New Story I'm Writing -Need Opinions!-

[WDWfan36]

Emma Carringston fell back onto her bed. She just was so board today “ugh not today, not this time.” She jumped up and headed to her mirror. She grabbed her brush and started getting the knots out of her hair. While staring at the mirror, she glanced at the yearbook on the shelf. Even though it was the middle of April their school (Langston Terrist Private School) decided it was the right time to do yearbooks. She looked through the pictures and knew that she probably wouldn’t be in any of them.

She was almost everything you’d ever want to be, rich, friendly, caring, and beyond beautiful. There was only one problem, she wasn’t popular. She tried hard, but didn’t get the concept of being mean and just wasn’t that very self-confident. Emma took a last glance at a page in her yearbook and threw it at the closet door. She stood up and ran over to her computer. She plopped down onto her fluffy chair. She opened up her instant messager. Everyone was on but no one wanted to talk to her. She tried to IM a girl from her class named Kristen.

CURLGRL83: HEY KRISTEN!
FABTABULOUS: UM HI.
CURLGRL83: SO HOW ARE YOU?
FABTABULOUS: WHAT DO YOU WANT? I DON’T HAVE TIME TO TALK TO LOSERS.
CURLGRL83: I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.
FABTABULOUS: WELL FIND A LOSER THAT ACTUALLY CARES!

Emma lifted her hand from the keyboard. She was trying as hard as she could to keep herself from crying. She knew she was a loser. She had no friends. An IM Popped up on Emma’s screen and she bounced with Joy.

BEAUTYQUEEN83: HEY GIRL, HOW ARE YA?

Emma couldn’t believe that Alyssa was talking to her. She was the most popular girl in the school, she was the queen bee. She had gorgeous blond hair that curled slightly. She had the brightest blue eye’s you’d ever see, and everyone adored her. If she said something was in, then something was in. If she said something or someone was out, then it was out. That happened to Emma. Last year after Emma first came to the school Alyssa decided she was out. Alyssa knew that Emma was beautiful, and if people got to know her they might let her be most popular. There was no way Alyssa was going to give that up.

Slowly Emma reached her hand over to the keyboard and typed back:

CURLGRL83: I’M GREAT. I AM SO GLAD YOUR TALKING TO ME. I THOUGHT YOU HATED ME FOR A MOMENT THEIR.

Emma was shaking a bit. She was so excited to be having a conversation with Alyssa. Every second felt like thirty minutes and Emma just couldn’t wait for a reply back. Maybe she was going to be asked to go to the mall, maybe she would get to sit at their lunch table, and maybe she wanted them to join the group of popular girls. Emma didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so she casually opened up the internet explorer trying to get herself to calm down.

Emma kind of felt stupid too. Her life had come down to waiting on your computer for some popular girl to IM you back. As she let that thought process in her head, she heard a tiny ding. It was Alyssa’s reply to the message.

BEAUTYQUEEN83: UM FIRST OF ALL I DO HATE YOU. I DON’T LIKE TO TALK TO FREAKS LIKE YOU. SECOND OF ALL I ACCIDENTLY TYPED YOUR NAME INSTEAD OF SOMEONE ELSE’S. TYPE MY NAME IN AGAIN AND TRY TO TALK TO ME AND I PROMISE YOU’LL BE MISERABLE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. NOT THAT YOU AREN’T ALREADY. LOL

Emma couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Her joy suddenly turned into sadness. She didn’t dare touch the keyboard again to try to talk to Alyssa. She turned off her computer and didn’t dare go next to it. Just knowing that Alyssa was there made her feel sick.

She headed downstairs and sat on her huge couch. She hated Sundays, just the sound of it sounding blah. She sat there thinking to herself. “Maybe I can transfer to another school? No Mom would never approve of this, she always believes that I have to go to the best school. How will I live through tomorrow? It’s just another day people can make fun of me. I know I’ll go talk to mom.” Emma thought


PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS, SHOULD I GO ON WITH THE STORY???????

 

[Someybody]

I don't really see a future in this...
But so far, it's cool.
Maybe they all go to war...

 

[SnowyJingleBells]

its pretty goood KEEP GOING

 

[Baseballmaniac]

COme on Were Waiting!

 

[Vally]

its good add more action though...............

 

[Someybody]

its good add more action though...............

I'm telling you: war!

"Like, my hair is getting soot on it!" said Alyssa.
"Who cares??? Go fight for your country" said the commander.
"Granade!"
Everyone ran into the kitchen.
The granade blew.
No one died, but then...
"Oh My Gawd!!!!"It was Kristen.
A tank had busted into the hole the granade made.
"Run!" shouted Emma.
"Where's the Commander?" Said Brad
Then, they saw him. Out of all teh explosions and yells, they heard him moan and said his last words. "Go...with..out..ahhhhhh"
WHAM!!!!
A granade had blown out all the sleeping quarters.
"My iPod!!!" shouted Jen
Staff Sargent O'Conners busted in at that moment.
"We need reinforcments, now!!" He yelled.
"I'm not going and ruining my hair" said Alyssia
"I'm in" said Emma
"Me too" said John
"Me three" said Brad.
Slowly, one by one, everyone joined in.

 

[Baseballmaniac]

I'm telling you: war!

"Like, my hair is getting soot on it!" said Alyssa.
"Who cares??? Go fight for your country" said the commander.
"Granade!"
Everyone ran into the kitchen.
The granade blew.
No one died, but then...
"Oh My Gawd!!!!"It was Kristen.
A tank had busted into the hole the granade made.
"Run!" shouted Emma.
"Where's the Commander?" Said Brad
Then, they saw him. Out of all teh explosions and yells, they heard him moan and said his last words. "Go...with..out..ahhhhhh"
WHAM!!!!
A granade had blown out all the sleeping quarters.
"My iPod!!!" shouted Jen
Staff Sargent O'Conners busted in at that moment.
"We need reinforcments, now!!" He yelled.
"I'm not going and ruining my hair" said Alyssia
"I'm in" said Emma
"Me too" said John
"Me three" said Brad.
Slowly, one by one, everyone joined in.

Exactly.