No-So Sweet 16: A Guilt-Filled Post--UPDATE!!!

[rwrocksme]

Next year, I am turning 16. Most girls have a big party, and while I want to do something special, I don't like parties. So, I asked my mom if we could take my three best friends to Disney, and she said yes.

But then I realized just how much it would cost. Now, I feel totally guilty. Should I cancel and just have a sleepover? Help! I'm so confused!

 

[CastleCreations]

What about talking to your Mum about the cost, and let her know you're concerned. It will make her feel better about spending the money if she knows you at least thought about the cost. Also what about doing jobs around the house to help out your Mum, and see if your friends can get any money to pay for some of their share of the trip. I don't know if you need airfare, but any little bit will help.

 

[llp479]

The fact that you even realized how much money this will cost your mother makes you a special young lady. Many teens these days don't think twice about things like that.

Why don't you sit down and talk it over with your mom? I know around here the Sweet 16 parties ended up being huge events, and a trip to WDW would be a deal for some parents.

 

[squirrel]

Glad to hear that you have thought about the cost. So many teens and children are growing up thinking they should get whatever they want. Talk to your mom-I'm sure she must have thought about the cost before saying yes, but maybe she could use help making it special for your birthday.

You could help save money for the trip by collecting pop cans and water bottles. Have a garage sale/car wash with the friends that are going with you. Sounds like you have some time to help come up with some money if your mom needs help to pay for the trip-if not use it for a nice meal or two.

PS I always pack snack and drinks in my luggage to cut down on expensive food in the parks. Then I also have room for souveniers.

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

Wow, it is so cool that your Mom said yes to this! I remember my sweet 16 (just a slumber party with friends, but we had fun). She must really want your birthday to be special! I'm sure she'll be so proud of you when you tell her your concerns too. That is really mature of you. I agree with the previous posts that some fundraising could really help out.
Also, consider staying offsite at somewhere like Double Tree. I think the suite sleeps up to 6 and certain deals even include breakfast. Your mom could pay for the hotel and maybe your friends could pitch in on their tickets and food. I'm sure that would help out a TON!

Let us know how it works out - and have a great birthday!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

My younger cousin just turned 16. Actually her family party was today. She's kind of shy and not much into parties so she asked her parents to take her to California. She's into Laguna Beach , so they spent a week and a half out there going to the beach, DLR, Universal and looking for the stars homes.

They all had a great time and she loved it 100 times better then a party. Not sure where you live and your financial situation, but if you're worried about the cost, try to offset it by doing some thing to help pay for at least part of the cost.

16 is a big deal and I'm sure your mom wouldn't have said OK if it would be a financial hardship.

Happy Sweet 16!

 

[Manda]

Well, I've been both a 16 year old and a Mom ( ) and my opinion is that you should stop worrying about it and enjoy your gift. I'm assuming your Mom is a rational, responsible adult and she wouldn't have agreed to this trip is it would put a burden on your family. You're her 15 your old daugher... you didn't force her to spend the money. It's sweet that you care, but your Mom obviously wants to do this for you.

 

[Doc CW]

I'm sure if you talk to your mom she'll say that shes proud of you for being willing to tell her your concerned about how much shes spending and that its okay for you to go and you'll have an awesome trip.

 

[LuvOrlando]

If you 'feel' that something is wrong than it probably is. Could it be that Mom said ok with a budget trip in mind (value season, 3 days in the parks+ 2 at the hotel, inexpensive hotel, eating in the room) and she overheard you & your friends planning a huge splash with character dining, deluxe hotel and 7 days in the parks including souvenirs? You are a young adult now and should be able to have a genuine discussion with your Mom about the budget she has in mind. If you know what she has in mind you and she can plan your trip together picking & choosing what to spend the $ on and what you don't mind giving up. Also, it will be hard but don't allow your friends to ambush your Mom into spending more than she is comfortable in doing.

WDW can be done cheaply or it can run over $10,000. The biggest expenses can be reduced with patience and research.

Thinking about your Mom is very considerate. She is lucky to have a daughter like you

 

[2forMe]

What about talking to your Mum about the cost, and let her know you're concerned. It will make her feel better about spending the money if she knows you at least thought about the cost. Also what about doing jobs around the house to help out your Mum, and see if your friends can get any money to pay for some of their share of the trip. I don't know if you need airfare, but any little bit will help.

