No Santa!!!!!

[reginaastralis]

My 7 year old asked me last month while we were waiting in line to see Tinkerbell. She said "Come on mom, tell me the truth ...how are faeries and Santa real?' Luckily, she whispered it, but it was still pretty awkward.

I told her that it's all magic and she told me she knew the person who was playing Tinkerbell was really just an actress. So I said "See all these girls here, they all believe she's Tink, and as long as they believe it, it's real. It's the same with Santa, as long as someone out there believes that he is real, he'll be real."

That's really how I see it. My mom's face still lights up when she gets us presents ... so she's still Santa. Maybe she doesn't have to hide the presents and sneak out at night to put them around the tree, but she's still Santa to me.

My dad, however, is a total realist - in that he didn't want us to believe in fairy tales- (which probably explains why my seven year old already doesn't believe, ) and told us that Santa and the reindeer crashed on the way back to the North Pole and everyone died. I kind you not. My brother was in kindergarten, maybe 1st grade, so I was two years older. I already didn't believe, I'd heard about Santa at school and had found presents the year before, but I was never going to admit it. My brother, on the other hand, lost it completely. He cried and cried. It was the worst way to tell a kid, ever. We still laugh about it in the family, but I'm pretty sure my brother is going to need therapy for that. My kid sister is a LOT younger than I am, she just turned 14 ... and my mom didn't have the Santa talk with her until two years ago. I think she was terrified of scaring her ...Her response, at 12 was "Umm, duh! I got double the presents, I wasn't going to say anything!"

I'm playing the "wait and see" to see if dd wants to see Santa or write him a letter this year ...

 

[Zhoen]

I have always told my girls (now 5 and 8) that there is "real", there is "pretend," and somewhere in the middle is "make believe"-- which means "if you believe it, you make it, and if someone else chooses not to believe it, it won't work for them."

Santa falls in the "make believe" category. DD8 has been questioning for years, but I tell her "as long as you believe, he'll be real for you, and someday if you stop believing, he won't." She always gets a stricken look and shouts "I believe!" (Because she doesn't want to miss out on the presents.)

As far as the kids that already don't believe and/or Santa doesn't visit, also the children who are terribly bad and still get Santa gifts-- we have discussed "Santa physics."

1- Santa's elves still make quality toys, but due to increased global demands, they also outsource and purchase toystore products.
2- Only children who believe get visited by Santa, the rest get covered by their parents.
3- Same for kids on the naughty list-- Santa doesn't come, but their parents may choose to cover it for them to spare their feelings
4- Delivery schedules-- Santa doesnt' visit all the good, believing children in a single night, because due to differing beliefs some kids get visits on other nights.
5-Gift quality- varies by tradition-- in some places, kids just get candy in their shoes, in other places, Santa sets up every toy, batteries and all, in very poor areas, Santa might not leave much. Well, the middle one is OBVIOUSLY parents overcompensating, and in the case of the poor children, he doesn't want to give too much to the goodlist children if the parents can't afford to subsidize the kids on the naughty list, so he might tone it down in that situation--he's thoughtful like that.
6-Multiple deliveries aka "grandma put out a stocking at her house"-- Simple, elves are magic and Santa is very old, with everything going to computers these days, the poor old geezer and his magical staff can't keep up with technology, so they make mistakes.

For now, my girls like to tell me they believe, but I know they doubt. Our storyline allows for them to stop believing some day and know that they will still get gifts from Mom and Dad, so I'm hoping for a gentle transition.

I found out watching the movie "gremlins"... She said there was no Santa Claus and I figured if it was in a movie (about imaginary cute furballs who turn evil--Furby much?!?) it must be true...

But then, in a way I still believe in Santa Claus. I mean, once (or more) per year, a certain spirit possesses the hearts and minds of the willing and inspires them to do kindnesses to others in a spirit of generosity and love. That is Santa Claus to me...

... and then there's the old joke: The phases of Santa Clause
1- you believe in Santa Claus
2- you DON'T believe in Santa Claus
3- you ARE Santa Claus
4- you LOOK like Santa Clause.

I'm at three pushing four right now... sigh...

 

[hmdavid]

I could have written your post exactly. My kids are the same ages and I am struggling with what to do with the older two this year

Good luck to you! Funny thing in our house is that I think my younger daughter might figure things out before my older two!

