Not getting anything for Mother's Day....anyone else?

[Nancyg56]

HOWEVER......in light of what you have just written.....ACK! Lack of a Mother's Day gift is the least of your worries. In all honesty, I'd rethink those wedding plans because anytime anything ever goes wrong during your married life (and it will) I predict he will throw it up to you that you "cornered" him into marriage. This man simply does not want to marry you. Is that fair? No! But it's your reality and maybe you need to cut your losses.

A man should be EAGER to marry his fiance, not petulant. WTH does he mean by you want to get married for "the wrong reasons"? To commit to each other for life and provide a stable, loving home for your child and financial security for the two of you? Geez....I think those are very valid reasons. He should be HAPPY to do it and if he's not....THERE'S YOUR SIGN.

Somewhere out there is a man who will appreciate you and treat you with respect. Don't settle for less. We are going through much the same thing with a female relative in her 20s who had a baby by her perpetual boyfriend. The only way she'll get him down the aisle is at gunpoint. Who needs that? We keep telling her to cut him loose, because the sooner she does that, the sooner she can begin the rest of her life. As long as she is tied to that slacker excuse of a boyfriend, the chances of her meeting a decent man are ZERO and the same thing applies to you.

If you had a friend in the exact same situation, what would you advise her to do? Harass the guy all the way to the altar? Or read the writing on the wall, accept that the reality is crap and then pick yourself up and dust yourself off and never look back?

If you do "win" and get him to marry you, what have you actually won? A devoted, loving husband? Or someone who really doesn't want to be a husband at all? That's not winning. It's winning the ****y prize. Walk away now. It will not get better. I hate to be so blunt, but this is just what I tell my relative and I love her.

This is certainly good advice.

 

[tasha99]

Oh honey.....Before I read this post, I WAS going to say something like, "I'm not trying to be a smart***, but let's look at the situation. The two of you had a baby. You finally got engaged when the baby was one year old. Four years later you are still not married. Perhaps...just perhaps this man is NOT into tradition and expecting a Mother's Day gift from him is futile."

Considering there are some people who simply see no point in being officially married, (although I certainly do, especially when children are involved) I was going to give the benefit of the doubt and assume marriage was just not high on the priority list of either of you.....and that additionally, he was not a traditional guy in general.

HOWEVER......in light of what you have just written.....ACK! Lack of a Mother's Day gift is the least of your worries. In all honesty, I'd rethink those wedding plans because anytime anything ever goes wrong during your married life (and it will) I predict he will throw it up to you that you "cornered" him into marriage. This man simply does not want to marry you. Is that fair? No! But it's your reality and maybe you need to cut your losses.

A man should be EAGER to marry his fiance, not petulant. WTH does he mean by you want to get married for "the wrong reasons"? To commit to each other for life and provide a stable, loving home for your child and financial security for the two of you? Geez....I think those are very valid reasons. He should be HAPPY to do it and if he's not....THERE'S YOUR SIGN.

Somewhere out there is a man who will appreciate you and treat you with respect. Don't settle for less. We are going through much the same thing with a female relative in her 20s who had a baby by her perpetual boyfriend. The only way she'll get him down the aisle is at gunpoint. Who needs that? We keep telling her to cut him loose, because the sooner she does that, the sooner she can begin the rest of her life. As long as she is tied to that slacker excuse of a boyfriend, the chances of her meeting a decent man are ZERO and the same thing applies to you.

If you had a friend in the exact same situation, what would you advise her to do? Harass the guy all the way to the altar? Or read the writing on the wall, accept that the reality is crap and then pick yourself up and dust yourself off and never look back?

If you do "win" and get him to marry you, what have you actually won? A devoted, loving husband? Or someone who really doesn't want to be a husband at all? That's not winning. It's winning the ****y prize. Walk away now. It will not get better. I hate to be so blunt, but this is just what I tell my relative and I love her.

This. I'm pretty hostile to the whole idea of marriage, but I can actually see the purpose of it with today's health insurance situation (probably the only reason I would marry again would be if I loved someone who needed my coverage). If your child's father can't do that for you, I think you should let him go and move on with your life. Being single isn't horrible; it's better than being with someone who doesn't deserve you. As long as you're with him, you will be closed off to other opportunities. Who knows, when you cut him loose, he may change his mind about everything. Then you'd have to decide whether you really want a man who can't appreciate what he has until he thinks he'll lose it.

