No one can make you feel small

[bicker]

This is something my mother told me when I was growing up: No one can make you feel small: you can only do that to yourself.

Do you agree? disagree?

 

[In a hurry]

yes and no. I understand that we can choose how we feel about ourselves, but I also believe that what is said (esp. to a child) can affect them. I think that this statement takes away the inherent responsibility to treat others with dignity.

Ex. I can treat my husband/child/parent horridly, and when they become upset state "You are choosing to be hurt."

 

[sajetto]

Agree

You decide who to surround yourself with and how you view other people and their comments

 

[Lanshark]

It depends an your level of confidence and the situation. A close friends or relative's words would have a different affect than a strangers. It's easier to ignore something when you have nothing invested in the relationship than when you do.

 

[beckmrk04]

I don't know. I guess really no one can make you FEEL anything. It's always up to you how you react/feel. But, certainly people can push buttons to elicit certain emotions from you.

I think it's both. I have very good self-esteem, but some people have made me feel small before. But, then my self-esteem kicks back in and I realize that I'm not, in fact, small. So, .

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

They sure can try.

I agree in theory but sometimes when people who make it their hobby to beat people down get ahold of a person, it's very hard to remember that.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think that sometimes we are feeling more vulnerable than at other times in our life. Various things can make us feel that way, from things going in our homelife, to "that time of the month, to family dynamics, etc. When we're feeling more sure of ourselves it's harder for someone else to influence how we feel about ourselves, but when we're already a bit unsure it's not nearly as hard to be influenced.

Also, it depends who is the one trying to make us feel small. If a parent is making a child feel small, well yes, it's easy to do. If a spouse is making their SO feel small, it's not too difficult, either. But if it's a stranger in the grocery store or someone on a discussion board, that's a different story. Another thing is the amount of respect we have for the person who we think is trying to make us feel small. If we don't have any respect for them, and have a lot of confidence in ourselves, it's not likely that they are going to influence how we feel about ourselves.

So I think what your mother was saying was pretty simplistic. But it sounds like something my mother would have said.

 

[monarchsfan16]

Personally I think that we develop feelings based on what others say or do to us, in many situations. Obviously, some of it is entirely based on us, but I don't care how strong you are, if someone is abusing you verbally, emotionally, or physically, you are going to feel small and insignificant. It's not possible to not question who you truly are when put into those situations. You can surround yourself with the best people in the world, and the "playground bully" can still get a hold of you. It just happens.

 

[laura001]

I don't know. I guess really no one can make you FEEL anything. It's always up to you how you react/feel. But, certainly people can push buttons to elicit certain emotions from you.

I think it's both. I have very good self-esteem, but some people have made me feel small before. But, then my self-esteem kicks back in and I realize that I'm not, in fact, small. So, .

I believe that reacting and feeling are different. Sometimes, depending on your level of self confidence, someone can make you feel "small" and that person is not wrong etc. for feeling that way. However, you can control how you react to what has been sad, although you may still feel small.

 

[YourMajesty]

"Forget your opponents, always play against par". Sam Snead

 

[joshsmom]

When you are an awkward 13 year old and your father, someone that is supposed to love you unconditionally, says "you're lucky you have brains because you'll never go anywhere with how you look", yes, I would say someone can make you feel small. And sometimes children never get over those words. Bruises may heal, but words stick with you. Isn't it strange how we can remember so many bad things, but its much harder to recall the good things? Maybe that's why I'm here--what's more fun and positive than Disney?

ETA: As an adult, I am confident in my abilities and comfortable with myself. If my father taught me one thing it was to watch what I say to my DS because it may haunt him.

 

[Grandpa Simpson]

I agree with your mom. I've always felt that emotions such as feeling small or embarrassment are often things we place or take upon ourselves.

 

[HaleyB]

I agree, except for the parent making the child feel small thing people have brought up.
That kills me.

 

[Crankyshank]

I agree except in the case of emotional abuse.

 

[Freyja]

Agree

You decide who to surround yourself with and how you view other people and their comments

Unfortunately children can´t always choose who they surround themselves with and can therefore be forced to be around people who constantly put them down.

I wish I could agree with the OP´s statement but I can´t.

 

[bicker]

Let me narrow the scope of my OP:

Excepting in the case of abused children and abused spouses, no one can make you feel small: you can only do that to yourself.

Do you agree? disagree?

 

[Galahad]

This is something my mother told me when I was growing up: No one can make you feel small: you can only do that to yourself.

Do you agree? disagree?

I agree. But the temptation to be externally controlled is very seductive and you always have to fight that urge, IMO.

 

[joshsmom]

Let me narrow the scope of my OP:

Excepting in the case of abused children and abused spouses, no one can make you feel small: you can only do that to yourself.

Do you agree? disagree?

Ok, now I agree with your statement completely. You have to be strong and confident within yourself. Sometimes MUCH easier said than done, mind you, but I do agree with you.

 

[VickiVM]

Yes - even confident, centered people can feel small if the comment comes from someone whom they love and respect. Say for instance, a relative or friend whose opinion you hold in high regard says something demeaning or critical, for a while you may feel the sting (especially if it's true and you've been in denial).

I don't think any one of us is immune from being taken down a notch or two. It may have even been necessary.

 

[DisMN]

They sure can try.

I agree in theory but sometimes when people who make it their hobby to beat people down get ahold of a person, it's very hard to remember that.

I agree but I also think there's a difference in whether it's one person doing the beating down or a group of people. Obviously the dynamics of group or gang abuse is different than a single one on one situation and I think that can determine the outcome of whether the person ends up being made to feel small or whether they come out no worse for the wear.


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