Not sure how to handle friend's possible postpartum depression. GOOD UPDATE I THINK!

[ilovejack02]

I am going to try to be as brief as possible with this !!

My godchild was born on June 5th. He is the son of my husband's best friend. We are very close with this family.

I am concerned because it really doesnt seem like the wife is bonding with the baby at all.
Hubby does most of the work .. she is not grocery shopping or cooking.. I have been cooking alot for them. Just really seems not in tune with the baby and life in general right now. Her mom is spending countless hours there .. so much the hubby is starting to get annoyed.
Since the baby has been born .. she has spent at LEAST 7 nights away from him the earliest being when he was 1.5 weeks old.. he has been to spend the night at both grandparents .. last night he spent the night at a coworker of the husband. I have a feeling there are maybe a cpl of more times I dont know about.
Hubby works shift work so sometimes its night and sometimes days so if Mom decides to let baby go spend the night he isnt always home to stop it.
My hubby has suggested to the father that she might be depressed and he agrees, but hoping she will snap out.

His sister is an RN and works alot so she has seen the baby of course, but does not see the day to day stuff that we see. I am thinking of calling her .. she and brother are pretty close.

I just dont know what to do and really starting to freak out. Esp after I learned the baby spent the night out last night with a coworker that honestly they dont know very well.

Any suggestions on what to do? Mom doesnt have any really close friends except one and she is really close to her mother, but I dont feel comfortable approaching them with this.
sorry for rambling .. just very worried!

 

[Trentmom]

Can you go over and spend the day with her and baby and see how she acts around the baby?

SEe if she seems overwhelmed or lost, or even a bit confused on what do with the baby?

After I had my son, this happened to me. I actually had a very severe form of it called Psyschosis (sp??)


I was so out of it and thank god for my husband who knew something was wrong and got me the help I needed.

Once They figured out what was wrong, I was given two diferent medicines and 3 weeks later, it was like I woke up and was in full baby mode.



I had been in a trance like state for the first 3 weeks of my son's life and really have no memory of it, which is sad


If something seems off, please see if your husband can maybe talk to her husband and contact her OBGYN.


Best of luck to your friend and baby

 

[kirbydog48]

Your concerns are real and valid. Trust me, as someone who suffered with severe PPD after ds was born, this is not something one snaps out of. She needs to get a referral to a psychiatrist asap, before something tragic happens. Not sure I understand all the nights away from the baby. Is it because the baby isn't sleeping? The husband needs to realize this is a very serious situation that needs to be dealt with. He should start by calling the woman's OB-GYN, and maybe they can direct them to the proper mental health professionals. You are right to be worried and you are being a good friend. Definitely talk to the sister, and shake your husband's friend.

 

[KirstenB]

This sounds like a really serious situation. She must be coming up on her 6 week post birth checkup. Maybe you could volunteer to drive her, and wait in the waiting room with the baby while she's in there? Urge her to discuss any issues with the doctor, etc. I understand your fears, and totally agree with them.

 

[Lachesis00]

I can't agree more on her seeing or talking to someone. I had PPD after all 3 of my children. It is terrible when it should be the happiest time in your life, and your at the lowest point possible.

 

[ilovejack02]

I just got back from a long visit with the sister . She has also noticed things seem off.
She will talk to her brother asap.
She should be coming up on the six week appt, my husband suggested that the daddy call the dr up front and let the dr know his concerns.
I am going to try to spend some time with her this week, its been a cpl of weeks since Ive spent a significant amout of time with her.

I dont understand all the nights with out the baby either except that she is very overwhelmed so I guess it is an escape. Baby seems to be sleeping longer hours now so It isnt like she isnt getting any sleep.. plus her mom spends long hours there and does all the work while my friend sleeps. It is like she doesnt want to be alone with the baby.

Im starting to get really worried. I pray she opens up to her dr if there really is an issue!

 

[Louiepipbgeeco]

Sounds like something that is a serious issue.
I would definitely have her see someone soon for meds and counselling.
This happened to a friend of mine and it was a long process before she was able to return to any "normalcy"
Good luck--She is lucky to have someone like you who is concerned.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

Hope everything turns out ok. She's lucky to have a friend like you and family that want the best for her. I was lucky never to have PPD, but my SIL did and it was horrible for her for awhile. She ended up talking to a counselor to straighten things out and that helped tremedously.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

Your concerns are real and valid. Trust me, as someone who suffered with severe PPD after ds was born, this is not something one snaps out of. She needs to get a referral to a psychiatrist asap, before something tragic happens. Not sure I understand all the nights away from the baby. Is it because the baby isn't sleeping? The husband needs to realize this is a very serious situation that needs to be dealt with. He should start by calling the woman's OB-GYN, and maybe they can direct them to the proper mental health professionals. You are right to be worried and you are being a good friend. Definitely talk to the sister, and shake your husband's friend.

