Not looking forward to Thanksgiving - anyone else?

[MushyMushy]

This will be the first holiday without my mother and I'm just totally not looking forward to Thanksgiving. She always loved Thanksgiving.

DSis is spending the day with her in-laws and they've invited my father, which I think will be good for him. We don't really have the money right now to travel to my in-laws, which I'd prefer we do just to get out of town -- it's just not in the budget. It's too depressing for me to think of cooking the "traditional" dinner for just the four of us, but I kind of feel obligated to do it for the kids, especially considering it's probably DS's last year at home. Now that all the grandparents are gone and my mother is gone, I feel like my extended family has totally disappeared.

Anyone else in the same boat? What are you going to do for the day?

 

[Michelle67]

I'm sorry, I know it will be hard for you. My daughter's boyfriend and his family will be having their first holiday season without his father, who passed at the end of September. They are all having a hard time getting into any kind of holiday spirit. He always "made" the holidays for them, with his boisterous, joyous spirit and personality. If your mother always loved Thanksgiving, I'm sure her joy in the day played a big part in "making" the holiday for you too. Hugs and prayers.

 

[SHAYMARAYSMOM]

This will be the first holiday without my mother and I'm just totally not looking forward to Thanksgiving. She always loved Thanksgiving.

DSis is spending the day with her in-laws and they've invited my father, which I think will be good for him. We don't really have the money right now to travel to my in-laws, which I'd prefer we do just to get out of town -- it's just not in the budget. It's too depressing for me to think of cooking the "traditional" dinner for just the four of us, but I kind of feel obligated to do it for the kids, especially considering it's probably DS's last year at home. Now that all the grandparents are gone and my mother is gone, I feel like my extended family has totally disappeared.

Anyone else in the same boat? What are you going to do for the day?

Sorry you are feeling this way.
The first Holiday after the loss of a loved one is hard.
Tyr to do it in your mothers honor

 

[SpecialK]

We soldier on. My mom has been gone for more than half of my life. My children have lost two grandparents and a "like a grandma" family friend in the last 18 months. Their last remaining grand is terminal.

I know it's difficult and it's hard not to be overwhelmed by the memories, but I tell myself that the last thing my parents would want is to cause me or my kids any distress. In the beginning, you put on your happy face and make a day for your family. It gets easier. The "first" anything is always the worst.

Good luck to you-

 

[Mom-to-2-Princesses]

I'm sorry

Have you thought about inviting another family over that doesn't have family in the area? It might take your mind off of things and make someone else very happy.

 

[Pin Wizard]

for you!

I'm tired of running from the holidays. This is year 16 that I'd like to hibernate and have it be January 2 when I wake up.

I'll probably ignore the holiday as much as possible...as usual. DS isn't into the turkey and other traditional things...which works out fine with me! We'll probably spend the day geocaching.

 

[Hollyster2]

I am so sorry for your loss, and I wish you strength and peace in facing the holidays without her. I lost my mother in early November 5 years ago.
I no longer enjoy Thanksgiving. My side of the family doesn't get together anymore for anything, since well before my Mom passed and quit cooking the family dinner. My mother in law used to cook Thanksgiving dinner at her house, and we would all bring stuff and my kids just loved that. It was one of the few times a year they saw their 3 uncles. Two of them are married, no kids. My 5 kids are the only grandchildren.
Well a few years back she decided she didn't want to host Thanksgiving anymore, and my older children remember how much fun it "used" to be, and don't have any enthusiasm for it anymore. My younger kids don't have many memories of it, so they depend on whatever memories we provide now. I decorate and cook for them, but it is really hard with so many memories of happier times. The hardest thing is, my mother in law and all of my son's brothers are invited here every year now and EVERY year my husband's mom and brothers all leave us hanging in the air until almost Thanksgiving day with whether or not they will come to our house. Many times they just don't. Sometimes my MIL cooks for the one brother that lives there (46 yrs old and unmarried) and doesn't tell us anything until we are waiting for them to arrive at our house. I get so frustrated! We cannot count on anyone. We have plenty of family dinners with just OUR immediate family. My kids miss and yearn for all of the family to get together at least once a year. If my youngest didn't want so badly to have a traditional Thanksgivign dinner every year withthe hopes of people showing up I would leave town and go ANYWHERE every single year.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sorry about your mom.

