Non-sporty kid

[clarabelle]

How would you feel if your child was going to participate in a sport and you knew they would probably be the worst one on the team?
DD (11) is going to swim on the middle school swim team and she is not very good at all. I don't mean she's not the greatest. I mean she can barely walk and chew gum at the same time.
I am trying to be supportive -but I am so worried she is going to get her feelings hurt.
My DH says he is proud of her for just trying. I am trying to be -but I am so anxious that she is going to irritate the other swimmers and be embarrased.
She does know by the way that she is not going to be good. (she did neighborhood swim team a couple of times) she just wants to be with her friends and be part of the team.

 

[golfgal]

First off, you just never know, maybe she will develop into a great swimmer.

If she is out for the team to have fun and be with her friends and she accomplishes that, great. One nice thing about sports like swimming, cross country, track is that while they are team sports, they are also individual sports and you are really competing with yourself. If she does her best, does the workouts given and doesn't goof-off while everyone else is working hard, she will be fine. Participating in teams are a great way to build friendships, school spirit and just have fun.

 

[tar heel]

I would be proud of her for trying and would not worry about what other people think, since their opinions really don't matter. I would encourage her to do her best and work on improving her individual times and having fun, which is what every kid on a middle school sports team should be doing any way. I hope I would listen to my DH if he were giving advice as good as yours is.

My DS was on the cross country team in high school. He had no chance of winning or placing in any meet (my hope at each was that he didn't come in last), but being on that team was a very important part of high school for him.

 

[DeterminedOne]

Try not to worry about it. It's okay if she ends up embarassed or her feelings get hurt. It happens to all of us, and personally, I think it builds character.
Like your DH said, at least she's trying. As tempting as it may be, don't rescue her from the consequences of her choice. Whatever happens, she will benefit from it somehow.

 

[VolleyballQt07]

That's what my mom was thinking when I signed up for volleyball. But I practiced, got better, and I am now playing Club/Travel! Hopefully, your daughter is the same way. Just have her practice as much as she can so she gets better and better! Good Luck!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My 15yodd is in "A" block in Marching Band. That means she doesn't get to participate in meets and has to stand at attention on the sidelines.
She does get to march in Football games.

Overall she loves band so the benefits outweigh the disappointment.

Anything is worth a try.

 

[Tazicket]

DOn't worry too much...she may wind up like me: I joined the swim team in middle school and I could barely doggie paddle. Now...well...I can still barely doggie paddle (I dropped off the swim team before our first meet. I stayed ust long enough to do a fundraiser- I'm sure my parents loved that)

 

[clarabelle]

Thanks everyone -I know that I should be supportive. Its just hard sometimes.
One of those big Parenting lessons for me has been how little control I have over how they perform. I was lousy at sports -but I blamed my parents for not encouraging or teaching me. And my school for being one of those typical schools of the 70's where you got very little instruction in PE -they picked teams and played.
But now I know that although those things didn't help -they weren't the whole problem either.
I guess I am kind of embarrassed myself and I don't want her to get hurt.
Thanks for listening

 

[Pixiedust34]

Being non-sporty and a boy is extra bad. Our ds doesn't have an athletic bone in his body. He did baseball for 2 seasons and was indeed the worst kid on the team. We moved onto TKD for 2 years. That's a good fit for a non-sporty kid, but after 2 years he lost interest and didn't like going. We let him quit that and move onto another activity (not sports related) in its place.

We make sure ds stays in shape with a PE co-op we attend and with swimming frequently. We live at the pool during the summer and use an indoor pool during the winter. He can swim OK, though he'll probably never be on a swim team. He likes swimming and it's good exercise for him. Team sports are not for everyone.

Maybe your dd can give the swimming a try and after a season she can decide if she wants to do another season or if she's had enough. With training, she just might surprise you and do OK plus enjoy being on the team. If nothing else, she'll get some good exercise while practicing and can spend some time with her friends. I know how it is to watch a non-athletic kid try hard to fit in on the field (or in the pool, in your case), and I know it's not easy.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

At 11 I would encourage participation... you just never know what is going to happen. If she were 17 I might suggest encouraging her to find another hobby.

 

[funhouse8]

My DD loved Softball but was never put in at any of the games (she wasn't very good). Well during the awards night at school they had given out most of the awards and now given out special awards. I'm think OMG they missed her name (she was thinking the same thing) Well she got an award for unsong hero. The coach said she was a great team member because she never once complained and was always cheering her team on. I was so proud of her. So you never can tell.

 

[Christine]

I understand your concerns, I really do but just go with it. I think it is AMAZING that given her lack of ability she still wants to do it. I would guess that the majority of non-sporty kids wouldn't even try. This says a lot for her and her self-worth. She may truly get her feelings hurt, but she may let it roll of her back and have a good time with it all. Good luck!

 

[clarabelle]

Thanks again
I didn't know before I had kids I would angonize over this kind of stuff

 

[NMAmy]

I was an un-sporty kid, too, but always had great fun playing in non-competitive leagues. If she wants to try it, she should go for it.

My dd is a natural jock and excels at basketball and softball (believe me, she does NOT get this from me!) Since she's used to being great at those sports, she was a little worried about playing volleyball because she'd never played before and she wouldn't be good. That allowed me to point out that you don't have to be great at everything you do--just trying your best and having fun are the important parts. In life, we don't get to be the best at every activity we try--that was an excellent lesson for my dd to learn.

I would never discourage a kid from trying a sport--being active and getting some exercise--even if you're not the best--are very important.

 

[Beth76]

she just wants to be with her friends and be part of the team.

There's nothing wrong with that. As long as she still tries the best she can. Being part of a team is a great thing. Especially in middle school where sometimes it's hard to fit in with a group of friends. And if she's so bad, she can only get better right?

I joined the track team (I despise running) my sophomore year of HS so that I could drive to school . I definitely wasn't the greatest, but I was still part of the team. And I was one of the loud ones cheering my teammates on at the finish line.

 

[Keli]

I definitely think this is a good thing for your dd. My very unathletically inclined dd has always loved team sports, even as a little kid. But she was usually pretty bad at it.
When she wanted to play soccer for her hs it was hard to let her try out. She did make the team and went on to play for them for a couple of years. Turns out she wasn't the worst player on the team (certainly not the best, or even close to the top though) and she developed friendships that have carried on long after hs soccer ended.
She told me once that she didn't just want to attend her hs she wanted to be a part of it and that playing on the soccer team made her feel like she was because she wasn't just a student there she was a Lady Raider (their mascot was the Raiders) for the school. I believe her whole hs career was enhanced because she played soccer for the school.

 

[ckay87]

Thanks everyone -I know that I should be supportive. Its just hard sometimes.

Don't be anything other than totally and completely supportive. If her parents aren't supportive who will be.

11 is way to young to write off anyone's potential- I'm not saying you are, but I do often see how if a kid isn't playing a sport since he/she is like 5, then people feel like it's too late.

11 is a great age to be trying new things. All I ever tell my boys, who are 10 & 14 is that they are at a point in their lives where it's not too late for anything and that they can literally do or be anything they want. I sincerely believe that. And for your daughter who might be less-than-athletic, my guess is that this is exactly what she needs.