Need help w/ work situation - should I go to Hawaii? UPDATE POST 23

[DisneyLovingMama]

So, I have the opportunity to go to Hawaii for a work conference. It'd be a 10-day trip. Sounds great, right?? I just don't know what to do with my 5 year old DD and 1 year old DS. I can't leave them for that long (their father is MIA, and my parents have too many health issues to care for them). I could bring them - the resort my company booked has babysitting and a children's program, but those costs come out of my pocket and their upwards of $50 - $60 a day, each. Plus, I would have evening functions, so the kids would be in daycare for easily 12 hours a day, if not more. I'm very uneasy with that. And, how do you bring a very, very, very active one-year old on a 10-hour plane ride?? I could fly business class, but then would have to pay for two additional business class tickets for the kids.

On the other hand, if I say no this opportunity, it will hurt me a great deal at work. My boss has gone so far to hint that my job is on the line if I say no. Given the situation with my soon-to-be ex, I need this job and the income it provides. I've been looking at other opportunities, but none pay me what I'm getting paid now. So, I put up with my psycho boss so I can put food on the table.

So, what should I do? Any advice?

 

[Honu]

I would talk to your parents and see if thats even possible, if not, take them. They will be fine in daycare there. Honestly, I would welcome the excuse of having kids along on that type of trip. The last thing I want to do is have dinner with the people I've been sitting in a room with all day.

Do you have any family or friends that might want to come along and help? I'd rather watch kids swim at the pool all day than work.

 

[mommytotwo]

I would take your kids along.
What island are you visiting? Maybe there are daycare places that will charge less for babysitting.

 

[Free4Life11]

Do you have any family or friends that might want to come along and help? I'd rather watch kids swim at the pool all day than work.

You know one of my mom's friends took her to Egypt all expenses paid for two weeks to watch her son! She was doing a teaching program there and her son wanted to come along so she invited my mom to be the "babysitter." They all had a lot of fun. If you could afford it, that might be a nice thing to do. I'd be a little leery with leaving kids with a stranger for 12 hours a day. On the other hand, it could also be a lot of fun for your kids.

 

[Beth76]

First I would talk to your parents to see if they would be willing to do it. Not sure what their health problems are, so I don't know how feasible that would be. See if some friends or other family could possibly help out.

I would not be comfortable taking my kids on a 10 hour flight for them to stay in daycare for most of the day. And you said it was the resort's childcare service, right? Would they even take a one-year-old? Most resorts that I've looked (not necessarily in Hawaii) don't start kids' programs until age 4 or 5. Being away from home (and their mom) for 10 days is a lot for young kids. If you've got stuff during the day and at night, when would you see your kids? Not to mention all the excess cost. How much is a business class ticket to Hawaii anyway?

 

[Feralpeg]

Sorry. IMHO, a boss that threatens your job if you don't take a trip, even though he understands your situation, is not a boss you want in the long run.

I am a single mom. I had to travel somewhat when I worked, but my boss understood my situation. In some cases, I was able to get my sister to watch my DD. When she wasn't able to do so, I simply told my boss that it was not possible for me to make the trip. We worked around the situation. Sometimes, I just did conference calls while others visited the client site. It wasn't perfect, but it was reality. I once had to be gone for 3 weeks at a client site. My boss allowed my sister to fly out from Missouri to California with DD mid-way for a weekend visit. The company paid for their tickets. There are good bosses out there.

I understand that you are in a tight situation. If you let your boss bully you now, what is to keep it from happening in the future? Will there be other trips in the future that will require you to pay for your children to accompany you? Things will only get harder as they get older and you need to be there with them.

I doubt that you will be able to work well worrying about your kids in a strange daycare facility. It is, of course, your decision. If it were me, I'd say no. Then, I'd quietly begin looking for another job with an employer who is a little more understanding.

 

[justhat]

I would take them. We took our daughter to Hawaii in November (albeit a completely different circumstance) and she was 20 months and the flight was very managable. We brought our laptop and played DVDs the whole flight and she was fine. We sat in first class so we had a power outlet to keep it charged, but I'm not sure if coach has that. Could you just pay for 1 other business class ticket and hold the 1yo? That isn't something I would normally suggest cause who wants to hold a squirmy 1yo for a long flight, but if you really have to you can manage.

I 2nd though taking someone along if possible. If you're spending $60/kid/day on daycare, you might as well pay for someone else's plane ticket and let them sit with your kids. At least that way you know you trust them, plus it's a guarantee. What I mean is that not all resort daycares are open all day long so what if you have to pick up the kids but still have meetings or dinners?

 

[cruisnfamily]

I was just thinking....if you're paying $120 per day in childcare($60x2)....that's $1,200....if you can afford to do that(I couldn't!), I would think having a friend come along all expenses paid would actually be cheaper. The friend could then keep the kids instead of putting them in the childcare program.

Honestly though, I voted, don't go. No boss gets to dictate this type of thing! I'm sure if you were fired for such a thing you'd have a great lawsuit.

 

[chell]

See if you can find someone to go with you to take care of the kids. Talk to your boss about it and they may be willing to help some on paying for it. You never know. Good luck no matter what you do!

 

[bettyann29]

I vote for take your children if there is no other way.. I would try to find someone you know/trust to go along if that is possible.. as if you can use that same money to pay for their expenses, etc that you would have paid for daycare anyway that would be a great trip for someone.. even babysitting .. Being a single mom I understand that you do what you have to do with your job.. Its not worth it to risk losing your job if there is another way..

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

Thanks for all the replies.

The conference facility/resort is in Honolulu.

I've checked the daycare and babysitting schedules, and they will be available during the time I work.

