Nope, Not Gonna Sweat The Small Stuff....Well, Try Not To!

[imktdqt810]

We leave in 19 days and DH is not a WDW fan. I have posted about it before but he doesn't like how expensive everything is, the long lines, don't enjoy the rides, don't like to hear about 60 day ADR's nor Mobile Ordering at 10:30 for a noon lunch! I stopped talking to him about everything "planning" that excites me! We both work remotely for the same company and they know this was planned in 2018, booked in 2019 for 2020 and now we are finally SO CLOSE to going. But DH is starting to get grouchy about it....so much so that one of our co-workers made the comment to me today that 'He REALLY isn't looking forward to this is he?" I'm trying my BEST to not sweat the small stuff....and if DH wants to just stay at the resort the whole time then fine...I won't say a word, so DS and I can enjoy our long-over-due vacay. When a Disney commercial came on TV last night DH announced that he won't "be standing in any lines over 30 mins for nothing...not rides and not food" Yes, I sweetly smiled and I said "I heard you on this topic like the other 50 times this week you have mentioned it"...meanwhile my mind was thinking "so this is going to be a disaster"! I already told him we won't be doing any rope drops, no rushing from this place to that, we can hop to EPCOT nightly so he can try a beer at each World (he doesn't drink often but I know this will make him happy to do....I think). We've gone in 2012 and 2016 but DH says this WILL be the last time ever he goes.

So does anyone else has a DH or family members be "difficult"? I'm really hoping once we are there and he and DS are surprised with a 1 bedroom and balconies he can sit to chill on....that maybe it won't be so bad! Maybe?

 

[olwyngdh]

My brother in law is like that. I have turned to him on family vacations and said "we understand that you aren't happy unless you are b****ing, but you are ruining things for the kids so stow it." Probably won't work with a husband though even though it did shut the BiL up for a while.

 

[kwdw]

Ask me why I travel solo! Lol....

Seriously, try to have a calm conversation about it. Would he be better off staying home? Let him know how his negativity is impacting you and how you have tried to plan the trip to best make him happy to.

My partner will only go to Disney occasionally with me, and I do plan differently to help meet pieces that help him have a better time. He complains much more strongly at home than he does on the actual trip because he does know what to expect and realizes he needs to go along with the experience because he did say yes in the first place. He also does have fun at Disney, but those parts seem to be forgotten when we are home.

Good luck!

 

[Disturbia]

If he is coming along, maybe do try to rope drop one of the big attractions and then only go on the rides with shorter queues and take a midday break (or he goes for a break). You can also split up and he can go on a line with a shorter wait nearby and then grab some snacks/food (that he will be able to carry) while you and your son go ride something with a longer queue.

In the past I’ve stayed back with our baby while DH and our DD rope dropped AK and only joined for evening fast passes. They also went on After hours events where they could ride anything with little waits while I stayed back with the baby.

 

[chefski]

Quite simple if he's not happy with it go to the park point him in a direction and say knock yourself out do what you want, if you need me ring me while I take our kid to have some real fun.

Im quite blunt as you can see

 

[katyjeka]

I don't want to offend anyone but if my husband acted like this we would have a long talk about how an adult man should behave. Whining to coworkers about not wanting to take a vacation sounds a little selfish especially when some families spend years saving to take a once in a lifetime trip. I could understand his point if you "forced" him to go every year. My husband would much rather go to a National Park but when we take our family to WDW he enjoys the trip and we have a great time together. I think I would save the money on his pass and spend an extra day with the money saved. Simply put I would tell him to stay home and work!!!! Have a magical time on your vacation.

 

[fixerupper]

Find a friend with a kid to go with in the future. For this trip, I'd let him know he is ruining it for you and (especially) your son, and he can stay home or in the hotel if he is going to continue.

 

[tinkerjo]

My DH loves WDW but only on HIS terms. He likes to rope drop, do as much as we can early and he is DONE by 2-3 and goes back to the resort to rest, fish, drink a few beers. So we spend quality time with him early and in the evenings we do what we want to do whether it be shows, fireworks, or back to the parks for more rides. Although he loves WDW he would be miserable if it was all day in the parks. That being said, If DH hated WDW I would probably take vacations with DS and leave him at home. It’s not worth the stress. We do separate vacations often and it works because we do together vacations too. I hope your trip is magical and DH can pull it together.

 

[AussieFan8]

My dad is like that on vacations, so I stopped taking trips with him. My husband decided on our second trip to Disney that he didn't enjoy it, so he stays home with the dog while my daughter and I go. I didn't want it to become a situation like the trips with my dad; it isn't good for anyone. Hopefully, your husband can get through this trip okay, and then I would go without him in the future. Maybe there are things he or your family could do near Disney while you're there that would be of interest to him? We then also take family trips to places we all want to go.

