neighbor kids...arrrrrg

[mykidsand_i]

Summer hasn't even started yet and I am already sick of the neighbor kids (one family only, the others are GREAT!!!) I feel like sending the parents a bill for all the food they've eaten here!!!

There is a family who lives across the street from us. Their kids are about the same ages as mine. The parents send them outside to fend for themselves and the parents sit in the house and watch TV or sleep...they work different shifts, mom is a nurse and dad is on swing shifts. I know it's got to be hard to work at night and have kids...

The kids are 9 and 8. The dad will sometimes pick them up from school, drop them off at home and HE GOES BACK TO WORK and they are home alone until their mom gets home a few hours later (like at 7 or 8).

Wether the parents are home or not, these kids come to my house EVERY SINGLE DAY and play in the back yard. I'm happy they have a safe place to stay, with proper supervision. On days that we aren't home after school, these kids get in trouble. I know it's not my responsibility, they aren't my kids and I am not employed to care for them!

The thing that throws me for a loop is EVERY DAY I tell these kids "you can run home and have a snack, then come back and play" I tell them this, because EVERYDAY about 10 minutes into playing here , they are telling MY KIDS "GO, ask your mom if we all can eat something...ask your mom for a snack...tell your mom we're thirsty...tell your mom that my parents are gone and we don't want to go home for dinner." And when this starts, I send them home and tell them not to beg for food when they come here.

I have spoken to these kids SEVERAL TIMES and told them that I don't mind giving them snacks once and a while (like once or twice a week would even be fine with me). But, it is not my job to do it every day. It would be less of a hassle for me to say "yes, you can have a snack- go tell your parents I'll just charge it to your bill..."

I've spoken to the parents about it, they just laugh. So, last week and this week we are trying to set our boundries. I don't want these kids at my house EVERY DAY until I tell them for the fourth time that it's time to GO HOME!!!! They're constantly getting my kids to sneek snacks and drinks out to them. My kids feel sorry for them, because "they don't have parents who care about what they do after school."

Anyone else with this problem? I mean, these kids are nice, they play well with my girls, but man...I'm dreading this entire summer where I HATE to be home because if I'm home, they are always over here . Yesterday DH and I told these kids to GO HOME 9 times yesterday!!! NINE TIMES. We were having a family day- doing games in the back yard (inside of our fence) and we were getting things ready for our rummage sale...They'd come over and once, when we were outside, the little girl went into our house to use the bathroom with out even asking us. she went through the back door, when we ran around into the garage to get something! I got SO MAD. I told her to NEVER go into our house without asking DH or I first. Then, told her to go home and not come back for the day. (she came back 5 times after that)...

I know that the 'christian thing' to do is welcome them over, open my home and life to them because they NEED people who want to spend time with them...but there are just times that we don't want them here!

We've tried the respectable way to not always have them here, and not always have them eatting our snacks and food. I don't want to be the "crabby old lady next door." I would like to have my home known as a good place to come- but how do we get these young kids to follow the boundries?

These kids need to be in an after school program or SOMETHING. MY HOUSE is not an 'afterschool program'. No one is watching them. I'm one of those people that feel like if they're here, at least they are safe. I just hate being walked on. BUT, on the other hand, I can't just tell them to NEVER come over, because my girls love to play with them.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't have the same problem, well at least I don't see it as a problem. We are the neighborhood hang-out and I don't mind at all.
I think what you need to do, is tell the kids to go home, do not say "you can go home" tell them they have to. If you do not want them to play, when they come to the door tell them that your kids don't want to or can't play with them right now. I don't see why its a problem,, maybe because I don't have the same feelings about it, but its your house, your rules, you need to be in control. Good luck

 

[cm8]

this one will be hard to handle. I think that you have already done the correct thing by talking to the parents. Since they laughed, I take it that they don't think this is a big deal. I would go back to their house and tell them that they are being charged for babysitting and providing their children snacks.

I will tell them that you take cash only and the price starts at $20 an hour plus the cost of snacks. I bet they will nip that in the butt fast. I know the children may feel that you don't like them, but you may have to explain that you are not able to always look out for them, and that it is not your responsibility.

I know it will be tough, but I think that you should sit down and tell them that you are not going to allow them back over to your home if they can not follow the rules that you have set for them. And I would be willing to bet that the parents will try to make you out to be the bad guys.