Trust me, I know my boss is one I shouldn't be working for. But, like I said, I get paid very well. Taking the kind of paycut I'd have to take (more than $20,000) to get a job closer to home and away from my boss is just not feasible right now. And, there are no other positions available in the company. Plus, in April I get my bonus, then in July, I'm vested in my 401(k) and pension.

I will talk to my HR department tomorrow (I'm a regular fixture in that department) and see what my options truly are.

My Mom was recently diagnosed with epilepsy and my Dad has had heart troubles. So, they aren't prime candidates to be watching the kids.

I will also look into bring someone - that may be the ideal situation. Four hands are better than two. Not sure who I would bring, but it's something to consider.

Part of me says to go and bring the kids - when else will we get to Hawaii. the other part of me says that it's not really going to be like being in Hawaii if I have to work 12 hours a day.

 

[justhat]

I know this is kinda OT, but what resort will you be staying at? Our November trip was with a convention (though it was my mom's not mine, so a vacation for me) so I'm just curious.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

If you don't mind, I'd rather not say. I'm sure there are not a lot of conferences in Honolulu this year, so I don't want to narrow it down any further (in case Big Brother ever does a Google search of the hotel/resort).

Yes, I'm paranoid, why do you ask?

 

[MagicKingdom05]

I say go and take the kids with you and someone else if possible. I'm sure that there will be a little time here and there to enjoy Hawaii.

 

[kristen821]

Can you fly a babysitter in? Most rooms would be ok for 4 people and it would be cheaper to pay for airfaire then the daycare service. I also think you mind would feel more at ease with someone you know

 

[DisneyCP2002]

I'm going with what several others have suggested, looking into bringing along help.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I assume that your kids are in daycare now. Is there a trusted teacher there that they have a connection with who could possibly come to your home and take care of them at nights and on the weekends when you are gone? Or is there a relative or someone from your church? Your mom and dad could also come over and be there to help out, but not have the total responsiblity.

This would keep the kids in their routine. Yes, I know it is a long time and that you would miss them and they would miss you. They would be around familiar people, though, and in their own home.

If you take someone with you, you will have the cost of the plane ticket, food for all three for 10 days, perhaps additional room costs (depending on the type of room the company has put you in), costs for any tours you all might go on (you couldn't expect her to pay her own way), you would probably also have to pay this person something (yes, she is going to Hawaii, but will not be able to go out and sightsee, spend time on the beach, etc as she will be watching the kids). So it could easily end up being more than $1200. Also you will disrupt the kids routine and they will not get to spend a lot of time with you either as you will have work respnsibilities.

Also, it might be hard to find someone who has 10 "free" days to use that way. It might be easier to find someone who could work her job while your kids are in daycare and take care of them at night, with your parents assistance.

Also, your boss may be trying to give you a big hint to help you in your job, rather than it being a threat. Don't know your boss or your work situation, just another way to look at it.

Please, no flames, just a suggestion and something to think about.

 

[MariettaC]

Sorry. IMHO, a boss that threatens your job if you don't take a trip, even though he understands your situation, is not a boss you want in the long run. QUOTE]

I agree.

 

[2BigKIdz]

Just another suggestion-would it be possible for your parents to watch the 5 year old and you take the 1 year old with a babysitter (or use the services at the resort)? That way you are paying for one less ticket (or 2 less) and the overall cost would be less. I am assuming it would be easier for your parents to watch just the older child. Or would you rather not split them up?

How long has your mother had epilepsy and what type does she have? My husband has epilepsy as well, he has grand-mal seizures (very scary!) but fortunately he has not had one in almost 14 years! It did take about two years to get regulated on his medication though.

 

[justhat]

If you don't mind, I'd rather not say. I'm sure there are not a lot of conferences in Honolulu this year, so I don't want to narrow it down any further (in case Big Brother ever does a Google search of the hotel/resort).

Yes, I'm paranoid, why do you ask?

Well of course you're entitled not to tell me! Actually though, Honolulu gets lots of conferences all the time, year round, though I don't know when you're going anyway (if you said that then I totally missed it). They have a huge convention center, plus many of the resorts have smaller convention centers attached. My mom's convention goes every 5 years, and they've done both the convention center (more recently including November) and splitting up the meetings at various resort convention centers. But I do understand wanting to be cautious anyway.

But the reason I asked is that there are things I would recommend based on the location of your hotel. We stayed in the Halekulani, which is in somewhat of a bad location, so your kids, if you brought someone along, would be sorta 'stuck' at that resort. I mean, it's not the end of the world, but a few blocks off the main 'strip' and all the way at the far end. Plus there's not really a beach there so that would limit their activities too. Some of my mom's collegues stayed at the Hyatt and I think it's a better location if you have kids-across the street from the beach, but right on the main road and pretty centered among the hotels there. Plus you could walk to the zoo and the aquarium from there. While you could do that from the Halekulani, it would be a much bigger walk. Also the Hyatt has a ton of restaurants, which would be important if someone has to feed your kids. Aside from those hotels, we also stayed at the Royal Hawaiian, which is right on both the beach and the main road so pretty convenient too, but it's only got 1 restaurant. Another big resort which I think also has convention facilities is the Hilton Hawaiian Village, which has a very nice beach, pool, restaurants, and some kid stuff (like a penguin exhibit). but it's sorta isolated from everything else. Then there's the Ala Moana hotel, which is right next to the convention center, but that's sort of a random location to be in.

The reason I wanted to mention all that was that if you do end up bringing a babysitter I thought those were all things you might want to know, so that you're prepared as to what they can and can't do from where you're staying. Of course, if you rent a car then the options are much greater, but given the cost already I wasn't sure that was something you wanted to consider. Also, our hotel charged a fee for more than 2 people in a room, including kids over a certain age (not sure what cause our daughter was only 1) so you might want to check into that too.