 

[Mom2apirate&princess]

Honestly, I let them tell me. With DS, who was 10 at the time, things just didn't add up because some of the kids in the neighborhood didn't get Easter presents. He said he wanted me to tell him the truth so I said there was no Easter bunny, he started to walk away and then turned around and said what about Santa? Broke my heart to tell him, we both cried.

It was pretty much the same with dd, who was 9 at the time. It was right after Christmas and kids at school ruined it for her. She came home adamant that I tell her the truth, I did, and again more crying

They are now 15 and 10, but this whole family believes in the magic of Christmas and there will always be Santa presents under the tree in this house.

 

[jmartinez1895]

My oldest came to me one day when he was about 6 ( he is 13 now) and asked me why Santa hated poor kids. I asked him why he thought that and he told me that you see rich kids get a lot of stuff and poor kids are always needing food and clothing. At that point I told him the real story of santa. I could not have him thinking that Santa only cares for rich kids. My daughter never cared and my youngest (8) LOVES santa. We even spent our vacation this summer at The Christmas Inn in pigeon forge TN.

 

[Southernmiss]

I still haven't told DS 18 there's no Santa. Santa will bring him and the other 3 gifts this year. Last year Santa brought them an XBox 360 and mom and dad only gave them a Wii. They knew Santa had to bring the XBox because mom and dad would never give 2 video games for Christmas and certainly not the expensive one!

I don't see the need to intentionally spoil the magic--ever.

 

[auprincess]

My parents never told me ~ and I can't imagine telling my girls. Luckily, I still have time. I do think my oldest (7),will ask me eventually. Hopefully it will be a few years. I did find this on pinterest a year or so ago, and I really like it:

http://www.cozi.com/live-simply/truth-about-santa

 

[baldy6060]

My daughter was about 10 when she figured out the Tooth Fairy. I asked her if she had any doubts about anything else and she mentioned the Easter Bunny and Santa. I came clean with her. Her mom was kinda upset she didn't believe but my daughter said "Mom, I'm ten years old! I'm not a little baby!" So we told her not to ruin it for anyone else especially her brother. Then when he was about 11 he mentioned a talk in school about Santa. I asked him what HE thought and I wanted him to be honest. He came clean and said he had his doubts for a long time but couldn't figure out how WE could have afforded all those gifts. He said he didn't want to say anything because he was afraid he wouldn't get as many presents. Then I made sure he knew not to ruin it for anyone else. He said "I understand why parents want kids to believe. It makes it seem more magical." He also said he wanted to still get presents "From Santa" so of course we do. I just hope to have another kid soon so we can experience the "magic" all over.

 

[goodfood4ursoul]

I don't remember when I found out about santa- he was always a minor player in Christmas at our home- brought one small gift- but he is a tenacious minor player who still visits every year.

My kids began wondering- with their rolled eyes and winks, then a few questions about how santa knows who is naughty and nice- well, of course, Jesus told him...
Anyhow, we all continue the act even today.
My mom has always put up the stockings, Santa always comes with one gift for each person.
We all say "Thank you Santa! (wink, wink! )
If we are together at Easter, a basket for each person always appears on the breakfast table...
Seriously, I am 42 with 2 grown kids of my own...
But in the scope of all the rest of our Christmas celebration, the santa ruse is just a teeny tiny part... a teeny tiny part we enjoy for 10 minutes every year.

 

[poohfriend77]

I have always told my girls (now 5 and 8) that there is "real", there is "pretend," and somewhere in the middle is "make believe"-- which means "if you believe it, you make it, and if someone else chooses not to believe it, it won't work for them."

Santa falls in the "make believe" category. DD8 has been questioning for years, but I tell her "as long as you believe, he'll be real for you, and someday if you stop believing, he won't." She always gets a stricken look and shouts "I believe!" (Because she doesn't want to miss out on the presents.)

This is the BEST explanation I have ever heard.

One of DD9's friends told her the "truth" two years ago. DD asked me about it, then before I could answer, she said "Michelle says she has proof he's not real, but I have proof he IS real. Santa always brings me exactly what I want, even if you and Dad say no." Can't argue with that logic! However, I think she may just be playing along now, because she hasn't asked any questions in quite a while. I'm just hoping for another year or two of magic for my younger DD.

