Need to hear from DVC widows/widowers

[jekjones1558]

See update in post #18
My husband and I have been members since 1999. We visited WDW at least 50 times together
because we both loved it. We had to quit all travel 5 years ago after his medical problems made it impossible. We sold a lot of our points but kept 520 for family to use. My love has just passed away. I have a reservation in October that I had booked for family but their schedules changed and I need to cancel it--or I could go. As much as I miss WDW, I am afraid of going too soon. Can any of you share experiences/advice about vacationing at WDW after death of a spouse?

 

[peabody58]

Tough choice with the timeline, but considering your joint love and memories of Disney, a trip could be a great way to honor his life while helping you with your protracted grief. Do what you think is best for you. Bless you.

 

[RoseGold]

I'm sorry to hear this trip might be bittersweet. I don't think I would go alone, especially in a place that meant so much to him + you. At least not the first time. Maybe I would never go back if it is better living as a perfect memory. Or maybe there's a middle ground? Scale back the trip to a couple nights? Bring a friend?

I bought a contract from the estate of someone who had passed, and his obituary was all about WDW. I sent a card of our young family at WDW. I thought they might like to see their husband/dad's dream passed to another family and living on in that way. If WDW isn't where you want to spend your time and money anymore, or maybe you just want to scale back, I think that's OK too. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to go to WDW if it is going to be sad for you.

 

[wdwnut]

So sorry for your loss

 

[pirate33]

My husband passed away in January, and I have been traveling quite a bit, including to WDW last Spring. My husband was not a big Disney fan like me although he mostly enjoyed our visits and, when he didn’t, he tolerated it for me or just enjoyed the room while I roamed around. He really liked DVC rooms and resorts.

I was sad the first few days at WDW, perhaps bittersweet is the best word, because I know we will never be able to go back as a family with our son. I was there for a week and felt “lighter” as the week went on. It was a distraction from the situation and cheered me up overall.

No doubt your experience will be different because WDW was something you both shared together. I am returning from another place that was very special to both of us, and I had a much stronger reaction of sadness for a few days. But again it got better and, as the week went on, and I focused more on the happy memories we had there.

Overall I would encourage you to go because it will probably bring you some joy along with some sadness but one just can’t escape the sadness no matter where you are.

 

[bobbiwoz]

…

Overall I would encourage you to go because it will probably bring you some joy along with some sadness but one just can’t escape the sadness no matter where you are.

I think this would be true. A beautiful way to express the situation.

 

[Maistre Gracey]

My husband and I have been members since 1999. We visited WDW at least 50 times together because we both loved it. We had to quit all travel 5 years ago after his medical problems made it impossible. We sold a lot of our points but kept 520 for family to use. My love has just passed away. I have a reservation in October that I had booked for family but their schedules changed and I need to cancel it--or I could go. As much as I miss WDW, I am afraid of going too soon. Can any of you share experiences/advice about vacationing at WDW after death of a spouse?

Just wanted to say that I’m sorry for your loss. I remember your posts from many years ago. You were always a class act on the boards with much knowledge to share.
I’m sure you will make the right decision about your next trip. There is no right or wrong, but I’m sure you will feel the right decision.

 

[CarolynFH]

Can any of you share experiences/advice about vacationing at WDW after death of a spouse?

When my mother passed away, after a long illness, my husband and I asked my dad to come with us on a visit that was already booked to occur five months later. They too had both enjoyed WDW many times together beginning in the early 1970s, including during the last few years when he would rent a wheelchair and push her everywhere (she couldn't operate an ECV). He was happy to tell us stories of their previous visits, and we reminisced together about visits we had shared with them and our kids. As others have said, everyone grieves differently, and you may or may not be ready to visit in October. But perhaps if you could find a family member or close friend to come with you, that might help, especially if you've shared WDW visits with them before.

 

[ABE4DISNEY]

Just wanted to say that I’m sorry for your loss. I remember your posts from many years ago. You were always a class act on the boards with much knowledge to share.
I’m sure you will make the right decision about your next trip. There is no right or wrong, but I’m sure you will feel the right decision.

OP, I also remember you and wish you the best.
Hugs to you!