 

[bettymae1121]

I don't have any advice but I can tell you this is nothing new. My parents would tell stories of similar problems they had with a family they lived next door to....36 years ago! The children were not supervised at all, and apparently not being fed much either because they'd show up 7 AM looking for breakfast! I don't think it was an abusive situation, I think it was that the other parents were still asleep and my family had better breakfast offerings.

 

[mykidsand_i]

I don't have the same problem, well at least I don't see it as a problem. We are the neighborhood hang-out and I don't mind at all.
I think what you need to do, is tell the kids to go home, do not say "you can go home" tell them they have to. If you do not want them to play, when they come to the door tell them that your kids don't want to or can't play with them right now. I don't see why its a problem,, maybe because I don't have the same feelings about it, but its your house, your rules, you need to be in control. Good luck

Thanks! Yeah, we've started the 'you need to go home now' last week when it was time for them to leave. DH and I love having the neighbor kids at our home- there are more than just this one family. The other kids though don't come over EVERY SINGLE DAY, nor do the BEG for food everyday. They also go home when they're told to and don't keep returning several times AFTER they've been told to go home. It's just this one family. I want to gain control NOW before the summer starts!

 

[MushyMushy]

I think you need to cut them off completely for a period of time (maybe a week or two) and not give in at all. If you still give in to them some of the time, then it'll be worth their while to nag and beg. But if you're not giving in at all, they'll know you mean business.

Bleh, what a rough position to be in.

 

[iwrbnd]

That has been my life since we moved in our neighborhood 15 years ago! Be happy it's only one family! I deal with many families that do this. It's not unusual to have 10 kids over and not one invited! The food thing gets on my nerves because it's expensive There are a few kids that I say we could claim on our taxes!

At least I know what my kids are doing all day and that is good! But, there are days I want to do things with just our family. Instead it's usually our family and a few extras! I could send them home but once they show up my kids want them here. So even though we were having fun before as a family it won't last once they know their friends are at the door. Sometimes I want to put a wall up that blocks our house!

I've embraced it, though. It's been the same for 15 years and it's not changing. I try to look on the bright side and be glad kids want to play with mine and be at our house!

 

[dis-happy]

How about a visual for the kids.....a brightly painted wooden sign that you can hang from your fence. If it's up, they're allowed to knock on your door and come in the yard to play. If it's down (or turned over) they know they are not allowed to come over (you may have to instill this...if they break the rule they are not allowed over at all for 3 days).

I'd also sit down with them and go over the rules. Maybe do this every day for a week and once a week after that. "Hey kids, we love to have you over to play, but here are the rules. Number 1: only come over when the sign is up. Number 2: no coming in the house without permission. Number 3: if you want a snack, go home to eat." Have them repeat it back to you each time. Tell them the consequence if they break the rule (ie. no coming over for 48 hours). Be clear. Also, don't tell them you can only feed them snack sometimes; that is confusing. Maybe Friday only can be snack day...get some ice pops or something. Also, I'd do a group project where you decorate re-usable water bottles...the kids can keep track of them and fill them up with the hose when they are thirsty.

Good luck!!

 

[lovesmurfs]

Summer hasn't even started yet and I am already sick of the neighbor kids (one family only, the others are GREAT!!!) I feel like sending the parents a bill for all the food they've eaten here!!!

There is a family who lives across the street from us. Their kids are about the same ages as mine. The parents send them outside to fend for themselves and the parents sit in the house and watch TV or sleep...they work different shifts, mom is a nurse and dad is on swing shifts. I know it's got to be hard to work at night and have kids...

The kids are 9 and 8. The dad will sometimes pick them up from school, drop them off at home and HE GOES BACK TO WORK and they are home alone until their mom gets home a few hours later (like at 7 or 8).

Wether the parents are home or not, these kids come to my house EVERY SINGLE DAY and play in the back yard. I'm happy they have a safe place to stay, with proper supervision. On days that we aren't home after school, these kids get in trouble. I know it's not my responsibility, they aren't my kids and I am not employed to care for them!

The thing that throws me for a loop is EVERY DAY I tell these kids "you can run home and have a snack, then come back and play" I tell them this, because EVERYDAY about 10 minutes into playing here , they are telling MY KIDS "GO, ask your mom if we all can eat something...ask your mom for a snack...tell your mom we're thirsty...tell your mom that my parents are gone and we don't want to go home for dinner." And when this starts, I send them home and tell them not to beg for food when they come here.