 

[BlueBeagle]

My oldest son asked me when he was ten if Santa was real. I said yes but not in a big man in a red suit kind of way. I said it was the magic of Christmas where you see the kindness of strangers and the gratitude and love you show your friends and family that made it real. We also made him Santa (he helps put our the younger kids gifts and gets to eat the cookies) and the Easter Bunny as an incentive not to tell his brothers (mine told me when I was 7). Hopefully I can get one more year with my middle son believing - his class seems to have a lot of vocal kids saying it isn't true.

Zhoen - I am still Santa, but somedays feel like I look like him too! Very funny. Also a side note - I told my youngest son's swimming instructor that DS was like a gremlin (all cute and sweet till somebody feeds him after midnight) and the instructor didn't know what a gremlin was! Yikes I felt old!

 

[Jedana]

We ask "what do you think?" If they still believe, then we let them. If not, we explain why we "play" Santa for them.

The older ones got to "play" Santa for the younger, then. It became a game for them---knowing what the little ones got before they did...

When DS was just about 2 (and still not quite grasping the concept of Santa), DD2 knew, and we did our Christmas the night before. Was kind of fun---got to sleep in the next morning. Though I did feel that our traditions weren't in play that year.

 

[antree]

I am so glad this thread was started. I have been struggling with this all year. My DS is 10 and home schooled, so he is not around as many kids as if in school.
I have been worried how and when will he find out.
Recently my niece who is 8, asked my son if he believes and he said yes, DN is on the mends because of the kids in school. When my son said he believes, she said so does she.
Secretly I was hoping my DN would be the one to tell my son,( I know bad mom), but I am just worried he is getting older and what if other kids his age find out he believes, how would they react to him.
I have found a lot of good answers here and it is a relief to know what to say to him.
My DD found out when she was 8 yrs old, on Christmas Eve She was tracking Santa on the computer before we went to our family Christmas party. So she calls her cousin who was 10 at the time and told her where Santa was, her cousin replies there is no Santa.
My DD runs upstairs and says, you have to tell me the truth, is there a Santa.
Now you have to know my DD, she was way to mature for her age and demanded the truth of everything, she was a little old lady growing up.
I told her, I believed, and as long as you believe Santa is real. She's screaming tell me the truth. So I told her no, Santa isn't real. Well an hour before our party, she is upstairs crying her eyes out.
So I don't want to go through that again, my son is a young 10 and I don't mind that because he is being a kid. My DD grew up to fast and missed out on a childhood I tell her, she is 18 now. I want my son to enjoy being a kid, playing with his toys and believing in fairy tales, but I know it is coming to the time, where the fairy tails have to end and I'm not looking forward to it.
This post helped a lot, I will tell him when he asks, about St Nick and how we believe and help his memory, how giving to others make us Santa and how it brings smiles to others. He is a loving caring child so I hope it helps with the blow, because he is also emotional, I do believe he will be upset to hear the truth.
I can hope he comes to me and says I know Santa isn't real. Make it easier for me.
He told me Mickey wasn't real years ago What! I said yes he is, now he is about 6 at the time and was like Mom, a big mouse walking around come on

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I don't remember exactly when I figured out there was no Santa (my parents never told me), but I know when I began questioning. It was when I found that Teeny's (the cat) stocking was stuffed prior to Christmas Eve. Yes, we're those folks who get Christmas gifts for our pets. Anyways, I asked my mom about it and she said Santa didn't come for cats and so she had to make sure that Teeny had presents on Christmas. Thereafter, it became my job to make sure Teeny had a good holiday. I stuffed her stocking and even wrapped a tin of cat food for her. It got me to understand that the real joy (and magic) of Christmas is in giving, and not in receiving from some guy in a red suit. The rest just followed naturally.

I plan to do something similar with my kids.

 

[MomToOne]

I can hope he comes to me and says I know Santa isn't real. Make it easier for me.

I may be the odd man out here, but I think it's better for the parent to take the initiative of telling once it's time. You can set up the conversation the way you want, and do it at a time that's quiet and calm and right for your child. It also gives you a chance to position it as you are letting them in on the secret because they are old enough now vs. them demanding the truth about what they see as a "lie" and feeling betrayed.

