted them no matter what their gender. You had them. and you are raising them. therefore, it is none of their business! Don't stay home just because people stare or make rude comments. That's shows their low class.

My DS has two girls, three years apart. When I told my dad (who makes no bones about how worthless girls are, even his own two ) that DS had his second girl, he asked if my DS was going to keep trying for a girl. I looked him in the eye and said, "I have no idea. He isn't like you. He has the good sense to reconize the value of a female and is pleased that he has two healthy children, no matter what their sex." I didn't use the word "gender" because I wasn't sure he knew what it meant.

Children should be valued no matter what their gender, their color, their health, their ability. Sorry, done preaching now!

BTW, I am not Canadian, but DS married one!

 

[Csaks]

so, i was just wondering...is 4 really that high of a number when it comes to kids. it seemed so natural for us, but we haven't met too many other families with 4 kids.

cheers

It may be these days but in my parents days it was normal (I'm 40). Mom's side had 2 girls and 3 boys and dad's was 3 boys. Most of my friends have no more than two and alot with just one.

We would have had two or three because that's what we grew up with and now I would have been happy with just one but for whatever reason it is not to be.

Ignore them and enjoy your kids. You should come up with some quick one liners to stop them in their tracks if you prefer.

 

[pta-mom]

I dont' really think for the most part people mean to be rude....rather I think people just dont' think prior to opening their mouths. Saying to someone, "Wow! You must be busy with four kids!" is not so much rude as true! Big families are more & more rare these days so I think people are just not use to seeing it. I certainly would not let many of those comments bother me unless I really felt an individual was purposely trying to be nasty, in which case I might have a more, shall we say, "enthusiastic" response!!

I only have two boys so don't have the "big families" comment radar but I do think I get it. My kids are VERY racially mixed, white on my side & a WHOLE lot of other nationalities on their father's side, so they pretty much look NOTHING like me!! "Are they adopted?"; "Did you adopt them at the same time?"; "Are they yours?"; "What color is their father?"; or my all time personal favorite...."Where did you get them?".....uhm, at the local Walmart, duh!

Anyway, chin up! Enjoy your family!

 

[ado121]

Wow, from some of the comments on here it seems that there isn't a problem dishing it back out.

what goes around comes around!

 

[natkenicra]

I don't think it is out of the norm. My husband comes from a family of four and myself from a family of three. When we got married we knew we wanted 3, and we were blessed with four. God gives you what you can handle. Our daughter was born first and then 14 mos later our son was born. 11 mos after that our second daughter came, and 17 mos again came our third daughter. We were busy to say the least but I would not trade those years for anything. I really think our middle two should have been twins, they are so alike. I get tired too with all the comments, like "don't you know what causes that"?. I am very happy with my life and my children, even when it is absolute chaos

 

[ado121]

God gives you what you can handle.

that is so true. i say it all the time. i just hope god knows i can only handle 4!

i love having a large family. its been a major blessing for us.

 

[tjbaggott]

that is so true. i say it all the time. i just hope god knows i can only handle 4!

i love having a large family. its been a major blessing for us.

BUT be careful how that biblical quote is used. 9 years ago I was expecting our 4th child. With great anticipation, we were expecting a baby girl. I already had a girl and two boys, our family was perfect in my eyes. Tragically, our baby girl was Born Still at full Term. It was a horrible time in our lives. The day before the funeral service, a relative of mine called to say he had a message from God he felt he really needed to tell me before we buried our child. He is a man of strong Faith, and although I too have a Faith, I did not really want to hear what he had to say, not in my time of immense grief. He quoted that verse, about God not Giving you more than you can handle. I Thought "ok, I'm familiar with that verse, not sure I want to hear it right now, but I know this guy means well",,,,BUT then he put his own spin on it and said "God gave you 3 beautiful children, Don't ask for more". ERRRGGHHHH! How dare he say that!!! Three years later, to the month, we had our 4th child, a beautiful healthy boy, who to us is very special, along with his 3 older siblings. Then when he was 19 months old, my oldest child was diagnosed with CANCER! THat relatives words came back to bite me and made me SO SCARED! I thought I might actually lose another child because of his words. I got over it, I have never spoken to him since (not because I don't want to but because he lives SO far away, we never see them anymore). I now have a CHILDHOOD CANCER SURVIVOR, who is doing very Well, and has been cancer free and off treatment for 2 years now.

I still get comments about my youngest (since there is an age gap between him and my other children, "Was he a surprise?",,, Or my personal favourite (NOT) "Was he a little Accident?". The truth is, not only was our fourth VERY planned, but we tried for 5 years to have him!