 

[marcyinPA]

I'm not getting anything either. My DH is "under"employed and his pay has been cut by more than 20%. We can't afford for him to get me anything.

My oldest DS turns 15 tomorrow, so for his birthday, we're going to a minor league baseball game, which I guess I can say is for Mother's Day too.

My youngest DS (10) made me something in school, which he couldn't wait to give me. Those are the things that mean the most to me, IMHO.

FWIW, the last time I actually got a store bought Mother's Day gift was the weekend that my oldest DS was born...Mother's Day 1995. My DH bought me a mother/child pendant.

 

[luvsJack]

Why should a mother have to tell her dh or df that she wants something for mother's day? Why is it too much to ask that your dh/f give you something to show you that he appreciates you as the mother of his child on a day set aside to honor Mother's. Last I checked Mother's Day was about acknowledging ALL the Mother's in your life, how sad it is when people say that just because you arent his mother he shouldn't tell you he appreciates you.


ETA I'm not talking about telling him something specific. I know I have to direct dh when it comes to gifts. I'm talking about a little token from the heart, a meaningful card, flowers, candy, a candle, whatever. Just a little something to say you matter on this day.

ITA. Dh doesn't have to remind me to do something for father's day or his birthday or any other "gift giving" occasion. Why should I have to keep telling him? Men are not stupid, they have brains and can use them. I told him once (the year we married) that I expect a gift for certain things, so OP if you haven't told him at least once what you expect then you should. After that, he should be able to handle it on his own.

Of the poster's that keep saying "you have to tell him", do your husband's tell you when it comes to getting them something?

And the "you're not his mother" is just a cop out. Everything a mother does for THEIR children? he dang well better appreciate it (and at least in our house, it makes no difference whether they are his bio kids are not)

 

[Mary•Poppins]

About Mother's Day ...

... did anyone see this week's episode of In the Middle? I was laughing so hard I thought I would pee my pants! This is my Mother's Day every year. As my older sons were watching with me, I kept saying ... "I don't want my gift from Walgreen's this year."

Needless to say, my husband didn't think it was funny ... however, all the men in my house are painting the garage doors for me for my Mother's Day present ... and this is what I wanted!

To the poster, I hope all works out for you. ... and have a Happy Mother's Day from me!

 

[Art 1]

I surprised my wife with a Cartier watch last night. I had the guy we deal with at Mayor's bring it in as they did not have the model that I wanted in stock. I asked her to come with me to the mall last night, she thought that when we went into Mayor's that we were just going in to say hello. Our guy brought out that big red Cartier box and she knew it had to be for her. She was as happy as a school girl and that made me very happy to see.

 

[sunnyday123]

OK..

You've been engaged for 4 years
He doesn't really remember your special days
He does remember his friend's special day
You are going out to get HIS mother a MD gift

I think it's time to cut this one loose. What exactly is it that he's doing for you?

Ok, I didn't see the part where he was going out to get HIS Mother a gift, but honestly after reading your last post, I'd tell him all I wanted was for him to pack his stuff and roll. This guy is selfish,and trust me, I've been there, done that, and got the divorce decree to prove they don't change. Ever. It's about them, what they want. He's not the least bit concerned you don't have health insurance?? And that it upsets you so much you've made yourself sick over it? He's using that as a cop out, and he's not going to change. I'd start making plans to further my education and get a decent job, m own place, and my own money.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This is a whole other story....
When I got pregnant, I was in school and working P/T, when DD was born we agreed it would be best if I stayed @ home with her since putting her in daycare would cost $$$ and it would probably be as much as I would make w/o a degree. Anytime I approach the "get married" thing, he tells me I want to get married for the wrong reasons and he lists that I want health insurance, (YUP!!! NO HEALTH INSURANCE FOR 5 YEARS FOR ME, they are covered) that I worry what others will think that we're not married, and we don't have enough money to be married, etc. 2 weekends ago I stayed in bed all day sick over it. THEN he tells me, well set a date, I said Aug and then he said ok, and that was the end of the convo....
I seriously just want some normalcy in my life, we have a beautiful little one together and I just want to be a family.
I guess I will now get flamed for all of this.

Yea, you have bigger fish to fry than a Mother's Day gift.

However it is your choice to not have a job and remain uninsured. You can't lay that at your BF's feet.

And furthermore, the courthouse does not cost a lot of money to married at. That is a matter of choice on both of your parts. DH and I got married at the JP's.