 

[LynnTH]

DH went many times when the kids were younger. He had fun but it's just not something he gets excited about. Kids are 22 and 20 now and we love Disney. So we just go without him now and he is fine with that. Just got back from a week long trip . He does his hunting trips and I do Disney. (although mine might cost a bit more). He said the next time he goes to Disney will be with Grandkids. (that better not be happening any time soon...)

 

[Sarco11]

DH has been pretty game with WDW trips since 2014, but as the frequency has increased as of late, he is far less excited/interested, so DD and I now doing trips without him. We definitely took advantage of the low pandemic crowds and high safety measures. I feel bad for burning him out the first few trips with commando style park visits. Now that we have been number of times and bought resale DVC points, we do not do full park days and are starting to explore other recreation/entertainment options. He is much more interested in cruises and is fine with DCL, just grumps a bit about my love of concierge. What is sad is that DD is not interested in going to WDW as often as I am. They have requested non WDW trips, so I planned a DL trip for late November

 

[tinkerjo]

DH has been pretty game with WDW trips since 2014, but as the frequency has increased as of late, he is far less excited/interested, so DD and I now doing trips without him. We definitely took advantage of the low pandemic crowds and high safety measures. I feel bad for burning him out the first few trips with commando style park visits. Now that we have been number of times and bought resale DVC points, we do not do full park days and are starting to explore other recreation/entertainment options. He is much more interested in cruises and is fine with DCL, just grumps a bit about my love of concierge. What is sad is that DD is not interested in going to WDW as often as I am. They have requested non WDW trips, so I planned a DL trip for late November

They may love DL!! We did!!! Also suggest going to San Diego to explore. There is so much to do and explore!!!

 

[Disturbia]

We also did a Las Vegas+DL+San Diego (beaches+zoo+aquarium) trip when we had one kid and it was a lot of fun. There wasn’t a lot of walking (vs WDW), there was a lot of driving and traffic, however many rides had manageable waits; weather was in the 70s and fell to 50s in the evenings; but we still like WDW more.

 

[Sargeant Tibbs]

My ex was just like this, which is why he's my ex. I actually made up my mind to leave him while standing in the Mine Train queue in 2016, because I realized that how he was behaving at wdw was who he actually was as a human being. We had been together 10 years, so I often referred to him as my husband, though we weren't married, which I'm grateful for as it made leaving him that much easier. I waited until we returned home from the trip to tell him, packed up my stuff, moved 14 hours away, met someone new, and now enjoy wdw with my husband and our beautiful daughter.

I think you need to have a good adult talk with your husband, OP. Ask him why he's going, tell him not to ruin it for your son, if not for you.

 

[tjmw2727]

I would try and steer the conversation around to something he is looking forward to - ie we are going so is there anything you are looking forward to doing / want to do that would make this work for you (and all of you!). Also what he is looking forward to doing with your son and build on that.

My DH wasn't a huge wdw fan so we always made time for him to golf, take the kids mini golf (not my idea of fun) as well as lots of pool time = one trip he did the Richard Petty experience (gone now).

Obviously with Covid some of this is limited but would he enjoy a water park / fishing with your son / see if the horseback riding is open at the campground yet, hot air balloon at DS, aqua cars....

Can you plan a few relaxing dinners at places he would enjoy away from the parks?

We were there for a week late April and IMHO there was alot more walking/waiting in outside lines and transportation than in past times. Mobile order is a must at all CS as is planning in advance for an available window so that could be an obstacle. I needed a pool break every day vs going dawn to dusk in past years.

 

[imktdqt810]

Thank you everyone for you suggestions, thoughts and comments. I did have an adult talk with DH today after work and I found two things that is the true root of the cause. Well, 1 (which I have always known but always hope changes) is he doesn't like vacations at all...as in....to anywhere, because he thinks they are a waste of money, no matter what you do, or where you go. He grew up poor in all honestly and was told at a young age that it's not something "wise ppl spend their money on" since they never went on vacation. He didn't even know it was something kids did in the summer nor questioned why they never went on any. I told him my family must have been crazy, stupid b/c I grew up in a household (of 4) that took at least one summer vacation each year and those were everything from cruises, to Disney, to Europe. The 2nd interesting fact has to do with FL itself (that I didn't know until today) was that when he was 12 his aunt lived in FL and was moving back home to WV so him, his other aunt and grandmother took a bus from WV to FL to help her pack/move and ride everything back to WV in u-hauls. When they got home HIS house was packed up and moved. His Mom and Dad always rented houses (again, could never afford to save for a down payment so they just rented all the time) and they moved around every few years but THAT year they packed up whatever house they were living in and moved everything into another rental. I told him that was a horrible thing to go to a kid! So he said he has this fear that when he is in FL he feels like something will happen to the house. We own ours and that was the one thing DH wanted....to own his house and never have his family move place to place and over and over. I don't know why this never came up before....like I said, we've been to WDW in 2012 and 2016 but 2012 was his first time EVER on a Plane and ever to WDW so it was all exciting and new. In 2016 he said it just didn't feel as "great nor grand" and now he just is all "blah" about going and will be worried about the house while we are gone. I told him I have no objections to him staying home and not going (in an honest and sincere way) but he said he will go.

