Need opinions/advice

[irish dancer]

A little background.......My DS9 was diagnosed PDD-NOS, ASD at the age of 6. He is in a self-contained classroom and mainstreams for math, science and social studies. He has absolutely not difficulties with the academic end of school. He can be rigid at times and is a very black and white thinker. He is with a new teacher this year and there was a problem today that is really bothering me.

When DS got off the bus today he seemed sad, then he informed me he didn't have any lunch at school?! He should have had hot lunch at school. I received the following email from his teacher:

Dear Mrs. XXX,
Today XX got to experience natural consequences--He would not follow directions this morning choosing his lunch so we figured that he brought his own. Of course at lunch time, he decided that he wanted to have French toast sticks--it was too late for him to ask since he did not order them in the morning. They offered him several other choices; however, he would not accept the offer.
He had a difficult time with this. Tomorrow he should remember the importance of following instructions when given.

I discussed this more with my DS. He was offered three other options but not the french toast sticks that he wanted. We talked about the need to follow directions and I also told him refusing to choose a lunch is not allowed. What is bothering me most though is my son went without lunch and all I got was the above email. I know you don't get tone of voice in email but the above seems "snippy" to me. I also feel that I should have received a phone call at minimum.

I have not yet replied to the teacher because I get upset each time I read the email. Do ASD kids really understand "natural consequences"? Am I wrong to be upset that my DS didn't get any lunch? Shouldn't they have contacted me?

 

[Earstou]

They did contact you, with the email, it was just later than you wanted.
Personally, I wouldn't expect the school to contact me (other than a note or email) if my child refused the available lunch options and didn't eat, unless he had medical problems that required him to eat (and the school was aware of that).
I bet the form of the email is just a generic form the teacher uses, making sure she uses the same wording to the parents that she uses with the kids. Probably not intending to be snippy, she's just giving the facts.

I don't see they did anything wrong here. Your ds didn't order the french toast sticks, they weren't available later, they offered him other choices, he refused them.
What would you have done if they called you at that moment?

I would fix this problem by reviewing the lunch choices every morning (or the night before) and helping your ds decide at home what he wants. If he doesn't like the choices, he can take a sack lunch with his favorite foods!

 

[3doodlebugsmom]

They didn't tell him he couldn't eat, just that it was too late to order what he should have ordered earlier. ASD or not I'm guessing that if he has trouble choosing lunch in the future a gentle reminder from the teacher about "consequences" will spur him on in the right direction. I agree with the PP, go over the lunch menu before hand so he has extra time to make his decision.

And yes I did find the note "snippy" in tone, especially the part:

" Tomorrow he should remember the importance of following directions when given"
It could have been worded a bit nicer while still sending the same message.

 

[KirstenB]

I'd try to let it go. Our youngest has ASD, so I understand how they get going on one thought and will not let go of it!!

But I'd look at it like this, at home, if your son kept requesting something that wasn't available, and you presented him with other (very reasonable ) choices, but he still wouldn't eat, what would you do? I make very kid-friendly meals almost every day, and if they don't want to eat, they'll eat when they're hungry. I don't sit there for a long time, trying to reason with either one. (Okay, in all truth, I used to with my older dd , but I'm trying to evolve past that!!)

 

[BeckyScott]

I think it was snippy, yes. I don't think DS's school would have done that. I mean, I had them call me once last year when DS left his lunch box in the back seat of the car.

It's hard for our kids sometimes, and sometimes it's nice to be nice even though it's not required. Sounds like that didn't happen to you.

 

[bookwormde]

With a different EF structure, our children need extra support and time from knowledgeable professionals to accommodate this (not to mention any sensory issues that make this decision more difficult). This was clearly a manifestation of his disability and “punishing” (denying him lunch) a child for this is abuse. I would call a meeting with the teacher and the ED immediately to see if the teachers training can be “upgraded” to effectively meet the needs of your child.

bookwormde

 

[KimRaye]

“punishing” (denying him lunch) a child for this is abuse. I would call a meeting with the teacher and the ED immediately to see if the teachers training can be “upgraded” to effectively meet the needs of your child.

I agree!! How many "natural consequences", i.e. missed lunches, are they gonna allow?!?! Mainstream kids are given PBJ, whether they like it or not when they run out of 'choices'. At least it's SOMEthing! id - jmho