If you want normalcy in your life, go out get a job, get some insurance, and make a go of it.

 

[cm8]

This is a whole other story....
When I got pregnant, I was in school and working P/T, when DD was born we agreed it would be best if I stayed @ home with her since putting her in daycare would cost $$$ and it would probably be as much as I would make w/o a degree. Anytime I approach the "get married" thing, he tells me I want to get married for the wrong reasons and he lists that I want health insurance, (YUP!!! NO HEALTH INSURANCE FOR 5 YEARS FOR ME, they are covered) that I worry what others will think that we're not married, and we don't have enough money to be married, etc. 2 weekends ago I stayed in bed all day sick over it. THEN he tells me, well set a date, I said Aug and then he said ok, and that was the end of the convo....:confused3
I seriously just want some normalcy in my life, we have a beautiful little one together and I just want to be a family.
I guess I will now get flamed for all of this.

Well, when August 1st gets here, I hope you marry him on that date. Don't worry about who can make it and who can't. Make sure to get the marriage license in July before you get married. I know you are hurt and I will refrain from saying things that may not help your situation, but you should really think long and hard about marrying him. I know you love him and all and your DD needs a father, but you need someone that will be there for you in your time of need and he does not seem to be what you are needing.

We have all made mistakes in life and some of them haunt us to this day, but if he treats you like this and you are not married, Think of how it will be once you are married and living as man and wife. Him telling you that you are wanting to marry for the wrong reasons seems to be his way of telling you that he does not want to be married. Don't settle for less than you deserve. I hope that on this Mother's Day you find your life and heart filled with happiness and as much joy as you can stand. No matter what he does or does not do for you should not determine your self worth. I hope you have a wonderful day.

 

[Sparx]

Mother's Day is such a farcical holiday, like Father's Day and Valentine's Day. I mean, really, I don't need Hallmark to shame me into sending my mom a $4 card full of gushy sentiments to convey to my mother that she's the best thing that ever happened to me. And I sure don't need candy, flowers, and fancy dinners to know that my own kids love me.

I actually hope they *don't* get me gifts. I have a hard time receiving gifts on my birthday and Christmas. These other nonsense holidays just make me feel uncomfortable. You know what i'm doing on Mother's Day? I'm planning a cookout. I've invited my kids to invite their girlfriends/boyfriends and we're going to grill chicken, burgers and hot dogs. Throw in some corn on the cob, barbeque chips and some baked beans and you have a bondafide cookout. My way of saying "Gosh, I love being a mother!"

Mother's Day, Father's Day and Valentine's Day have existed and been celebrated for a few thousand years before Christmas. I don't think its fair to call them a farce. They're real holidays and have an extensive and culturally rich background. And its not like Hallmark doesn't sell Christmas gifts either, and plenty of shaming for Christmas gifts starts MONTHS before December 25. I hate the term "Hallmark Holiday". Hallmark didn't invent it, and its their business to sell gifts, how can you blame them for being really good at what they do?

 

[Nancyg56]

I surprised my wife with a Cartier watch last night. I had the guy we deal with at Mayor's bring it in as they did not have the model that I wanted in stock. I asked her to come with me to the mall last night, she thought that when we went into Mayor's that we were just going in to say hello. Our guy brought out that big red Cartier box and she knew it had to be for her. She was as happy as a school girl and that made me very happy to see.

hmmmm...................... I am glad that you remembered your wife in such a nice way but I have a feeling that this post is going to make the OP even more sad than she was when she posted. I am not sure this thread was the best place to share this.

About Mother's Day ...

... did anyone see this week's episode of In the Middle? I was laughing so hard I thought I would pee my pants! This is my Mother's Day every year. As my older sons were watching with me, I kept saying ... "I don't want my gift from Walgreen's this year."

I sure did! I thought that it was hysterical!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Haha... have to tell you all. We were just at the supermarket, and I can't even count how many men were picking up cards and flowers. It's just funny, because you could totally tell they were doing it because they *had* to. I'd rather get nothing than a gift like that!

(For the record, I'm not getting a Mothers Day gift. I'm OK with that.)

 

[simplesimon]

If they can get the milk for free, they will never buy the cow. If after 4 years you are not married and you have a child, the wedding is not coming.
Go to school, get a 2 year degree, or go online. Get a job and get out.
Give him a 2 year deadline for marriage or be gone.