Need parenting advice- laundry mess

[CaptainAmerica]

I don’t think that kids, necessarily have to to do their own laundry if that isn’t the best system for your family...

Exactly. Especially if you're separating loads into whites/brights/colors/delicates/towels. My kid would take a month to create enough laundry for her own load of whites, but as a family we do a load of whites every couple of days.

 

[mrodgers]

It was me and 3 females. I left and now that I've taken 1/4th of the laundry away for myself, I do one load of laundry every week and a half. With the 4 of us, it was 3 loads a day. Wonder what stands out...

 

[CaptainAmerica]

I do one load of laundry every week and a half.

You leave dirty underwear and wet towels sitting for a week and a half?

 

[mrodgers]

You leave dirty underwear and wet towels sitting for a week and a half?

Not sure what the problem with underwear is, they get tossed in the washing machine. Towels are not wet, they are hung up and swapped before a shower when it's dry, not swapped directly after using.

All my clothes get hung up to dry when I get home from work as it's really hot and I'd been sweating for 9 hours. Anything taken off after an activity such as bicycling or mowing the yard get hung up (actually just drapped over the laundry basket) before going in the washing machine.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Exactly. Especially if you're separating loads into whites/brights/colors/delicates/towels. My kid would take a month to create enough laundry for her own load of whites, but as a family we do a load of whites every couple of days.

That's the thing though people are reacting to the "have them do their own laundry" to mean such an extreme. Having your teen children do their own laundry doesn't mean you never ever ever ever combine some laundry. It just means they take up the task primarily and in the case of the OP they are the one to do all their laundry currently.

The suggestion to have them do their own laundry doesn't have to mean it doesn't still fit within the family. I think most of us who are suggesting they do their own laundry aren't looking at it in such a black and white way as those who are more like "I don't want them to do their own laundry/I'm fine with doing all their laundry if I let them do their own this this this and this will occur". You can still do your own laundry as a teen and yet say "hey 'bout to do any whites anyone got any?"... wouldn't that be great to have your teen doing their laundry and offering that? Seems quite considerate and helpful

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You leave dirty underwear and wet towels sitting for a week and a half?

What do people do when they don’t have their own machines and have to go to the laundromat?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

That's not a lot. We're a family of 5 (kids are all little) and we do AT LEAST two loads of laundry every day.

Why is your husband throwing a fit? I agree that the kids' inability to use the hamper is a problem, but what's your husband's complaint about the quantity of laundry?

Not OP. But as some of us have mentioned, it can be an issue of time and money. I don’t have time to be washing others’ clothes that don’t need to be washed because they were too lazy to hang them back up when they’d tried them on but didn’t even wear them, or wore them for a short time, etc.

Money comes into play because it costs a lot to do laundry! There is use of electricity and water (which are both very expensive where we live), detergent (whose price is rising), and wear and tear on the machines, as others have mentioned.

I think those are fair issues to be concerned about and to try to conserve.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

Not OP. But as some of us have mentioned, it can be an issue of time and money. I don’t have time to be washing others’ clothes that don’t need to be washed because they were too lazy to hang them back up when they’d tried them on but didn’t even wear them, or wore them for a short time, etc.

Money comes into play because it costs a lot to do laundry! There is use of electricity and water (which is very expensive where we live), detergent (whose price is rising), and wear and tear on the machines, as others have mentioned.

I think those are fair issues to be concerned about and to try to conserve.

In OP's family, it sounds like Wife does the laundry but Husband is the one upset about it, so I don't think "time" is the issue.

I also think anyone worrying about the cost is really missing the mark on the math. A load of laundry costs like $0.50 in water and electricity, even if you have old and inefficient appliances. The difference between 12 loads/week or 8 loads/week is about $2, which I don't think is worth disrupting family cohesiveness over.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

In OP's family, it sounds like Wife does the laundry but Husband is the one upset about it, so I don't think "time" is the issue.