 

[Castillo Mom]

My husband and I have been members since 1999. We visited WDW at least 50 times together because we both loved it. We had to quit all travel 5 years ago after his medical problems made it impossible. We sold a lot of our points but kept 520 for family to use. My love has just passed away. I have a reservation in October that I had booked for family but their schedules changed and I need to cancel it--or I could go. As much as I miss WDW, I am afraid of going too soon. Can any of you share experiences/advice about vacationing at WDW after death of a spouse?

First, I extend my condolences for your loss, I’m so sorry!

To answer your question, it depends on the individual. My husband and I, along with our kids took our first and only trip together as a family prior to his passing and before I purchased DVC. When we returned after his passing, it was a healing experience for my sons and I. We recalled all of the wonderful and funny memories of that first time. His memory was front and center as we shed both tears of happiness at having the privilege of being able to visit together if only once and some tears of sadness and longing.

Over the years, we’ve gone on several trips to WDW and are also frequent visits to Disneyland. My husband was a huge Disney, Star Wars and Marvel fan, so he’s always in our thoughts and we often say how much he would’ve loved this or that. Every now and then, there’s still that sting of pain because had a huge personality, so outgoing and a crazy sense of humor, but he would‘ve wanted us to carry on with the fun.

A trip so soon may be bittersweet, but might just be what you need. Whatever you decide, do it for you and based on what you’re comfortable with. Take care.

 

[LPnerd]

My husband and I have been members since 1999. We visited WDW at least 50 times together because we both loved it. We had to quit all travel 5 years ago after his medical problems made it impossible. We sold a lot of our points but kept 520 for family to use. My love has just passed away. I have a reservation in October that I had booked for family but their schedules changed and I need to cancel it--or I could go. As much as I miss WDW, I am afraid of going too soon. Can any of you share experiences/advice about vacationing at WDW after death of a spouse?

I lost my husband last Feb. It's life changing and we all deal with it in our own way. Only you can answer this question my dear. You don't have to cancel yet, so why not wait a bit, even a month can make a difference? Let yourself get used to being a me and not we, and then decide?
I find myself avoiding places we would walk and hold hands. Isn't that funny? He hated Disney, so that's a great place for me to go to cheer up a little, but going back to Yellowstone Park, or any other of our favs, or road trips, Nope, no desire and I doubt I ever will. But that's me, and has nothing to do with what you should do.
Grief is a strange thing, isn't it? Sometimes I just sit quietly and think my way through a bad day. May the good memories make you smile and warm your heart each day.

 

[pirate33]

You don't have to cancel yet, so why not wait a bit, even a month can make a difference? Let yourself get used to being a me and not we, and then decide?

This is good advice. And, OP, I didn’t really appreciate how immediate your loss is. Everything is such a fog for the first few months so, I agree, take your time. I felt like a truck had hit me for the first 2-3 months.

You really can’t make a wrong decision in that it should be all about what is most comforting to you. For example, if you are on the fence, keep the reservation and don’t worry too much about losing the points (or having them go into holding) if you decide in October you don’t want to go. The main priority right now is taking care of yourself in this overwhelming situation.

 

[NJMermaid]

BE KIND TO YOURSELF, best advice from my bereavement group. My late husband and I joined DVC in 2006, had many vacations and cruises. I learned how to rent points, borrow, bank, etc. We bought CC points 6 months before his passing, which happenned to be on a NYE cruise. Take your time, be kind to yourself.

 

[glennbo123]

My condolences on your loss. Like others have said, I remember your posts from years ago. So sorry to hear this news.

 

[wishicouldgomoreofte]

I, too, remember you, and am so sorry for your loss.
Hugs and best wishes.

 

[JessaF]

I’m sorry for your loss. Lifting you up in prayer.

 

[DisneyHumbug]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 21 years ago....right before our plan to buy DVC. The following year I purchased DVC. He was a big Disney fan and although I didn't go right away, I go as much as I can....it brings me peace and reminds me of all the great times we had there together. My kids were 12, 14 and 16 at the time....I remember being in a fog for quite a while, but I had young kids and it forced me to do things. I hope whatever decision you make brings you peace. Know that things will get better.

 

[jekjones1558]

Thanks for all of the kind support and thoughts. I am going to take the advice to not go alone the first time. So I have canceled the October trip. I had booked a BWV one bedroom starting on Thanksgiving Day for my DSis and her hubby. They have invited me to join them and I am going to try that. I appreciate my DIS friends and hope to get back into being a contributing member here again. First I have to learn--it has been 5 years since DH and I were able to travel and a LOT has changed at WDW in that time!!!