Never Go to Bed Angry

[Jeniferdwn]

The preacher told us on our wedding day to never go to bed angry with each other. I must admit, we;ve been to bed angry with each other many times. It is best to resolve issues as soon as possible, but that doesn't always work!!! I am a grudge holder and pouter.

I'm impressed by those of you that rarely argue with your spouse/SO. We argue often and I would love it if we didn't! We are working towards that and since dh had a bad scare with heart issues, we have made a huge improvement!

 

[FredinFL]

Do you live in the same house?

I was wondering the same thing. Good for you guys. That must be nice.

 

[BellvilleDad]

Easier said than done for a grudge holder who is never wrong like me.

Uh...Nancy?

 

[HsvTeacher]

My opinion is that no, you should never go to bed angry. At the very least, if the problem can truly not be worked out in one night, at least take a step back, calm down, and tell the other person 'I Love You'.

Thoughts?

I think this might work for some people but not others.

It takes me a long time to get mad, but then it takes me a long time to cool off. My DH, on the other hand, is quick-tempered, but calms down pretty quickly.

 

[dngnb8]

My opinion is that no, you should never go to bed angry. At the very least, if the problem can truly not be worked out in one night, at least take a step back, calm down, and tell the other person 'I Love You'.

Thoughts?

Angry *** can be fun! LOL

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

Do you live in the same house?

Let's just say that she is so much a better person than I am, and I am so incredibly lucky to have her as my wife and partner. That helps a lot, because the last thing I want is to hurt her because I will never get so lucky again! We have disagreements, of course, but our personalities and values match so perfectly that even those are rare. As a result, we just don't have major fights, and because I am incapable of staying angry at her when we have smaller disagreements they don't escalate.

It also helps that neither of us is a grudge holder. She is basically a saint, and I am much more of a "destroy the other person" so I've never learned to hold a grudge since I do that and move on with my life.

 

[John VN]

I am not an advocate of the OP's saying.

After an argument, saying "I Love You" to make things right before going to bed can be as hollow as an old dead oak tree. Sounds(looks) impressive on the outside but could be ready to crumble with the right amount of wind(stress).

Sometimes it takes time to heal where other times it takes actions to make things right. Different strokes for different folks.

Soon to be 38 years of wedded happiness and not always having gone to bed in peace.

 

[ols386]

In theory I like the idea of not going to bed mad, but sometimes that's just not possible...for me anyways.

 

[NaLisa]

"Sleep on it" works better around here. DH & I rarely argue, but when we do, it's usually best to let things lie for a little bit. We typically find that what we were angry about the night before isn't that big of a deal the next morning.

However, we don't yell, call each other names, say hurtful things, etc. when we disagree, so it's not something we might stew over all night and have a hard time forgiving. You can disagree and still be kind, considerate and loving to your partner.

 

[SaraJayne]

Angry *** can be fun! LOL

Make up nookie is better.

The few times I've been truly angry at DH, there was no way he was getting anywhere close to me.

I'm also not a believer in the "don't go to bed angry". For those that have been married longer than a week, it just isn't realistic.

 

[dngnb8]

Make up nookie is better.

That happens after the angry nookie

The few times I've been truly angry at DH, there was no way he was getting anywhere close to me.

Call me?

I'm also not a believer in the "don't go to bed angry". For those that have been married longer than a week, it just isn't realistic.

Agreed. Its why farting under the covers was invented!

 

[SaraJayne]

That happens after the angry nookie



Call me?



Agreed. Its why farting under the covers was invented!

I should have said no one is getting anywhere near me.

As for farting under the covers ~

 

[dngnb8]

I should have said no one is getting anywhere near me.

Fine be that way!

 

[whoiam]

I agree with some previous posters, sometimes if I have to try and force myself to not be mad, I get madder.
Sleeping on it is a good idea. On the other hand, I think trying to get over an argument before leaving the house is a good idea. As gruesome as it sounds, if God forbid anything were to happen to DH I'd hate to think the last thing I said to him was in anger.

 

[NMAmy]

For those that have been married longer than a week, it just isn't realistic.

I disagree. DH and I have been together for 12 years. We rarely argue and we tend to make up right away. We have an agreement that we can't be grumpy at the same time. We're both pretty even tempered and have no issues with talking and compromising to find a solution that works for both of us. I don't know how people can go to sleep angry--it's not something I've ever been able to do.

 

[SaraJayne]

I disagree. DH and I have been together for 12 years. We rarely argue and we tend to make up right away. We have an agreement that we can't be grumpy at the same time. We're both pretty even tempered and have no issues with talking and compromising to find a solution that works for both of us. I don't know how people can go to sleep angry--it's not something I've ever been able to do.

Good for you.

However, no one else says when I can and can't be grumpy.

We also rarely argue and in the 15 years we've been together, I can count on one hand the number of truly serious arguments we've had.

Being annoyed/irritated/angry at your spouse doesn't mean you love them any less (which you seem to be saying). It means you have unavoidable conflicts when living with other beings.

Do you have children? Just curious, b/c children naturally bring more conflict to a marriage.

 

[dngnb8]

children naturally bring more birth control to a marriage.

Edited that for you.

 

[SaraJayne]

Edited that for you.

Only the first year or so.

 

[Mkrop]

Doesnt work here, I hold grudges and DH forgets entirely why we were mad in the first place.

 

[SpecialK]

I am not an advocate of the OP's saying.

After an argument, saying "I Love You" to make things right before going to bed can be as hollow as an old dead oak tree. Sounds(looks) impressive on the outside but could be ready to crumble with the right amount of wind(stress).

Sometimes it takes time to heal where other times it takes actions to make things right. Different strokes for different folks.

Soon to be 38 years of wedded happiness and not always having gone to bed in peace.

Totally agree.