I have spoken to these kids SEVERAL TIMES and told them that I don't mind giving them snacks once and a while (like once or twice a week would even be fine with me). But, it is not my job to do it every day. It would be less of a hassle for me to say "yes, you can have a snack- go tell your parents I'll just charge it to your bill..."

I've spoken to the parents about it, they just laugh. So, last week and this week we are trying to set our boundries. I don't want these kids at my house EVERY DAY until I tell them for the fourth time that it's time to GO HOME!!!! They're constantly getting my kids to sneek snacks and drinks out to them. My kids feel sorry for them, because "they don't have parents who care about what they do after school."

Anyone else with this problem? I mean, these kids are nice, they play well with my girls, but man...I'm dreading this entire summer where I HATE to be home because if I'm home, they are always over here . Yesterday DH and I told these kids to GO HOME 9 times yesterday!!! NINE TIMES. We were having a family day- doing games in the back yard (inside of our fence) and we were getting things ready for our rummage sale...They'd come over and once, when we were outside, the little girl went into our house to use the bathroom with out even asking us. she went through the back door, when we ran around into the garage to get something! I got SO MAD. I told her to NEVER go into our house without asking DH or I first. Then, told her to go home and not come back for the day. (she came back 5 times after that)...

I know that the 'christian thing' to do is welcome them over, open my home and life to them because they NEED people who want to spend time with them...but there are just times that we don't want them here!

We've tried the respectable way to not always have them here, and not always have them eatting our snacks and food. I don't want to be the "crabby old lady next door." I would like to have my home known as a good place to come- but how do we get these young kids to follow the boundries?

These kids need to be in an after school program or SOMETHING. MY HOUSE is not an 'afterschool program'. No one is watching them. I'm one of those people that feel like if they're here, at least they are safe. I just hate being walked on. BUT, on the other hand, I can't just tell them to NEVER come over, because my girls love to play with them.

DS has had several friends like this. While I symphathize with your feeling that you need to establish boundaries, for us, I basically just "adopted" the kids. I planned on dinners with them, and even made birthday cakes for them. Took them shopping with us, etc. There generally wasn't a Saturday night where someone other than our family slept over. My attitude about it made all the difference. And I was glad that I could make a positive influence in their lives.

Now that DS is 16, none of them come over anymore. I would never have thought it while I was dealing with it, I really miss the activity (and the appreciation that his friends would show for my cooking!). Best wishes.

 

[amandaluvsgoofy]

If it continues, maybe you could tell the parents that they need to provide snacks/meals for the next week. I remember since we had a pool the local kids were always over and would want to eat after swimming for an hour. My mom finally said either the fun would have to stop or people would need to start bringing food! Surprisingly, some brought food and some stopped coming around...

 

[stashbin]

Gosh, I felt like I was reading something I could have posted! We have the same problem with out next door neighbors. We can't even get out of the car and they are there wanting to play. I too dread being at home sometimes because I know they will want to be in my house eating.

I don't know what to do either. Talking to the parents is a moot point. It gets on my nerves.

 

[MIGrandma]

I would definitely get tired, really quick, of the situation you're in.

It bothers me that their parents leave them home alone, at all. At ages 8 and 9 they are too young to be left at home, alone, when their parents are at work.

Who watches out for them when you aren't at home? If it were me I would be calling social services about it.

And if it were me I would have a place in the yard where I could set a big gallon size (or larger) thermos type drink container, with a spout, with ice water in it, and a few drinking glasses. Water is free, that would satisfy their thirst. Heck, when I was a kid if me and my friends were playing outside we'd just go to the garden hose and get a drink.

As for snacks, I would tell my children that they are not to come inside and ask for snacks for the neighbor kids. I would provide a snack a couple times a week and that would be it. The rest of the time if they're hungry they can go home.

The next thing would be to put up a tall fence, with a locking gate.

 

[java]

We moved. That was our solution. It really wasn't the reason we moved but it sure didn't hurt.

I told them there would be a sign on the door when we would have an open door policy- If they didn't see the sign it meant no playing. And if they knocked during a no sign time we didn't put the sign out for the rest of the week.
(these were tripets that ate and ate and ate) I felt for them but it was killing my grocery budget.
The sign thing was working when we finally moved. It's worth a try.

 

[surfergirl602]

I would definitely get tired, really quick, of the situation you're in.

It bothers me that their parents leave them home alone, at all. At ages 8 and 9 they are too young to be left at home, alone, when their parents are at work.

