Neighbor didn't invite to superbowl party

[ZTator]

Yeah I was going to say something along the same lines as the above poster. Why not pay them a friendly visit" hey I had some awesome cookies ", or just anything to pay a little visit and chit chat for a while, open some lines of communications and feel them out, if anything is wrong ( without coming out and asking them) , just talk and be upbeat ask about plans for valentines day , talk silly junk, just anything. If you haven't talked in a while maybe they thought you had other plans, so take the high road and just go touch base and don't wait until May to say hello.

 

[ronandannette]

My husband and I have next door neighbors who we've been friends with since they moved in over a year ago. They have children the same age as ours who play together really well. We've invited them over to our house for a few parties (parties that include other families inside and outside the neighborhood). We watch each other's dogs while the other travels (so they've entrusted us with keys to their home and we have to ours). In late December, they invited us over for a New Year's eve party, but we decided to stay in for several reasons (we had just returned from a hectic travel schedule over Christmas on 12/29, I had a serious doctor's appointment on New Years Eve (getting test results back), and as a family, we just needed to have a quiet night relaxing together). So, we politely declined without getting into too many details. Anyhow, they had a huge party for the Superbowl, but did not invite us. There must have been 45-50 people at their house, many of the families were other neighbors. I feel snubbed, and embarrassed. Even though we're not the closest of friends, I thought we had a friendly relationship where we included each other in parties, but clearly that's not the case. I have not said anything to the neighbors, nor do I plan to. I'm just curious as to what I could have done that would have led to the snub. We're planning a big party in May and up until now it had not crossed my mind to exclude them, but now I'm wondering what to do. I have a history of allowing friends to take advantage of me (where I was always the one planning/hosting/providing food for everyone), but I'm trying to avoid these one sided relationships that hurt my feelings. Do I invite them to our next party?

May I ask how you know who the other guests were? Were you watching the coming-and-going or did another neighbour tell you? If someone else gave you the information - shame on them; that's horribly bad manners.

I'm with everybody else that hopes you just let this go. We entertain a lot and have many friends that also know one another. Nobody - and I mean nobody - gets invited to absolutely every dinner or party we have. I would be pretty annoyed if someone's feelings got hurt because someone else had brought it to their attention. I also have no expectation of being invited to everything even my very best friend is hosting. I find it incredibly rude when anybody asks me "are you going to so-and-so's next weekend"?

 

[gotomu212]

I wouldn’t read much into it. Who knows maybe during the NYE party the idea of a Super Bowl party came up and all the people there jumped into planning it. Maybe they just had to draw a hard line at 45 guests and they “owed” return invites to several other people and family too. Maybe it Was a miscommunication. If people in your circle are having parties in the 20-50 person range than eventually everyone can’t be invited to everything.

 

[anniemae]

I would feel a little hurt and excluded too.

I would definitely invite them to your party. No need to cause any drama. They can either accept or decline, but you will know that you did the right thing. I would hate to have a rift with neighbors that could be easily patched up with a simple invitation. If you don't invite them, it may seem childish and cause drama. I would just let it go and be the bigger person.

Like others have said, you may have been invited and just didn't get the invite for some reason. One time I was excluded from a party and it turns out the host typed in my e-mail incorrectly so I never got it.

 

[Skywalker]

One time I was excluded from a party and it turns out the host typed in my e-mail incorrectly so I never got it.

Is that what they told you lol

 

[cabanafrau]

A rather important point that is being completely overlooked is the fact that other people have a pretty big stake (proportionately) in this situation and what's best for them is being completely overlooked -- the friendship of the kids of OP and the neighbors. It's frequently unpleasant for adults when relationships break down, especially when you still reside next door to one another. It can be downright painful for kids.

 

[sk!mom]

If you enjoy them, then invite them even if they never invite you again.

 

[sk!mom]

May I ask how you know who the other guests were? Were you watching the coming-and-going or did another neighbour tell you? If someone else gave you the information - shame on them; that's horribly bad manners.

I'm with everybody else that hopes you just let this go. We entertain a lot and have many friends that also know one another. Nobody - and I mean nobody - gets invited to absolutely every dinner or party we have. I would be pretty annoyed if someone's feelings got hurt because someone else had brought it to their attention. I also have no expectation of being invited to everything even my very best friend is hosting. I find it incredibly rude when anybody asks me "are you going to so-and-so's next weekend"?

We were invited to two Super Bowl parties. Both casual with casual invites. I certainly hope no one was insulted by the one we declined. We had just already accepted the first one extended.

