New bully behavior

[LuvOrlando]

My kids are older so I haven't had to deal with too much since high school BUT I'm offering a heads up to something that I've now heard of a few times recently. It seems that giving what I am calling Friend Performance Reviews is a new thing where a kid or a group of kids gets together and gives a weird sort of Yelp review of one person

Not sure where it's coming from but this seems to be college age although I'm sure it's in the younger ages too, and so far mostly Covid related (one person got blasted for asking people be careful & another for getting sick from her dad's job, a third just deleted the review without reading so I have no idea what it was about). As a result of this, the source may be some talk show programming coming from somewhere in the realm of two the P Party sides where both shall not be named or some loser entertainers or personalities. Thing is with so many people being especially vulnerable right now the last thing we need is this sort of self esteem crushing evil to be moving around unchecked. After hearing about it yet again, (don't wicked people ever take a day off ) I thought I'd mention it to parents so they can give their kids some guidance. My knee jerk response is "Who the ---- do you think you are?" but that's just me. Anyway, even if it's an old thing I never noticed before I'm making the rounds.

What is wrong with people?

 

[Brett Wyman]

God Im dreading when my elementary school kids reach that age. High school kids have always been jerks. Kids found plenty of ways to terrorize each other before social media. Its just the fact that you are now embarrassed in front of the entire school(or worse) instead of just a few people that makes it so much worse.

 

[slo]

Uggghhhhh.......some people are so heartless.
Thanks for posting this to give people like us that still have kids in high school and lower grades a heads up.

 

[LuvOrlando]

God Im dreading when my elementary school kids reach that age. High school kids have always been jerks. Kids found plenty of ways to terrorize each other before social media. Its just the fact that you are now embarrassed in front of the entire school(or worse) instead of just a few people that makes it so much worse.

Best thing you can do is warn you kids about the basics of dangerous personalities and to be aware that a kid can be diagnosed as depressed from being bullied and you can get online learning with that diagnosis. There was a young high school age girl in my neighborhood that dated a guy and when they broke up he and his sister terrorized her all day every day in school. Her family had her diagnosed and they were able to switch her to online learning, schools won't help for bullying but they have to accomodate a diagnosis.

Another technique I've seen is where people will collect as a group to invite a person just to make the person feel shunned. Best way to avoid this is to tell a kid to be wary of invites that don't fit normal experiences. So if you've been on the outs with someone or a group and they suddenly send an invite and you want to go, sure go but limit the time in the situation, have an out and use it.

Of course, there is the eternally childish negging, where someone will say the exact opposite of what is true to make a person self conscious.

Just keep talking to your kids so that they know these behaviors are in the realm of ugly human and have nothing to do with them. It's important kids grow up knowing it's not their defects that inspire this evil in other's it's just that they stumbled into an awful person's path, no more and no less.

 

[C&Jx2]

This is why my 13 year olds have no social media.

 

[Southernmiss]

This is why my 13 year olds have no social media.

That was my thought. So many things we can do to prevent this.

There's also so many lessons and discussions to have with our kids.

It's this fad this week, next week there will be something else.

Keep communicating without judging.

Help them build their self esteem and mechanisms for themselves to know how to react /not react to these things.

Many adults need some of these lessons.

 

[aprilchem]

Ugh. We had those when I was a teenager (in the late 80s) and they were called "Slam Books". Same thing, but only on paper.

 

[Cogswel_Cogs]

Having a daughter with anxiety who dealt with this a great deal, social media is pure poison. The real problem is how this does not go away, and there is no way to wash slate clean as things stay there to eat into kids. We got very lucky as the girl wound up getting kicked out or leaving school.

 

[Cogswel_Cogs]

repost..

So i will add..
I am not sure if keeping kids off social media is answer as it will further exclude them as everyone else is..
We went other rout and got her involved in some groups and chat boards etc.. Goodreads is a good example where she was able to make other friends online - kinda taking some of being on the phone more enjoyable. Kids have there phone on them 24 seven, I think it helped to know that she still had social media outlets.

 

[nw6675]

Ugh. We had those when I was a teenager (in the late 80s) and they were called "Slam Books". Same thing, but only on paper.

This was what came immediately to my mind, too! I remember these being passed in 7th grade.

My DD9 and I have been discussing these type of issues recently as so much if this starts early now. She is homeschooled but still sees bullying from church friends, family friends, etc. I plan on keeping social media at a distance for a very long time.

 

[fla4fun]

I am so glad I am not only not in school, but not on social media either (other than the DIS). Bullying has been around forever, and I had to deal with it in school, but it couldn’t follow you into your house. At the end of the day, home could still be your sanctuary. These days, the bullying follows people everywhere and, being on the internet, it never goes away. It is there forever. Granted, I would rather have dealt with a bad post than a bully with a knife on my school bus (who the driver was so afraid of that she always sided with the bully) but we shouldn’t have to deal with either.

BTW-when I told my parents about the knife and the bus driver, they allowed me to drive to school. That was a relief!

 

[dclpluto]

This is why my 13 year olds have no social media.

that you know of.

 

[RamblingMad]

Sounds like this opens the kids up to libel. Have fun suing other kids parents.

 

[C&Jx2]

that you know of.

You’re absolutely right. I’ll never completely know I suppose.

For now, I feel like they’re entirely too young. I don’t think it will be banned forever, but for now it seems like the right choice for them.

 

[mjkacmom]

My 19 year old told me that one of her roommates set up a poll for their friend group where they were to vote for someone most likely to “blank.” The thing is, this girl would be (and was) voted most likely to “negative things.” My daughter said she obviously doesn’t realize her faults.

 

[Kittyblue]

Theres some app where people can rate you and leave reviews anonymously. I can't remember what it was called. My youngest asked if she could have it and I refused - that's just begging to be bullied!

 

[mom2rtk]

that you know of.

So true. My daughter told me in high school that her friend with the really strict parents always kept apps on other people's phones.

 

[C&Jx2]

So true. My daughter told me in high school that her friend with the really strict parents always kept apps on other people's phones.

I’m hoping the fact that we aren’t overly strict and are open to nonjudgmental discussion means they won’t rebel too much. They have their own phones and iPads and have a lot of freedom, just not with social media. I’m sure eventually the time will come.

 

[wildride]

Theres some app where people can rate you and leave reviews anonymously. I can't remember what it was called. My youngest asked if she could have it and I refused - that's just begging to be bullied!

See that's where they are wrong, any thing on a computer leaves a fingerprint and can be tracked even if deleted. 2 words/1 name - +Michelle Carter. If they can link you to behavior that is publicly outrageous you can be charged. She may not have done much time but she is still a convicted felon. Her life is ruined.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Seems like an offshoot of cancel culture.