Excellent advice

 

[Grendalynn]

Great ideas! I commend you, OP, for your intuitiveness(sp?) to pick up on the fact that this could be pricy; I know many 16 year olds that wouldnt give a second thought to their request. As a parent we want to give our children everything, even if its too much. You are aware of this and seem to do anything to help. A Previous Poster had some great ideas: yard sales, pitching in with savings/allowances, staying offiste or stay less time onsite if thats something you really want to do. Also ask the firends parents to foot some of the costs, even if its only their kids tickets or somehting. You can find great deals on Orlando areas hotels at www.skyauction.com.

I think with the show "Sweet 16" on MTV it has over glamourized reality in most american households. I do not know many famlies that would foot upwards of $10,000+++ for a party for their 16 year old daughter/son, let a lone a few thousand. Please dont get me wrong, I am not shunning you, just bringing something to light. Lord knows I would have enjoyed a trip tp WDW for my 16th! I did not have a big party, I had a basketball game or something and only had a family party, its only 14 years laster and I can't even remember it.

 

[ToInfinity]

I love that you're concerned about the cost to your mom for this trip but I am sure that this trip is something that is going to make your mom very happy too since she probably wants to make this special for you. It sounds like you have until next year for your trip so this should give you some time to contribute some money for the trip. As others have said, I would tell you mom about your concerns and try to figure out how you can help contribute. You could even get your friends involved to also help since they will be enjoying the trip with you.

Most importantly, when the day finally comes for your trip to begin, JUST ENJOY YOURSELF!! There will be no reason to feel guilty. Everyone, including your mom, will have a blast!!

 

[disneymom3]

As I tell my DD when she offers to help pay for things I have either offerred or agreed to do, "You don't need to worry about it. I am the mom and I know how much I can afford or not." You are very sweet to be concerned and obviously a very considerate girl to even think of it. Talk it through with your mom so you can feel better but I am betting she knew going in how much it cost. Just let her know you are aware of it and really appreciate how generous she is.

PS--dont forget her bday when it rollls around, okay??

 

[ksumn1]

Don't feel guilty. If it wasn't financially possible, she would have use dthe great Mom-ism "we'll see" Which usually means "No, but I want to tell you in a nice way," or "I need more time to think on this."

You are such a great girl. I was such a jerk at 16, that I would have took the trip and never once thought about the cost. Just sit down and talk to her. Tell her your concerns and find out what kind of budget she has in mind. Chip in what you can to help out. if you want.

You can also do the planning together and it can be a real bonding experience. Like disneymom3 said "Don't forget her birthday" I even have a suggestion. Get her a gift certificate to one of the WDW spas. It's a great gift and it'll give her a little relaxation time away from the whilwind that 16 year old girls are.

HAVE A GREAT TRIP AND HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!!

 

[portia9]

I would tell your mom your concerns but honestly you sound like a wonderful person that deserves this for her special birthday

Yvette

 

[Dancemom03]

As a mom who just took 6 of DD17's friends to spend last weekend at a Baltimore hotel for Otakon (and flew DD's BF into WDW for July 3 & 4th to join us just so she could watch fireworks with him) I think it's wonderful that you're thinking about what sacrifices your mom might be making to be sure you have a special time to remember.
I'm sure that your mom would not have offered though if she couldn't afford or didn't want to do it. I'm assuming that you didn't whine endlessly or exert undue pressure to get your way so there's nothing to feel guilty about.
I like to do things for my girls and find enjoyment from watching them experience things they may not have a chance to later.
My mom always said "when you give a gift to my children, you give it to me because I appreciate it just as much." It took becoming a mother myself to understand the depth of feelings behind that sentiment but I get it now and it's so true...

My only suggestion is that you spend lots of time together discussing & making plans and, once you are there, be sure to let her tag along a bit.
This is a chance for you to not only experience the magic but to share it, and your friends, with mom as well. If she's like me, it is you, and your enjoyment, that will make it magical for her too.
I had no desire to attend the rave held during the evening at Otakon but it sure was nice to know that I was asked as I sat in the room watching TV with one eye on the clock while they all were out.
I'm sure this will be a very special & memorable trip for both of you. I hope you both have a truly magical time anticipating - and later, remembering - every wonderful moment of it.