A rather important point that is being completely overlooked is the fact that other people have a pretty big stake (proportionately) in this situation and what's best for them is being completely overlooked -- the friendship of the kids of OP and the neighbors. It's frequently unpleasant for adults when relationships break down, especially when you still reside next door to one another. It can be downright painful for kids.

Exactly! Which is why I would keep inviting them even if they never invited me again. It wouldn't get painful for my kids due to my doing.

 

[nkereina]

Sorry if I missed it, but how did they handle you declining the NYE party invite? How has the relationship been between NYE and now?

If they were fine with you declining and the relationship has been business as usual since then, I would still invite them and try to look past the fact they didn't invite you to the Super Bowl party.

But if you haven't spoken since NYE and you feel they've been acting differently, then it might warrant a conversation to clear the air. They could have been offended you didn't come over on NYE, particularly if you were home with no plans and didn't provide the same explanation you provided to us.

 

[Heather07438]

A good friend neighbor (20 steps away) had a Halloween party, I saw pictures on social media, and most of the guests are friends if our too. I then realized that one thing they all had in common was their sons were all good friends, they have 4 boys not the same ages as our kids (one year off). There are several friend circles, many intercept, this one happened to have a lot of our friends. I hat3 Halloween parties, so I was happy.

A week ago she asked me if I got her Super Bowl party evite, I looked back and it was in my inbox, I just missed it. I’m usually good at RSVPing (or else I forget). There were friends in our core friend group not invited.

Invite them to your party.

I was thinking similar. It sounds like they already had a pretty crowded house. Beside the possibility of a communications mix-up, maybe the only extra people beyond their close friends/family they decided to fit were families that shared in one of their kids activities.

Don't feel intentionally excluded, give them the benefit of the doubt for now. Invite them if you already desired their company. No reason to strain the relations just yet. Friendly neighbors are important to your quality of life

 

[MrsDuck]

Unless something else happens that gives you a really weird vibe between now and then, I would still invite them

This is a good rule of thumb, IMO.

 

[billlaurie]

Definitely invite them OP. I actually did this to a neighbor recently. I was wondering why they didn't RSVP! I realized it when I was having another party and compiling the list that I had left off one of the letters when I was comparing my list to at a group email from another neighbor. They came to the second party and I apologized for excluding them from the previous one. They said they didn't realize there was a party so no need to apologize.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

Give them the benefit of the doubt at this time. Try not to stress either. It sounds like you've been through enough.

 

[Nolcrest]

Invite them.

This could have been a simple miscommunication OR maybe they felt snubbed by your not coming to their New Year's Eve party. They shouldn't have, but you yourself said in your post that you had many reasons for not attending and you didn't elaborate. You just declined the invite. Sounds like you all have become good friends over the year so by being vague about declining their party may have left them feeling a little "off" about you? I don't know, just guessing. If I had pretty good friends that lived RIGHT NEXT DOOR to me and I declined an invite (and I was going to be at home), I think I would have been very open with them that I had a lot going on, didn't feel well, and just needed to stay home that night. For an acquaintance, no need to explain, but these people feel a bit closer.

So invite them and see how it goes from there. You do not want to unnecessarily get cold with neighbors.

My exact thoughts.

 

[_19disnA]

I would invite them to your upcoming event in May and see if they attend. I don't think it is wise to 'drop in' with some contrived reason to visit them. That would be very awkward for both of you if there is some 'issue' between the 2 of you. Most likely they were miffed you turned down their New Year's Eve party since it sounded like you were vague in telling them why you were unable to attend.

 

[skyblue17]

My goodness, there is a lot of time between now and May for this to play out, no? Like, maybe get a read of the room when you happen open them taking out the trash or getting the mail? If they don't shoot you dagger looks, assume that things are probably okay and they aren't going to be annoyed by you inviting you to a party like you always have.

Not every gathering is for everyone. Why worry about it for four more months and be passive aggressive instead of trying to clear the air?

 

[wvjules]

Did the OP ever come back?

 

[_19disnA]

^^No. Profile shows this is the first post by the OP. Would be helpful if they could return to let us know if any of the suggestions were helpful.

 

[SDSDS]

These suggestions are helpful. I plan to let this go, and invite them to our May party. They’ve been really nice since the party so I don’t think anything is wrong. One of my kids is really close to one of their kids, so I especially don’t want any adult drama for their sake. Thx everyone.