He did apologize for the way he has been making me feel and if he really isn't "feeling it" he will stay in the resort and just enjoy quiet time knowing he isn't working. I told our co-workers we are removing the work email from our phones and NOT brining our work laptops since I've wait SO LONG for this vacay that I'm not letting any work issues interrupt it! I told him that works for me...whatever he will enjoy doing while down there!

 

[tinkerjo]

Thank you everyone for you suggestions, thoughts and comments. I did have an adult talk with DH today after work and I found two things that is the true root of the cause. Well, 1 (which I have always known but always hope changes) is he doesn't like vacations at all...as in....to anywhere, because he thinks they are a waste of money, no matter what you do, or where you go. He grew up poor in all honestly and was told at a young age that it's not something "wise ppl spend their money on" since they never went on vacation. He didn't even know it was something kids did in the summer nor questioned why they never went on any. I told him my family must have been crazy, stupid b/c I grew up in a household (of 4) that took at least one summer vacation each year and those were everything from cruises, to Disney, to Europe. The 2nd interesting fact has to do with FL itself (that I didn't know until today) was that when he was 12 his aunt lived in FL and was moving back home to WV so him, his other aunt and grandmother took a bus from WV to FL to help her pack/move and ride everything back to WV in u-hauls. When they got home HIS house was packed up and moved. His Mom and Dad always rented houses (again, could never afford to save for a down payment so they just rented all the time) and they moved around every few years but THAT year they packed up whatever house they were living in and moved everything into another rental. I told him that was a horrible thing to go to a kid! So he said he has this fear that when he is in FL he feels like something will happen to the house. We own ours and that was the one thing DH wanted....to own his house and never have his family move place to place and over and over. I don't know why this never came up before....like I said, we've been to WDW in 2012 and 2016 but 2012 was his first time EVER on a Plane and ever to WDW so it was all exciting and new. In 2016 he said it just didn't feel as "great nor grand" and now he just is all "blah" about going and will be worried about the house while we are gone. I told him I have no objections to him staying home and not going (in an honest and sincere way) but he said he will go.

He did apologize for the way he has been making me feel and if he really isn't "feeling it" he will stay in the resort and just enjoy quiet time knowing he isn't working. I told our co-workers we are removing the work email from our phones and NOT brining our work laptops since I've wait SO LONG for this vacay that I'm not letting any work issues interrupt it! I told him that works for me...whatever he will enjoy doing while down there!

That’s some rough stuff to have gone through as a kid. While I understand some of his issues, it sounds like some (or most if not all) of his fears are unfounded. I understand the type of poor you describe and it’s rough. Maybe he would benefit from some counseling. I know it may be a challenge but sounds like there are some deep seeded issues about leaving his home that he may need to address. They may be able to give him some coping techniques to help him relax and enjoy future vacations. Being poor sucks and it sounds like it left some scars even if his parents did the best they could do. Hope you can enjoy the trip and get some rest. AND keep the work email off!!!!

 

[Kerr84]

I would plan to vacation like you would with a toddler. Go early, take a break, go back late afternoon when it is less crowded. Or maybe you and your son can rope drop and he can meet you in the afternoon.

For future trips, I would go without him. Everyone would be happier. We go every year and rarely do my husband or my brother-in-law go. They don’t love it and we don’t love them complaining.

 

[moesy4]

We DH hates all things Disney...the lines, the heat, the crowds, the crazy costs, etc. He is not a complainer, but I can tell when he isn't enjoying himself. We compromise...I do what I can to make it enjoyable for him. Just a few hours in the park at a time, no sit down meals, no longer lines, a few down days, etc. In exchange, I expect him to put up with the stuff he has to. Also, we don't do Disney often...we have done it once and this will be our second and final time. But that is a joint choice, there are too many other fun things to do!

 

[Sargeant Tibbs]

I'm glad you were able to have a real conversation about it. I can be a bit cheap at times and stress about money, especially when things break or a dog needs an expensive vet treatment. My husband has the attitude that if a windfall comes our way something will inevitably break, so don't worry about it, and also we can't take money with us when we die, so we might as well enjoy it, as long as our financial obligations are taken care of first. I really appreciate his attitude, and I'm happier for it.