Need some advice on the neighbor boys

[kidshop]

And, from a mom of twins, generally, it IS okay to only invite one twin....and most of my twin mommy friends would agree. Now, neighborhood play is different, but if your DS8 was allowed to take 1 friend somewhere, and he chose a twin...don't hesitate to ask one twin...let the twins' parents decide how to handle that (or address it with the parents first).

We have twins on our street that ds (8) is in school with and plays with. He has more in common with one twin than the other as they are very different. He has invited the twin he is closest to over for a sleepover w/o his brother. I did check first with their father and he said it was fine...they are different people! Ds plays with the one twin more, inviting just him usually, but sometimes both over to play. And just the one twin calls my ds over to their house to play. It seems to be working out just fine. I also have a ds5 who wants to play with all the big guys (he is in preschool and they are in 3rd grade!) , but I really try to avoid *making* them all play together b/c of the age difference. It's a tough break for the little guy, but we do the best we can. He can ride bikes or play in the yard when they are here, buyt ds8 can play with his friends alone too.

 

[Not so Dumbo]

Also, could your clarify their ages/grades? I first read your post as the kids being ages 8,7,7,6. But the second reading I saw your sig that says 5, and you said he is "almost 6". There's a big difference between someone who is in K vs. 2nd grade. Are all 3 older boys in 2nd grade? Or 1st grade for the 7 year olds and 2nd grade for the 8 year old? If there is a big range, I could see how they might want a little space from the youngest. If it makes you feel better we've been through this with our oldest 2 boys as well...the younger felt his db's friends were his, even with a 6 year gap in age!!! If your youngest is shy you might want to step in and help him learn how to be friends with kids his age too. Good luck!!!

My DS (will be 6 in May) is in Kindergarten, DS8 is in 2nd grade and the twins are both in 1st grade.
My DS8 has been really great with playing with his brother. They are both really good friends and when there aren't any friends around they want to play together all the time. This is probably what makes it so hard when the friens get involved. If they rarely played together anyhow then I could see not including DS6. I think when it comes to playing w/o his brother when he's with his friends, DS8 could take it or leave it. I don't think he really cares if DS6 is there or not. I hope that makes sense.
There have been times when DS8 has been invited to play with friends from school and I don't let DS6 go along. But it's such a grey area when it comes to the neighbor kids.

Thanks for all of the replies

 

[rt2dz]

My heart is aching for your DS6. I have 3 boys all close in age, especially my DS#2 and DS#3. But the twins do have the right to not invite your DS6 over. You can’t force a friend onto somebody and shouldn’t disallow another child from being friends with someone because they aren’t friends with someone else. It could be handled much nicer by twins; however, you can’t control that.

It’s one thing to say you must include all when outside playing or when in your home (although I don’t enforce that), but when it comes to someone else’s home, you can’t—and shouldn’t. I don’t think it was right to stop the sleep over for DS8. My real suggestion is to help your DS6 start making some of his own friends separate from DS8.

Try to arrange play dates, one on one, with one kid from school. Keep trying to you find one that he clicks with. He might not put any effort into making friends and keeping friends because he always has your older DS. IMO, they really shouldn’t “always” be together; it’s not good for either in the long run.

 

[hoosiergirl7]

Hmm that's a hard one because the twins are only a yr older than DS6. Is there a specific reason they don't want to include DS6? I do have to say that I think it's OK for kids not to always be included. We only have 1 child right now and we explain to him often that sometimes you just can't have your way.

On a different note, since we're on the topic of neighbor boys...

HERE'S MY DILEMMA:

There are very few kids DS age in our neighborhood. There is a little boy across the street that is 7 months older than DS (just turned 5 - DS will be 5 in December). The little boys next door to neighbor across the street are just turned 6 and soon to be 8 or 9. I really like the boy across the street as he is well behaved and polite. However, I have a few issues with the sibling boys right next door to him. All they want to do is rough house when they come over and they get very physical. Or they come over to ask if they can play Wii - always an emphatic NO and I've told them not to come over anymore to ask about playing it. It belongs to me and even DH and DS have to ask permission to play it (it was a birthday gift). DS has also picked up some language - nothing really foul - but has picked up the word stupid and says butt all the time. Most often he uses the word stupid out of anger. Either by calling DH or I stupid when he's not getting his way. We have never called anyone stupid in front of him. And we very rarely say the word butt - usually we say bottom. I don't want him to pick up anything else.