I also think anyone worrying about the cost is really missing the mark on the math. A load of laundry costs like $0.50 in water and electricity, even if you have old and inefficient appliances. The difference between 12 loads/week or 8 loads/week is about $2, which I don't think is worth disrupting family cohesiveness over.

I dunno. Maybe doing laundry that doesn’t need to be done takes away from family time, or their private time together. Maybe husband wants to see his wife get a little rest and relaxation at night rather than doing laundry that doesn’t need to be done all the time. Maybe their views differ, who knows.

Water and electricity costs vary depending on where you live. I wish our costs were lower, for sure. For me, I think your estimates are low. We have two washer/dryer sets because we have an in-law apt. If I didn’t keep it in check, it could be a free-for-all at our house with everyone throwing things in the both washers and dryers that don’t need to be cleaned. (Because yes, my kids tend to sometimes do this, as well! ) I buy laundry detergent for both areas (as well as Shout and other laundry products) so it adds up, and there are better things I could be doing with that money.

 

[RogueX]

I've lived in apartments where I've had to pay to use the washer and dryer, so the cost of doing laundry can add up considerably. There were times when a load of laundry to wash and dry would cost $4 easily. Taking to the laundromat wasn't leass expensive.

There were times when I ended up hand washing clothes because it was time to pay for rent.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

These are now my banner ads and I blame you guys.

 

[Moliphino]

If it's not in the hamper or the laundry room it doesn't get washed. Dump whatever is left in the bathroom outside of the hamper on their beds to sort out - don't even sort it into his and hers, maybe digging through each other's dirty things will spur them into being neater. Hampers in the bedrooms are good, too.

I live with my sister and I do all the laundry (she does the vacuuming, which I hate). I take what's in her hamper and that's it.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I am also going to go back to my grandmother again for a minute, if I could.

She was born in late 1800s. Widowed young (aged 30’s), and an immigrant with no family around, she was left with seven kids by herself smack in the middle of the Depression. They were dirt poor - as I’ve mentioned, very little money to buy clothes - or food at times. They relied on donations, sadly enough. She also had no modern appliances. I think she had some sort of washboard machine, but washing clothes wasn’t easy at any rate, and the kids had to “help out” while she went to work. One day the diapers they had washed out and were drying on the stove caught on fire. Fortunately no one was hurt, but I can only imagine how that must’ve made her feel.

This influences a lot how I feel about appreciating what we have. I know from reading the Dis long enough that there are many here who also came from humble beginnings. (Not that I did as much as my mother did, but things were ingrained in me nonetheless.) So I guess it will be hard to come to a consensus about some of this. Some will conserve, and some won’t, and that’s ok. But advice was asked for, so it is interesting to hear all viewpoints!

BTW, I think it‘s important to keep some of these stories alive.

 

[DLgal]

In OP's family, it sounds like Wife does the laundry but Husband is the one upset about it, so I don't think "time" is the issue.

I also think anyone worrying about the cost is really missing the mark on the math. A load of laundry costs like $0.50 in water and electricity, even if you have old and inefficient appliances. The difference between 12 loads/week or 8 loads/week is about $2, which I don't think is worth disrupting family cohesiveness over.

I was just going to say this. If your laundry is costing you a lot of money, you need new, more efficient machines and you're probably using way too much detergent (you only really need about one oz of HE detergent even for a large load).

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Some will conserve, and some won’t, and that’s ok.

And I think what conserve means must differ between people.

We conserve by our laundry habits:

• Like cold water like many many labels advise to use
• Low heat like many many labels advise to use
• Less liquid fabric softener used these days because items of clothing say not to use it (and my husband doesn't use it)
• I hang dry/line dry a good portion of my items mostly because they say to and others as a habit as it becomes less damaging on clothing
• Washers, especially HE don't need much detergent and too much just causes the machine to run longer but it's something that many of us are guilty of doing.
• We do have dyer sheets but don't use them for too many stuff. Last purchased at Costco with 320 sheets, I want to say that was 2+ years ago and dang the scent is still strong from the box
• Majority of the sheet sets we own (bought from Costco) say to wash in cold and dry in low heat
• Some blankets get warm and towels do but blankets dried in low heat and towels in high heat except when I have the microfiber towels I use to clean the hardwood floor and certain other things and my makeup remover towels as it is specifically low heat and wash cold usually too.
• Purchase Purex although that's just because I grew up on that from my mom and that is lower priced but not the lowest also they have manufacturing coupons in the past we've used, Gain is too strong of a scent, Tide I had allergic reactions as a kid (although I know they've changed their formula) don't need scent boosters and all that

