Need some Laughs

[Leoscrp27]

Hi all, I'm still fairly new here, I've been...I guess the term is "lurking" for a few weeks and posted a couple of things, but this is my very first thread.
I'm posting it because I really need a good laugh. To explain, I live in a very conservative area of Orange County in California and every day I drive past large groups with signs that say to Vote Yes on 8, the marriage ban. I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does, I've posted my viewpoints on my myspace, but have gotten some negative response, mostly positive, but some negative. I was married back on August 8th and would hate to see that taken away.
Anyhow I'm feeling a bit low today, and could just use some laughs and I figured I would be amongst friends here. Thank you all

 

[jeanigor]

Congrats on your first thread.

As for a chuckle:

• A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.
  "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
  
  "But why?" asks the man.
  
  "I'm a divorce lawyer."

 

[Leoscrp27]

Thank you so much, I had a good laugh, and I really needed that.

 

[jenn&nelsonrego]

I like that!

Thanks!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

How do you know when a vampire is sick?

You can hear him coffin.


2 little old ladies were trying to get the attention of 2 little old men in the retirement home. The ladies decided the best way to go about it would be to walk by the men stark naked.
The first man said to the second man "Did you see that?"
Second man answered "Yep."
First man says "WHAT were they wearing?"
Second man says "I don't know. But it sure was wrinkled!"

 

[Leoscrp27]

Nice, I like where this is going, If I had any good jokes to share I would.

 

[wallyb]

Here's a joke...

And it could all be on us!

ooops - did I say that? ... shame on me

 

[Leoscrp27]

Here's a joke...

And it could all be on us!

Wow, that's just scary!!! Funny, but Scary!!!

 

[Saxton]

Here's a joke...

And it could all be on us!

ooops - did I say that? ... shame on me

Or even worse ...

http://www.palinaspresident.us/

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

Hi all, I'm still fairly new here, I've been...I guess the term is "lurking" for a few weeks and posted a couple of things, but this is my very first thread.
I'm posting it because I really need a good laugh. To explain, I live in a very conservative area of Orange County in California and every day I drive past large groups with signs that say to Vote Yes on 8, the marriage ban. I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does, I've posted my viewpoints on my myspace, but have gotten some negative response, mostly positive, but some negative. I was married back on August 8th and would hate to see that taken away.
Anyhow I'm feeling a bit low today, and could just use some laughs and I figured I would be amongst friends here. Thank you all

We are going through the same stuff here and it DOES get to you.
A neighbor has one of those stinkin' Vote Yes signs up in her yard and she's been married and divorced 2 times. On top of that, she made a blatant pitiful drunken pass at Mr. T&SMom while I was on a business trip two years ago. Family Values -- Yeah Right!

 

[kingLouiethe1]

Here's a joke...

And it could all be on us!

ooops - did I say that? ... shame on me

Who's the old guy with Tina Fey?

 

[Mackey Mouse]

OK.. I guess I am going to have stay away until after the election.. I try not to have an agenda... darn..

I thought this was going to be jokes and now we have made even this political. C'mon, where is my funloving, wild and crazy posters.....Wally, you and I do not have to worry, MA will vote for Obama... right?

 

[wallyb]

OK.. I guess I am going to have stay away until after the election.. I try not to have an agenda... darn..

I thought this was going to be jokes and now we have made even this political. C'mon, where is my funloving, wild and crazy posters.....Wally, you and I do not have to worry, MA will vote for Obama... right?

Well durrrrr.
No other choice Doll-face!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

There are always choices....two candidates, two different agendas, no one will ever take my choice away, I will stand up and freak out. I like choices, I make them everyday, like this morning.. did I want granola ala nutrisystem or did I want a cranberry orange muffin ala nutrisystem. No... darn it, I wanted a big honking coffee roll with vanilla icing, I settled for granola, skim milk and blueberries, black coffee....wahhhhhhh

Oh no.. bad weather for Cape Cod....you know it might make me pass on the gym.. no I am going. See I made another choice, stay home and put the fireplace on, or head off to Gold's and do muscle up class.

 

[wallyb]

There are always choices....two candidates, two different agendas, no one will ever take my choice away, I will stand up and freak out. I like choices, I make them everyday, like this morning.. did I want granola ala nutrisystem or did I want a cranberry orange muffin ala nutrisystem. No... darn it, I wanted a big honking coffee roll with vanilla icing, I settled for granola, skim milk and blueberries, black coffee....wahhhhhhh

Oh no.. bad weather for Cape Cod....you know it might make me pass on the gym.. no I am going. See I made another choice, stay home and put the fireplace on, or head off to Gold's and do muscle up class.

Well I'm off to the gym myself.
Guess I should have said - Is there another SANE choice?

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Go get 'em Wally.......

 

[ConcKahuna]

A cop pulls over an old lady on I-4 for upstructing the flow of traffic. She was doing about 10 MPH. In the back seat are 2 other old ladies.

Officer: "Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?"
Old Lady: "Yes officer. I know I was speeding but everyone else was driving so fast I was afriad to go any slower!"
Officer: "Speeding? The speed limit here is 65 miles per hour."
Old Lady: "But that sign said '4'"
Officer: "Yes ma'am, that's what road you are on."

At this point the officer notices that the 2 old ladies in the back seat are both very pale and look ill.

Officer: "Are your friends OK?"
Old Lady: "Yes, they are just a little scared. The last road we were on had signs that said '275'!"

 

[Saxton]

OK, no politics. Bad jokes instead.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
Dam!

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick!

What do you call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

 

[wallyb]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.'

 

[soulmates]

Well, I got nuttin!! However, I do have these words I live by...


LOVE IS NEVER WRONG!!

Have a great day and welcome!