Not invited to neighbor's party - advice please!

[BrightI's]

I very rarely believe that whole "she's jealous of you" nonsense. That is something we all heard growing up when someone picked on you or didn't like you. The truth is- they weren't jealous. They just didn't like you. The husband chatting with the OP is not a big deal to me at all. My own DH will make polite conversation with people and I prefer to keep to myself if I don't like someone. It doesn't make me jealous. I just have less tolerance sometimes. Honestly- if the OP acted this nutty over and invite I can totally see why they weren't invited in the first place. YMMV.

I agree with everything you said.

 

[dzorn]

I agree with the others, take the high road and invite them.

Chances are they won't come anyway out of embarrassment (at least the wife) and you'll have shown them what class and grace looks like. Enjoy your party

Not really after chewing the husband out.

Denise in MI

 

[JessicaR]

I very rarely believe that whole "she's jealous of you" nonsense. That is something we all heard growing up when someone picked on you or didn't like you. The truth is- they weren't jealous. They just didn't like you. The husband chatting with the OP is not a big deal to me at all. My own DH will make polite conversation with people and I prefer to keep to myself if I don't like someone. It doesn't make me jealous. I just have less tolerance sometimes. Honestly- if the OP acted this nutty over and invite I can totally see why they weren't invited in the first place. YMMV.

Just my take on the situation based on what was posted. Of course we can all speculate as thats all it is anyway. If the wife didn't like her why have meals at her house and why have her daughter spend so much time there? I get the impression the husband likes to spend time there and obviously so does their daughter. Jealousy is real and could absolutely be a valid reason.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Just my take on the situation based on what was posted. Of course we can all speculate as thats all it is anyway. If the wife didn't like her why have meals at her house and why have her daughter spend so much time there? I get the impression the husband likes to spend time there and obviously so does their daughter. Jealousy is real and could absolutely be a valid reason.

My kids have friends whose parents I don't particularly like. I allow the kids to spend time with at their homes because they are the kids' friends. I don't have to be friends with the parents.

 

[ksjayhawks]

It was their party and it is up to them to issue the invitations. I am sure it hurts to not be invited when you see so many of your friends/neighbors there, especially after they didn't invite your daughter to their dd's birthday party.

However, you were rude in chewing out the neighbor. Doesn't matter what you said or how you said it. I am sure you won't have to worry about any party invitations/dinners/sitting outside and talking with them anymore--at least for a long, long time.

If they show up to your party, be gracious hosts. Then the next time you have a party, you can choose not to invite them.

 

[JessicaR]

My kids have friends whose parents I don't particularly like. I allow the kids to spend time with at their homes because they are the kids' friends. I don't have to be friends with the parents.

Do you have these people over for dinner often? I don't invite people that I don't particularly like over to share a meal often, at all really. The thing is these people seem to 'be' friends. Guess not!

 

[Dreamer8]

If the neighbors start chatting and word of the OP's behavior gets out, I'll be surprised if anyone shows up for the party on July 2. Way out of line IMHO.

We have parties and gatherings and invite totally different groups of people, and sometimes I don't even ask my BFF of almost 20 years and she's never chewed me out.

I don't think I agree. Anytime free food is provided, expect a mass gathering.

 

[Disneyland1084]

Any updates?

 

[msjprincess]

Do you have these people over for dinner often? I don't invite people that I don't particularly like over to share a meal often, at all really. The thing is these people seem to 'be' friends. Guess not!

My kids are friends with my neighbors kids. We've always been friendly to each other. We used to go over there for dinner and I spent a lot of time with the mother. Over time I realized that she's nuts, So now I do my best to avoid her.

maybe something happened that made the neighbor decide she didn't want to be friends anymore

 

[huey duey & luey]

we have had a very similiar situation here. While we aren't particularly friendly with one neighbor, we would invite them bc we felt it was the right thing to do when inviting our other neighbors. Then we and a couple of other neighbors stopped being included. I will be honest it was hurtful even though we weren't very close. I decided that if they don't need to take the high road then neither do I.

 

[tlbwriter]

I very rarely believe that whole "she's jealous of you" nonsense. That is something we all heard growing up when someone picked on you or didn't like you. The truth is- they weren't jealous. They just didn't like you. The husband chatting with the OP is not a big deal to me at all. My own DH will make polite conversation with people and I prefer to keep to myself if I don't like someone. It doesn't make me jealous. I just have less tolerance sometimes. Honestly- if the OP acted this nutty over and invite I can totally see why they weren't invited in the first place. YMMV.

Agreed. I don't see any reason to assume the neighbor is jealous. Sure, that's a possibility, but it's also possible that she just doesn't like you. Or she does like you but doesn't really consider you a FRIEND, and it was a friend party, not an "everybody I like a little bit" party.

Do you have these people over for dinner often? I don't invite people that I don't particularly like over to share a meal often, at all really. The thing is these people seem to 'be' friends. Guess not!

The OP didn't say the neighbors had her over for dinner. She said she had them over for dinner. So it's not a case of "you're good enough to come over for dinner, but I don't like you enough to invite you to my party." They probably just didn't consider the OP to be a friend on the same level that she considered them to be a friend.

 

[swanmom]

we have had a very similiar situation here. While we aren't particularly friendly with one neighbor, we would invite them bc we felt it was the right thing to do when inviting our other neighbors. Then we and a couple of other neighbors stopped being included. I will be honest it was hurtful even though we weren't very close. I decided that if they don't need to take the high road then neither do I.