But really some people just wash things because they assume that's how it should be done. There's personal preference too. But I bet you if people took stock of their habits they would probably realize they were washing things on too high of a heat, or drying on too high of a heat, using too much detergent, etc. And that's not entirely abnormal, lot of us forget to even look at the labels of our clothing, towels and bedding for washing instructions

My husband does his own laundry and I do my own but every now and then I steal from his pile (trust me he's still a capable adult and it doesn't mean he doesn't do his own laundry 99% of the time).

I can't say we've done the above things though from a conservation viewpoint, it's just sorta what we've done for well now about 14 years of knowing each other. Admittedly still gotta remind myself about the level of detergent needed.

I do agree hard to come to a consensus.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I was just going to say this. If your laundry is costing you a lot of money, you need new, more efficient machines and you're probably using way too much detergent (you only really need about one oz of HE detergent even for a large load).

Maybe you haven’t been paying attention to my posts. I use very little detergent. I adjust to proper water levels. Machines we use most are fairly new. Utility costs are very high where we live.

 

[DLgal]

Maybe you haven’t been paying attention to my posts. I use very little detergent. I adjust to proper water levels. Machines we use most are fairly new. Utility costs are very high where we live.

What do you mean you adjust to proper water levels? Most new machines have sensors and automatically use the correct amount of water. There is nothing to adjust.

Utility costs are very high here too. But I can tell you that the water bill is 95% showers. And the electric bill is mostly running the AC. Energy efficient machines tell you exactly how much they cost per load and its literally pennies, usually.

I suggest you consider your other sources of electricity, gas and water usage. I can't imagine that laundry is even in the top 10 in terms of cost for the average family. For example, the most egregious waste of water after showering in most households is washing dishes by hand. That wastes SO much more than running a dishwasher. I run my dishwasher probably twice a day and I wash nothing but large pots and pans by hand. Even running a half empty dishwasher is more efficient than washing those same dishes by hand.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

What do you mean you adjust to proper water levels? Most new machines have sensors and automatically use the correct amount of water. There is nothing to adjust.

Utility costs are very high here too. But I can tell you that the water bill is 95% showers. And the electric bill is mostly running the AC. Energy efficient machines tell you exactly how much they cost per load and its literally pennies, usually.

I suggest you consider your other sources of electricity, gas and water usage. I can't imagine that laundry is even in the top 10 in terms of cost for the average family. For example, the most egregious waste of water after showering in most households is washing dishes by hand. That wastes SO much more than running a dishwasher. I run my dishwasher probably twice a day and I wash nothing but large pots and pans by hand. Even running a half empty dishwasher is more efficient than washing those same dishes by hand.

Again, we pay close attention to electricity use, so we’re good, thanks. My main point is that we don’t use more than necessary.

We have auto sensor or we can adjust by hand.

 

[tzolkin]

I think that's why it's hard for there to be a general consensus about how much is too little or too much laundry because every household is different, machines can be different, habits are different, climates are different, etc.

Absolutely. That's why I don't judge anyone for doing 21 loads of laundry a week when my family only does about 4. Maybe they all play sports, wear multiple outfits for their jobs, etc.

That also affects how we choose to do the laundry. For us, it's really not that big of a deal for one person to do all the week's laundry since it only takes a few hours on one day. But, if our family needed 3 loads to be done every day, I would absolutely insist that the each person did their own.

You leave dirty underwear and wet towels sitting for a week and a half?