Same here, suffered ppd with both babies and knowing there is a problem my doc is being my proactive with this one. If she refuses to see that there may be an issue then hubby needs to speak up and talk with her doctor so he can address it with her soon.

 

[ilovejack02]

Craziest thing happened tonight with friend...

She called me and talked and talked about the baby to me. He is smiling now and how is getting so big so fast, having his pictures made this week. Most Ive gotten out of her yet.

Maybe I worry for nothing!

I sure hope so!

 

[Piecey]

Craziest thing happened tonight with friend...

She called me and talked and talked about the baby to me. He is smiling now and how is getting so big so fast, having his pictures made this week. Most Ive gotten out of her yet.

Maybe I worry for nothing!

I sure hope so!

I had my son June 3rd and.... I was diagnosed with PPD at my 6wk checkup.

My doctor started asking me questions, just general questions, and I burst into tears and that pretty much confirmed it for my doctor. I assume that your friends doctor will do the same and I hope that she can get some relief.

I definitely know how crappy it is.

The first time my son smiled at me was like magic-- it was finally that feeling that everyone told me I would have when they handed him to me in the delivery room. I think that was one of the worst things for me. Everyone told me I would love this little boy more than anything in the world, that it would be magical when I held him for the first time... but I didn't have that until recently and it truly did make a ton of difference. Hopefully this helps her to turn it around!

You sound like a great friend, she is so lucky to have you.

 

[minkydog]

I had post-partum depression with 2 of my 3 kids. The first one was the worst by far. I loved my son, but I was so sleep-deprived I was literally sick. I felt like I was hanging on by my fingernails every single day. I was alternately suicidal and homicidal--at one point i actually thought it would be a good idea to kill the baby so he wouldn't have to grow up in a hateful world. Unfortunately, my DH had no idea what to do with me so he just tried to work harder. I just kept trying to pull myself together. That PPD lasted over a year and was one of the most physically and mentally painful periods of my life.

The second time it happened we were on it fairly quickly. It still lasted about 3 months and I still felt suicidal and I couldn't take care of my kids, but with medication and good nurturing I made it through.

Post-partum depression is a serious illness. Any depression is serious. It can make you believe things that aren't true. It twists your comprehension and ability to make appropriate decisions. Depression is not to be trifled with. Tell your friend's husband that you are worried about her, suggest that he talk to her doctor. It may be that he does know what's going on but he doesn't know what to do about it.

 

[ilovejack02]

I had my son June 3rd and.... I was diagnosed with PPD at my 6wk checkup.

My doctor started asking me questions, just general questions, and I burst into tears and that pretty much confirmed it for my doctor. I assume that your friends doctor will do the same and I hope that she can get some relief.

I definitely know how crappy it is.

The first time my son smiled at me was like magic-- it was finally that feeling that everyone told me I would have when they handed him to me in the delivery room. I think that was one of the worst things for me. Everyone told me I would love this little boy more than anything in the world, that it would be magical when I held him for the first time... but I didn't have that until recently and it truly did make a ton of difference. Hopefully this helps her to turn it around!

You sound like a great friend, she is so lucky to have you.

Im glad you are coming out of it ! Your little boy is gorgeous. Congratulations!! Nothing like seeing your little angel light up when he sees you.
We are so close with the husband of this couple going on 10 yrs, she just came along in the last 1.5 yrs and we have had a hard time getting to know each as she is 23 and I am 36 and we dont have alot in common, but I am trying hard and want to be a good friend and keep them in our lives forever. We love that baby so much and just want her to have a wonderful experience.

I pray she comes out of it soon.
It took awhile for me to bond with my 6 yr old ds. I chalk it up to being LOADED with meds and an emergency csection. When I finally did.. it was like a light switched on. I so amazed and saddened that I didnt feel it earlier. Best thing ever isnt it!!??

 

[ilovejack02]

I had post-partum depression with 2 of my 3 kids. The first one was the worst by far. I loved my son, but I was so sleep-deprived I was literally sick. I felt like I was hanging on by my fingernails every single day. I was alternately suicidal and homicidal--at one point i actually thought it would be a good idea to kill the baby so he wouldn't have to grow up in a hateful world. Unfortunately, my DH had no idea what to do with me so he just tried to work harder. I just kept trying to pull myself together. That PPD lasted over a year and was one of the most physically and mentally painful periods of my life.

The second time it happened we were on it fairly quickly. It still lasted about 3 months and I still felt suicidal and I couldn't take care of my kids, but with medication and good nurturing I made it through.

Post-partum depression is a serious illness. Any depression is serious. It can make you believe things that aren't true. It twists your comprehension and ability to make appropriate decisions. Depression is not to be trifled with. Tell your friend's husband that you are worried about her, suggest that he talk to her doctor. It may be that he does know what's going on but he doesn't know what to do about it.

