Need Quick DS17 punishment advice!!

[MinnieM3]

Ok , tried to get DS6 up for school this morning only to discover he had a fever and told me he had thrown up during the night. A trip to his bathroom proved that correct!

DH was already at work, I was out the door (teacher, can't be late!) and that left DS17. So I asked DS17 to stay with DS6 until Grandpa could get there. Grandpa is 86 and was there by 10, so DS17 missed his first class and part of 2nd,which was "just" Band.

DH called the school to inform them and called DS17 to let him know what to do when he got to school.

Grandpa arrives, DS17 bolts out the door.

Fast forward to now..... I get an e-mail from DS17's LAST period class to inform me that she's sorry he missed class today and she hopes he's feeling alright. WTH!!!

I call DS17's cell and he';s at school, Band practice. I ask him what classes he attended today. He hems and haws and comes up with well, I stopped for breakfast on the way to school, then when I got there I didn't feel good and threw up in the parking lot.....this is around 11am he says. Then he says he didn't think it'd be a good idea to drive back home feeling so sick, so, according to him, he just sat in his car the rest of the school day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But amazingly he's well enough to be at band practice.

I am incensed!!!! I want to kill him! He's never done anything like this before. His grades suck and he cannot afford to miss any school. I am so furious. And tomorrow he has this big evening planned with his GF and I feel like telling him forget it, but that would hurt her more than him.

I really want him to hurt on this one....punishment ideas? Besides death?

He should be home in about 10 minutes.

 

[golfgal]

Well first, it wasn't his responsibility to stay home with your son, you should have called in and gone late (I was a teacher, I know how it works, but you are still the parent). I think a good grounding for lying and skipping class would be appropriate too. No car, no phone, no computer, no going out, nothing for a week.

 

[lulugirl]

Honestly, since you said he's never done anything like this before, I might let it go. He did help you out by watching your younger child.

 

[MinnieM3]

Well first, it wasn't his responsibility to stay home with your son, you should have called in and gone late (I was a teacher, I know how it works, but you are still the parent). I think a good grounding for lying and skipping class would be appropriate too. No car, no phone, no computer, no going out, nothing for a week.

I would have stayed but 1. we don't have a system to call in late. we have to get a sub on our own, which I coudln't do at the time. and 2. All my days are long gone with illnesses, plus with my upcoming lung cancer surgery I'll be out at least 6 weeks, too. I wish I could just call in.

 

[declansdad]

Well first, it wasn't his responsibility to stay home with your son, you should have called in and gone late (I was a teacher, I know how it works, but you are still the parent). I think a good grounding for lying and skipping class would be appropriate too. No car, no phone, no computer, no going out, nothing for a week.

What is wrong with asking a 17 year old to stay at home for a couple of hours to look after his brother? I would agree that you wouldn't plan this situation but in an emergency he should be more than able to help out.

I do agree with the grounding.

 

[barkley]

he's doing poorly in school, and did'nt feel well enuf to go to any class but band-BUT he felt well enough to stop for breakfast on the way and to make it into band class, and then crash out in his car on campus for the rest of the day. sounds to me like he was trying to establish that he was "technicly" at school all day if asked. some schools do not take attendance for the day until second or third period and again at the final period, so if you miss the first class or 2 showing up even partialy for 2nd or 3rd and then show for the final period you meet the attendance requirement for the day-could this be the situation? i'm kind of confused though-you say his last period teacher was the one that called you about him not being there, and when you called back he says he's in band practice (is this an after school band practice?)

i would have to put his girlfriend's feeling secondary to his accountability for his actions. i don't think it was out of line of you to ask him to stay with his younger ill sib until grandpa could arrive (it does'nt sound like it's a regular occurance). it simply sounds to me like he is taking advantage of younger sib's illness as an excuse to cut classes (or at least classes he does'nt want to attend).

perhaps out of "concern" for his girlfriend you should reschedual tomorrow nites plans until you're sure he can't pass on this "bug" to her (after all he did seem to catch it awfuly easily from his sib with whom i assume he has much less physical contact ).

 

[Planogirl]

I would let him drop off his girlfriend's gift while you wait in the car. That should really irk him.