 

[mytwotinks]

Well, I've been both a 16 year old and a Mom ( ) and my opinion is that you should stop worrying about it and enjoy your gift. I'm assuming your Mom is a rational, responsible adult and she wouldn't have agreed to this trip is it would put a burden on your family. You're her 15 your old daugher... you didn't force her to spend the money. It's sweet that you care, but your Mom obviously wants to do this for you.

I agree 100%!

One of the most shocking things that I learned being a mommy is that I enjoy giving to my kids more than they enjoy receiving! The best thing you can do for your mom is just take girls that will have a good time and be sweet and you guys hang out with your mom at Disney and enjoy yourselves.

 

[brymolmom]

Hi - I'm both a former-16 year old girl and a current mom....and I came from a situation where finances were tight with my father passing away and my mom having 5 kids between 10 and 17. So, I, like you - was frequently concerned about the cost of things.

I agree that you should talk to your mom about this, but I would one-up it. I would sit down and figure out a budget. Don't forget about getting a place off-site (you said 3 friends right, that would be at least 5 of you including mom - so none of the onsite places are budget-friendly for that size). You can rent many condos, depending on time of year, for even $600 total for the week. Don't forget to add in rental car. Figure buying your tickets through ticketmania for the savings there. And figure some meals in your condo and many counter service meals. Once done - you can determine #1- how many days you think you want to present (obviously, based on cost - you might want to consider anywhere from 3 or 5 days to a full week) AND you'll be able to back it up with the proposed budget for that trip. IN addition, you can end it by saying 'and I plan to earn the money to contribute for us to all do a meal at (insert name of favorite WDW restaurant or character meal here)....that should be about $ insert price of said favorite restaurant X the number of people.

That way you've helped your mom envision what SHE needs to do by next year, you've showed her that your not selfish at all by doing a budget for the trip that will not break-the-bank and you've also shown your responsibility by saying what you, yourself will contribute.

I can't imagine being more proud of my own dd (13 years from now when she turns 16) if she came to me with this idea and also the plan I suggest above.

 

[Aliceacc]

You've gotten some wonderful suggestions. Let me add one or two:

-consider the family suites at All Star Music. They sleep 5.

- you and your friends could certainly spend the next few months earning enough money to treat mom to one really nice sit down meal at Disney. I'm talking top shelf, California Grill kind of eating where you all dress up and she gets to act like an adult.

- in a similar vein, be sure you've saved up enough money that you don't ask mom for souvineer money. Maybe you and your friends could agree on how much you're each bringing. Just as they'll be limited by their budgets, consider yourself limited as well.

- I LOVE the idea about remembering to let mom "tag along." She'll turn down many of your invitations, but it will thrill her to be asked.

- Remind your friends that mom is hoping for reasonable curfews. If she lets you stay out late, stick to the time you promised to be back. Nothing can kill a vacation like worrying.

 

[MrsPete]

Next year, I am turning 16. Most girls have a big party, and while I want to do something special, I don't like parties. So, I asked my mom if we could take my three best friends to Disney, and she said yes.

But then I realized just how much it would cost. Now, I feel totally guilty. Should I cancel and just have a sleepover? Help! I'm so confused!

When the time is right, speak to your mom honestly about the situation. Say, "Mom, when we started talking about this Disney trip, I didn't realize it was going to be so expensive. Is this really okay, or should we make some changes?"

Take your cues from her. If she responds positively that she's got it covered, then GO guilt-free! If I were the mom in question, I never would've said "yes" unless I'd already considered the cost -- I'd be happy to provide such a fun trip for my daughter, if that was her choice instead of a party. On the other hand, if she seems relieved that you've noticed the cost, then decide together whether it's better to "downgrade" the trip a bit to a budget hotel, fewer days, whatever . . . or whether to do something else altogether.

It's refreshing to see a young person who doesn't have a sense of entitlement. You'll be so much better off in the real world than your "I deserve this" counterparts!