 

[Emteach]

While I do not have children of my own I have two much younger siblings; 12 and 6 and I, nor my parents, would ever tell them there is no Santa. I think that Santa is such a magical part of the Christmas season! As someone mentioned once they hit a certain age their logic starts to click in and they will recognize this - this occurred to my sister last year. I truly felt bad for her because you could see that she really wanted to believe but with all her friends saying otherwise and more mature thinking - she still is really into the magic though (even on our trip to Disney, all was still very special for her - the characters were "real" - she obviously knew they werent but still believed in that magic, if that makes sense). My brother is 6, turning 7, and has never asked about whether Santa is real or not and wholeheartedly believes. We even have an elf on the shelf who turns up around November to keep an eye on everyone and report back to the man in red.
I remember being about 11 and crying when I realized there was no Santa... still makes me sad.
As long as they want to believe they can and I will not put an end to that magic. If they have questions they can ponder them but those words will never leave my mouth imo.

 

[libinatorsmom]

I dont think it needs to be discussed unless asked! there is a point when kids figure it out! and I dont think anyone will make fun!!! my 8 year old has an elf and her friends always are asking me about him and what he did etc. They love it! As well as her baby sitters etc. People play along. and even if she figures out that it is me I am still going to do it! its fun and I enjoy it and the job in her eyes is all worth it! plus kids are just growing up way to fast now days!!! Let them be kids!!!!

 

[StephMK]

I won't admit to DD12 & DS10 though they have questioned me. I don't know, I know they know but it's fun that there is still that tiny bit of not knowing if I don't come out and admit it.

I did the Elf on the Shelf last year for the first time and I think the kids believed that at first. DS was really into it but I'm sure a classmate shot down his belief. DD did a few of her things w/the elves for her brother so I know she caught on. I will probably still do it this year just because it's funny and fun for us.

I have admitted a few things to DD18, mainly because we usually shop together & she sees the Santa gifts. But I don't worry about her still telling her friends about Santa. I still hate admitting anything to her either though.

Maybe I'm really the only one who still wants everyone to believe.

 

[mrodgers]

1st grade my kids were told, or at least that was the plan....

The youngest in kindergarten, the teacher was going on about leprechauns during St. Patrick's Day. They were designing and setting traps and the teacher had them so wrapped up in it, we think my daughter felt so strongly about catching one, my wife ensured her there was no such thing.

Sitting at the kitchen table, my wife is telling her leprechauns aren't real. A pencil drops to the floor and as my daughter is bent below the table to reach for it on the floor, Wifey also starts to say how Fairies aren't real. Only it comes out "And the Tooth Fairy isn't real either...." WHAT!!!!!!!! and my daughter bolts upright with this look on her face

She ended up getting the whole spiel on all of them in kindergarten. Santa, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, all of them.

 

[indimom]

I had "the talk" with DD when she was 10, after she was clearly questioning things.

I explained to her that St. Nicholas was actually a man that once lived who started a tradition of giving anonymous gifts. And since his death, adults have carried on that tradition with their children at Christmas-time, to honor him and to spread the magic of Christmas.

I also told her that since she now knew the secret, part of her responsibility was to help carry on the tradition and to help bring the magic of Christmas to life for younger children. She's taken that very much to heart, making sure she doesn't say anything in a store around children that might give it away, etc.
It all went well, she liked the idea of being part of the big secret and being given a role to play in it And instead of talking about Santa at Christmas, we've just replaced it with saying "Santa Mom" LOL

This is almost exactly how I handled it as well. My daughter didn't love the idea right away, she was pretty upset about the whole thing, but she got over it quickly. My son could have cared less.

My parents never told me ~ and I can't imagine telling my girls. Luckily, I still have time. I do think my oldest (7),will ask me eventually. Hopefully it will be a few years. I did find this on pinterest a year or so ago, and I really like it:

http://www.cozi.com/live-simply/truth-about-santa

I really like that letter. That's a nice way to handle it also.

I have a question, some of the posts here make it sound like "as soon as" the kids know, Santa disapears from the household??? I could certainly see how that would be a huge adjustment for some kids.

We told our kids the truth at a fairly young age, but we tried to involve them in the fun of playing Santa AND they still got a Santa gift under the tree every year. It's usually a gift they haven't asked for, but I know they will like, so it's a genuine surprise. And it doesn't go under the tree until Christmas Eve so they won't see the box either. (Everything else goes under the tree early because it looks more festive that way.)