I grew up with just our family so an intimate gathering of just the 4 of us is not out of the ordinary.

I don't remember ever eating Thanksgiving with my grandparents ever as a kid. They were all out of state.

This year I am back with the family. Was looking forward to it, now however not so much. My dad is a Republican and he keeps arguing about Obama with me.

Yea.....

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm sorry.

 

[tevagirl]

Could you try to do something different? Maybe go out for dinner?


I'm sorry you are hurting. Holidays are tough, especially first ones.

 

[GJM]

Sorry about your Mom -

I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. My DH is deployed and we have no family here. So it will be just my DS and I. Friends did ask us to come over but I just don't fee like it. When we lived in NJ we use to eat 2 Thanksgiving dinners, one with the inlaws early in the day and then my family.

I did buy a turkey today with all the other things to make a dinner. My DS is so picky he won't eat any of it, so I am making this for me. We will probably hang out at home and watch movies.

 

[C.Ann]

This will be the first holiday without my mother and I'm just totally not looking forward to Thanksgiving. She always loved Thanksgiving.

DSis is spending the day with her in-laws and they've invited my father, which I think will be good for him. We don't really have the money right now to travel to my in-laws, which I'd prefer we do just to get out of town -- it's just not in the budget. It's too depressing for me to think of cooking the "traditional" dinner for just the four of us, but I kind of feel obligated to do it for the kids, especially considering it's probably DS's last year at home. Now that all the grandparents are gone and my mother is gone, I feel like my extended family has totally disappeared.

Anyone else in the same boat? What are you going to do for the day?

-----------------------------------

I'm sorry.. Holidays are so hard when someone is missing..

I'll be alone for the day - but by choice.. DD, her DH, and my DGD will be going to DD's IL's for dinner and although I have been invited as well, I kind of need a break from her IL's (they're here every single day) - LOL..

Someone needs to stay here with their dog anyhow (he's recovering from surgery), so it might as well be me.. Depending on how I'm feeling, I may just clean the entire house and get it ready for the Christmas decorations to go up..

Originally I thought I would be in Florida - at my sister's house - but that didn't pan out for a variety of reasons..

Is there any chance you could just make reservations at a nice restaurant so your family will have a nice dinner, but you won't have to cook when you heart just isn't in it?

 

[Cindy B]

This will be the first one without my FIL. My DH is a mess. FIL had all the holiday meals at his house.. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, well.. you name it.

DH is working on Thanksgiving and I'll be home with the kids. I might go a buy a tray of sushi and we'll have a sushi day. I work in a rough neighborhood-- and there are posters in the school office about local soup kitchens needing volunteers. I might volunteer with my kids.

 

[GeorgeG]

I'm sorry about your mom and hope you get through the holidays okay. The first is always the most difficult.

Find comfort in the rest of the family and share good memories. My parents have been gone for years and one thing I have learned is that life goes on, but memories, especially good ones, last forever.

 

[Carpenters]

I'm sorry about your mom. My husband's dad passed away in September, and I know this is going to be a tough year for the holidays. It's also a great time to talk about the good memories, too, though, and I hope y'all get to celebrate your mom that way. Sending warm wishes your way. I hope it goes better than you think.

 

[pixie dust 112]

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but every Thanksgiving I remember my Dad and I shed some tears. He died in September 1996.

When I was growing up, every year my family would watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. As we kids got older we weren't as interested in the parade,so would go hang out in our rooms or whatever, but my Dad would always watch, and at noon when Santa came on the TV he would call us to come see him on the TV...I'm talking even when I was in college!