 

[sap1227]

I am torn on this one. He is doing so bad in school that he cannot afford to miss, but you had him miss 1 1/2 classes??? It looks like he told the truth about not going to the classes. I am just not sure what I would do in this case.

Good Luck!
Christy

 

[Mermaid02]

I would let him drop off his girlfriend's gift while you wait in the car. That should really irk him.

I like the way you think. Also, tell him he has 3 minutes and then start honking the horn.

 

[MAKmom]

Don't punish him when your angry. Let him know your upset & tell him his punishment is comming later. YOu should talk to your husband any way. If you punish him when your really upset it could be too harsh...then you look like a wimp if you back down. Bedises the waiting for the punishment is a punishment.

 

[barkley]

or you could drive him over and drop off the gift yourself (he can wave from the car and spare exposing her to any nasty germs)

 

[Sandy V.]

I would let him drop off his girlfriend's gift while you wait in the car. That should really irk him.

I think this is a great idea, along with the grounding. If his grades and attendance aren't cutting it, he certainly needs to lose some privileges.

 

[pearlieq]

My mom's rule was always "if you're took sick to go to school, you're too sick to go to work/activities", and I think it was a fair rule. Something smells about his story, and I would think a good grounding would be in order.

As for tomorrow night, you may agree to be very nice and allow his punishment to be deferred one night. Make sure he knows that's you being generous, not something he should take for granted. You could also give him a choice--take his punishment right now and miss Valentine's Day, or take one extra day of punishment (a week plus one day) in exchange for being allowed to keep his celebration.

Good luck!

 

[Mermaid02]

I just thought of this- he might be having a hard time because of your new diagnosis. Not to get him "off" the proverbial hook, but it's got to be really hard and scary on a child. Maybe that's why he did something so out of character.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

My Mom used to ask me to stay home with my sick little sister and I'd skip the whole day!

Compared to me - he's a Saint!

 

[vettechick99]

I skipped school when I was a sophomore. I got caught and punished (no going out for a month). I didn't do it again...til I was a senior at least.

Definitely punish him...especially for that lame excuse!!!

 

[MinnieM3]

I am torn on this one. He is doing so bad in school that he cannot afford to miss, but you had him miss 1 1/2 classes??? It looks like he told the truth about not going to the classes. I am just not sure what I would do in this case.

Good Luck!
Christy

They havea 4 block system and he would miss History, in which he's actually doing ok (80;s) and Band in which he's in the 90's of course. God forbid he let down his music teacher. So he was there in more than enough time for 3rd and 4th blocks, which are Algebra 2 that he's almost failing and English Recovery that he's having to take since he failed English 3 last semester.

 

[MinnieM3]

I just thought of this- he might be having a hard time because of your new diagnosis. Not to get him "off" the proverbial hook, but it's got to be really hard and scary on a child. Maybe that's why he did something so out of character.

Maybe, but it's just so STUPID of him! I told him, if he didn't feel well, then go inside the school and see the nurse..... or call Dad at work and let him know....or call Grandad at home and let him know....or just drive back home and get some meds and go to bed.....it's only a 15 minute drive tops. But NO he just sits and says he "fell asleep" for 4 hours (!!!) in his car in the school parkikng lot. It was 40 degrees outside today and windy.....woudln't his bed be much nicer? Errrrr....

So far, cell phone is gone, may use house phone only while sitting in the den, and we're going to put him on the bus for a couple of weeks if we can arrange it. Still not sure about tomorrow. Will probably drive him and honk the horn!!

 

[MinnieM3]

Oh, yes, this was an after school practice that was in addition to the in school class he missed

Oh, and with his stomach feeling so bad....know what he stopped off for for breakfast on his way? A McGriddle from McDonalds..... if he only had a brain! Why not top that off with a double bean burrito!!!!

 

[momof2inPA]

They havea 4 block system and he would miss History, in which he's actually doing ok (80;s) and Band in which he's in the 90's of course. God forbid he let down his music teacher. So he was there in more than enough time for 3rd and 4th blocks, which are Algebra 2 that he's almost failing and English Recovery that he's having to take since he failed English 3 last semester.

Wow. It looks like he has bigger problems than missing a few classes, today. The kid needs lots of help and attention. Does he have a tutor? Are you thinking about trying another school? Do you think he's struggling because of the stress the family is going through, with your illness? Have you had him drug tested?