Not the poster you quoted, but I only do laundry once every week to 10 days. Never had any problem with dirty underwear. And no one in my family has ever put a wet towel into a hamper-- they have known since they were toddlers that something wet will get moldy/mildewy.

Why is your husband throwing a fit? I agree that the kids' inability to use the hamper is a problem, but what's your husband's complaint about the quantity of laundry?

It's a waste of her time to wash clothes that are already clean. It's also extremely rude for the kids to expect her to pick up after them and purposely creating more work for her to do than is necessary. It's also a waste of resources. Sure, their family's finances won't be affected by the cost of water/gas/electricity to do a few extra loads of laundry, but they are still wasting water/gas/electricity by washing clean things due to the kids' laziness. Perhaps the husband is also bothered by that. Or maybe they have a septic system that can't handle the extra water of more laundry. All plenty of reasons for him to be upset in my opinion.

Personally, I would be annoyed if my husband was NOT upset over the laundry. The OP is obviously bothered by the issue, both their bathrooms are a disaster, the kids are being completely disrespectful of the OP's time and expecting her to do way more than is necessary because they are being lazy. If my husband was not upset over the situation, I would think that he also does not respect me or my time.

We had a similar problem for a very brief period of time with my oldest daughter. When she was about 8 she would try on tons of outfits every day picking out clothes for school. Because she was too lazy to put them back, she would just throw them on the floor in her closet. Then when she cleaned her room she would put ALL of the clean clothes in the laundry (dozens of outfits that would take multiple loads to wash). So basically instead of hanging the clothes up when she tried them on, she expected me to wash, fold, and put them away for her.

The measure of being a successful adult isn't just about intellectual accomplishments

I think this is why topics as mundane as how we do our family laundry receive some passionate responses. I believe most people are trying to raise their children to be successful adults who are productive members of society. But we all have different opinions about what that actually means and different methods of trying to reach that outcome.

 

[J'aime Paris]

So I have a 15-year-old DD and DS 16. I am attaching a picture of what our typical bathroom/laundry situation is. DH is starting to throw a fit because he just can’t understand how a family of four has almost 8 loads of laundry a week. That is a lot. Especially, see below, how the kids treat their clothes. There’s no way to tell what his actual laundry and what can be worn again. There’s really no overview on what’s really dirty and what is not. Yes we are a family that does try to wear outside pieces of clothing more than once. Attached is our downstairs bathroom and the one upstairs is the same. The kids will take off a piece of clothing and just throw it in the bathtub or on the floor and as you can see the laundry basket is right there. Or when they actually do use the laundry basket they’ll throw in something that doesn’t need to be washed yet. So I’m trying to think of some strategy here. Get them to realize how much stress their mess is causing me. I’ve done enough yelling and threatening. So what would you do?

My one thought this morning is that I no longer do laundry for them. I will give them each two laundry tabs - that’s the contingent for how many loads they can do. I have a feeling if I don’t do that they’ll just make piles in their bedrooms and not sort them out and just throw everything in the machines and in the end have actually more loads of laundry per week. They just need to learn how much additional workload this is causing all of us with their disorganization, laziness and how they handle their clothes. My DD is a complete other challenge because she’s the type that likes to change her tops three times a day and just throws the ones she already had on before wherever she happens to be. I could also go the route of collecting whatever is lying about the house and charging money to get pieces back. I don’t know any ideas?

I would blow a gasket if I walked into a room looking like that!

OP, this seems to have little to do with laundry. Your kids are being disrespectful to your and your husband.
And they are disrespectful to the roof you've put over their heads, by leaving the two bathrooms in such appalling condition.

Since "yelling and threatening" hasn't yielded any results, it's time for action on your and DH part.
Take away the cell phones, disconnect the gaming system, hide the TV remote, etc.
Basically, remove anything that the teens do for fun/entertainment.

Be very clear on expectations around the home, and stick to it!! That's the most difficult part, because the teens will become a pain in your butt while they rebel against this...but it will only be short term until they understand you mean business!
A meaningful change won't happen with your kids if you don't "say what you mean, and mean what you say".