Who watches out for them when you aren't at home? If it were me I would be calling social services about it.

And if it were me I would have a place in the yard where I could set a big gallon size (or larger) thermos type drink container, with a spout, with ice water in it, and a few drinking glasses. Water is free, that would satisfy their thirst. Heck, when I was a kid if me and my friends were playing outside we'd just go to the garden hose and get a drink.

As for snacks, I would tell my children that they are not to come inside and ask for snacks for the neighbor kids. I would provide a snack a couple times a week and that would be it. The rest of the time if they're hungry they can go home.

The next thing would be to put up a tall fence, with a locking gate.

This is exactly what came to my mind while reading it. (the bolded part) I would be calling child services. My girls are 9 and 7, and I couldn't imagine ever leaving them home alone or fending for themselves. I need to know where they are at all times. And if they are hungry, they come home for snacks. The food budget is tight around here. I couldn't feed two extra kids - my family would go hungry. I think their parents need a serious wake up call, and a visit from cps might just do the trick, especially if they show up and no parents are home!!

 

[luvmy3]

I would definitely get tired, really quick, of the situation you're in.

It bothers me that their parents leave them home alone, at all. At ages 8 and 9 they are too young to be left at home, alone, when their parents are at work.

Who watches out for them when you aren't at home? If it were me I would be calling social services about it.
And if it were me I would have a place in the yard where I could set a big gallon size (or larger) thermos type drink container, with a spout, with ice water in it, and a few drinking glasses. Water is free, that would satisfy their thirst. Heck, when I was a kid if me and my friends were playing outside we'd just go to the garden hose and get a drink.

As for snacks, I would tell my children that they are not to come inside and ask for snacks for the neighbor kids. I would provide a snack a couple times a week and that would be it. The rest of the time if they're hungry they can go home.

The next thing would be to put up a tall fence, with a locking gate.

Not all states have laws about when a child can be left home alone. If they aren't breaking any laws there is no need to call.

 

[surfergirl602]

Not all states have laws about when a child can be left home alone. If they aren't breaking any laws there is no need to call.

It doesn't hurt to call them to find out the law.

 

[luvmy3]

It doesn't hurt to call them to find out the law.

You can look it up online without having to call and IF there is a law stating that they could not stay home, I would speak to the parents first before I was so quick to call CPS. I would even offer to babysit (for a fee) if they needed it, the last resort for me would be involving CPS over something like this.

 

[allison443]

OP is your yard fenced? If so, I would keep it locked so they have to come to the door to ask if they can play with your kids...then it's up to you to say yes or no. If not, I would think about getting a fence!

As for the snacks, I would just serve water (yeah, cold tap water! it won't kill them) and get a big bag of pretzels or popcorn. In the summer they sell big boxes of 100 of those frozen icepops for a few dollars. That would be the snacks!

 

[disneyelaine]

Trust me, these days will go by fast. It never bothered me. Now my boys are 13 and 16 & it has died down a bit. You have to come to a place that works for you. Some of my boys friends parents never allow kids in their house to play or visit. Some are like us and always have a houseful.

As far as the eating, we used to buy the cheap sodas & I have a huge box of snacks that I have taught the kids friends.....eat any snacks in THAT box, but NOTHING else. I fill it with cheap snacks from Sams Club.

Can you send your kids to their house to eat & play a few times It is nice when neighbors take turns that way. But that doesn't always work and my boys had friends who's houses they have/had never been in!

I can not imagine these kids not listening though when you tell them it is time to leave! That would make me so mad! I never had that problem, but imo, if kids won't listen to you, then they would not really be kids I'd want my kids to be friends with, kwim? Lack of respect. At least when I was at my end with neighbor kids, (and it happens, thou not often) they'd leave when I said it was time to go!

 

[Halloweenqueen]

I was just talking about this to my dh last weekend. I have a couple of these kid situations every summer. I now make strict rules from the beginning. Only X number of kids each day, two hours maximum of play, etc.

We live in a neighborhood that has many families of a conservative religious background. Most of these families prohibit tv and videos in their homes, but allow their children to watch/use at my house. This makes my place all the more attractive to kids. I've had kids come to the door when I'm alone, begging to come in and play Wii. lol

We had one boy who practically lived at our house last summer. I finally went and talked with the Dad. He told me (more of less) that I was to blame for letting him in. The poor kid was alone all day. I didn't think a ten year old should be home alone from seven to seven. He told me that was my problem.

Just set rules and stick with them.