Yes, as others have said previously, your party - your invitation list. However, I'll bet you didn't go over and 'chew him out.' To me, that's where the line was crossed.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Seriously? Don't you have other things to worry about then why you weren't invited to a party? So you didn't get invited and your kids didn't get invited? Big deal. Sorry not trying to be harsh but really?

I think it's time to put on your big girl pants and realize that not everyone is going to like you all the time nor will they like your kids. Just becuz your kids play with theirs doesn't mean they have to be invited to their birthday parties either. Lifes not fair - get used to it.

 

[goofy!]

Hello everyone,
Last week we decided to throw a party on July 2nd. I've been working through a list of friends either calling or emailing including my two sets of neighbors. One set is right next to us: we can each see comings and goings of each other, the husband is very friendly and comes over to chat all the time, and the youngest daughter is at our house a LOT to play with my daughter. So, last night they throw a big party! Our other neighbors are invited...we see them there, and our kids ask why we aren't invited too...So, I'm mad. This is the same family that did not invite my daughter to a birthday party when they played together every day. I bit my tongue and life went on. Well, I am fed up now. I marched over to the husband this morning and chewed him out. He said it wasn't his fault, it was his wife's idea. I told him to snub the kids is inexcusable. I walked away and am still mad. So, now we have this party on Saturday and I don't know what to do. I want to ask the other neighbors, but now it looks like I am having this party out of spite, when we actually planned it last week I've gotten different advice, such as invite them to show you are above them etc. HELP!
Me dh ds 11 ds 9 dd 7

So, did they show up at your party?

 

[dngnb8]

Hello everyone,
Last week we decided to throw a party on July 2nd. I've been working through a list of friends either calling or emailing including my two sets of neighbors. One set is right next to us: we can each see comings and goings of each other, the husband is very friendly and comes over to chat all the time, and the youngest daughter is at our house a LOT to play with my daughter. So, last night they throw a big party! Our other neighbors are invited...we see them there, and our kids ask why we aren't invited too...So, I'm mad. This is the same family that did not invite my daughter to a birthday party when they played together every day. I bit my tongue and life went on. Well, I am fed up now. I marched over to the husband this morning and chewed him out. He said it wasn't his fault, it was his wife's idea. I told him to snub the kids is inexcusable. I walked away and am still mad. So, now we have this party on Saturday and I don't know what to do. I want to ask the other neighbors, but now it looks like I am having this party out of spite, when we actually planned it last week I've gotten different advice, such as invite them to show you are above them etc. HELP!
Me dh ds 11 ds 9 dd 7

Wow, feeling entitled are we?

 

[FredinFL]

Okay, everyone I like a little bit to my house for a party!

 

[scrapquitler]

Seriously? Don't you have other things to worry about then why you weren't invited to a party? So you didn't get invited and your kids didn't get invited? Big deal. Sorry not trying to be harsh but really?

I think it's time to put on your big girl pants and realize that not everyone is going to like you all the time nor will they like your kids. Just becuz your kids play with theirs doesn't mean they have to be invited to their birthday parties either. Lifes not fair - get used to it.

This is exactly what I have said to my children at times when they weren't invited to a party or on an outing that others were invited to. Oh well. You didn't get invited this time. But sometimes you WILL be invited and someone else won't. Not everyone is always invited to everything, and when you aren't included, you have to get over it.

Just because your neighbors are having a party, that doesn't automatically mean you should be included just because you live nearby.

And I find it incredibly rude to chew someone out because they didn't invite you. It's childish behavior to do that.

 

[DisneyScraps]

I would have never confronted my neighbor like that. I would have taken the hint and moved on.

I would still invite them if you intended to before. If you didn't than don't, if you did then suck it up and invite them. Be the bigger person.

Oh this, THIS is why I don't befriend most of my neighbors. I need a little space!

 

[Jedi8520]

Hello everyone,
Last week we decided to throw a party on July 2nd. I've been working through a list of friends either calling or emailing including my two sets of neighbors. One set is right next to us: we can each see comings and goings of each other, the husband is very friendly and comes over to chat all the time, and the youngest daughter is at our house a LOT to play with my daughter. So, last night they throw a big party! Our other neighbors are invited...we see them there, and our kids ask why we aren't invited too...So, I'm mad. This is the same family that did not invite my daughter to a birthday party when they played together every day. I bit my tongue and life went on. Well, I am fed up now. I marched over to the husband this morning and chewed him out. He said it wasn't his fault, it was his wife's idea. I told him to snub the kids is inexcusable. I walked away and am still mad. So, now we have this party on Saturday and I don't know what to do. I want to ask the other neighbors, but now it looks like I am having this party out of spite, when we actually planned it last week I've gotten different advice, such as invite them to show you are above them etc. HELP!
Me dh ds 11 ds 9 dd 7

Came across your post. We had a very similar situation living in an area with all young families. Just curious as this post is a few year old. How did everything work out for you, your kids, and family with those rude neighbors? Can you provide any advice or feedback for other young families dealing with the same type of situations. How was the neighborhood, neighbors after your event and your exclusion from their event? Do you kids still play together anymore? Thanks.

 

[L&Lfan]

The OP hasn't posted in 4 years so I don't think you'll get an answer, but stranger things have happened.