Wow, How awful. Thank goodness you have such a loving supportive husband.
I will try to be more supportive of her and visit more often.

 

[Piecey]

Im glad you are coming out of it ! Your little boy is gorgeous. Congratulations!! Nothing like seeing your little angel light up when he sees you.
We are so close with the husband of this couple going on 10 yrs, she just came along in the last 1.5 yrs and we have had a hard time getting to know each as she is 23 and I am 36 and we dont have alot in common, but I am trying hard and want to be a good friend and keep them in our lives forever. We love that baby so much and just want her to have a wonderful experience.

I pray she comes out of it soon.
It took awhile for me to bond with my 6 yr old ds. I chalk it up to being LOADED with meds and an emergency csection. When I finally did.. it was like a light switched on. I so amazed and saddened that I didnt feel it earlier. Best thing ever isnt it!!??

Pretty much my problem. I was in the hospital, in labor, for 16 hours. Epidural wore off twice, contractions caused me to have gallbladder attacks, I hyperventilated from the pain and had to be put on oxygen, pushed for two hours and his head was too big so they did an emergency c-section and I was loaded with meds, exhausted, etc.. All I really remember is shaking, being freezing cold and that I was crying when they wheeled me in the OR.
It took me weeks to realize I wasn't pregnant anymore and that Lucas was here, I just never really felt like I *had* him.

My doctor said being young increases the risk of PPD. Her age might definitely be a contributing factor. Did she have a traumatic birth experience?

I hope she gets better.

 

[ilovejack02]

Pretty much my problem. I was in the hospital, in labor, for 16 hours. Epidural wore off twice, contractions caused me to have gallbladder attacks, I hyperventilated from the pain and had to be put on oxygen, pushed for two hours and his head was too big so they did an emergency c-section and I was loaded with meds, exhausted, etc.. All I really remember is shaking, being freezing cold and that I was crying when they wheeled me in the OR.
It took me weeks to realize I wasn't pregnant anymore and that Lucas was here, I just never really felt like I *had* him.

My doctor said being young increases the risk of PPD. Her age might definitely be a contributing factor. Did she have a traumatic birth experience?

I hope she gets better.

She didn't have a traumatic experience, did have a csection but it was more about her size. She is less than 5 ft tall and only maybe 95 lbs. Very small to push out a 8lb + baby. It was a planned section. I really think her age might be contributing and the fact that she really wasnt ready to be pregnant. They only dated 6 months before getting pregnant and then a fast wedding . It is a major life change at any age, esp I would think at 22 ish.. I know I would have been a mess had it happened to me at that age.

Who knows.. I'm just glad to hear her so happy and perky tonight!!

Funny you mention that it took you awhile to realize you werent pregnant.. It was the same for me. I think all those meds really mess a Mommy up , but I know it is necessary sometimes.

 

[KristineN]

I had a terrible case of PPD with my second child. It was like a veil of doom and gloom settled on me and I couldn't escape it. Plus it was in the height of winter. I tried to get help from the OB, who basically informed me my problem was that I was tired....duh??!! I finally drug myself in to my internist who I had been a patient with for over 15years.....she took one look at me and prescribed an antidepressant.

I packed up the baby and spent 2 weeks in Florida with my parents...my mother watched the baby every night for a week. By the second week, I felt like a new woman. I was lucky.

The one thing this experience did for me....I had never understood or sympathized with people who were depressed...I used to think you could tell someone to "snap out of it". Now I am very aware how real depression is and how debilitating it can be. Best wishes to your friend

 

[minkydog]

I had a terrible case of PPD with my second child. It was like a veil of doom and gloom settled on me and I couldn't escape it. Plus it was in the height of winter. I tried to get help from the OB, who basically informed me my problem was that I was tired....duh??!! I finally drug myself in to my internist who I had been a patient with for over 15years.....she took one look at me and prescribed an antidepressant.

I packed up the baby and spent 2 weeks in Florida with my parents...my mother watched the baby every night for a week. By the second week, I felt like a new woman. I was lucky.

The one thing this experience did for me....I had never understood or sympathized with people who were depressed...I used to think you could tell someone to "snap out of it". Now I am very aware how real depression is and how debilitating it can be. Best wishes to your friend

You said a mouthful there, sista. And those of us who live with a chronic form of depression appreciate your insights. Whether it's cause is birth hormones, situational stress/grief, or chronic chemical imbalance, depression can be crushing. It kills people every day. But as you point out, there is help out there.People don't have to just put up with those feelings. Yes, meds can help but they aren't the only thing. There is therapy, support systems, exercise classes, all of which can have an impact on depression.

Okay, off my soap-box now. As you can tell, depression strikes a very deep chord in me. If I could have one wish granted it would be that the world would cease to know the meaning of such a hateful illness.