I've gotten DS involved in quite a few afternoon extra curricular activities to avoid him playing with said boys. However, I can't keep him from them all the time, especially if they are playing with neighbor boy across the street. I have spoken to mother and she says she doesn't let them get away with things, however dad's opinion is more, "Boys will be boys".

Any suggestions?

 

[higgy66]

My dd's are only 14 months apart so they "share" alot of friends.

On the odd occassion that the eldest gets invited to play without her younger sister I've been OK about this and just made sure that myself and the youngest have had an extra special time while the older one is gone. Usually baking/crafy stuff etc.

Ss far this has worked a treat and they have both enjoyed the time apart.

My sister and I are 4 years apart and I was accepted by all her friends and tagged along. However, when it came to certain things that only the older ones wanted to do - I wasn't included and I was fine about it. I realised I was 4 years younger. However, they ALWAYS explained that they were doing something I was too young for - they were never mean about it.

My sister and I were very very close and once we hit our late teens we were inseperable as age becomes imaterial. We share lots of adult friends and dare I say we shared each others castoff boyfriends!

 

[Not so Dumbo]

On a different note, since we're on the topic of neighbor boys...

HERE'S MY DILEMMA:

There are very few kids DS age in our neighborhood. There is a little boy across the street that is 7 months older than DS (just turned 5 - DS will be 5 in December). The little boys next door to neighbor across the street are just turned 6 and soon to be 8 or 9. I really like the boy across the street as he is well behaved and polite. However, I have a few issues with the sibling boys right next door to him. All they want to do is rough house when they come over and they get very physical. Or they come over to ask if they can play Wii - always an emphatic NO and I've told them not to come over anymore to ask about playing it. It belongs to me and even DH and DS have to ask permission to play it (it was a birthday gift). DS has also picked up some language - nothing really foul - but has picked up the word stupid and says butt all the time. Most often he uses the word stupid out of anger. Either by calling DH or I stupid when he's not getting his way. We have never called anyone stupid in front of him. And we very rarely say the word butt - usually we say bottom. I don't want him to pick up anything else.

I've gotten DS involved in quite a few afternoon extra curricular activities to avoid him playing with said boys. However, I can't keep him from them all the time, especially if they are playing with neighbor boy across the street. I have spoken to mother and she says she doesn't let them get away with things, however dad's opinion is more, "Boys will be boys".

Any suggestions?

I would try to get the "nice" boy across the street together with your DS. Maybe call over there instead of going over there that way the other kids won't see and also that way you'll know if the "nice" kid is already playing with the other kids and you'll have the choice of letting your DS play with them or not.
I would also lay down the law in reguards to the rough housing and physical play. A little bit is just boys being boys but if someone is getting hurt then it's gone too far and it's best stopped before it starts. It sounds like the other boys in the neighborhood are a lot like the twins in my neighborhood. They sound very foreward and bold.
Last year my younger DS started using words like "I'm going to kick your butt" and "stupid head". At first I blamed the kid they were hanging out with (not the twins, we just moved last Summer so this is different neighbor kid) but it turned out it wasn't him... he learned it from watching Spongebob Squarepants .
I hope things get better for you. Summer's right around the corner and you know how things go during Summer vacation.......

 

[bookgirl]

And lastly, I would really have a problem with a parent who would send her two children over (even though they are twins they are still two kids ) to play at your house, but then only allow one child (when there is one that will be excluded)to play at theirs. Why should you be expected to host two of hers if she will only host one of yours.

Hang in there!

You know I totally missed that. I would have a problem with that as well. If only one of your's is allowed at their house at a time than the same rule should apply at your house as well. At least for general play, the sleepover okay to limit, but not just general play.