So every year I watch the parade and when Santa comes on I make all my kids come watch the TV ... and I cry a bit because I miss my Dad. But it really is a happy memory and I am thankful for all those years of my Dad making me come to see Santa.

So although it will be hard, remember your mom's love for you and the holiday and give thanks for the happy thanksgiving memories and traditions that she gave you!

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I understand how you feel.

We were going to have something quiet this year since well my parents aren't getting along and my brother is over in Iraq and it has been tough, very tough.

I recently got laid off, my sister is coming home so that is a big bonus but she would rather stay in Florida instead of coming home (she is a Freshman in College) So that hurts a little.

We do have more friends than family coming because of our situation and that really means alot. I know my brothers friends will also be coming over to say hi.

It's funny a year ago we were on our way to see my brother graduate from Parris Island and be a United States Marine, we came home on Thanksgiving driving all the way. It was such a great day and this year it just won't be the same.

Keep your chin up and I hope that you do enjoy the day in your own way.

 

[wilderness01]

I'm sorry you are feeling sad.

 

[tinatark]

We are dreading Thanksgiving week. My husband's 43 year old brother died suddenly 6 weeks ago, we are still waiting for the answers to "why?", but it's being considered a heart attack for now.

We are traveling to be with our family (like we do every Thanksgiving) starting this Friday - our original plan was to be in Orlando for a conference this week, then BIL, SIL and nephew were to spend Sun-Tue. with us at WDW - they were avid campers, have a 35 ft. 5th wheel and big rig - we had reservations at 1000 Lakes, I think it's called.

Anyway, now we will leave Friday for Florida, we'll spend the night in Savannah then on Saturday is a cane grinding (sugar cane, you cook it down into syrup) - my brother in law was involved with it for 15 years, this year it will go on in his memory. Sunday, NFL game; Monday, dinner with my family; Tuesday - no plans yet; Wednesday - visit BIL's fire station (he was a fire dept. engineer) and see "Walking with Dinosaurs" with my SIL and nephew, my DH and 2 DS' - when we cancelled the Disney plans the brothers decided we would go to this show; Thursday, Thanksgiving - it's a pretty big deal, probably 20+ people for dinner then others dropping in throughout the day and evening; Friday, my aunt picks me up at 4 am for shopping, then dh's aunt has her annual oyster roast that night - they have it just for us - in TN, you don't get fresh oysters!.

Whew, I am tired from writing this - we will meet family again on Saturday morning for breakfast at the Cracker Barrel, then drive most of the way home Saturday, the rest of the way Sunday. It's only about a 9 hour drive, but we take that night at a hotel just to breathe after the whirlwind week.

Our week usually revolves around my brother in law and his wife and son - we will see them, probably have my nephew stay with us some at our condo, but not having his brother there will be so sad, for all of us.

We all spent the entire week, 6 weeks ago, there in disbelief.

I think this week, our loss will be so much more real, more deep, than the rawness and pain we felt when we were there then.

We will put on our happy faces when we need to, and cry a lot, I am sure!

 

[nskjerven]

I found that in the first few years after I lost my dad that it was best for me to have a small dinner with just our family, DH, DD & DS. My kids are a little younger than yours. I think it was a good time for me to heal and for them to have our intimate family memories. It's a different feeling being the "grown up" when ones parent passes. I know it's hard to understand, but time has made it better for me. I don't cry all the holiday long and now I look back to the good memories. I did learn the hard way, not to spend the holidays with others based on guilt. No more of my holidays will be exclusively spent with ILs. It just makes me miss my own father all the more. Good luck and check in with us here on Tday. I'm sure there will be those of us hanging around to offer hugs

p.s. I just realized this is the first time in 3 years that we are going back to the big extended family Thanksgiving and I'm finally looking forward to it. Time helps heal.